Diploma Thesis

Started by Blizzard, April 16, 2010, 04:12:39 am

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Blizzard

April 16, 2010, 04:12:39 am Last Edit: April 17, 2010, 04:58:59 pm by Blizzard
Some of you already know, others don't.
This game will be my "Diploma Thesis" for which I will get the Master degree. I have agreed with my mentor that I can write it in English and I'll need some help with the grammar. :>

It's currently far from done, but winkio asked me to post it anyways. xD

Everybody who takes the time to read and post valid grammar fixes will be added to the Special Thanks section at the beginning. In that case please make sure to mentioned the chapter (such as 1.2.3), paragraph number of line in that paragraph.

You can download the current version from here.

For all those who used the walkthrough: The thesis includes an improved version of the walkthrough explaining the solution for every puzzle and riddle that can be explained and which wasn't explained in the version posted here.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

winkio

When is it due?  I need to know if I have to proofread it before finals or if I can wait until after.

Blizzard

It's due in 2 months, there's no rush.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Aqua

Hmmm...
I'll try to proofread it.
Just bother me on MSN if you need my help :D

Spoofus

im currently reading the thesis now...must say i hope you get good marks for it

i am currently on chapter 10.3.3 Chapter 2:Dream or Reality you have done a good job so far once i finish reading it im going to go through and see if i can find grammar mistakes so far i havnt seen any(your grammar is far better than mine from the looks of it sadly) but ill see what i can find

but all in all i wish you the best of luck on this i know you can pull it off


My Blog site I am working on: http://spoofus.weebly.com/

WhiteRose

April 16, 2010, 05:13:05 pm #5 Last Edit: April 16, 2010, 05:57:52 pm by WhiteRose
My mom once worked as a grammar professor at Provo College. If you'd like, I can have her take a look once you've finished writing it and give you some suggestions.

EDIT: Just glancing through what you've written, one thing I noticed was:

Quote
In its original state it prevents the universe from decaying by stabilizing the energy it consists of.


"Of" is a preposition. You should try to avoid ending your sentences with prepositions if at all possible. Try phrasing it like this instead:

Quote
In its original state it prevents the universe from decaying by stabilizing the energy of which it consists.


Or, alternately, you could just reword the end of the sentence, like so:

Quote
In its original state, it stabilizes the energy making up the universe, preventing it from decaying.


EDIT 2: Another mistake:
Quote
I want to thank Ivan Bosnić, Ivan Kravarščan and Boris Matešin for motivating me to finish the game and for the morale support.


I believe the word you were looking for is "moral."

EDIT 3: I have a couple suggestions for your Table of Contents. Firstly, rather than underlining every line, just use leaders between the section name and the page number, like this (in Word, you wouldn't use periods, but that is just my representation of a dotted leader):

1. Introduction..................4

Also, I would recommend aligning all page numbers along the right side of the page.

EDIT 4: In section 10.2.2:

QuoteExploring the laboratory he's being attacked by machines which he can fight off successfully until he comes across another young man fighting a monster.


The way you have this sentence phrased makes it sound like Jason can only fight off the machines until he finds Endout, at which point he cannot. As this is not the case, I suggest you rephrase this sentence, possibly splitting it into two, like so:

Quote
Exploring the laboratory, he's attacked by machines. He manages to fight them off, and comes across another young man fighting a monster.


Sorry if I'm bothering you with all these suggestions; I'm just trying to be helpful.

Blizzard

April 17, 2010, 04:58:51 pm #6 Last Edit: April 17, 2010, 05:00:40 pm by Blizzard
I'll get back to you tomorrow.

I put up an updated version with all "Secrets of Lexima 4" that are posted here as well and a story outline on the entire game. Geez, I was writing on that thing for 12 hours today. #_# At least it was worth it. I have now about 90 written pages which makes 50 written pages today. >:3 Too bad I haven't literally typed all those pages today but only about 50% of them. But then again, I'm not a machine, I'm just human. #_#
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

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Blizzard

May 02, 2010, 06:53:30 am #7 Last Edit: May 02, 2010, 08:55:41 am by Blizzard
*double posts*

Sorry, I completely forgot that I wanted to reply to you.

1. I like the second suggestion.

2. No, I meant morale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morale

3. That's merely style, but it's frequently used at my college so I'll leave that. Thanks anyway.

4. Thanks, I'll change that. I also rephrased it a bit.

BTW, it would be great if your mom could look that through if she has the time. :) I'll definitely add her in my special thanks.
My mentor said that he expected about 60 pages (I already have 90 >.<) and that I should try not to go over 150 pages. I hope it's not too much to ask.

EDIT: I put up an update version. I'll add the treasure listings next and then comes the technical documentation.

@WhiteRose: When I have the treasure listings up, you can already ask your mom if she can review those chapters. She can review the technical documentation afterwards so she doesn't have to read it all at once. Also, tell her that she can fix the grammatical mistakes right away in the document. That should be faster than having to type down what should be fixed where and then let me fix them again.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Quote from: Blizzard on May 02, 2010, 06:53:30 am
*double posts*
2. No, I meant morale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morale

Are you sure? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_support

Don't mean to disagree with you, of course; it is your paper after all, so you can do it however you like. :)

Just let me know once you have the treasure listings up, and I'll have my mom read over everything.

Blizzard

Then it's moral support. Thanks, I'll change it.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Blizzard

*double posts again* :3

I have the game documentation finished. I'll try to get the technical documentation done during next week. You can ask your mom to review this part.
The thesis is due in a month after all. :/
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Alright, I'll have her read through it hopefully sometime today.

Blizzard

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Sorry this is taking a while; I gave a copy to my mom but she hasn't finished reading through it yet. I know you have a deadline on this coming up soon, so I'll try to have her finish as soon as possible.

Blizzard

Ok, thanks. I'll get the rest done in the meantime.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

prioran

It looks like this project is in good hands, but if for any reason you should need extra help, don't hesitate to let me know as well. I'm a native speaker of English and I teach grammar in English and Spanish.  :)

Blizzard

The more, the merrier. xD
But seriously, if you can find the time to read it through and fix it, I'd really appreciate it.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

nathmatt

May 20, 2010, 09:43:48 am #17 Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 09:54:14 am by nathmatt
Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_MikicI want to Enterbrain, Inc. for the creation of the game engine and editor RPG Maker XP

Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_MikicI want to thank for the additional graphics that have been used

would sound better as
I want to think the following for the additional graphics that have been used


Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_MikicAxmodeux grew jealous of the power that Chaos possessed and believed the god favored Chaos. In the timeless void of eternity Axmodeux attempted to destroy Chaos because it was defenseless without a consciousness, but the gods prevented this from happening. Because they actually loved they creations equally, they could not bear to destroy Axmodeux and decided that their creations should solve their disputes among themselves. Due to Chaos being a completely different being, they have decided to put limit Axmodeux's power to Chaos' time and space and put it into a deep sleep on one of the material formations within one of the universes.
Join Dead Frontier
Sorry, I will no longer be scripting for RMXP. I may or may not give support for my scripts. I don't have the will to script in RGSS anymore.
My script


Blizzard

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

prioran

Quote from: Blizzard on May 19, 2010, 10:01:07 am
The more, the merrier. xD
But seriously, if you can find the time to read it through and fix it, I'd really appreciate it.


I'd be happy to help out. I'll wait to see what those who have already offered their assistance do, and then I'll jump in only as necessary, so as not to bombard you with unnecessarily overlapping suggestions.

Blizzard

May 20, 2010, 03:06:44 pm #20 Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 03:09:49 pm by Blizzard
That's a good idea. I have only 2 chapters left and the summary. I hope that I can maybe get it up by the end of this week. If not, then during next week for sure.

@WhiteRose: Because I am a man who pays back his debts, I can make a script for you since your mom is helping me out. :)
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

winkio


Blizzard

May 20, 2010, 03:10:10 pm #22 Last Edit: May 23, 2010, 08:47:21 am by Blizzard
I can pay her back, too. :naughty:

EDIT: Almost done. >:3
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Quote from: Blizzard on May 20, 2010, 03:10:10 pm
I can pay her back, too. :naughty:

D: I'd prefer if you didn't.

Anyway, she's done with this part; I just need to type her changes into the Word file (she prefers to work with paper, so it's all written on a printed version of the document) and upload it for you.

Blizzard

May 23, 2010, 04:40:39 pm #24 Last Edit: May 23, 2010, 06:48:42 pm by Blizzard
Alright. I'll finish the last piece and put it all up. If you can upload it until then, I'll fix the mistakes first.
God, I hope there aren't so many. xD

EDIT: BTW, you now have an official cameo appearance in the game as "Rapture Rose", a whip for Ariana. <3

EDIT:

Quote from: WhiteRose on May 23, 2010, 10:42:30 am
Quote from: Blizzard on May 20, 2010, 03:10:10 pm
I can pay her back, too. :naughty:

D: I'd prefer if you didn't.


Lol, you're not my type.

EDIT: Done.
Wait...

Spoiler: ShowHide
JESUS H. CHRIST IN A CHICKEN BASKET! I AM DONE!

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Subsonic_Noise

Quote from: Blizzard on May 23, 2010, 04:40:39 pm
Spoiler: ShowHide
JESUS H. CHRIST IN A CHICKEN BASKET! I AM DONE!


The speed of this scolling text makes me imagine you saying this in a really slow, retarded voice. But congratulations anyways.

Blizzard

May 23, 2010, 06:48:40 pm #26 Last Edit: May 23, 2010, 06:55:08 pm by Blizzard
Ok, I uploaded it already. There's a piece of text in chapter 7.2.1. that I forgot to add (formerly chapter 10). Besides that, this is it.

EDIT: I just want to mention that I'd really like all of this done before the end of next week. The thesis is due on June 18th and I'd like to send it in at least 3 weeks earlier since I'm expecting my mentor to read it and fix additional mistakes. Besides,detailed reading of 138 pages doesn't take only one hour. >.<
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Quote from: Blizzard on May 23, 2010, 06:48:40 pm
Ok, I uploaded it already. There's a piece of text in chapter 7.2.1. that I forgot to add (formerly chapter 10). Besides that, this is it.

EDIT: I just want to mention that I'd really like all of this done before the end of next week. The thesis is due on June 18th and I'd like to send it in at least 3 weeks earlier since I'm expecting my mentor to read it and fix additional mistakes. Besides,detailed reading of 138 pages doesn't take only one hour. >.<

It shall be done.

Blizzard

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Silentknight72

Quote from: Blizzard's Diploma Thesis
I want to Enterbrain

I dont know why, but it makes me laugh.. xD  :haha:
Maybe I'll help, since i have 9 hours every day.  ;)
Sigs: ShowHide






Blizzard

Funny, I thought that I fixed that.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Blizzard

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

I just have a little more typing to do; it shouldn't take me more than half an hour, but I've been a little busy this week (last week of school, so I had a few loose ends to tie up.) I'll definitely finish it and upload it for you before I go to bed tonight. (So, 5 hours tops.)

Silentknight72

May 28, 2010, 11:30:13 pm #33 Last Edit: May 28, 2010, 11:38:27 pm by Silentknight72
You missed many s's in the end of plural nouns..

EDIT:
Quote from: Blizzard's Diploma Thesis
Chaos continued creating more Guardians of Chaos,


Needs to be

Chaos continued creating more of his Guardians, or Chaos continued creating more Guardians, only....
Sigs: ShowHide






WhiteRose

May 29, 2010, 12:13:00 am #34 Last Edit: May 29, 2010, 02:12:39 am by WhiteRose
Quote from: Silentknight72 on May 28, 2010, 11:30:13 pm
You missed many s's in the end of plural nouns..

EDIT:
Quote from: Blizzard's Diploma Thesis
Chaos continued creating more Guardians of Chaos,


Needs to be

Chaos continued creating more of his Guardians, or Chaos continued creating more Guardians, only....


I don't see anything incorrect in that sentence as the 'Guardian of Chaos' is a title, and the S's he leaves off are also correct, as it is always part of a possessive case for a name ending in S or and S sound (such as X.)
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/possessives.htm

EDIT: I'm typing up the last few edits right now; I'll upload the finished version in just a minute or two.

EDIT: Finished!
http://www.mediafire.com/?n5wgnu2zdem

Though the phrasing in a few sentences could be improved, everything is now grammatically correct.

Blizzard

May 29, 2010, 04:59:24 am #35 Last Edit: May 29, 2010, 05:05:33 am by Blizzard
I love you.

But seriously, if you need a script or something, PM me. I'll put all of this into my thesis during today and send it to my mentor.

BTW, what's your mom's name? I'd like to give her my special thanks.

EDIT: Ah, shit. :/ There's still the other chapters to do. Well, at least those chapters are only 40 pages altogether. I'll send this in anyway and see what my mentor says.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Silentknight72

faction is the one without s. and I forgot the other ones...

reason is he mentioned two? factions.

maybe he left the s...

But In the GOC(Guardians of Chaos) sentence...., It sounds awkward u know.....

awkward...
Sigs: ShowHide






Blizzard

If you see it as a name, it doesn't.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Silentknight72

Maybe...... i have 16 days left..........

EDIT: Wait, I researched on the internet:Redundancy
Sigs: ShowHide






WhiteRose

Quote from: Silentknight72 on May 29, 2010, 10:52:46 pm
Maybe...... i have 16 days left..........

EDIT: Wait, I researched on the internet:Redundancy

It's not redundant. 'Guardian of Chaos' is a title. Leaving any part out of it or changing the wording would be changing the title.

Silentknight72

it is redundant because of the name. making it double makes it awkward to read.
Sigs: ShowHide






Blizzard

May 30, 2010, 03:26:51 am #41 Last Edit: May 30, 2010, 04:58:47 am by Blizzard
It is a title. You can't change a title.

EDIT: WhiteRose, if you don't tell me your and your mom's name, I'll have to write "WhiteRose and her mother" in the special thanks. xD
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

WhiteRose

Quote from: Blizzard on May 30, 2010, 03:26:51 am
It is a title. You can't change a title.

EDIT: WhiteRose, if you don't tell me your and your mom's name, I'll have to write "WhiteRose and her mother" in the special thanks. xD

My name's Ashley Taylor, my mom is Joy Taylor.

Blizzard

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

zhaira931

June 15, 2010, 10:27:21 pm #44 Last Edit: June 17, 2010, 04:18:42 am by zhaira931
I also did my diploma thesis but it is all about the computerized billing of memorial lot. But with regards to your thesis, I think I will like it because I am an addict of online games. Especially that your thesis includes an improved version of the walk through explaining the solution for every puzzle and riddle that can be explained.

Blizzard

I added a strategy guide since version 1.1 in the game installation. xD
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Blizzard

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

winkio


Blizzard

Thanks! It's been 5 long years, lol!
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

G_G

Quote from: Blizzard on July 02, 2010, 06:40:14 am
I'm a M.Sc. now. :3


What is that exactly .__. Dont cal me a n00b please D:

winkio

Masters of Science AKA Masters degree (2 years of grad for most people).  The degree above Bachelor's of Science AKA Bachelors degree (4 years of undergrad for most people). 

WhiteRose

Congratz, Blizz. That's quite an accomplishment.

Blizzard

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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.