Author Topic: Diploma Thesis  (Read 13796 times)

Offline Blizzard

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Diploma Thesis
« on: April 16, 2010, 10:12:39 AM »
Some of you already know, others don't.
This game will be my "Diploma Thesis" for which I will get the Master degree. I have agreed with my mentor that I can write it in English and I'll need some help with the grammar. :>

It's currently far from done, but winkio asked me to post it anyways. xD

Everybody who takes the time to read and post valid grammar fixes will be added to the Special Thanks section at the beginning. In that case please make sure to mentioned the chapter (such as 1.2.3), paragraph number of line in that paragraph.

You can download the current version from here.

For all those who used the walkthrough: The thesis includes an improved version of the walkthrough explaining the solution for every puzzle and riddle that can be explained and which wasn't explained in the version posted here.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2010, 10:58:59 PM by Blizzard »
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Offline winkio

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2010, 05:09:05 PM »
When is it due?  I need to know if I have to proofread it before finals or if I can wait until after.

Offline Blizzard

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2010, 08:56:00 PM »
It's due in 2 months, there's no rush.
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Offline Aqua

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2010, 08:56:46 PM »
Hmmm...
I'll try to proofread it.
Just bother me on MSN if you need my help :D

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2010, 08:57:03 PM »
im currently reading the thesis now...must say i hope you get good marks for it

i am currently on chapter 10.3.3 Chapter 2:Dream or Reality you have done a good job so far once i finish reading it im going to go through and see if i can find grammar mistakes so far i havnt seen any(your grammar is far better than mine from the looks of it sadly) but ill see what i can find

but all in all i wish you the best of luck on this i know you can pull it off


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Offline WhiteRose

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2010, 11:13:05 PM »
My mom once worked as a grammar professor at Provo College. If you'd like, I can have her take a look once you've finished writing it and give you some suggestions.

EDIT: Just glancing through what you've written, one thing I noticed was:

Quote
In its original state it prevents the universe from decaying by stabilizing the energy it consists of.

"Of" is a preposition. You should try to avoid ending your sentences with prepositions if at all possible. Try phrasing it like this instead:

Quote
In its original state it prevents the universe from decaying by stabilizing the energy of which it consists.

Or, alternately, you could just reword the end of the sentence, like so:

Quote
In its original state, it stabilizes the energy making up the universe, preventing it from decaying.

EDIT 2: Another mistake:
Quote
I want to thank Ivan Bosnić, Ivan Kravarščan and Boris Matešin for motivating me to finish the game and for the morale support.

I believe the word you were looking for is "moral."

EDIT 3: I have a couple suggestions for your Table of Contents. Firstly, rather than underlining every line, just use leaders between the section name and the page number, like this (in Word, you wouldn't use periods, but that is just my representation of a dotted leader):

1. Introduction..................4

Also, I would recommend aligning all page numbers along the right side of the page.

EDIT 4: In section 10.2.2:

Quote
Exploring the laboratory he’s being attacked by machines which he can fight off successfully until he comes across another young man fighting a monster.

The way you have this sentence phrased makes it sound like Jason can only fight off the machines until he finds Endout, at which point he cannot. As this is not the case, I suggest you rephrase this sentence, possibly splitting it into two, like so:

Quote
Exploring the laboratory, he's attacked by machines. He manages to fight them off, and comes across another young man fighting a monster.

Sorry if I'm bothering you with all these suggestions; I'm just trying to be helpful.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2010, 11:57:52 PM by WhiteRose »

Offline Blizzard

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2010, 10:58:51 PM »
I'll get back to you tomorrow.

I put up an updated version with all "Secrets of Lexima 4" that are posted here as well and a story outline on the entire game. Geez, I was writing on that thing for 12 hours today. #_# At least it was worth it. I have now about 90 written pages which makes 50 written pages today. >:3 Too bad I haven't literally typed all those pages today but only about 50% of them. But then again, I'm not a machine, I'm just human. #_#
« Last Edit: April 17, 2010, 11:00:40 PM by Blizzard »
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I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

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When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2010, 12:53:30 PM »
*double posts*

Sorry, I completely forgot that I wanted to reply to you.

1. I like the second suggestion.

2. No, I meant morale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morale

3. That's merely style, but it's frequently used at my college so I'll leave that. Thanks anyway.

4. Thanks, I'll change that. I also rephrased it a bit.

BTW, it would be great if your mom could look that through if she has the time. :) I'll definitely add her in my special thanks.
My mentor said that he expected about 60 pages (I already have 90 >.<) and that I should try not to go over 150 pages. I hope it's not too much to ask.

EDIT: I put up an update version. I'll add the treasure listings next and then comes the technical documentation.

@WhiteRose: When I have the treasure listings up, you can already ask your mom if she can review those chapters. She can review the technical documentation afterwards so she doesn't have to read it all at once. Also, tell her that she can fix the grammatical mistakes right away in the document. That should be faster than having to type down what should be fixed where and then let me fix them again.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2010, 02:55:41 PM by Blizzard »
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline WhiteRose

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2010, 04:24:37 PM »
*double posts*
2. No, I meant morale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morale
Are you sure? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_support

Don't mean to disagree with you, of course; it is your paper after all, so you can do it however you like. :)

Just let me know once you have the treasure listings up, and I'll have my mom read over everything.

Offline Blizzard

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2010, 08:53:48 AM »
Then it's moral support. Thanks, I'll change it.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2010, 02:33:48 PM »
*double posts again* :3

I have the game documentation finished. I'll try to get the technical documentation done during next week. You can ask your mom to review this part.
The thesis is due in a month after all. :/
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline WhiteRose

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2010, 04:18:51 PM »
Alright, I'll have her read through it hopefully sometime today.

Offline Blizzard

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2010, 06:10:33 PM »
Great! Thanks again. :)
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline WhiteRose

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2010, 07:31:48 AM »
Sorry this is taking a while; I gave a copy to my mom but she hasn't finished reading through it yet. I know you have a deadline on this coming up soon, so I'll try to have her finish as soon as possible.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #14 on: May 17, 2010, 09:25:06 AM »
Ok, thanks. I'll get the rest done in the meantime.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline prioran

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2010, 03:27:08 PM »
It looks like this project is in good hands, but if for any reason you should need extra help, don't hesitate to let me know as well. I'm a native speaker of English and I teach grammar in English and Spanish.  :)

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2010, 04:01:07 PM »
The more, the merrier. xD
But seriously, if you can find the time to read it through and fix it, I'd really appreciate it.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2010, 03:43:48 PM »
Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_Mikic
I want to Enterbrain, Inc. for the creation of the game engine and editor RPG Maker XP
Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_Mikic
I want to thank for the additional graphics that have been used
would sound better as
Code: [Select]
I want to think the following for the additional graphics that have been used
Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_Mikic
Axmodeux grew jealous of the power that Chaos possessed and believed the god favored Chaos. In the timeless void of eternity Axmodeux attempted to destroy Chaos because it was defenseless without a consciousness, but the gods prevented this from happening. Because they actually loved they creations equally, they could not bear to destroy Axmodeux and decided that their creations should solve their disputes among themselves. Due to Chaos being a completely different being, they have decided to put limit Axmodeux’s power to Chaos’ time and space and put it into a deep sleep on one of the material formations within one of the universes.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 03:54:14 PM by nathmatt »
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Offline Blizzard

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2010, 05:01:33 PM »
Fixed.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline prioran

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2010, 09:04:26 PM »
The more, the merrier. xD
But seriously, if you can find the time to read it through and fix it, I'd really appreciate it.

I'd be happy to help out. I'll wait to see what those who have already offered their assistance do, and then I'll jump in only as necessary, so as not to bombard you with unnecessarily overlapping suggestions.