I'm just posting this to blow off some steam. I'm not looking for sympathy.I don't want any advice on the subject, I don't want anyone to feel bad or say anything. I just need to type this up before I end up taking my anger out and hurting someone.
My girlfriend and I have been renting out a room from my grandma's house for almost a year now. I'm not gonna lie, we're pretty comfortable and the only bills have are rent, car loan, and car insurance. My grandma offered us a job at Burger King, she's the General Manager there. We were making pretty good money. I ended up walking out a couple months ago (completely different story, I won't get into it) and have since gotten a new job. My girlfriend is getting tired of Burger King, so I suggested to start looking for another job like I did. Her response? She doesn't think she'll make it anywhere else, she doesn't know what kind of job she'd be good at or how much money she'll make. This kind of response really irked me just for the fact that, no one really knows this until they go out and actually start looking for a job. So for the past couple of months, I've been trying to take her out and look at places. She absolutely refuses to go in anywhere else and even ask for an application. This is her normal behavior, when something life changing comes up, she gets scared and doesn't want to risk anything or even try to take a chance for a better life.
An opportunity came up today. My dad found a really nice house for my girlfriend and me to live in. It's on a "contract to deed" where we pay a payment every month for 10 years and the house becomes ours. If we didn't or couldn't make payments, we simply move out of the house with no strings attached. No giant ass bank loan to worry about for the rest of our lives.
However, this would require us to move back to the city we originally left, find new jobs and keep up on a few extra bills we're not used to. And to note, this isn't something we'd be doing on our own. My dad said he'd help us out for a few months until we did get jobs and got into a routine we'd be used to. Her response? Pretty much the same thing as before, instead of just "her" it's now "us". She doesn't think I'll be able to find a job either and that I just got lucky when I found a new job after I had quit Burger King. I'm screaming "what the fuck" in my head right now. Making me feel like I'm not good enough for her or that there's no way I'd be able to support her. She won't put any faith in herself or apparently me. I've tried and tried and tried to talk to her. This is just one of the occasions where this has happened. How can she expect to make it through life if she doesn't work for it? If she doesn't work for the goals she wants or won't risk anything or even try to make progress? Because this entire year we've been living with my grandma for dirt fucking cheap, we should have been saving our money for a new car or a house or something to progress ourselves through life. But instead of taking advantage of this golden, once in a lifetime opportunity, we blew our money every fucking paycheck we blew our money on shit we didn't need.
Granted, we'd always pay our bills first, but the money after that? It usually went to our leisurely life style (or paying overdraft fees in our bank because we got a wee bit carried away occasionally, we've since closed our bank account because they were taking a lot of money away from us, but I digress). For the past couple of months I've been trying to save some money to get a better car or to fix the one up we have now. I dunno how we've been so lucky, but we have another golden opportunity to jump start our lives. We'd be getting a house of our own with very few stipulations and she doesn't think we'll make it. I asked her how long she expected to live with my grandma. She said until we could get on our own. This... this statement is what set me off. What the hell do you think is hitting you right in the face? A chance to get on our own! I lost it and finally told her that she's too scared to do anything in life. She has no faith or will power to make anything out of herself or accomplish her goals. Being the extremely sensitive and insecure girl she is, she started crying, realizing that whatever I do next could potentially screw everything up. So I did the sensible thing, stormed off to calm down and blow some steam and here I am.
Rant over. Again, I don't care if this even gets read, but I'm not looking for sympathy, advice, or even a "hang in there" kinda thing. I needed to type this up to blow some steam. I appreciate the fact that I'm a part of this community that let's people calm down and relax. And sorry if I haven't been completely activate or contributing much of anything to the forums. There's been a lot on my plate and there still is. This is only one of the problems that I'm going through and I find it extremely difficult to juggle everything at once (not to mention the depression I've sent myself in). And I've tried and tried to keep my personal problems away from you guys, I don't like pushing my problems onto other people and I feel bad enough burdening you guys with my other problems and not really chiming in on anyone else's lives.
Anyways, thanks guys. Hope you're days are going a lot better than mine and sorry if it isn't.