2 Characters Recolour and Story

Started by punk_Blood, August 17, 2010, 01:50:56 am

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punk_Blood

as said in the title i am wanting feedback on characters recoloured from Battle Hunter (i honestly dont know what it is or where to get the game, i just saw the body shots and wanted them), and also i have the background story for them too.
Spoiler: ShowHide

Name: Kunou Zetsubou
Age: 16
Hair: White/Dirty
Eyes: Blue
Stature: Muscular/Healthy

Background:
Kunou Zetsubou was a normal popular High Schooler(?) at Simotek High School. Although most people loved him, He didn't like most people. In fact, He hates people, Roughly said. Until one day (Oh god here comes Clich'e) he meets a new transfer student, Ankoku Maderame, and he soon figures out that him and her have more in common than he thought. They soon develop feelings for each other. He asks her to Juinor Ball, Naturally she says yes, and his life changes that day... More to come in demo, im not going to spoil it.

Spoiler: ShowHide

Name: Ankoku Maderame
Age: 15
Hair: Purple/Black
Eyes: Blue
Stature: Normal/Skinny

Background:
Anoku Maderame, Bored with life 15 year old, Transfers to Simotek High, meets a young, nice man by the name of Kunou. Although he is unaware of her parents death and her abandonment at age 10, he still senses something is wrong... Nonetheless.. He still falls in love, and she loves him back. Unable to sense the iminant danger that is upon them both, they still push for a normal life... well... as normal as you can get with those two...



Sorry if it sucks and you hate it but whatever lol,
oh and i am also sorry for any spelling mistakes i have made, the post was acting funny and i cant proofread my stuff
just because im dead doesnt mean that i cant be alive

WhiteRose

Are you asking for recolors of the characters, or feedback on the stories? If the latter, here's my opinion:

Terribly, terribly cliche. The main character strikes me as very Gary Sue-like. Everyone likes him and he's super popular, but has a dark, tough guy personality. I can't see that happening. Why do people love him so much if he hates everyone? Then he meets the girl, and things just get worse and even more cliche. The girl seems to have no apparent personality and exists only to drive the story along and be a love object.  Of course, this is just my opinion, and all I know is what you've written here. It's entirely possible that you have a fantastic, original story lined up that just has a bit of a rough start, or that I'm just not interpreting what you've written correctly.

G_G

Someone move this to teh General Discussion thread under RPG Maker. This doesn't belong here.

punk_Blood

@guy What do you mean? its technically feedback

@Whiterose thanks for the feedback and yes it is somewhat cliche but i intend on changing it

also i did not intend to make him ultra popular even though it says that lol... but yeah i was going for a more tough guy thing but hes also slightly emo... i honestly need to work on background story work because im not only making this into a game, but also a comic and if i can figure out how... a lil mini movie thing

for his love interest, there is more into her but i dont want to say too much because it could spoil it.

another little P.S
The bodyshots are just recolours... they are not the final product... i intend on changing the poses and face expressions soon. This was just a heads up im actually working on the project i said i was going to.
just because im dead doesnt mean that i cant be alive

G_G

The feedback is for the site, Community. Where there is a specific spot for RPG Maker topics.

punk_Blood

August 17, 2010, 10:35:59 am #5 Last Edit: August 17, 2010, 08:32:26 pm by punk_Blood
ok. i didnt know that


MAJOR EDIT: I changed the storyline because.. well.. it sucked lol and it prolly still does but i actually spent TIME on these descriptions

Remember!: this is just the character descriptions... not much of the story is included so dont be expecting something extraordinary
Spoiler: ShowHide

Name: Kunou Zetsubou
Age: 16
Hair: White/Dirty
Eyes: Blue
Stature: Muscular/Healthy

Background:
Kunou Zetsubou is the hero of this story, the story starting out in a post-apocolyptic world based in Tokyo. Him, Ankoku, and a few select friends are the only "Humans" left in this place...
Kunou is what you would call a ...troubled soul. He didn't like people when they were alive, and he hates them even more when theyre dead. Only his close friends know of his "Attitude" towards people... well i guess that goes to show because they are the only ones who actually know how his parents died. Soon after the "DeadDay" as they call it, he began to wonder why the Higher Powers (God(s)) chose him and his friends... is it just a cooincidence or is it fate? Only time shall tell...

Spoiler: ShowHide


Name: Ankoku Maderame
Age: 15
Hair: Purple/Black
Eyes: Blue
Stature: Normal/Skinny

Background:
Anoku Maderame, Bored with life 15 year old, is close friends and teammates with Kunou. Their friendship goes way back, Before the DeadDay. They went to school together as children, and grew up together in high school. I guess you could say that Kunou was her only friend growing up...
Then it hit... That massive blast that took out most all of human life. Afterwords, Ankoku traveled, and looked for him. On the way she picked up a few stagglers which soon became good friends with them. Just as Kunou wonders... she wonders too. Why were THEY still living? They were worthless... not doing a thing with their lives and yet they lived... Nonetheless, they were alive, and in more danger than you could expect...



Sorry if it sucks and you hate it but whatever lol,
oh and i am also sorry for any spelling mistakes i have made, the post was acting funny and i cant proofread my stuff


another little P.S
The bodyshots are just recolours... they are not the final product... i intend on changing the poses and face expressions soon. This was just a heads up im actually working on the project i said i was going to.
just because im dead doesnt mean that i cant be alive

punk_Blood

just because im dead doesnt mean that i cant be alive