Story

Started by WhiteRose, March 03, 2011, 04:40:15 pm

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AliveDrive

I know they aren't fundamentally evil but they enable evil people to more easily do evil things.

Like a courthouse with corrupt officials.

What is the system of government?
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

winkio

I thought we said kingdoms... unless I missed something...

AliveDrive

Ok, did we establish how powerful the Church is?

Because the story places the Church in every kingdom right?

So it would make sense if they were on par with kingdoms in terms of powerful.
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

winkio

I think the Church is powerful in that nobody questions it, but it doesn't govern daily life or anything like that.

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on March 04, 2011, 01:01:10 pm
I think the Church is powerful in that nobody questions it, but it doesn't govern daily life or anything like that.


This.

The Niche

Well, I missed quite a lot. Well done on the story, Rose. I am indeed impressed.

I don't really have much to add, but I think that this definitely needs more supporting characters. Also, alternatives names:

The creators - Different ones are feared in different areas. Different civilisations should have different names for them. Suggestions:
Quazla, Hejra, Xi Kan, Rol'tan, Firidori. I recommend the latter for the protagonist's home area.

The overgod - As above.
Quetzon, Ojira, Ho Ka, Bar'tul, Benedia. Again, the latter for the protagonist's home area.

The netherealm - As above.
Kletzakli, Uranja, Doko, Kolar'ka, Malavia. As above.

Next thing, the races. I think it's a bit boring if we just use humans, elves and dwarves. The archetypes, fine, but to mask the cliche a little bit, we ought to rename them.

Suggestions:

Humans - Kellians.
Elves - Mayri.
Dwarves - Dohil.

Also, I think the industrial elements shouldn't be everywhere. Magitech also ought to be around the place. But on that note, who should be the main industrialisers? The obvious candidate would be the dwarves, but it'd be interesting if the elves started it. Also, races. I'd like to see some tree dwelling dwarves, just cause it'd be hilarious. Elven miners as well. Finally, it'd be cool to associate each race with a particular element. I'm thinking humans - water, elves - air and dwarves - earth and then fire would be various demons or something. Maybe a nameless evil that doesn't actually exist.

And on that note, perhaps one of the creators isn't actually trapped? One or more, actually. Maybe some of them are with the people, others are responsible for the cult of creation's contact with the creators in the first place?
Level me down, I'm trying to become the anti-blizz!
Quote from: winkio on June 15, 2011, 07:30:23 pm
Ah, excellent.  You liked my amusing sideshow, yes?  I'm just a simple fool, my wit entertains the wise, and my wisdom fools the fools.



I'm like the bible, widely hated and beautifully quotable.

Dropbox is this way, not any other way!

winkio

I think the less names we use, the better: http://xkcd.com/483/  They are humans, there is no reason not to call them humans.  Also, the name of the overgod should be the same everywhere.  And I like the idea of the titans being nameless.

On the note of the gods being trapped - maybe since they are trapped at the core of the earth, they can communicate to the surface at volcanos?  just a thought.

AliveDrive

Although I'd like a multi-race world, we face a wall with spriting.

Maybe we'll find a spriter that can whip us up some nice charsets, that would be a huge blessing.

I like the idea of a Creator on the loose.

That being said, we'd have to explain how he was able to avoid detection. Maybe he's deceptive/shadowy.

This does help explain the Cult's existence and knowledge concerning the Creators.

Maybe the Cult only know's what the deceptive creator has told them, which is why they are trying to free the creators. Not just that the Cult is full of evil people hellbent on destroying the world. It makes more sense.

WhiteRose has the clearest understanding of this story, so she should give her input.
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

The Niche

Quote from: AliveDrive on March 04, 2011, 06:07:00 pm
Although I'd like a multi-race world, we face a wall with spriting.

Maybe we'll find a spriter that can whip us up some nice charsets, that would be a huge blessing.


Challenge accepted.

@Wink: True, I forgot about that principle.

@Live: Now is where we can make it interesting. The loose cannon creator, could have been wronged by the others. Maybe they cared the most for life? Either way, they could be orchestrating the release of the creators in order for them to be destroyed. For that matter, maybe they're doing it because they care so deeply for life? Or perhaps they're just a bit pissed off that all their friends are locked in with their mistakes by their own creations and would quite like it if they were released.
Level me down, I'm trying to become the anti-blizz!
Quote from: winkio on June 15, 2011, 07:30:23 pm
Ah, excellent.  You liked my amusing sideshow, yes?  I'm just a simple fool, my wit entertains the wise, and my wisdom fools the fools.



I'm like the bible, widely hated and beautifully quotable.

Dropbox is this way, not any other way!

AliveDrive

I don't know if a loose cannon personality would be so fitting...it seems to me he either tricked the humans into helping him, or forced them to directly. the easiest of which, would be to simply trick them.

This is all just theory of course, I feel like we should get WhiteRose to verify this within the story, she may see things I've missed.
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

Hatsamu

Quote from: The Niche on March 04, 2011, 05:53:29 pm
Well, I missed quite a lot. Well done on the story, Rose. I am indeed impressed.

I don't really have much to add, but I think that this definitely needs more supporting characters. Also, alternatives names:

The creators - Different ones are feared in different areas. Different civilisations should have different names for them. Suggestions:
Quazla, Hejra, Xi Kan, Rol'tan, Firidori. I recommend the latter for the protagonist's home area.

The overgod - As above.
Quetzon, Ojira, Ho Ka, Bar'tul, Benedia. Again, the latter for the protagonist's home area.

The netherealm - As above.
Kletzakli, Uranja, Doko, Kolar'ka, Malavia. As above.

Next thing, the races. I think it's a bit boring if we just use humans, elves and dwarves. The archetypes, fine, but to mask the cliche a little bit, we ought to rename them.

Suggestions:

Humans - Kellians.
Elves - Mayri.
Dwarves - Dohil.

Also, I think the industrial elements shouldn't be everywhere. Magitech also ought to be around the place. But on that note, who should be the main industrialisers? The obvious candidate would be the dwarves, but it'd be interesting if the elves started it. Also, races. I'd like to see some tree dwelling dwarves, just cause it'd be hilarious. Elven miners as well. Finally, it'd be cool to associate each race with a particular element. I'm thinking humans - water, elves - air and dwarves - earth and then fire would be various demons or something. Maybe a nameless evil that doesn't actually exist.

And on that note, perhaps one of the creators isn't actually trapped? One or more, actually. Maybe some of them are with the people, others are responsible for the cult of creation's contact with the creators in the first place?


Those names sound like god names. Not bad, not astounding.


About races... we can change them but... Its accepted to change the term "humans" but if we change "elves" and "dwarves" and then we show people Elves and Dwarves wouldn't they say "Hey, they are just Elves and Darves... why are they calling them different?"
See my point? I go either for changing the races by new ones or using the known ones.


Elves, Dwarves and Humans having different specializations among the industries sounds nice. It gives the world a more realistic enviroment.
About elements... Magic here comes from the netherealm, I don't think that we should use the archetypical "elements" thing here.


If the creators are going to be released, they need to be trapped.
However, at the moment of being sealed on the past war, they (or one of them) could have transferred part of their power to a human, thus making a "creators bloodline" they can partially control from their prision.

WhiteRose

I disagree with changes the races' names; I think they should remain something people can identify with and remember easily. Just my opinion.

Industrial elements would definitely be found in some places more than others - when I came up with the idea for the story, I had figured that the dwarves would be on the leading edge of industry, and have it implemented in their society more than the other races.

Magitech would not exist, as magic is forbidden. Even the apostate branch of the Church who worked to revive it aren't able to use it to a useful extent until William finds the Titanium.

As for associating each race with an element, I'm neutral to the idea.

I do like Benedia as the name of the Overgod, but it has a bit of a feminine feeling to it; I had imagined the Overgod as a male. I suppose this could be changed.

I also agree with winkio that the Titans should remain nameless. As they have become myth in most cultures, people wouldn't come up with individual names for them.

As for the idea of a loose Creator, I'm not sure I follow. Could someone summarize your current idea, please?

The Niche

Well, my main idea is that somehow, one or more of the creators escaped being sealed. Perhaps they actually were in an utterly different part of existence at the time and escaped. This way, the trapped creators have an agent, who can act as an ambassador for the creators. This character ought to be quite shadowy, to the point that even their gender remains a mystery.

My idea is that the ulterior agenda of this character is that they are in fact working to destroy the rest of the creators, perhaps because they've been wronged, perhaps because they care for life, perhaps because they're funny like that.
Level me down, I'm trying to become the anti-blizz!
Quote from: winkio on June 15, 2011, 07:30:23 pm
Ah, excellent.  You liked my amusing sideshow, yes?  I'm just a simple fool, my wit entertains the wise, and my wisdom fools the fools.



I'm like the bible, widely hated and beautifully quotable.

Dropbox is this way, not any other way!

WhiteRose

March 04, 2011, 06:53:48 pm #53 Last Edit: March 04, 2011, 06:55:21 pm by WhiteRose
Quote from: The Niche on March 04, 2011, 06:50:31 pm
Well, my main idea is that somehow, one or more of the creators escaped being sealed. Perhaps they actually were in an utterly different part of existence at the time and escaped. This way, the trapped creators have an agent, who can act as an ambassador for the creators. This character ought to be quite shadowy, to the point that even their gender remains a mystery.

My idea is that the ulterior agenda of this character is that they are in fact working to destroy the rest of the creators, perhaps because they've been wronged, perhaps because they care for life, perhaps because they're funny like that.


It could work. Personally, I view the Creators as a collective unit - they're generally of one mind. The concept that one of the Creators escaped the sealing severely decreases the seeming power of the Overgod - he missed sealing one just because he wasn't in the same place? How's this for an idea: the individual who was contacted by the Creators through their seal (who has yet to be developed at all) almost fits the role you're describing. I suppose if people like the idea, we could say that somehow, once he agreed to help them, he let them somehow take over his body. Thus, empowered by the Creators, he is the shadowy and very powerful leader of the Cult.

I think this is a good combination of your ideas and the current working canon. What do you think?

AliveDrive

I'd prefer a male overgod.

Titans should be nameless, but might they have adjectives tied to them? The Wise Titan. The Jovial Titan. etc.

Shadowy Genderless Powerful Cult leader it is.
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

WhiteRose

Quote from: AliveDrive on March 04, 2011, 06:59:22 pm
Shadowy Genderless Powerful Cult leader it is.


I don't think he should be genderless; one of the reasons that this would work well is that it would make the power of the Creators seem more physical and real - making him too shadowy and mysterious defeats that purpose. Having him be genderless is pretty shadowy and mysterious indeed.

The Niche

So basically the creators are just one big multi body enemy? Meh. Original, but meh.

As to the rest of your idea, I think that someone being possessed just doesn't work.

Hold on a second, just had another idea. We could take that and mix it up. Hatsamu suggested a Creators bloodline, I think that could work. Except a little bit different. Basically, the creator in question managed to breed with a mortal. Probably an elf.  Thus we have a demigod. This way, we can allow for ulterior motives (I've really just fallen in love with that idea :L).

But, there's also the cult leader. Basically, the demigod is responsible for the cult leader being possessed. The demigod acted as an agent and convinced the cult leader to form this cult. Then he facilitated the creators possessing the cult leader. Perhaps he took the material of the seal and made part of it into a ring or something. Through this, the creators can communicate directly with the cult leader and lend him a fraction of their power.
Level me down, I'm trying to become the anti-blizz!
Quote from: winkio on June 15, 2011, 07:30:23 pm
Ah, excellent.  You liked my amusing sideshow, yes?  I'm just a simple fool, my wit entertains the wise, and my wisdom fools the fools.



I'm like the bible, widely hated and beautifully quotable.

Dropbox is this way, not any other way!

WhiteRose

March 04, 2011, 07:13:33 pm #57 Last Edit: March 04, 2011, 07:14:45 pm by WhiteRose
Quote from: The Niche on March 04, 2011, 07:07:55 pm
So basically the creators are just one big multi body enemy? Meh. Original, but meh.

As to the rest of your idea, I think that someone being possessed just doesn't work.

Hold on a second, just had another idea. We could take that and mix it up. Hatsamu suggested a Creators bloodline, I think that could work. Except a little bit different. Basically, the creator in question managed to breed with a mortal. Probably an elf.  Thus we have a demigod. This way, we can allow for ulterior motives (I've really just fallen in love with that idea :L).


Firstly, I don't see the need to throw an additional character into the plot to complicate things; I guess I'm just one for plots that are fairly easy to follow, especially in a short game like this one. Secondly, I don't see the Creators as being the type to breed with their own creations - that's like... well, do you really need an analogy? XD

This isn't my game, though; if the other like your idea, then I'm all for it.

EDIT: As for the Creators being one big multi-body enemy, that's not what I meant. I meant that they are united in purpose, and wouldn't turn against each other. Just a clarification for you; you seem to have not understood my meaning.

AliveDrive

Quote from: The Niche on March 04, 2011, 07:07:55 pm
But, there's also the cult leader. Basically, the demigod is responsible for the cult leader being possessed. The demigod acted as an agent and convinced the cult leader to form this cult. Then he facilitated the creators possessing the cult leader. Perhaps he took the material of the seal and made part of it into a ring or something. Through this, the creators can communicate directly with the cult leader and lend him a fraction of their power.


Fact. I have OCD about things like this. It gives me nightmares xD.

On topic: Let's debate a gender. I heard WhiteRose say male. Is having a male antagonist too cliche? It could just as easily be a woman.
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

WhiteRose

Quote from: AliveDrive on March 04, 2011, 07:23:33 pm
Quote from: The Niche on March 04, 2011, 07:07:55 pm
But, there's also the cult leader. Basically, the demigod is responsible for the cult leader being possessed. The demigod acted as an agent and convinced the cult leader to form this cult. Then he facilitated the creators possessing the cult leader. Perhaps he took the material of the seal and made part of it into a ring or something. Through this, the creators can communicate directly with the cult leader and lend him a fraction of their power.


Fact. I have OCD about things like this. It gives me nightmares xD.

On topic: Let's debate a gender. I heard WhiteRose say male. Is having a male antagonist too cliche? It could just as easily be a woman.


Well, let's wait to decide any specifics about the character until we know exactly what we're working with here. I'd like to hear some opinions on Niche's suggestion; I've given mine.