Love, and shit like that.

[Futendra]

Okay, I know that I am very "closed" on this forum...

But let me start with my life and my problems...


I was born with ADHD.
This simply means I have it very difficult to concentrate, I don't have the "power" to control my energy.

I grew up being bullied all the time, due to this ADHD...
I had a depressed period, in this period I tried to kill myself twice, nothing too serious, just "attempts" I cut myself and really didn't want to live anymore. I was in emotional pain. I had no idea what to do with my life, in my eyes it was one big black hole with suffering.

I didn't know I had ADHD untill my 10.
No one understood it, nowadays everyone has ADHD, so they say, but I was 10 years old and stated to have a combined type: Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive and Predominantly inattentive
Sitting still and doing nothing isn't an option for me.

In primary school I was bullied all years, you know, the typical fights. But it came to a point that more than half of my class was lying to teachers just to insult me or to bully me. Now, I am 17 and 1 bully of than, not so long ago popped up at facebook claiming he wanted me to buy him a gaming keyboard (300$) or he would beat me up. I basicly told him to fuck off, but then a couple of days later, he first stood at my house screaming at me to come out. he did this 3 times now.

I am really scared of going anywhere, as he knows where I live and he lives near, I am not really loved in my town and most people kind of hate me.



Than also, love...
I had a 2 month relationship with a girl (let's say Y) and we experimented a bit (you know what I mean) and we called it "almost" now we broke up 6 months ago, and I hated her for 3 months, then I saw how she changed me, how she made me a better person. At first I was like: "It only were 2 months, it's just not realistic that this changed so much" but now I have contact with her, and I started to get feelings for her again (she already had 2 new boyfriends in the meantime) and I thought she was hinting me: She texted me things like "I miss you", "The word almost always reminds me of you",... and I thought it might be that I had a chance to make things better again.
I asked advice to some people who know her and some minutes ago, I heard that she almost has a new boyfriend...


Could you guys, help me in any way?

[winkio]

For the bully situation, there are a few possible resolutions, but the safest is to lay low.  You have set yourself up to be a target by having a lot of enemies and very few friends.  That won't change any time soon.  If you make yourself a smaller target, you will be less likely to receive negative attention.  Also, remember that there are worse things in life than being beat up.  Also, if he is on your property and you don't want him there, you should be able to call the police to escort him away.  I think if it happens multiple times he can get arrested or have a restraining order or something.

For the girl situation, even if she has a new boyfriend, that doesn't mean she isn't available.  Make your move and if she really likes you she will choose you over the other guy.  If not, rejection isn't the end of the world.

[Futendra]

For the bully situation, there are a few possible resolutions, but the safest is to lay low.  You have set yourself up to be a target by having a lot of enemies and very few friends.  That won't change any time soon.  If you make yourself a smaller target, you will be less likely to receive negative attention.  Also, remember that there are worse things in life than being beat up.  Also, if he is on your property and you don't want him there, you should be able to call the police to escort him away.  I think if it happens multiple times he can get arrested or have a restraining order or something.

For the girl situation, even if she has a new boyfriend, that doesn't mean she isn't available.  Make your move and if she really likes you she will choose you over the other guy.  If not, rejection isn't the end of the world.

Y texted me saying she didn't want me to get feelings for her because of those texts about I miss you and stuff...

The problem is, if I invovle police in this, shit is going to get worse

[ForeverZer0]

I agree with winkio.  

The only real advice that I'm gonna give is this: NEVER use your ADHD as a an excuse for anything that you can/can't do.  The fact that you are aware you have a problem simply makes it more inexcusable. Since you know you have a problem, you can now manage your life around it, conquer it, and get through. Don't let it hold you back in anything.

[winkio]

Why would involving the police make things worse?  Unless you are withholding details or straight up lying, he has no countermeasure.  If you are worried about him escalating his attacks, that will happen regardless of what you do, or if you do anything at all.  If things do start to get bad, you could always carry pepper spray.  It's pretty ridiculous how easily it disables people, one spray cleared an entire lecture hall on my campus (it makes you sneeze constantly and your eyes water, you can't do much besides run away).

[Futendra]

Why would involving the police make things worse?  Unless you are withholding details or straight up lying, he has no countermeasure.  If you are worried about him escalating his attacks, that will happen regardless of what you do, or if you do anything at all.  If things do start to get bad, you could always carry pepper spray.  It's pretty ridiculous how easily it disables people, one spray cleared an entire lecture hall on my campus (it makes you sneeze constantly and your eyes water, you can't do much besides run away).

Pepper spray is illegal

This guy knows people that don't do talking, you know, they aren't the guys you want to stand against.

I agree with winkio. 

The only real advice that I'm gonna give is this: NEVER use your ADHD as a an excuse for anything that you can/can't do.  The fact that you are aware you have a problem simply makes it more inexcusable. Since you know you have a problem, you can now manage your life around it, conquer it, and get through. Don't let it hold you back in anything.

I know, I don't take my medication anymore as it stops me growing.
I also do not use it as an excuse, I just try to point out that back than, I thought I was normal and didn't realise why they found me weird and hyperactive and stuff...

[winkio]

See, the problem here is that you are so afraid of this guy (who is most likely just a whiny little bitch that acts like a tough guy).  If you stay with the fear driven response, then you don't have any choices, you just have to stay out of his way as much as possible.

[Futendra]

See, the problem here is that you are so afraid of this guy (who is most likely just a whiny little bitch that acts like a tough guy).  If you stay with the fear driven response, then you don't have any choices, you just have to stay out of his way as much as possible.

The problem is:

- tiny town
- he hanging out with friends
- me in need to go somewhere

[Blizzard]

Being bullied is really not the worst thing that can happen to you like winkio said, but prolonged exposure to bullying cause a lot of emotional damage if you don't take any specific precautions. Basically the only thing that you have left is damage control in that area.
If pepper spray is illegal, how about an electro-shocker? There has to be a way how you can defend yourself without having to go karate lessons. :/ BTW, I would actually recommend that you try a martial arts class. Usually this will give you more self-confidence and self-esteem that will help you counter all the emotional damage with emotional strength that you gain from them, because most martial arts also teach you other things like inner strength.

As for your girl problem, there is one thing that you have to realize. Yes, maybe she has helped you become a better person, but don't think that this can necessarily be continued. The fact that you hated her for 3 months and your falling for her again shows a weakness in character which basically means that regardless how much you may have improved in one area, you probably paid a heavy price for it without even being aware of it. Under normal circumstances I would advise you to stay friends with her (since she has a good influence on you, at least from what you think), but if you can't keep your feelings out of it, you have to break off contact. If you aren't strong enough to resist the temptation, you shouldn't expose yourself to it like that.

Having feelings for someone is ok, but you can still have feelings for someone out of the wrong reasons (a good example would be Stockholm Syndrome). Your feelings shouldn't be based on that you "need" someone in your life or that she makes you a better person. If any, your feelings should be based on liking her for the person she is. Obviously this would mean that a break-up should have a minimum effect on you (being a bit down maybe for a week, max. 2 weeks). Since you hated her for 3 months, I don't think this is the case. You just keep switching the polarity of your emotions and this isn't healthy. The more intense your "love", the more intense your "hatred" will be if there is another break-up. If things work out now and shit hits the fan later again, you will suffer even more and it will leave probably more emotional damage that the first time. If you are willing to take these risks, be aware that they are very high risks. The payoff isn't close as big and there is a high chance that things will go wrong. Don't be afraid to be alone. Being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. It's better to be alone than in a relationship where too much pair-bonding is done way too fast. IMO you can't "love" someone after being with them for a least a year. "Love" is not an emotion, if you love somebody, you know that. "Being in love" is obviously different, that one is an emotion (bufferflies in stomach and all that shit).

EDIT: One thing that I personally would do, is that I would meet with her and talk about it. It will feel better if you get it off your chest. It doesn't matter if it works out or not. The important thing is that you gave it a shot and that you tried. Getting things off your chest works as a mini-therapy for you in that area and is far more important than anything else. The rest is irrelevant. If it doesn't work out, you can at least close this chapter of your life instead of being bothered by it the whole time while it eats you away from the inside. Uncertainty is worse than a potential rejection. (In fact, rejection is just an illusion, but let's not go into this right now.)

[AliveDrive]

You do you.

Spoiler: ShowHide

Fuck et al.

[Fenriswolf]

I'm sorry for being offtopic, but am I the only one thinking Blizzard should replace Dr. Phil/Oprah?

@Fut
Everybody here can give you as much advice as they want, but in the end, you know your situation best and you're the one who will have to deal with it. If you don't feel like confronting this guy, then don't. I wouldn't give anyone advice that might get him into the hospital or worse (however unlikely).

[Blizzard]

I'm sorry for being offtopic, but am I the only one thinking Blizzard should replace Dr. Phil/Oprah?

Why do you think I suggested a "Self-Help" section back then. Despite being so young, I've already had a fair share of shit in my life (like most people probably) and I learned a lot (like only a few really do) so I can see a layer or two below the surface that most people don't even know it's there.

[SBR*]

For the girl situation, even if she has a new boyfriend, that doesn't mean she isn't available.  Make your move and if she really likes you she will choose you over the other guy.  If not, rejection isn't the end of the world.

I do highly disagree with that. IMO, you shouldn't 'steal' a girlfriend.

About the bullying: I was bullied in primary school (I was a bit fatty back then). Now I'm in highschool and there's this one jerk, always that one jerk, that hates a lot of people and especially me (there's no reason to hate me that much whatsoever). I've found that the best way to deal with this kind of person is not to see it as a problem. When you start to see it as a problem, it becomes a problem. Instead, just joke about it and hope that others see the humor of your reaction. That way, they'll probably side with you. E.g. you replied with 'fuck off'. Instead, I would've come back with some smart-ass comment - if you can't think of those yourself, ask your parents or whoever your near and dear people are.

You said 'half the town hates you'. Try to seek contact with the other half. Perhaps your parents are willing to help you too? Anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

[Fenriswolf]

I'm sorry for being offtopic, but am I the only one thinking Blizzard should replace Dr. Phil/Oprah?

Why do you think I suggested a "Self-Help" section back then. Despite being so young, I've already had a fair share of shit in my life (like most people probably) and I learned a lot (like only a few really do) so I can see a layer or two below the surface that most people don't even know it's there.

Oh well, life's a bitch, so if it's easy, you're doing it wrong.

[SBR*]

I do highly disagree with that. IMO, you shouldn't 'steal' a girlfriend.

It's a matter of perspective. If she really liked her current boyfriend, she wouldn't leave her boyfriend for somebody else. Women jump from boyfriend to boyfriend all the time.

It of course also matters how far the relationship has developed. If it's fresh and perhaps hasn't even officially started, you can still do something, but if she actually has a new boyfriend, like winkio discribed, it's improper to steal her IMO.

[winkio]

(she already had 2 new boyfriends in the meantime) ... I heard that she almost has a new boyfriend...

If she is changing that quickly, it means she is shopping, she will probably break up with the current boyfriend soon enough.

[Tazero]

Being bullied, hm...

1) Lay Low (As winkio had said)
2) Tell someone that can have an immediate effect.
3) Police (Already pushed aside)
4) Remember people here (Well at least me) are willing to chat :3
5) Bullies only bully because they lack something that you have. Just remember that - He's jealous

[Subsonic_Noise]

5) Bullies only bully because they lack something that you have. Just remember that - He's jealous

As much as I like to support people who get bullied, this sentence is utter bullshit and won't help anyone.

[Blizzard]

Yeah. People bully other people, because they usually get bullied by somebody else (e.g. their parents) or because they were spoiled.

Also, split topics now.

[SBR*]

Bullying is a weakness; they try to make someone else feel bad, so that they feel better, which probably means that they have a sad, sad life in general. At least, that's from my experience.