DoubleX Music Room

[DoubleX]

I just made my 24th and 25th published song:
DoubleX - Dying Inside

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Current version: 1st(27 Aug 2025)
When you've less and less time to know yourselves, you'll probably become harder and harder to be yourselves, instead you'll likely be closer and closer to a dead man walking, until you eventually just can't function anymore  

DoubleX - Depression Suppression

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Current version: 1st(27 Aug 2025)
As most people do need societies to survive while societies still need lots of objectified people to keep itself running, many people have to behave as mere tools to be utilized by some of the others. They either remain being useful assets, or become useless enough to "deteriorate" into costly liabilities, and being depressed is no defense against such oppression as a necessary evil. Although nobody can be a perpetual motion machine and suppressing depression is doomed to fail badly, not trying hard to act like achieving both will usually lead to even sooner disposal like a waste  

[DoubleX]

I just made my 26th and 27th published song:
DoubleX - Nothing But Mistakes

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Current version: 1st(31 Aug 2025)
When you always feel all you've done are nothing but mistakes that can't be corrected at all, you'll likely think that your very existence are the only ones you can X( 

DoubleX - Addicted To Despair

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Current version: 1st(31 Aug 2025)
If you first face your despair, you'll probably feel conflicted, confused and cornered, as illustrated in the 1st part of this music. But once you get used to it, a strange serenity might come into your lives as shown in the 2nd part of this music. However, when you can no longer sustain yourselves that way, you'll likely feel even more desperate than before X( 

[DoubleX]

I just made my 28th, 29th, 30th, 31st and 32nd published song:
DoubleX - Soulless Life

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Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
While a soulless life's often so not worth living that it can be much worse than peaceful death, when you're obliged or even forced to live for a long time anyway, it'd be rather hard to keep your souls alive T_T

DoubleX - Detached Outsider

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Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
For those failing to fit into any society, being a detached outsider can be another choice. While it'd mean abandoning many aspects of life, it may also lead to unique experience and perspectives that bring new ideas and valuable insights into the mainstream humanity  

DoubleX - Waste Of Space

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Current version: 1st(7 Sep 2025)
When you feel more and more worthless, you might begin to treat shopping as wasting precious money instead of naturally contributing to the economy, eating as wasting scarce food rather than meeting genuine needs normally, drinking as wasting clean water but not basic human rights, and even breathing as wasting vital oxygen without realizing that it's just a part of the carbon cycle. Then one day you may feel that your very existence are just wasting invaluable space while devaluing your uniqueness entirely, eventually you can really be completely and permanently wasted if you keep thinking this way QAQ 

DoubleX - Heavy Burden

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Current version: 1st(8 Sep 2025)
Lives might be easier if only you can let go of your heavy burden, but that'd probably mean someone else bearing it for you, or even imply that you'll likely become a heavy burden for the others instead  

DoubleX - Total Surrender

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Current version: 1st(10 Sep 2025)
When you finally realize that there are so little things that you can even have a little control, you'll at last be forced to totally surrender yourselves to your surroundings during your whole lives, and you'll still have to keep controlling your perception, emotions and thinking hard into sincerely enjoying all these as divine blessing, all to avoid yourselves from complete collapse  

[DoubleX]

I just made my 33rd and 34th published song:
DoubleX - Deeply Touched

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Current version: 1st(16 Sep 2025)
As you become more and more compassionate towards the mankind, you'll feel more and more clearly that the majority of the humanity is constantly suffering immensely, and you'll be more and more deeply touched on just how powerless the civilization is against such widespread mental harm and pain for such a long time, especially when everything is just misfortune beyond everyone's control, so you'll want to be so empathetic that you won't ever blame anyone for anything anymore, but instead just focus on what you can do to mend the wounds in this dying ecosystem  

DoubleX - Too Weak To Live

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Current version: 1st(17 Sep 2025)
When you don't know how to deal with anyone else anymore for a long time, and you're not strong enough to be self-sufficient anytime soon, you'll eventually become too weak to live  

[DoubleX]

I just made my 35th and 36th published song:
DoubleX - Mental Suffocation

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Current version: 1st(20 Sep 2025)
When you're suffocating mentally, it can be like drowning in the middle of the gigantic ocean without anyone else ever coming nor any mobile signal coverage, then it's only a matter of time before you become too exhausted to even stay afloat, and the endless sea waves will only further siphon your already lacking stamina X(

DoubleX - Utopian Dreams

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Current version: 1st(21 Sep 2025)
If you ever have an utopian dream, you'll be so ecstatic that you don't wanna wake up forever, and the fact that it's always impossible to be even slightly real only makes you so attached to such idealistic illusions that you'll just want to repeat this over and over again

[DoubleX]

I just made my 37th published song:
DoubleX - Chaotic Mind

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Current version: 1st(27 Sep 2025)
When you can't think clearly for a long time, your brain will become such a mess that you'll become the one you know the least, so your mind will also be so chaotic that nobody can understand anything inside anymore

[DoubleX]

I just made my 38th, 39th and 40th published song:
DoubleX - Drained Dry

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Current version: 1st(3 Oct 2025)
As you have to do more and more to stay relevant in this world, you'll be more and more exhausted over time, until you become so drained that you'll feel completely dry emotionally for who knows how long X( 

DoubleX - Internal Turmoil

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Current version: 1st(4 Oct 2025)
As you become more and more mature, you'll have more aspects of your lives to handle well at all times, causing you to be harder and harder to deal with them all at the same time, eventually you'll feel so conflicted that your soul will at last be trapped into a total unrest  

DoubleX - Habitually Overloaded

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Current version: 1st(5 Oct 2025)
Just as you wanna rest after being exhausted, your boss or family members ask you to do tasks that would be easy, simple and small for you if you weren't already that empty. If you just refuse while explaining that you're really so tired, they'll be very so displeased for your rejection on even such trivial extra works that they'll eventually want to fire or leave you; If you keep straining yourselves no matter what, you'll be so habitually overloaded that you'll eventually collapse and be done. So it's vital to control the ratio and rhythm of refusing versus accepting these demands to keep everything sustainable, but such a long yet thin wire is really just so insanely hard to walk for long QAQ 

[DoubleX]

I just made my 41st published song:
DoubleX - Feeling Unsure

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Current version: 1st(15 Oct 2025)
Although I've spent hours to try to name this song, I still felt unsure about what the title should be, so I became lazy and just name this song as "Feeling Unsure" lol 

[DoubleX]

I just made my 42nd published song:
DoubleX - Finally Overwhelmed

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Current version: 1st(17 Oct 2025)
Sometimes you can suddenly change from feeling fine to become totally overwhelmed in no time with obvious causes, but it's more often like a boiling frog - you gradually feel less and less fine bit by bit without realizing it, until you feel finally overwhelmed and at last know that you've never been really fine, but then it's all too late for you by then  

[DoubleX]

I just made my 43rd published song:
DoubleX - Take Myself Lightly

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Current version: 1st(22 Oct 2025)
If all I did didn't mean anything and I never mattered to anyone, then maybe it's time for me to just take myself lightly and move on, provided that I still have anywhere else to move to  

[DoubleX]

I just made my 44th published song:
DoubleX - World Of Harm

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Current version: 1st(26 Oct 2025)
As long as people keep harming themselves, each other as well as the whole ecosystem, we'll still be living in a world of harm, and this will only continue until we can finally let go of our fear of death, and thus break free of our survival instincts that have been trapping up all for so long  

[DoubleX]

I just made my 45th published song:
DoubleX - Deserving Nobody

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Current version: 1st(30 Oct 2025)
As whether you're deserving someone is determined by that someone, so in theory you can be deserving a person while not deserving another. But when everyone you've directly interacted with clearly shows that you're never deserving any of them, you'll probably feel that you won't ever meet someone who thinks you're deserving him/her, so it'd only be natural for you to think that you're always deserving nobody  

[DoubleX]

I just made my 46th published song:
DoubleX - Unworthy Of Anything

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Current version: 1st(30 Oct 2025)
When you can't use anything well and don't know how to do so for a long time, some of the others will blame you for wasting all you've, then after trying hard to change that but still failed, you'll eventually start to doubt whether you're actually unworthy of anything X( 

[DoubleX]

I just made my 47th and 48th published song:
DoubleX - Bitterly Cold

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Current version: 1st(7 Nov 2025)
When your heart feels bitterly cold, it's not because your surrounding is emotionally cold, but because you're always surrounded by very warm love but you can never feel any of it; What makes your feeling freezes to death isn't that no one tries to understand you, but that they always try very hard to empathize deeply but you still never know how to open up yourselves even one bit; This cold is so bitter not because no one cares about you, but because they've always done all they can but you're still helplessly going straight to absolute zero so painfully; What's worse than instantly frozen tears while crying is that you wanna cry so much but there's already no more tears left for you to cry
P.S.: It's the 2nd of my published songs that can make me weep at least slightly for a short time  

DoubleX - Bleak Fate

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Current version: 1st(9 Nov 2025)
Since the very existence of the mankind is just an unlikely evolutionary misfortune for the ecosystem, other species(especially those being extinct due to human activities) as well as those people themselves, and we never managed to coexist well with the nature, we're becoming terminal cancers of the very environment we deeply depend upon to survive, so our civilization's doomed to have such a bleak fate that we're destined to slowly destroy ourselves and everything around us X( 

[DoubleX]

I just made my 49th published song:
DoubleX - Ultimately In Vain

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Current version: 1st(16 Nov 2025)
When you tried your best to give it all but it still doesn't work at the end, you can still enjoy the process and grow up from this learning experience, and some of those caring about you will likely support you at least slightly, but those needing a working result will still probably think that all that matters is that it's just a failure, so everything you've done is ultimately in vain for them  

Updates
DoubleX - Lost Forever(2nd Version)
Current version: 2nd(13 Nov 2025)
Major Changes:
Added chords to strengthen the climax of the main melody
Changed the instruments in some parts of the counter melodies
Changed the rhythms and ideas of the counter melodies themselves to make them more different than the main melody
Changed the percussion during the 2nd half of the music

While I feel that overall the 2nd version's noticeably better due to the counter melodies not being so dull and subordinate to the main melody, the 1st version does have a slightly cleaner and clearer main melody, so the latter's still here:
DoubleX - Lost Forever(1st Version)

[DoubleX]

I just made my 50th published song:
DoubleX - Banished Negativity

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Current version: 1st(19 Nov 2025)
When the social norm becomes more and more inclined to avoid "negative people", especially for those using spirituality as a disguise of the underlying just-world hypothesis, you'll likely want to hope for never being very negative for long, or being able to help yourselves to return to at least apparently enough positivity on your own if that ever happens, otherwise you'll probably "deteriorate" into a part of the banished negativity and become effectively quarantined by the society, although it could be a karma boomerang if you refused to help every other "negative people" in the past when you could've helped at least some of them  

[DoubleX]

I just made my 51st and 52nd published song:
DoubleX - Facing The Storm Together(Mental Pain Relief)

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Current version: 1st(29 Nov 2025)
Although we all know that every storm, however how hostile it's to us, will eventually end, not all of us can persist until then regardless of whether we want to, especially for those being alone and lost their shelters, so maybe we can try to stay with each other and face the storm together, to hope that we'll all make it to see the sunrise  

DoubleX - Rest In Peace(Mental Pain Relief)

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Current version: 1st(30 Nov 2025)
While we don't claim to feel or know the same pain as you did, at least we want to try to empathize and understand what you've experienced, and none of you deserved such a tragedy, so we wish you can all be finally free from any further suffering, and hope that you'll instead become eternally blessed.
May you all rest in peace, and you'll always be remembered. 

[DoubleX]

I just made my 53rd published song:
DoubleX - Heartfelt Condolences

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Current version: 1st(3 Dec 2025)
Your tears will be seen, your voices will be heard, and your sorrow will be validated. It's normal for you to feel sad, and it's okay for you to ask for prolonged supports. You'll need time to accept what happened and it's totally fine, so you don't have to rush yourselves when trying to restart your lives. There's no need to soldier on all by yourselves, as you've our heartfelt condolences. We might not be able to do much for you, but at least we can try to make your situations less difficult.

P.S.: It's the 3rd of my music that made me weep, but this time it's mainly due to the devastating catastrophe they've experienced rather than this music itself, as it's so depressing for me to even just watch the live videos that I couldn't finish watching any of them, just to try to know what really happened

[DoubleX]

I just made my 54th published song:
DoubleX - Starting Again(Mental Pain Relief)

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Current version: 1st(7 Dec 2025)
Everyone has their own rhythm and timing, especially those who has just lost everything after the tragedy, and they'll eventually start their lives again. While we might feel an immense sense of urge to "help" them recover sooner, these supports should be offered as options readily available to them, since we're just the choice givers and they're the ones being the choice makers of their lives, all to avoid our benevolence from deteriorating into subtle pressures, as this could ironically be their last straws. 

[DoubleX]

Updates
DoubleX - Bitterly Cold
Current version: 2nd(25 Dec 2025)
Major Changes:
Fixed too many minor inconsistencies to be listed exhaustively here

I just made my 55th, 56th and 57th published song:
DoubleX - Bitterly Cold(Mental Pain Relief Variant)

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Current version: 1st(25 Dec 2025)
If you ever become homeless, you'll likely feel bitterly cold outside, so it'd be nice to at least have some temporary shelters for you to sleep for a short time, and it'd be even better when there will always be helping hands when you need them the most, causing the cold to be not so bitter anymore  

DoubleX - Not Lost Forever(Mental Pain Relief Variant)

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Current version: 1st(25 Dec 2025)
When you almost lost everything at once, it'd only be natural for you to feel that all is permanently lost, but sometimes they're not lost forever, and one day some of them will likely either come back like the old times, or have replacements that suit you a lot better than before  

DoubleX - Repairing Broken Hearts(Mental Pain Relief Variant)

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Current version: 1st(25 Dec 2025)
If you're still immensely suffering from the tragedy, it's hard for your hearts to be not broken, and it'd be normal for you to look away from the debris of your once complete hearts for quite some time. Although collecting those shattered pieces bit by bit every day is usually a tedious but necessary process when repairing broken hearts, you'll most likely know when it's time to start doing so, so there's no need to force yourselves into hurrying up