Apocalyptica----Is this a good story line?

Started by acebelowzero, August 02, 2009, 01:55:04 am

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acebelowzero

Do not use this story line its for my game!!!
Thank u

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Centuries have come and gone taking with them memories and events that have made the world what it is today. Humans have always taken for granted the environment and world around them and the way that they live life. Many animals and humans alike have suffered and died due to the irresponsibility of human action. This is where our story begins. The council of elders are the guardians of the world and universe alike, they work to maintain complete homeostasis and equality between all civilizations. They have been studying earth growing weary of the pit that the planet has been falling into. When the 12th century began they made a compact to give earth one hundred years to change their ways or to suffer the consequences of their actions. As they anticipated the humans of earth did not change and for this they will suffer. The council of elders have sent down  Pandora's  to exterminate the human populace and bring homeostasis. The Pandora's  are the spirits of the universe who live only to serve the elders, they contain the power to posses any organism. No one has ever seen the Pandora's in their true form.
   43 years have passed since the purification of Earth began. Trenton, a young farm boy has worked with his family to keep their lives, always showing good gestures and helping people. Until one day when Trenton's parents lives were taken were taken by the Pandora's . This loss devastated Trenton and changed his life forever. After learning of their death he ventured into the Teor mountains, a forbidden and evil area of  Gastensa, where only the crazy and insane travel. While in the mountains he discovered a shrine, old and worn by age. Naturally he studied the ruins when he found a small opening into the shrine. Not being able to sleep out of fear he went inside the shrine hoping it would provide protection for a nights rest. As he crawled in he discovered a sword at the end of a tunnel. It was like nothing he had ever seen before, glowing with a blue aura. He picked up the sword and as if it was hot a mark appeared on his hand that resembled a burn except for it being blue in color. Scared and worried he placed the sword in his pack and ran out of the shrine.
   Trenton walked through the mountains, the moment he found the sword playing over and over again in his head. The day was coming to a close when Trenton heard rustling in the bushes, out of instinct he grabbed for his sword, forgetting what happened earlier and stared out at the bush watching for any movement. Then two people popped out. These were no ordinary people, they were from the village Bushag. Not too far from Trenton's own village. Immediately they related, not just on their place of origin but also by the events that had taken place. They had both found a shrine similar to Trenton's but the girl, whose name is Alex, was branded with a red mark on her hand when she touched a Scythe, while her brother, Jake, had a white mark when he touched a broadsword. They stood up the whole night conversing, talking about how their lives were not so different. Alex and Jake's village was also destroyed but they were able to flee. They then realized that this was not coincidence. It was destiny for them to meet. Now they have all agreed to stop the Pandora's and there ELders! They have set out and are ready for anything...

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fugibo

For the record, you can just grab a Creative Commons license (Google it) and mark your work with it to make it illegal for people to do unwanted things with it (such as stealing for their own game).

vacancydenied

I find this story to be cliche and long winded. Isn't Apocalyptica the name of a band? Whatever, anyways, it really didn't interest me much. I had to read it twice to find a flow in the story. That's all I could think of right now.

Actually, you should work on your paragraph structure so that it makes for an easier read.
Nothing goes as planned but I keep going forward.