Goodbye

Started by winkio, February 01, 2014, 04:16:49 am

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winkio

Hey everyone, this is goodbye.  I was originally only planning to give Blizz an idea of what was going on so he didn't think I was coming back, but he didn't quite realize what I was saying.

I am about to attempt suicide.  Even if I don't succeed, I am planning on leaving my current life behind, and I will likely never have internet access.

You may be wondering about the events that have led up to this decision.  There were none, my life has been completely normal and happy.  I have arrived at this point through original thoughts and ideas.  Reality as most humans know it is completely meaningless and random.  I was able to envision what was happening on a global and universal scale, and it made me unsatisfied with the current state of the world.  It's that simple.

I will not be sticking around to read replies or answer any questions.

WhiteRose

Don't do it. Please.  I'm in the car now; I'll write a proper response as soon as I can.

Blizzard

February 01, 2014, 05:02:08 am #2 Last Edit: February 01, 2014, 05:25:08 am by Blizzard
Read your GTalk, dammit!

EDIT: God dammit! I have no way to get hold of Ryan! All I have is his GTalk and email and he isn't responding. Anybody who can, please do something!
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Spaceman McConaughey

February 01, 2014, 06:08:52 am #3 Last Edit: February 01, 2014, 06:11:16 am by Colonel Blinx
Dude.

Please don't.

If you were to just kill yourself, you'd cause a lot of emotional harm to those who hold you dear.
I know. To some, that doesn't really matter; you'd be dead, after all. Not like you'd be around to see the aftermath, right?
Well, shit, I certainly hope you're not of that mindset.

Again, please. Please don't, winkio, a lot of us here - and elsewhere - really care about your wellbeing.

Blizzard

Ok, here's an update on the entire situation.

I tried reaching winkio over GTalk since he was logged in, but he didn't respond. His brother got to his apartment and probably saw my message so he added me on GTalk. I told him everything I knew.

winkio contacted me yesterday about leaving CP. Here is the transcript.

Quotewinkio: Boris, just giving you a heads up, but I probably won't be around CP much longer
actually this isn't the sort of thing to skype about, I'll send an email
Blizzard: hey man
really?
you mean forever or probably just for a time?
winkio: well
likely forever
Blizzard: :(
well, I guess you have your reasons
I'll be waiting for your mail then
you might also want to post at CP
winkio: I'll send in a sec
Blizzard: since you're the second admin after all
I replied
winkio: yes I saw
Blizzard: well, last thing I can say is: don't forget to say bye before you leave for good
winkio: well, I doubt I will be able to
which is the whole reason I sent you that email
Blizzard: alright, np
the important thing is that you gave me a heads up
winkio: well, you are taking this better than I thought
Blizzard: I've learned to handle things like this better
during the past years
I've everything else than happy to see you go, but you seem to have your mind already set
I'd rather support you on your way
winkio: Oh, hm
Blizzard: than maybe trying to convince you to do something that you don't want
winkio: Just as well


Here is that mail he sent me:

QuoteHey, so just so that I don't pull a ForeverZer0 on you, I wanted to let you know that I probably won't be around CP much longer.

A week ago, I started figuring out some of the underlying dynamics of the human race, life itself, and the universe. This line of thinking has given me an entirely new perspective on life, but has thrown me into severe depression and turned me into a completely different person. Basically, I have what are considered to be textbook definition mental health problems, and I already have an idea of the possible trajectories that my life can follow.

I'm not going to make a post on CP because I don't really want to have a discussion about this. I'd rather just interact with them normally while I can.


And my reply.

QuoteI understand.

If you remember half a year ago when I was fucked that one night, I basically have problems as well (like every person living on this planet). But I've been working on them and they are fixable. So I wish you the best of luck in getting things handled! If you ever need a pointer or something, I know my way around some self-help and self-improvement literature and materials and can probably give you a kick-start. And if you just wanna talk, that's fine, too. I've probably been through some stuff that you are going through right now.


His brother also said that he left his phone and other belongings at his apartment so there's no way to contact him. That's all we know. I asked his brother to keep in touch.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Please let us know if you receive any word from his brother. I hope this turns out okay.

KK20

...holy fuck...

I'm kinda shaking trying to type this. How could this have gone so far out of proportions? Why?
Dammit, please still be alive.

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Ranquil

winkio. If you ever read this...

Just so you know, I came to the same conclusion about life and existence about a year ago. Life is random and pointless, there's no denying it.
But why should that matter?
Just because life doesn't have a meaning doesn't mean it has to be thrown away. I, for example, like living life even though my life isn't perfect. In my opinion it just feels a lot cooler than, you know, spending all eternity in black void doing, experiencing, feeling or being nothing.
You may not feel the same as I do but I highly recommend you to try life a bit longer. At least a year.
Quote from: Some guy on FacebookLife is like a penis. It's short but it feels so long when it gets hard.


Quote from: Steven WinterburnBefore you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

Zexion

I don't know what to say winkio :s I think that you've felt this way for a while now, though, because I remember you snapping a few times in skype for what seemed like very little to no reason. It seemed like something was bugging you and that it had to do with the level of intelligence of the people who surround you. I could be speaking out of my ass here, but that is just what I get from small conversations sometimes.
It can seem like the world around you has different values and goals and none of them seem progressive or meaningful to you. That is normal, and is life. Life isn't meant to be easy, nor is it meant to be hard, but it IS meant to be lived winkio. You deserve to live no matter what you think or feel. Even if you don't want to at the time, it will always get better. I hope that the attempt was unsuccessful and that you are able to recover and learn from this. You may never be able to change the entire world no matter how hard you try, but you can at least have an impact.

Ryex

February 01, 2014, 03:21:43 pm #9 Last Edit: February 01, 2014, 03:25:26 pm by Ryex
Dam it Ryan. I KNEW something big was going on last night when you were dodging all my questions. I didn't suspect this though and you were so confident that you knew what to do I just figured you wanted to deal with it on your own.

Look, I've been there. that may seen like a hollow statement but I mean it literally. I'v contemplated the futility of live in this universe for the exact same reasons you express.  the majority of people are stupid and selfish, there are so many problems with our society it staggering, we face our doom at the hand of our own race. I know exactly what it means to truly understand these things. I'v thought about just ending it for the same reasons.

do you want to know why I didn't? why I almost immediately said no and dismissed it as an option? because then I wouldn't get to live, I wouldn't get to have friends, live with family, reunite with my old friend Riley and go to water world together, I wouldn't get to stretch my brain solving problems of logic and feel the elation when I find a solution. I wouldn't get to stare into the cosmos feeling my insignificance only to laugh in the face of the universe and say "ha! I'm going to MAKE myself significant!", I wouldn't get to share my life with others and make people feel important by helping them.

We're all going to die winkio, every last one of us. and when we do life will move on. and for the most part we will be forgotten in the long run. But I'll be dammed if I'm going to let that fact stop me from living to my full potential and beyond.

You face the Existentialist delima Ryan, defy reality and live, it's the absurd choice, but it's the only one thats any fun.
I no longer keep up with posts in the forum very well. If you have a question or comment, about my work, or in general I welcome PM's. if you make a post in one of my threads and I don't reply with in a day or two feel free to PM me and point it out to me.<br /><br />DropBox, the best free file syncing service there is.<br />

Blizzard

Guys! winkio's brother just contacted me! winkio is ok! :D
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Zexion

I hope he comes back to say something

Ryex

thank you, thank you. Blizz, please ask his brother to let winkio know he has our support.
I no longer keep up with posts in the forum very well. If you have a question or comment, about my work, or in general I welcome PM's. if you make a post in one of my threads and I don't reply with in a day or two feel free to PM me and point it out to me.<br /><br />DropBox, the best free file syncing service there is.<br />

Blizzard

I just did. I'm sure he'll be back very soon so we can talk this out.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

KK20

Sigh of relief

Hope to hear more soon.

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Discord: KK20 Tyler#8901

Join the CP Discord Server!

WhiteRose

Quote from: Blizzard on February 01, 2014, 05:20:13 pm
Guys! winkio's brother just contacted me! winkio is ok! :D


Best news of the week. I'm so relieved.

winkio

Okay.  I haven't read any responses yet, but I will soon.  Got through the day with no physical harm, but still have a lot of stuff to work out.  But I'm definitely not in danger of trying again, so no need to worry about that.  Just letting you guys know that I am okay and not completely broken.

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on February 01, 2014, 06:49:10 pm
Okay.  I haven't read any responses yet, but I will soon.  Got through the day with no physical harm, but still have a lot of stuff to work out.  But I'm definitely not in danger of trying again, so no need to worry about that.  Just letting you guys know that I am okay and not completely broken.


*hugs*

KK20


Other Projects
RPG Maker XP Ace  Upgrade RMXP to RMVXA performance!
XPA Tilemap  Tilemap rewrite with many features, including custom resolution!

Nintendo Switch Friend Code: 8310-1917-5318
Discord: KK20 Tyler#8901

Join the CP Discord Server!

MarkHest