Good Jokes

Started by Shadonking, September 06, 2008, 08:21:21 pm

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Vishvesh

Quote from: Starrodkirby86 on September 21, 2008, 01:07:00 pm
Oh yeah, a very popular ventriloquism sort of gig...Really humorous. There's a lot of jokes, but it's definitely not the cleanest pot of gold...I'll link it here, that'll be my joke. :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI-Russell Peters  :haha:

Spaceman McConaughey

How many cancerous cells does it take to kill Steve Jobs?

...


We'll find out soon enough!

Blizzard

Here's one from Sickipedia.

Quote
I went to a fancy dress as Spiderman and shagged a girl dressed as Catwoman. We had the most amazing sex, but never revealed our identities to one another.

I told my family about it over breakfast. My dad high-fived me, my mum rolled her eyes and my sister ran off crying for some reason.
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King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

AngryPacman

August 14, 2011, 07:00:26 am #163 Last Edit: August 14, 2011, 07:03:30 am by AngryPacman
Really Sick: ShowHide
What noise does a baby in the microwave make?
I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.
G_G's a silly boy.

Blizzard

Here's another one from Sickipedia. xD

QuoteI was standing there, hands trembling, my wife due home from work any time now... I reached for my youngest daughter's top - it came off with little resistance.

Her training bra was my next hurdle. Hands still trembling, I gently unclipped it and unable to control my hands I watched it as it fell to the floor.

Her short little skirt was next, I reached out and slid it off. As I ran my hands slowly over her My Little Pony panties I could feel they were already really, really damp...

Anyway, I'd better finish getting the rest of the washing in - it's raining and my Parkinsons isn't making it any easier.
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King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Ryex

oh gods, that is horrible.
I no longer keep up with posts in the forum very well. If you have a question or comment, about my work, or in general I welcome PM's. if you make a post in one of my threads and I don't reply with in a day or two feel free to PM me and point it out to me.<br /><br />DropBox, the best free file syncing service there is.<br />

Blizzard

QuoteA sexy young girl approached me in the club last night.

"Wanna buy me a few drinks?" she whispered with a wink.

"Of course," I burst out, shooting to the bar.

After she had drunk 5 vodkas within 10 minutes, I gave her a nudge.

"I bet you're the type of girl that uses men to get drunk and gives nothing in return, aren't you?" I asked.

"You've got me all figured out," she smirked.

"Well not tonight!" I replied, waving an empty Rohypnol box in her face.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Blizzard

March 11, 2014, 05:52:10 am #167 Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 05:54:23 am by Blizzard
More from Sickipedia. xD

QuoteA man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

R.A.V.S.O

So a programmer is about to go buy some stuff from the market when his wife interrupts him:

"Honey, remember to go buy a bottle of milk on your way back, if they have eggs, bring six."

so the programmer goes to the market and returns with 6 bottles of milk, his wife replies:

"why did you bring six bottles of milk?"

"because they had eggs honey"
Personality Test results
Spoiler: ShowHide




"Life is unfair, so make it unfair in your favor" -Sesilou

Ranquil

March 12, 2014, 09:22:04 am #169 Last Edit: March 12, 2014, 10:15:56 am by Ranquil
What does a woman and a swimming pool have in common?

When you enter them they should be wet and while you do you should preferably be wearing something rubbery.
Quote from: Some guy on FacebookLife is like a penis. It's short but it feels so long when it gets hard.


Quote from: Steven WinterburnBefore you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

Crasger

SO! A man was having sex with a goat...

I watched every second of it.

Blizzard

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler: ShowHide
None. They will keep beating the room for being black.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Soulshaker3

What's there a ton on of in heaven?

Spoiler: ShowHide
African children
Hellow?

Blizzard

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
Spoiler: ShowHide
It's not hard.


Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
Spoiler: ShowHide
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.


Who's the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
Spoiler: ShowHide
The one who can eat the last donut!


How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Spoiler: ShowHide
Put a nipple on it.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Wecoc

Hahahaha those last ones were pretty good.

Ok I'll try with some of my own bullshit jokes collection.

Spoiler: ShowHide
- Look mom, I'm the fastest guy ever! Speed 6 and Freq 6!
- But son, you have a disabled move type...


Spoiler: ShowHide
- Mommy mommy, in class they call me 'Second fiddle'.
- Don't worry little Basil, someday this will change...


Spoiler: ShowHide
- We will fight together until the end!
- Yeah!...
- Hey! What? Where the fuck are you?
- In your group.
- What?
- There's no caterpillar.

And he never saw him again.


Spoiler: ShowHide
Arshes walks into a shop and asks to the merchant:
- How many HP potions do you have, sir?
- 99 minus the amount you already have.


Spoiler: ShowHide
- I'm so evil I will kill the current villain just to demonstrate to the party how strong and badass I am!
*Later*
- He killed the villain! He's a hero! - Yes, he's the best!
- Fucking shit.


Spoiler: ShowHide
- Can I interact with this? Hey citizen, do you have more than one page or you always say the same? Oh wow, here's a dog, let's see what it says!
- Honey, I told you our son was smoking weed.