Looking for a Reader

Started by WhiteRose, June 11, 2014, 09:38:30 pm

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WhiteRose

Over the past couple of years, I've been working off and on on a novel. It's not quite done, and it's incredibly unpolished and in need of some revision. I've harassed everyone I know in real life, but no one seems to really want to read it. (Not even my mom. It doesn't really get much sadder than that.)

The novel is long enough now that I can't just throw it all up in a thread. Though I could upload it externally and give a link to it or something like that, what I'd really like is a person or two who would be willing to take the time to read through what I have, and give some thoughts and feedback, and maybe even help me shape out some of the details and the presentation, in a way similar to how winkio has been helping me with Song of Destruction. (Coincidentally, I am still working on Song of Destruction in addition to this project. The genres are different enough that when I feel burned out of writing on one I can hop to the other.)

I know that everyone has their own lives and schedules, and doesn't have time to analyze a novel right now. However, I'm hoping that there is at least one person on here who would like something new to read and has the time available to give feedback and maybe talk on Skype every once in a while.

If your schedule is already busy, plesae don't feel pressured at all that you have to help. I won't count it against you or anything. :P Thanks for taking a look. :)

Spiralflux

Because you ran the best role play I have ever participated in, I will do this for you.

Or I'm just using it as an excuse for you to add me on Skype after all these years. :v

Either way, I enjoy writing myself so I'll happily give you some feedback. I assume you understand it takes time to read a novel and give quality feedback, so are there any deadlines? Also, are there any specifics I need to look out for or am I just doing a general reading?

WhiteRose

Quote from: Spiralflux on June 11, 2014, 10:02:40 pm
Because you ran the best role play I have ever participated in, I will do this for you.

Or I'm just using it as an excuse for you to add me on Skype after all these years. :v

Either way, I enjoy writing myself so I'll happily give you some feedback. I assume you understand it takes time to read a novel and give quality feedback, so are there any deadlines? Also, are there any specifics I need to look out for or am I just doing a general reading?


*hugs* Thanks so much for being willing to help. :D There aren't any deadlines; if it takes you ten years to give me some gold quality feedback, it will be worth it. I'll PM you with some details.

Crasger

Yeah, sure.
I've nothing much to do, anyway.

What's the novel about?

winkio

I'll give it a read, but be warned: I might write a novel's worth of feedback myself.

Blizzard

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Crasger

Quote from: Blizzard on June 12, 2014, 06:56:08 am
Feedback: The Novel


I'd read that, too.

Permission to make both novels (the novel WhiteRose is doing and whatever winkio will cobble up in his feedback) into films, please?

WhiteRose

<3

You are all great. :) Thanks so much for being willing to help. "Feedback: The Novel" is one of my favorite stories of all time - an awful writer writes a pretty awful story, gets fantastic quality feedback, and ends up fixing up the story enough that it's not quite terrible anymore. XD

I'm sorry that I still haven't sent out any PMs. I'll try to get them out as soon as possible.

Here are a few details about the draft:

1. Currently consists of twenty nine chapters and a prologue across 177,500 words and 295 pages.
2. The prologue is actually not quite finished, so I will summarize the unwritten part when I sent it out.
3. The story itself is not quite finished either, although I am considering splitting it into two volumes. In such a case, the first volume is finished, but not the second. I would estimate I'm about 75% through the story as a whole.
4. I don't consider my writing to be fantastic, but I do think it's at least passable. However, I do feel that it gets progressively better throughout the story, as I have had more practice and have become a little more accustomed to it.

Very brief plot synopsis:

Nearly two decades ago, Lucifer petitioned the heavens to allow him and his devils a chance at redemption through the actions of his chosen savior. It ended in disaster.
The year is 2026. (Despite being several years in the future, the setting is much more contemporary modern than it is sci-fi.) Daniel Cain is about the most conceited, arrogant, obnoxious high school student you'd ever meet. His world is shattered, however, when he receives an angelic visitation, and is tasked with tracking down a host of fallen angels. Armed with only vague instructions, strange new abilities, and a small party of reluctant allies, he begins his task, unaware that perhaps he has become caught in the middle of a conflict on a scale that he can't even imagine.

Soulshaker3

Hmm i'll try to help you out. I said try because i don't know when my desire of reading will come to me  :V:, so it may take a long time before i can give you feedback
Hellow?

Spiralflux

So basically I'm reading a novel about myself as I quest to get myself some angel booty.  :naughty:

WhiteRose

Quote from: Spiralflux on June 12, 2014, 11:59:48 am
So basically I'm reading a novel about myself as I quest to get myself some angel booty.  :naughty:


Haha. XD


I've actually been kind of nervous to share this story, as I think it's a good idea conceptually, but I don't think the actual writing is my best. Of course, I do know that unless I get some feedback and work on improving it, it's not going to get any better. I just hope I don't ruin the idea for everyone as they try to wade through my terrible first draft.

Spiralflux

I've seen your writing in the past. You sent me this story in its infancy way back when we spoke on MSN
It was good then, I'm sure I'll be pleasantly surprised after the polish you've put into it. :)

winkio

I finished the prologue, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

I read the first 13 pages and wrote 2.0 pages of feedback in 1.3 hours
At this rate I will read the full 296 pages and write 45.5 pages of feedback in 29.6 hours

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on June 14, 2014, 02:07:56 am
I finished the prologue, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

I read the first 13 pages and wrote 2.0 pages of feedback in 1.3 hours
At this rate I will read the full 296 pages and write 45.5 pages of feedback in 29.6 hours



winkio

Finished chapter 3.  This is reminding me of a cross between Pathfinder, Constantine, and D.Gray-man.

WhiteRose

Quote from: WhiteRose on June 14, 2014, 10:45:20 am
Quote from: winkio on June 14, 2014, 02:07:56 am
I finished the prologue, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

I read the first 13 pages and wrote 2.0 pages of feedback in 1.3 hours
At this rate I will read the full 296 pages and write 45.5 pages of feedback in 29.6 hours





On my phone that was a heart, but when I pulled it up on my computer, it was just three lines. I'm guessing most people got the lines.... Haha. Sorry about that.

Quote from: winkio on June 14, 2014, 06:02:58 pm
Finished chapter 3.  This is reminding me of a cross between Pathfinder, Constantine, and D.Gray-man.


I actually haven't seen/read/heard of any of those, but maybe I'll have to give them a look. I can't wait to read your feedback! :D Thanks again so much for taking the time to read through my story. In a general, broad sense, do you like the story? (I know the execution needs polish, but as far as the central idea/characters and so on.)

winkio

Pathfinder is about people with space-time manipulation abilities (one of who can pass through solid objects, very much like the girl in the prologue), Constantine has a very similar alternate dimension with demons, and D.Gray-man has bunch of exorcists that each have a magical ability fighting demons.  Pathfinder, a book by Orson Scott Card, is easily the best of the three in my opinion, and I think the sequel is out too.

Even though I'm writing a lot down in terms of comments and things that could be changed, I'm still keeping up with the flow of the story pretty well, and I like it a lot so far!  Although at this point, most of the characters that have been introduced have been explored, so I'm looking forward to the next ones that will be introduced, especially an antagonist.

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on June 14, 2014, 06:32:09 pm
Pathfinder is about people with space-time manipulation abilities (one of who can pass through solid objects, very much like the girl in the prologue), Constantine has a very similar alternate dimension with demons, and D.Gray-man has bunch of exorcists that each have a magical ability fighting demons.  Pathfinder, a book by Orson Scott Card, is easily the best of the three in my opinion, and I think the sequel is out too.

Even though I'm writing a lot down in terms of comments and things that could be changed, I'm still keeping up with the flow of the story pretty well, and I like it a lot so far!  Although at this point, most of the characters that have been introduced have been explored, so I'm looking forward to the next ones that will be introduced, especially an antagonist.


I like Card's other stuff, so I'll definitely give Pathfinder a look. Thanks for the recommendation. I'm both glad that you generally like what you've read so far, and especially that you've come up with some good feedback. Hopefully I can, at some point, get the story hammered out enough that it makes for a solid, entertaining read.

Spiralflux

I have Monday off so I will read what I can.
I won't do a massive feedback essay like winkio, but I'll do it chapter by chapter to keep it organized. Mine will be in bullet points simply referencing specific phrases or parts that I feel might need clarification, revision or would even be better off omitted. That way you'll get a structural and broad analysis from me and then get a detailed review by winkio so you have the best of both worlds. :3

WhiteRose

Quote from: Spiralflux on June 14, 2014, 07:14:08 pm
I have Monday off so I will read what I can.
I won't do a massive feedback essay like winkio, but I'll do it chapter by chapter to keep it organized. Mine will be in bullet points simply referencing specific phrases or parts that I feel might need clarification, revision or would even be better off omitted. That way you'll get a structural and broad analysis from me and then get a detailed review by winkio so you have the best of both worlds. :3


That sounds perfect! Like I said before, don't feel pressured into trying to get this done as quickly as possible. I'm not in any sort of time constraint, so I don't want to force one on other people, either.

winkio

I ended up spending a lot of time playing smash and working on Vault this weekend, so I only got through Chapter 7.  I've been writing a little less as your writing has improved, but I'm still up to 8.75 pages of feedback for 77 pages read.  I'll keep at it during the week.  It's definitely been a fun read so far!

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on June 16, 2014, 01:13:55 am
I ended up spending a lot of time playing smash and working on Vault this weekend, so I only got through Chapter 7.  I've been writing a little less as your writing has improved, but I'm still up to 8.75 pages of feedback for 77 pages read.  I'll keep at it during the week.  It's definitely been a fun read so far!


That is so great! :D Like I said before, don't feel like you have to be rushed into reading the story. Feel free to work on your own things and go at your own pace, and read more when you feel like it. If you'd like to send them to me, I'd love to take a look at what feedback you've given so far, but if you'd rather wait and give it all at once, that's fine, too. Most of all, I'm glad that you're enjoying the idea of the story. I haven't really shown it to many people before, so I was worried that I would be the only one who found the story concept even half-way interesting. Haha.

winkio

Alright, I sent you what I had so far, since it's not really productive for you to sit around and wait for me to finish the whole thing.  I wrote it all as I read it, and didn't go back and change things, so there are a few stream-of-thought type things and guesses about plot, which are just to help you get a feel for where my head was at as a reader.  Let me know if you have any questions.

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on June 16, 2014, 08:14:19 pm
Alright, I sent you what I had so far, since it's not really productive for you to sit around and wait for me to finish the whole thing.  I wrote it all as I read it, and didn't go back and change things, so there are a few stream-of-thought type things and guesses about plot, which are just to help you get a feel for where my head was at as a reader.  Let me know if you have any questions.


I LOVE IT

I've sent you a PM.

locowhiteknight

I'll try to read this when I get a chance. I know how difficult it can be sometimes to get feedback NIP. I'm not sure if you already know about fantasywriters.org, but if you're not a member I would highly recommend joining that site. They have a very welcoming community where you can review each others stories. They also hold monthly writing contests where members are challenged to create a short story that fits certain criteria.
"Let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the ape?"

WhiteRose

Quote from: locowhiteknight on June 17, 2014, 09:36:14 pm
I'll try to read this when I get a chance. I know how difficult it can be sometimes to get feedback NIP. I'm not sure if you already know about fantasywriters.org, but if you're not a member I would highly recommend joining that site. They have a very welcoming community where you can review each others stories. They also hold monthly writing contests where members are challenged to create a short story that fits certain criteria.


Thanks for the suggestion. I'm actually really happy with the feedback that I've been getting so far, but maybe I'll poke my head in there sometime and take a look. :)

winkio

June 18, 2014, 03:00:27 am #26 Last Edit: June 19, 2014, 01:27:13 am by winkio
I read chapter 8, but I'm going to wait until I finish a few more until I send you the next update

EDIT: finished 9 and 10 as well.  I'll probably send the next batch of comments tomorrow night.

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on June 18, 2014, 03:00:27 am
I read chapter 8, but I'm going to wait until I finish a few more until I send you the next update

EDIT: finished 9 and 10 as well.  I'll probably send the next batch of comments tomorrow night.


Sounds great! I've already made a lot of improvements from the first round of suggestions that you sent. Thanks again. You've given some great advice so far.

winkio

Sent chapters 8-11, and ended up writing more (I'm up to 14.25 pages of feedback for 116 pages read).

ArcaneAlchemy

I'd be willing to read it as well if you'd like another pair of eyes.
"Wait? Do I look like a waiter?" -Kefka

WhiteRose

Quote from: ArcaneAlchemy on June 29, 2014, 10:25:13 am
I'd be willing to read it as well if you'd like another pair of eyes.


Sure, that would be great! :D I'll send you a link in a PM.

winkio

Finished through chapter 19 and sent you the updated feedback.

winkio

Finished the entire thing and sent you the full feedback :)

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on July 05, 2014, 12:21:48 am
Finished the entire thing and sent you the full feedback :)


Thank you SO much!!! <3

Your feedback has been fantastic! :D I'll definitely keep you informed as I make revisions and finish writing the story. Hopefully it hasn't been so bad that you don't want to see it through. Haha.

winkio

Quote from: WhiteRose on July 05, 2014, 01:04:41 am
I'll definitely keep you informed as I make revisions and finish writing the story.


Sounds good, I look forward to seeing how it turns out.