Many of you know that used to be a very motivated person. I could work for hours straight on a single task without giving up, and I always pushed the boundaries of what I was capable of. I now understand part of the reason I did that is because I was looking forward to the result, whether it be a finished game or just a new Blizz-ABS update.
However, there are no longer any practical questions that I am interested in finding the answer to. No visions I wish to see fulfilled. No limits I want to surpass. No passions to follow. No fixed points to work toward.
There is a classic question aimed at our internal desires, if we were given almost any opportunity with no boundary: "what would you do with one million dollars?"
Right now, my answer is: "absolutely nothing." But that is not good enough. I am still trying to look for something, anything, to focus on.
So what is the result of this state? I just live day to day for now. The highlights of my day are the most trivial things, such as listening to a new song, or reading a funny story. It is by no means a unique situation, I would compare it to those grieving after a loss. Except instead of pain or sorrow, I just feel a deep disinterest, and at the same time, an intense itching to find something interesting.