Diploma Thesis

Started by Blizzard, April 16, 2010, 04:12:39 am

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Blizzard

April 16, 2010, 04:12:39 am Last Edit: April 17, 2010, 04:58:59 pm by Blizzard
Some of you already know, others don't.
This game will be my "Diploma Thesis" for which I will get the Master degree. I have agreed with my mentor that I can write it in English and I'll need some help with the grammar. :>

It's currently far from done, but winkio asked me to post it anyways. xD

Everybody who takes the time to read and post valid grammar fixes will be added to the Special Thanks section at the beginning. In that case please make sure to mentioned the chapter (such as 1.2.3), paragraph number of line in that paragraph.

You can download the current version from here.

For all those who used the walkthrough: The thesis includes an improved version of the walkthrough explaining the solution for every puzzle and riddle that can be explained and which wasn't explained in the version posted here.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

winkio

When is it due?  I need to know if I have to proofread it before finals or if I can wait until after.

Blizzard

It's due in 2 months, there's no rush.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Aqua

Hmmm...
I'll try to proofread it.
Just bother me on MSN if you need my help :D

Spoofus

im currently reading the thesis now...must say i hope you get good marks for it

i am currently on chapter 10.3.3 Chapter 2:Dream or Reality you have done a good job so far once i finish reading it im going to go through and see if i can find grammar mistakes so far i havnt seen any(your grammar is far better than mine from the looks of it sadly) but ill see what i can find

but all in all i wish you the best of luck on this i know you can pull it off


My Blog site I am working on: http://spoofus.weebly.com/

WhiteRose

April 16, 2010, 05:13:05 pm #5 Last Edit: April 16, 2010, 05:57:52 pm by WhiteRose
My mom once worked as a grammar professor at Provo College. If you'd like, I can have her take a look once you've finished writing it and give you some suggestions.

EDIT: Just glancing through what you've written, one thing I noticed was:

Quote
In its original state it prevents the universe from decaying by stabilizing the energy it consists of.


"Of" is a preposition. You should try to avoid ending your sentences with prepositions if at all possible. Try phrasing it like this instead:

Quote
In its original state it prevents the universe from decaying by stabilizing the energy of which it consists.


Or, alternately, you could just reword the end of the sentence, like so:

Quote
In its original state, it stabilizes the energy making up the universe, preventing it from decaying.


EDIT 2: Another mistake:
Quote
I want to thank Ivan Bosnić, Ivan Kravarščan and Boris Matešin for motivating me to finish the game and for the morale support.


I believe the word you were looking for is "moral."

EDIT 3: I have a couple suggestions for your Table of Contents. Firstly, rather than underlining every line, just use leaders between the section name and the page number, like this (in Word, you wouldn't use periods, but that is just my representation of a dotted leader):

1. Introduction..................4

Also, I would recommend aligning all page numbers along the right side of the page.

EDIT 4: In section 10.2.2:

QuoteExploring the laboratory he's being attacked by machines which he can fight off successfully until he comes across another young man fighting a monster.


The way you have this sentence phrased makes it sound like Jason can only fight off the machines until he finds Endout, at which point he cannot. As this is not the case, I suggest you rephrase this sentence, possibly splitting it into two, like so:

Quote
Exploring the laboratory, he's attacked by machines. He manages to fight them off, and comes across another young man fighting a monster.


Sorry if I'm bothering you with all these suggestions; I'm just trying to be helpful.

Blizzard

April 17, 2010, 04:58:51 pm #6 Last Edit: April 17, 2010, 05:00:40 pm by Blizzard
I'll get back to you tomorrow.

I put up an updated version with all "Secrets of Lexima 4" that are posted here as well and a story outline on the entire game. Geez, I was writing on that thing for 12 hours today. #_# At least it was worth it. I have now about 90 written pages which makes 50 written pages today. >:3 Too bad I haven't literally typed all those pages today but only about 50% of them. But then again, I'm not a machine, I'm just human. #_#
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Blizzard

May 02, 2010, 06:53:30 am #7 Last Edit: May 02, 2010, 08:55:41 am by Blizzard
*double posts*

Sorry, I completely forgot that I wanted to reply to you.

1. I like the second suggestion.

2. No, I meant morale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morale

3. That's merely style, but it's frequently used at my college so I'll leave that. Thanks anyway.

4. Thanks, I'll change that. I also rephrased it a bit.

BTW, it would be great if your mom could look that through if she has the time. :) I'll definitely add her in my special thanks.
My mentor said that he expected about 60 pages (I already have 90 >.<) and that I should try not to go over 150 pages. I hope it's not too much to ask.

EDIT: I put up an update version. I'll add the treasure listings next and then comes the technical documentation.

@WhiteRose: When I have the treasure listings up, you can already ask your mom if she can review those chapters. She can review the technical documentation afterwards so she doesn't have to read it all at once. Also, tell her that she can fix the grammatical mistakes right away in the document. That should be faster than having to type down what should be fixed where and then let me fix them again.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Quote from: Blizzard on May 02, 2010, 06:53:30 am
*double posts*
2. No, I meant morale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morale

Are you sure? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_support

Don't mean to disagree with you, of course; it is your paper after all, so you can do it however you like. :)

Just let me know once you have the treasure listings up, and I'll have my mom read over everything.

Blizzard

Then it's moral support. Thanks, I'll change it.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Blizzard

*double posts again* :3

I have the game documentation finished. I'll try to get the technical documentation done during next week. You can ask your mom to review this part.
The thesis is due in a month after all. :/
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Alright, I'll have her read through it hopefully sometime today.

Blizzard

Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Sorry this is taking a while; I gave a copy to my mom but she hasn't finished reading through it yet. I know you have a deadline on this coming up soon, so I'll try to have her finish as soon as possible.

Blizzard

Ok, thanks. I'll get the rest done in the meantime.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

prioran

It looks like this project is in good hands, but if for any reason you should need extra help, don't hesitate to let me know as well. I'm a native speaker of English and I teach grammar in English and Spanish.  :)

Blizzard

The more, the merrier. xD
But seriously, if you can find the time to read it through and fix it, I'd really appreciate it.
Check out Daygames and our games:

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

nathmatt

May 20, 2010, 09:43:48 am #17 Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 09:54:14 am by nathmatt
Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_MikicI want to Enterbrain, Inc. for the creation of the game engine and editor RPG Maker XP

Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_MikicI want to thank for the additional graphics that have been used

would sound better as
I want to think the following for the additional graphics that have been used


Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_MikicAxmodeux grew jealous of the power that Chaos possessed and believed the god favored Chaos. In the timeless void of eternity Axmodeux attempted to destroy Chaos because it was defenseless without a consciousness, but the gods prevented this from happening. Because they actually loved they creations equally, they could not bear to destroy Axmodeux and decided that their creations should solve their disputes among themselves. Due to Chaos being a completely different being, they have decided to put limit Axmodeux's power to Chaos' time and space and put it into a deep sleep on one of the material formations within one of the universes.
Join Dead Frontier
Sorry, I will no longer be scripting for RMXP. I may or may not give support for my scripts. I don't have the will to script in RGSS anymore.
My script


Blizzard

Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

prioran

Quote from: Blizzard on May 19, 2010, 10:01:07 am
The more, the merrier. xD
But seriously, if you can find the time to read it through and fix it, I'd really appreciate it.


I'd be happy to help out. I'll wait to see what those who have already offered their assistance do, and then I'll jump in only as necessary, so as not to bombard you with unnecessarily overlapping suggestions.