Dystopia, Victims of the modern age

Started by Praelium, September 10, 2013, 09:53:06 am

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Praelium

September 10, 2013, 09:53:06 am Last Edit: September 12, 2013, 09:01:26 am by Praelium
Introduction to the project: ShowHide
Hello,

I gave the writing a try after reading parts of winkio's story.
The purpose of this story is that it will later be turned into a visual novel.

The story is told in the narrator s view. He tells what he wants to tell you, even though that in the actual later game, you experience things differently.

WARNING: There is strong language in this story.

Dystopia
Victims of the modern age


Prologue


Prologue: ShowHide

I am not your all-day hero. Neither am I your villain. I am no one, nothing, not even that blink of someone passing you on the streets. No my friend, I am no one you know, you haven't even seen me. I am but another piece in this community, that is all I am. And that can't be helped. All day long everyone tells you that you'll be a famous actor, an amazing businessman, a musician, hell even president. Fuck that. Accept it, there is no such thing. What's fame worth anyways? We're all dying, one bloody minute at a time. And we're all going to hell. In the end, what did we accomplish except death?


Chapter I: The Cycle


Chapter I: The Cycle: ShowHide

So here I find myself, waking up. The daily cycle of so called life has begun. I usually start my day by drinking extra strong coffee. Not that this is something you're interested in, but hell, this is me. The common breakfast of cereal with milk. Chocolate crisp cereal. With exactly the right amount of milk. I don't want my cereal to become all mushy, do I? I have multiple disorders, at least so they say. So I flush this water with a glass full of pills. Bipolar disorder, attention deficit disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and a bunch of personality disorders. So I have to take these happiness capsules. This way I fit better within other people's views of society. I felt perfect before these capsules. But that was just my opinion.
As I get myself dressed to prepare for this daily cycle, I look outside to see the beautiful old rain. It might be a shitty day for most of you, but I enjoy it. Until I get to work. It has begun. Officially now, it's not just the thought anymore. I experience it as if I am looking through damp glasses. Trying to wipe them clean every now and then. Greet my administer, greet my so called colleagues, help them solve their shit. Almost literally clean their ass. Why is this the standard? Why? Because this is what it is. Well, put it this way, this is what most people feel comfortable about. I can't say that I hate this standard, but I certainly do not like it.
I received the task to write a general notice letter earlier. As I set way to the copying machine, I unconsciously blink towards the clock and realize I have only been in the cycle for an hour. You know that feeling you get when you realize something like that, don't you? As I copied the general notice letter, I went away for another coffee. Oh did I enjoy this little boost of energy. Amazing how something like a chemical substance could have this much of an influence on you. As I finished my coffee, I returned to the copying machine. There I found two colleagues queuing until I was done with my copies. I had to make another 108. I heard the words "faith", "God" and "Jesus". I did all I could not to get involved in this conversation. But quickly, they asked me if I believed in God. The two seemed to be significantly older than me. Not that it should make a difference, but it did. "Actually, I don't." I answered without hesitation. Although, inside, I had to put a lot of effort in this answer. After this, they just looked at me, in complete silence. They didn't say a word. Not a single letter came out of their mouths. They just gazed at me. I took the copies and walked towards my desk. I marched. I marched through the maze of identical desks. This journey was one hell of an exploration.  There are over 500 employees here. I am just one of those. Almost no one knew each other. As I marched, in an even rhythm, thoughts kept flashing through my head about the two people I encountered. I sniggered on the inside.
Once I reach my desk I notice how 3 post-its are already waiting for my arrival. One of them had "URGENTLY" underlined twice. As I sit down my office chair, I notice some colleagues look at me with the typical "At least we don't have to do this shit" look. Quickly my imaginary glasses became damp again and the day floated away in a mist. God was I tired. The day faded in a timeless, numb experience that passed away minute by minute. Every minute working in a place like this precisely felt like a minute closer to death.
My working hours are finally over. I can now leave this overwhelming glass skyscraper. The everlasting elevator that brings all coworkers to ground level. Ground level. As if you were away from the surface for a while. We were, actually. I leave the elevator and start my daily walk to the subways. I again leave ground level, to enter the underground. Above me are labyrinths of streets and buildings, all made by humans. Under me lay ancient remains of life, those that made us live here. It's another 4 minutes until my metro arrives. I decide to put on my headphones, oh do I love music. Sound waves of joy an entertainment. Tchaikovsky's Overture. Oh sweet overture. Exactly what one needs when waiting for the subway. As the subway arrives, the violins join the beautiful sound waves. The gently pushing people behind me became nothing more than what happened around me. It did not matter. I just went inside and took a seat. Next to the window of course. I enjoyed the flying by of the environment. Everything outside became abstract. The symphony between Tchaikovsky and the outside world. Wonderful.

Praelium


Tazero

It's definitely an interesting view, maybe you should work on getting the reader interested in the first paragraph however. Some may not like the somewhat dry views of the world that the main character seems to see. Maybe include the reader by making some sort of personal connection showing a more emotionally based side of this character because as of right now it seems that he has no emotion and a lot of problems with no real way to solve them. (I know this is only the first chapter but you asked for opinions)
Hope I helped


If you were a fish...