'Relationships', and the maturity of people as a whole

Started by Seox, June 13, 2009, 11:07:36 pm

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Seox

Hiya.

*Emo moment, sorta*

I'm 16, and am a mixin (whee, ruby reference!) of class Person and Modules -

Yeah. Ok. I'm not exactly a complete nerd- I'm 6 feet even, 170 lbs, and athletic, but I'm also learning ruby, made a 30 on my ACT, first shot, and have a tested IQ of 129. I make it a point to be polite whenever I can. Point being, I'm not really your stereotype for either. I've never had a 'girlfriend', but I LOATHE to even THINK of high school 'relationships' as relationships. From what I can tell, people are by NO MEANS mature enough to REALLY AND TRULY CARE about each other - they THINK that they do. EVERY 'couple' will tell you this. Their actions say otherwise, and this is the only comfort that I have been able to offer myself: everyone says that people in college are/will be more mature. However, I find that hard to believe, having seen the shallow side of America...errr.... humanity time and again. I'm not really ALL CONSUMED by it, but I WOULD like to know - although partying and stuff exist in college as well, what are people, and, more specifically, girls like as far as maturity and interest in RELATIONSHIPS, and not the hypocrisy, falsehoods, superfluity, inhumanity, and facade-filled goodness that, for the most part, are high-school relationships popularity contests.

Yeah, I'm cheesy. And if I get ONE reply that's like 'You need to be an ***hole, and go blahblah
"ASSIMILATE TO THE MASSES!"

Then you die. Seriously. 5.7 x 28 mm salvo, coming your way.


And I know that all that "true love" crap is, just that - a load of crap.

So, I suppose that that's where the 'intelligent debate' part comes in - what is the intelligent side to relationships, and how, in your opinions and experience, does maturity and interest in ACTUAL RELATIONSHIPS change through age groups throughout life? Why? Feel free to discuss these and any other questions which you feel like adding to the mix. I'd love to have answers to these, for once...

I think that it can be VERY relevant, as, for the most part, I find that human relationships, and one's search/thoughts for them or interactions with them reflects on core traits common to ALL people. For instance - one of the most significant factors, when it comes to people, is their sense of significance - everyone wants/tries to feel important/wanted/valuable. Point being, you can learn a lot about relationships, but, overall - people.

This has been puzzling me for quite some time....thank you for any help, whatsoever.

^_^

Seox out.
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Calintz

Hmm ...

The very first thing I want to say is that "true love" DOES exist, but not how it has been portrayed in the media, which is most likely where your idea of true love lies. I have an amazing relationship with an amazing girl, and should things continue to head in a positive direction like they have been for the past 8months; I can see myself marrying this girl in the future.

I often think to myself whether or not I would be happy waking up beside her every morning, and will I be just as happy holding her in my arms every night as I lay down to sleep. When you can ask yourself questions like this and your honest answer is yes, then you have a good relationship.

This girl makes me laugh, cry, yell, smile, explode, and break down, all at the same time. When you find somebody who can toss you ... DIVE-BOMB you 90mph through every emotion a human is capable of feeling, and you still find it in your heart to love them and want the responsibility of protecting them from anything that could cause them harm, you have found true love Seox.

It sure as hell isn't the same as in the movies, but the closest portrayal of true love in any movie that I have seen so far, would have to be Jack and Rose from the Titanic. In the same sense though, I would have to disagree that a love like that happens over night like it did in that movie.

I would gladly give my last breathe to see Sarah live, and it's when you feel that way about somebody else that you know you love them. You can never be sure of their exact feelings for you though, so it becomes your responsibility to have faith in them, and hope with everything that you have that they feel the same way.

Should you find a person like that, then you've found true love.

It all breaks down to your definition of true love, which in turn, breaks down to your origins and how you were raised.

I'm 19years old, 5ft 9in, and weigh 150lbs and have an athletic figure also. I'm a virgin and I'm not scared to admit it either. Let things come at their own pace, it's what it's there for ...

I agree with your ideal of high-school relationships though. I don't feel that people at this stage in their lives are mature enough to have a solid relationship. Your body is constantly changing along with your beliefs as you continue to grow through your years in high school.

I find that girls are more immature than guys (personal belief) simply by their behavior and sheer attitude towards damn near everything. They often draw quick assumptions, and hold grudges for extended periods of time, even if you apologize numerous times and mean it. They seem to be more stubborn, and won't settle for losing in a conversation even if it means reliving past experiences.

These are proof of their immaturity and inability to handle and resolve disputes. A lot of girls here at the forum will disagree with me, but most guys will probably agree with me. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing, because I believe it helps us as men to realize that woman are sensitive, and you have to be careful with them.

They're kinda like a flower; elegant, but fragile.
It doesn't take much to hurt them, but let them blossom and see what happens.

Seox

Wow.

Ok, firstly, I was a little afraid to see what responses I would get, but thank you.

Not only have you expanded my views, but I also respect you even more than I did before. Your definition of true love is EXACTLY what I believe and hope for. What I meant by 'true love' is EXACTLY what the media portrays - you have it down EXACTLY. Everyone is raised on disney movies - THAT kind of 'true love' is the biggest crock of....

erm.

yeah.

I'm constantly striving to perfect a foundation, financially, emotionally, mentally, socially, etc, because I want to have a family. Not a group of people who came about because I don't care who I THROW my genitals at. A family. That's right. You know, one of those seven or eight in ALL OF AMERICA (Ok, maybe there are a LITTLE more....). It can be VERY discouraging, when I'm looking for so many things in such a deep person, and all I see is the crap that lies around me.

QuoteI'm 19years old, 5ft 9in, and weigh 150lbs and have an athletic figure also. I'm a virgin and I'm not scared to admit it either. Let things come at their own pace, it's what it's there for ...


As am I, and I have NO regrets, and don't feel bad about it in the SLIGHTEST. I'm not the sterotyped high-school dork who just wants to 'get some'. I want a relationship. The real thing. So that's not the issue. If someone special exists out there, who could actually CARE, then I KNOW that she'd attribute more value to it than ANYONE else EVER would. Point being, I owe it to her NOT to whore myself - not to mention the fact that I just couldn't do it. I can't explain it. It's not like me to randomly....you know. I have STANDARDS. XD.

I completely agree with you, there.

The fact that we appear to be synonymous at most points really does make me think that there HAS to be someone out there with similar beliefs who is female. HAS to. And that gives me hope.

*powers up*
... (<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< TEH DOTS OF DOOM. Hey, kinda catchy. :naughty:)

Calintz

Lol, isn't it weird!?
I just gained a lot of respect for you too, because we are so similar!!

Through my entire 19years of being alive, I have only found one person that resembles you and I, and that is my best friend Robert Fitch. He is in Delaware with the Airforce, and I am gonna go visit him soon =D.

We are a little too excited about this though XD.

What I really wanna say is that not everybody is raised on Disney movies, though, and it's sad though. I was raised on Disney movies, but I owe a lot to them for shaping me views on love, courage, and responsibility. It seems to me that people who were raised watching Disney movies are the kind of people who grew up in a loving environment.

THAT is the important thing. Too many people are NOT raised with a certain kind of love. The parents are so young when they get pregnant, that they really aren't seasoned enough to raise a child. I'm not calling them bad parents, but the children of these people are forced to grow up without parents who have extensive life knowledge of the world, and that leaves them at a disadvantage in my mind (personal belief).

That is why I never take my life for granted. My mother raised me on Disney and taught me the meaning of love. I am a kind-hearted person who fights for what I believe in. I thought I was about to go through depression at different times in my high school years, because I felt unloved, because I couldn't understand why so many people just whored themselves around as you said, and they only talked and acted like that was the best anyone could get!!

I often thought to myself, what the hell is wrong with you people!? Then I realized, it's not my scene. They are not my crowd, and I was forced to rise above it. I met Robert Fitch, and joined the cross-country team. His mother Debbie raised him very similar to the way I was raised, and so we became best friends quicker than I could have ever imagined. We share the same beliefs towards damn near everything, as it's apparent you and I do as well.

My only advice is to do that. Rise above it, and stay away from it. Fight to keep yourself from changing. Gain peace with who you are, and don't let people influence you or bring you down.

I waited 19years to find somebody I could tell them that I love them without having regret, and she's finally come into my life. Just keep looking Seox. There is someone for everyone.

*LVL up*
Disney movies!!

Diokatsu

Why don't you two just slap your dicks together and call it love? I honestly can't contribute to this thread because, for one, I don't care and two, anything I might have said has been either incorporated into your wall of text or doesn't need to be said.

Also, new stereotype: people who are both athletic and smart. I've seen too many of them now. Let's go back to the times where people were one one thing! :V:

Calintz

Because I'm not a homosexual.
I'm sorry that you can't appreciate the thought of male bonding Dio. :P

I'm glad you said that though Dio , because that was another thing I couldn't stand during high school. People who act as though two guys can't show sensitivity and talk about serious subjects and lay their hearts out on the line. IDC if people attempt to bring me down because I'm a sensitive, but the friends I have are golden because I'm honest with them, and I couldn't ask for better ones, especially B (Robert).

Seox

Quote from: Calintz on June 14, 2009, 01:40:23 am
Because I'm not a homosexual.
I'm sorry that you can't appreciate the thought of male bonding Dio. :P

I'm glad you said that though Dio , because that was another thing I couldn't stand during high school. People who act as though two guys can't show sensitivity and talk about serious subjects and lay their hearts out on the line. IDC if people attempt to bring me down because I'm a sensitive, but the friends I have are golden because I'm honest with them, and I couldn't ask for better ones, especially B (Robert).


^_^

QuoteTHAT is the important thing. Too many people are NOT raised with a certain kind of love. The parents are so young when they get pregnant, that they really aren't seasoned enough to raise a child. I'm not calling them bad parents, but the children of these people are forced to grow up without parents who have extensive life knowledge of the world, and that leaves them at a disadvantage in my mind (personal belief).


I live with my grandparents. As a matter of fact, I have a visit with my 'parents' through DHR tonight. I am probably a pretty good example of that, and that's why it's SO important to me. A lot of people are all, "Well, how do you think you know love?"

The way I see it, if I've been through my life and seen the failure that is my "family". I've seen their excuse for a marriage. And pretty much EVERY OTHER PERSON IN AMERICA. (Not all. Most.) I've been through hell and back. And what that means is that I can tell you what love isn't. I figure that everything else is.(OMG UNDERLINED AND NOT CAPITALIZED!)

QuoteI thought I was about to go through depression at different times in my high school years, because I felt unloved, because I couldn't understand why so many people just whored themselves around as you said, and they only talked and acted like that was the best anyone could get!!


That is probably the most reassuring thing of all - you thought the EXACT SAME THING, and you've still proven that, somewhere, love exists.


XD, DISNEY MOVIEEEEEEES!

E's.

Really though, thank you for showing me that there's hope. Simple as it is, that's all that it takes sometimes.
... (<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< TEH DOTS OF DOOM. Hey, kinda catchy. :naughty:)

Vell

this is more a chat then a debate.

there is a problem. Calintz found someone who requited his love. what if you find someone, and they dont? Can you honestly say that after having thought about it, and telling yourself that that is the person for you, that you want to spend your life with, that to then have it blatantly denied, and then subsequently ignored, would you be able to not doubt yourself in the future?

Seox

Quote from: UltaFlame on June 14, 2009, 11:29:09 am
this is more a chat then a debate.

there is a problem. Calintz found someone who requited his love. what if you find someone, and they dont? Can you honestly say that after having thought about it, and telling yourself that that is the person for you, that you want to spend your life with, that to then have it blatantly denied, and then subsequently ignored, would you be able to not doubt yourself in the future?



All too true.

Still, I suppose that that's just part of it. I could always just give up there, but that gets me nowhere. Obviously that could hurt like hell - I'm not claiming that I'm emotionally invincible.

Of course, I would think that in order to get THAT CLOSE to someone emotionally, enough so to want to spend my life with, it would HAVE to be mutual. I don't just go around, randomly thinking that about people. In that case, it's a given that that person would already love me. It's like saying, "But what if you get a cramp and drown after you get to the island?" Once you get to the island, you're already on dry land.

Doesn't mean it's impossible. What are your thoughts on it, ultraflame?

(You're right. This is becoming a chat. I figured more of the "intelligent" part of debate was most relevant, as I'm very interested in the psychology behind all of this. Why people act the way they do, and do/don't want to form some form of meaningful relationship with another person at some point.

Anyways, do tell. I'd be interested to hear a third opinion.
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Vell

Geh. it's UltaFlame. No r. you have noob mistake points, be careful in future please.

I'm just saying. in one case I know someone just developed feelings for someone else over a period of time, and it's not even that the person told the other. in the middle of a normal conversation the second person was just like 'do you like me?' and that first person is honest, so was like 'yes' and then the second continually pointed out the lack of requittal feelings despite the fact that person 1 still was a close friend with person 2.

Even if you take a leap of faith, there are times when you'll fall short. what are you supposed to do then?

Seox

Quote from: UltaFlame on June 14, 2009, 01:37:55 pm
Geh. it's UltaFlame. No r. you have noob mistake points, be careful in future please.

I'm just saying. in one case I know someone just developed feelings for someone else over a period of time, and it's not even that the person told the other. in the middle of a normal conversation the second person was just like 'do you like me?' and that first person is honest, so was like 'yes' and then the second continually pointed out the lack of requittal feelings despite the fact that person 1 still was a close friend with person 2.

Even if you take a leap of faith, there are times when you'll fall short. what are you supposed to do then?



Gah... >< sorry. I skim things. Ultaflame. Got it ^_^

*wears noob points in shame*

I guess the key in that case is to watch what you think. Obviously, you can't just NOT CARE about people, but a "secret desire" type thing feeds itself. Because it's so "taboo", you either fall further into or out of it. If you fall out of it, then this is no longer an issue, because you're not "building a one way, mental relationship." If you fall further in, then yes, it can easily become a problem. Regardless, I don't think that I'd think "OMG WANT SPEND LIFE WITH PERSON", ravenously, until we had gotten quite close. Sure, I like some people, and am "interested" in them, but I don't want to devote my eternal soul (no, I'm not serious) to them, just because I like them. My thinking is that this (can, not always) results from insecurities. Because the person wants THAT BADLY to be loved, and does not have the mental security to be proud of themself, they subconsciously conduct transference of this want into/onto one person, who they normally like, in specific. My thinking is that, essentially, this is mainly an issue with those who are "desperate."

I used to be like that, but then I realized that a relationship is NOT a mother-son or father-daughter relationship. It's an equal exchange between two people, and burdening someone, first of all, would mean that I no longer had that someone, and, secondly, was not a relationship. If I just wanted it to feel better about myself, it's not love, and I should get some therapy or something DEDICATED to that process.

Now, here I am. Still upset and lonely, but I can support myself. Two halves (people) do NOT make one whole. Two halves make divorce. Two whole people make a NEW whole.

Just my opinion. Dunno if that sounded abrasive - please tell me if it did.

Thanks for getting us into the "debate" part!
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Blizzard

*is done reading, phew*

Love is different for me than it is for your guys as it seems. I don't think love is a feeling. When I love somebody, I don't feel it but I know it.

Since my views are different from yours, I'm not sure how much I can constructively contribute to this topic.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Calintz

Sure ya can Blizzard ... :(

@UltaFlame:
These oppositions you bring to the table are gonna happen TO EVERYBODY at some point in their lives ... It doesn't matter who you are, or how old you are, at some point you will experience these rejections. They are a part of growing up, and experiencing relationships for what they are. These rejections are all too common in "high school."

I had 2girls actually tear me apart by leading me on for fun, and that is when I believed I would hit depression if I didn't cheer up ... I couldn't understand why girls would toy with a nice guy for fun, but IDK and I had to start over. No big deal in the end.

**All in all, I don't think many people would spend enough time with someone to allow the emotion to grow if they were just planning on rejected you in the end anyway. If you're talking about maybe having a huge crush on someone, and in the end they tell you that they're not interested in you, then you move on. Things are done. You have to be pull through. You CANNOT live in the past.

Vell

I see your points, and I've got nothing else to say in this. someone else play devil's advocate.

Valcos

Quote from: Diokatsu on June 14, 2009, 01:02:39 am
Why don't you two just slap your dicks together and call it love? I honestly can't contribute to this thread because, for one, I don't care and two, anything I might have said has been either incorporated into your wall of text or doesn't need to be said.

Also, new stereotype: people who are both athletic and smart. I've seen too many of them now. Let's go back to the times where people were one one thing! :V:

Lmao!! Dio... you're always so mean xD.

I dont think its fair to call all people in high school immature. Sure, there is a crap load of people that are... but, its not completely true.  :<_<:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

Calintz

June 14, 2009, 07:31:49 pm #15 Last Edit: June 14, 2009, 07:36:11 pm by Calintz
I didn't call high school students immature ...

As people grow older they mature. It is an unexplained phenomenon. One of the brains many mysteries. You grow with the life experience. You continue to mature until the day that you pass on. The average person probably lives to be 70years old or so.

So at age 16-18 (prime high school years) how much life experience do you have?? How much time have you really spent maturing?? I'm 19years old and I realize this. It's foolish to believe that you have a grip on life when you're that young.

In the same sense, it's true that some mature faster than others (I personally believe that I do) but no matter the rate, when you are that young, you ARE immature. This is why it's hard for relationships in high school to last. Kids in high school tend to want all the attention. Your life never steadies. It isn't really until your life slows down and becomes repetitive (get a full-time job and schedule sticks) that you can truly settle down and raise a family.

There is too much conflicting going on in the brain with your body changing and all the classes, and you can't get a grip on things. Try an add the opposite gender's mood swings and shit, and it's too much to handle. You have to let this stuff settle and get by it before you can concentrate fully on the relationship itself.

Seox

Quote from: Valcos on June 14, 2009, 07:03:02 pm
Quote from: Diokatsu on June 14, 2009, 01:02:39 am
Why don't you two just slap your dicks together and call it love? I honestly can't contribute to this thread because, for one, I don't care and two, anything I might have said has been either incorporated into your wall of text or doesn't need to be said.

Also, new stereotype: people who are both athletic and smart. I've seen too many of them now. Let's go back to the times where people were one one thing! :V:

Lmao!! Dio... you're always so mean xD.

I dont think its fair to call all people in high school immature. Sure, there is a crap load of people that are... but, its not completely true.  :<_<:


True. Still, MOST are immature. Besides, immature only means that they haven't YET matured...it's not as derogatory as it may at first seem.


@Calintz - Leading you on for fun? See, I just don't get that crap. I don't understand why someone would waste their time when they didn't want to get to know you at all. THAT's the kind of crap that makes me LAUGH in high school. It really is sad, though, because things like that can really affect people like you and me. And they don't even realize how deep it goes, because they've never considered those sides of themselves.

About not living in the past. I TOTALLY agree. Simple as that.

What about the fact that 99% of people act as if they are adult and sophisticate, (in high school) whoring themselves with anything that moves; the fact that I KNOW that most of them don't really have 'love', even though they think they do, makes me feel like I'm not so bad, but something about the fact that THE VAST MAJORITY live this lie makes it almost true.

Anyone know what I mean? Agree? Disagree?

@Ultaflame - Thank you for playing the part, there ^_^. You helped keep it interesting, and a debate, and helped me to consider things which were apparent, but not immediately so. *powers up*

@Blizz - Shoot. It's unorthodox that I'd like to see, because that's what you DON'T hear about every day. I also think that I know what you mean by not feeling it, but knowing it (love). I have a few relatives which I care about, but I don't....I don't "love" them. It's RIDICULOUSLY hard to explain. I KNOW that I care, I just don't feel it. I think that it's a defensive mechanism, owing its existence to the fact that I've had a WONDERFUL history of associating with people >.>. It worries me, though.

Thank you for all of the serious responses!
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Calintz

You're my new best friend ... That's all I can say, Lol :P

Seox

... (<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< TEH DOTS OF DOOM. Hey, kinda catchy. :naughty:)

Sally

well all i can really say is that i have a BF, and i live with him, and i love him. theres not much more to say, but i am 17, will be turning 18 in a few months. but i completely agree with most of that. =]  we been going out for 3years now.

Don't get into a relationship that your gonna just end in a month or so...