Goodbye

Started by winkio, February 01, 2014, 04:16:49 am

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Taboo

Quote from: winkio on February 01, 2014, 06:49:10 pm
Okay.  I haven't read any responses yet, but I will soon.  Got through the day with no physical harm, but still have a lot of stuff to work out.  But I'm definitely not in danger of trying again, so no need to worry about that.  Just letting you guys know that I am okay and not completely broken.


*bear hugs*

I'm glad you're alright, dude.

Ryex

PILE ON THE HUGS!*HUGS*
I no longer keep up with posts in the forum very well. If you have a question or comment, about my work, or in general I welcome PM's. if you make a post in one of my threads and I don't reply with in a day or two feel free to PM me and point it out to me.<br /><br />DropBox, the best free file syncing service there is.<br />

Ranquil

I'm not gonna pretend I know you, but...

Oh well. *epic hugz* :D
Quote from: Some guy on FacebookLife is like a penis. It's short but it feels so long when it gets hard.


Quote from: Steven WinterburnBefore you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

AliveDrive

I'd just like to reach out and extend my support.

If you or anyone else needs to talk, I am here for you.
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

Zexion


chaucer

Hello friend, I may not know you but I'm glad you didnt do it, I've been down that path myself and it's no good. I may not have knowledge of scripting or game making but life, plenty of experience with that. Anytime you need to talk man let me know, sometimes it's all we need. My prayers with you brother take care (Apolagies for a late response just got on).

Blizzard

February 02, 2014, 05:26:15 am #26 Last Edit: February 02, 2014, 05:31:30 am by Blizzard
*gay hugs* no homo

I'm just glad you're alright, man.

EDIT: You have a lengthy message from me on GTalk trying to reach out, BTW. This is how your brother got my gmail and contacted me.

Also, there's something funny that I realized yesterday. In LL2 I named the two main characters Jason and Ryan who are also brothers. What a coincidence, lol!
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

PhoenixFire

*adds even more hugs*

A few people have already said it, but if you ever need to talk, rant, explode, etc., I've been in very similar situations before, and I would be more than capable of being there to listen and talk if you ever needed it. Same goes for anyone else.
Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

winkio

*hugs back* Thanks for all the support.

Just a warning, you might not like how this next part starts, but keep reading to the end.

I want everyone here to know that I did not forget about them.  I knew that I could talk to any of you about this and get support.  In fact, I saw my entire social network, and all the interactions and reactions that could, and did occur.  However, as I said, it was all meaningless to me, so I made plans around that network and that would avoid each support system.

I knew that what I was doing was an attempt.  There was still some amount of uncertainty to the whole thing that I recognized, and this also entered into my plans.  I ended up holding a knife to my chest pointed directly at my heart for a solid 3-4 minutes.  During this time I was not thinking or feeling anything.  It was just my rock steady hands, my heartbeat, and a clear mind waiting for a decision - either jerk the knife in, or set it down.  When I finally made the decision, I knew that I had chose to live, and that I would never go back on that.

However, like clockwork, I immediately entered the second phase of the plan - leaving my current life behind.  The reasoning here was that if I could not end my existence, I could shrink it to something trivial.  Even with this I knew there was some uncertainty, so although I did not take my phone with me, I did take my keys.  I left my apartment and took off walking towards the edge of town.  Houston is a big town, besides which I did not have a map, but nine miles and three hours later, my legs are starting to get tired, I'm getting cold from the wind, and I have this moment where I realize that living like this is going to suck, and I am not going to willingly leave the better life I had.

At this point I have come very close to making two bad decisions, I decide that I am going to go back.  Back to my apartment, back to friends and family, etc.
 



So while I never thought about any of you while I was holding the knife, I did before, and I did after, and without even hearing or reading a single word of encouragement, I chose you.  What brought me back were not your messages, but the actual relationships that exist between us.

Ryex

sounds like you reached the same decisions I did, if perhaps with a bit more drama.

I can't hold any of it against you, because it's a question you have to ask at some point for there to be any honesty in how you live. I'm glad your still here man.
I no longer keep up with posts in the forum very well. If you have a question or comment, about my work, or in general I welcome PM's. if you make a post in one of my threads and I don't reply with in a day or two feel free to PM me and point it out to me.<br /><br />DropBox, the best free file syncing service there is.<br />

winkio

Well, I think it's not quite the same.  A lot of people have mentioned existential crises to me, and seem to think that is what this is.  While I have had those before on numerous, this experience was entirely different.  I actually saw what I believe to be the meaning of life.  I can still see it.  And the implications of that idea are that everything we experience is meaningless.  I don't have a perfect analogy, but it's sort of like how the experiences of a single ant are meaningless.  Yes, the ant may forage for food and work together with other ants to support the colony, but to a human, the colony would look exactly the same with or without that single ant.  This is the major thing that I still have to work through.

locowhiteknight

Hey Winkio,

I'm glad to hear that you're okay and safe. I'm new around here so you probably don't me know me, but just from being around the site I've heard a lot of good things about you.  :) I just want you to know that you matter, and if anything, the world needs more people like you, not less.
"Let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the ape?"

WhiteRose

I'm so glad that you're back. Don't feel pressure to explain any more than you feel you want to share; I'm just happy you're here again.

Blizzard

I've actually some to the same conclusion several months ago. I also think that there is no greater meaning to life as such. The purpose of life itself is to survive and reproduce. But this still doesn't mean the fact that you can't enjoy it and do what you want. If there is no greater meaning to life, it means that you can give it any meaning you want. It means that you are free to do what you want. Rather than looking and things and saying "it's all random and pointless" and give up, consider the possibilities this opens. It means that everything is possible! It may have no meaning on a grand scale, but who cares about the grand scale? We are way too tiny compared to the universe to make a difference. But we can make a difference for ourselves and those close to us.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Ryex

I no longer keep up with posts in the forum very well. If you have a question or comment, about my work, or in general I welcome PM's. if you make a post in one of my threads and I don't reply with in a day or two feel free to PM me and point it out to me.<br /><br />DropBox, the best free file syncing service there is.<br />

RoseSkye

February 05, 2014, 02:03:42 pm #35 Last Edit: February 05, 2014, 02:05:04 pm by RoseSkye
Wink, you bastard... I come back to this place to read this? I tried suicide a few times so I know what can lead people to that road, but you're a likable and charismatic guy... I'm glad you choose life over death, because if you killed yourself I would have killed you.

Also hugs are kinda gay... so come here so I can suck your dick.