Author Topic: Diploma Thesis  (Read 14037 times)

Offline Blizzard

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Diploma Thesis
« on: April 16, 2010, 10:12:39 AM »
Some of you already know, others don't.
This game will be my "Diploma Thesis" for which I will get the Master degree. I have agreed with my mentor that I can write it in English and I'll need some help with the grammar. :>

It's currently far from done, but winkio asked me to post it anyways. xD

Everybody who takes the time to read and post valid grammar fixes will be added to the Special Thanks section at the beginning. In that case please make sure to mentioned the chapter (such as 1.2.3), paragraph number of line in that paragraph.

You can download the current version from here.

For all those who used the walkthrough: The thesis includes an improved version of the walkthrough explaining the solution for every puzzle and riddle that can be explained and which wasn't explained in the version posted here.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2010, 10:58:59 PM by Blizzard »
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Offline winkio

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2010, 05:09:05 PM »
When is it due?  I need to know if I have to proofread it before finals or if I can wait until after.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2010, 08:56:00 PM »
It's due in 2 months, there's no rush.
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When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline Aqua

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2010, 08:56:46 PM »
Hmmm...
I'll try to proofread it.
Just bother me on MSN if you need my help :D

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2010, 08:57:03 PM »
im currently reading the thesis now...must say i hope you get good marks for it

i am currently on chapter 10.3.3 Chapter 2:Dream or Reality you have done a good job so far once i finish reading it im going to go through and see if i can find grammar mistakes so far i havnt seen any(your grammar is far better than mine from the looks of it sadly) but ill see what i can find

but all in all i wish you the best of luck on this i know you can pull it off


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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2010, 11:13:05 PM »
My mom once worked as a grammar professor at Provo College. If you'd like, I can have her take a look once you've finished writing it and give you some suggestions.

EDIT: Just glancing through what you've written, one thing I noticed was:

Quote
In its original state it prevents the universe from decaying by stabilizing the energy it consists of.

"Of" is a preposition. You should try to avoid ending your sentences with prepositions if at all possible. Try phrasing it like this instead:

Quote
In its original state it prevents the universe from decaying by stabilizing the energy of which it consists.

Or, alternately, you could just reword the end of the sentence, like so:

Quote
In its original state, it stabilizes the energy making up the universe, preventing it from decaying.

EDIT 2: Another mistake:
Quote
I want to thank Ivan Bosnić, Ivan Kravarščan and Boris Matešin for motivating me to finish the game and for the morale support.

I believe the word you were looking for is "moral."

EDIT 3: I have a couple suggestions for your Table of Contents. Firstly, rather than underlining every line, just use leaders between the section name and the page number, like this (in Word, you wouldn't use periods, but that is just my representation of a dotted leader):

1. Introduction..................4

Also, I would recommend aligning all page numbers along the right side of the page.

EDIT 4: In section 10.2.2:

Quote
Exploring the laboratory he’s being attacked by machines which he can fight off successfully until he comes across another young man fighting a monster.

The way you have this sentence phrased makes it sound like Jason can only fight off the machines until he finds Endout, at which point he cannot. As this is not the case, I suggest you rephrase this sentence, possibly splitting it into two, like so:

Quote
Exploring the laboratory, he's attacked by machines. He manages to fight them off, and comes across another young man fighting a monster.

Sorry if I'm bothering you with all these suggestions; I'm just trying to be helpful.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2010, 11:57:52 PM by WhiteRose »

Offline Blizzard

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2010, 10:58:51 PM »
I'll get back to you tomorrow.

I put up an updated version with all "Secrets of Lexima 4" that are posted here as well and a story outline on the entire game. Geez, I was writing on that thing for 12 hours today. #_# At least it was worth it. I have now about 90 written pages which makes 50 written pages today. >:3 Too bad I haven't literally typed all those pages today but only about 50% of them. But then again, I'm not a machine, I'm just human. #_#
« Last Edit: April 17, 2010, 11:00:40 PM by Blizzard »
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I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2010, 12:53:30 PM »
*double posts*

Sorry, I completely forgot that I wanted to reply to you.

1. I like the second suggestion.

2. No, I meant morale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morale

3. That's merely style, but it's frequently used at my college so I'll leave that. Thanks anyway.

4. Thanks, I'll change that. I also rephrased it a bit.

BTW, it would be great if your mom could look that through if she has the time. :) I'll definitely add her in my special thanks.
My mentor said that he expected about 60 pages (I already have 90 >.<) and that I should try not to go over 150 pages. I hope it's not too much to ask.

EDIT: I put up an update version. I'll add the treasure listings next and then comes the technical documentation.

@WhiteRose: When I have the treasure listings up, you can already ask your mom if she can review those chapters. She can review the technical documentation afterwards so she doesn't have to read it all at once. Also, tell her that she can fix the grammatical mistakes right away in the document. That should be faster than having to type down what should be fixed where and then let me fix them again.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2010, 02:55:41 PM by Blizzard »
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline WhiteRose

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2010, 04:24:37 PM »
*double posts*
2. No, I meant morale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morale
Are you sure? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_support

Don't mean to disagree with you, of course; it is your paper after all, so you can do it however you like. :)

Just let me know once you have the treasure listings up, and I'll have my mom read over everything.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2010, 08:53:48 AM »
Then it's moral support. Thanks, I'll change it.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2010, 02:33:48 PM »
*double posts again* :3

I have the game documentation finished. I'll try to get the technical documentation done during next week. You can ask your mom to review this part.
The thesis is due in a month after all. :/
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline WhiteRose

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2010, 04:18:51 PM »
Alright, I'll have her read through it hopefully sometime today.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2010, 06:10:33 PM »
Great! Thanks again. :)
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2010, 07:31:48 AM »
Sorry this is taking a while; I gave a copy to my mom but she hasn't finished reading through it yet. I know you have a deadline on this coming up soon, so I'll try to have her finish as soon as possible.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #14 on: May 17, 2010, 09:25:06 AM »
Ok, thanks. I'll get the rest done in the meantime.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline prioran

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2010, 03:27:08 PM »
It looks like this project is in good hands, but if for any reason you should need extra help, don't hesitate to let me know as well. I'm a native speaker of English and I teach grammar in English and Spanish.  :)

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2010, 04:01:07 PM »
The more, the merrier. xD
But seriously, if you can find the time to read it through and fix it, I'd really appreciate it.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2010, 03:43:48 PM »
Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_Mikic
I want to Enterbrain, Inc. for the creation of the game engine and editor RPG Maker XP
Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_Mikic
I want to thank for the additional graphics that have been used
would sound better as
Code: [Select]
I want to think the following for the additional graphics that have been used
Quote from: Diplomski_2010_Boris_Mikic
Axmodeux grew jealous of the power that Chaos possessed and believed the god favored Chaos. In the timeless void of eternity Axmodeux attempted to destroy Chaos because it was defenseless without a consciousness, but the gods prevented this from happening. Because they actually loved they creations equally, they could not bear to destroy Axmodeux and decided that their creations should solve their disputes among themselves. Due to Chaos being a completely different being, they have decided to put limit Axmodeux’s power to Chaos’ time and space and put it into a deep sleep on one of the material formations within one of the universes.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 03:54:14 PM by nathmatt »
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Offline Blizzard

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2010, 05:01:33 PM »
Fixed.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline prioran

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2010, 09:04:26 PM »
The more, the merrier. xD
But seriously, if you can find the time to read it through and fix it, I'd really appreciate it.

I'd be happy to help out. I'll wait to see what those who have already offered their assistance do, and then I'll jump in only as necessary, so as not to bombard you with unnecessarily overlapping suggestions.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #20 on: May 20, 2010, 09:06:44 PM »
That's a good idea. I have only 2 chapters left and the summary. I hope that I can maybe get it up by the end of this week. If not, then during next week for sure.

@WhiteRose: Because I am a man who pays back his debts, I can make a script for you since your mom is helping me out. :)
« Last Edit: May 20, 2010, 09:09:49 PM by Blizzard »
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #21 on: May 20, 2010, 09:09:24 PM »
since your mom is helping me out.  :naughty:

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #22 on: May 20, 2010, 09:10:10 PM »
I can pay her back, too. :naughty:

EDIT: Almost done. >:3
« Last Edit: May 23, 2010, 02:47:21 PM by Blizzard »
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline WhiteRose

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #23 on: May 23, 2010, 04:42:30 PM »
I can pay her back, too. :naughty:
D: I'd prefer if you didn't.

Anyway, she's done with this part; I just need to type her changes into the Word file (she prefers to work with paper, so it's all written on a printed version of the document) and upload it for you.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #24 on: May 23, 2010, 10:40:39 PM »
Alright. I'll finish the last piece and put it all up. If you can upload it until then, I'll fix the mistakes first.
God, I hope there aren't so many. xD

EDIT: BTW, you now have an official cameo appearance in the game as "Rapture Rose", a whip for Ariana. <3

EDIT:

I can pay her back, too. :naughty:
D: I'd prefer if you didn't.

Lol, you're not my type.

EDIT: Done.
Wait...

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« Last Edit: May 24, 2010, 12:48:42 AM by Blizzard »
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #25 on: May 24, 2010, 12:32:45 AM »
(click to show/hide)
The speed of this scolling text makes me imagine you saying this in a really slow, retarded voice. But congratulations anyways.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #26 on: May 24, 2010, 12:48:40 AM »
Ok, I uploaded it already. There's a piece of text in chapter 7.2.1. that I forgot to add (formerly chapter 10). Besides that, this is it.

EDIT: I just want to mention that I'd really like all of this done before the end of next week. The thesis is due on June 18th and I'd like to send it in at least 3 weeks earlier since I'm expecting my mentor to read it and fix additional mistakes. Besides,detailed reading of 138 pages doesn't take only one hour. >.<
« Last Edit: May 24, 2010, 12:55:08 AM by Blizzard »
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #27 on: May 24, 2010, 11:13:06 PM »
Ok, I uploaded it already. There's a piece of text in chapter 7.2.1. that I forgot to add (formerly chapter 10). Besides that, this is it.

EDIT: I just want to mention that I'd really like all of this done before the end of next week. The thesis is due on June 18th and I'd like to send it in at least 3 weeks earlier since I'm expecting my mentor to read it and fix additional mistakes. Besides,detailed reading of 138 pages doesn't take only one hour. >.<
It shall be done.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #28 on: May 24, 2010, 11:15:31 PM »
<3

I owe you one.
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Quote from: winkio
I do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney Stinson
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Offline Silentknight72

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #29 on: May 25, 2010, 10:39:25 AM »
Quote from: Blizzard's Diploma Thesis
I want to Enterbrain
I dont know why, but it makes me laugh.. xD  :haha:
Maybe I'll help, since i have 9 hours every day.  ;)
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #30 on: May 25, 2010, 10:52:14 AM »
Funny, I thought that I fixed that.
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #31 on: May 29, 2010, 01:57:59 AM »
Any progress?
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #32 on: May 29, 2010, 02:22:59 AM »
I just have a little more typing to do; it shouldn't take me more than half an hour, but I've been a little busy this week (last week of school, so I had a few loose ends to tie up.) I'll definitely finish it and upload it for you before I go to bed tonight. (So, 5 hours tops.)

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #33 on: May 29, 2010, 05:30:13 AM »
You missed many s's in the end of plural nouns..

EDIT:
Quote from: Blizzard's Diploma Thesis
Chaos continued creating more Guardians of Chaos,

Needs to be

Chaos continued creating more of his Guardians, or Chaos continued creating more Guardians, only....
« Last Edit: May 29, 2010, 05:38:27 AM by Silentknight72 »
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #34 on: May 29, 2010, 06:13:00 AM »
You missed many s's in the end of plural nouns..

EDIT:
Quote from: Blizzard's Diploma Thesis
Chaos continued creating more Guardians of Chaos,

Needs to be

Chaos continued creating more of his Guardians, or Chaos continued creating more Guardians, only....

I don't see anything incorrect in that sentence as the 'Guardian of Chaos' is a title, and the S's he leaves off are also correct, as it is always part of a possessive case for a name ending in S or and S sound (such as X.)
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/possessives.htm

EDIT: I'm typing up the last few edits right now; I'll upload the finished version in just a minute or two.

EDIT: Finished!
http://www.mediafire.com/?n5wgnu2zdem

Though the phrasing in a few sentences could be improved, everything is now grammatically correct.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2010, 08:12:39 AM by WhiteRose »

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #35 on: May 29, 2010, 10:59:24 AM »
I love you.

But seriously, if you need a script or something, PM me. I'll put all of this into my thesis during today and send it to my mentor.

BTW, what's your mom's name? I'd like to give her my special thanks.

EDIT: Ah, shit. :/ There's still the other chapters to do. Well, at least those chapters are only 40 pages altogether. I'll send this in anyway and see what my mentor says.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2010, 11:05:33 AM by Blizzard »
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #36 on: May 29, 2010, 12:07:59 PM »
faction is the one without s. and I forgot the other ones...

reason is he mentioned two? factions.

maybe he left the s...

But In the GOC(Guardians of Chaos) sentence...., It sounds awkward u know.....

awkward...
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #37 on: May 29, 2010, 12:26:30 PM »
If you see it as a name, it doesn't.
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #38 on: May 30, 2010, 04:52:46 AM »
Maybe...... i have 16 days left..........

EDIT: Wait, I researched on the internet:Redundancy
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #39 on: May 30, 2010, 06:22:26 AM »
Maybe...... i have 16 days left..........

EDIT: Wait, I researched on the internet:Redundancy
It's not redundant. 'Guardian of Chaos' is a title. Leaving any part out of it or changing the wording would be changing the title.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #40 on: May 30, 2010, 06:25:46 AM »
it is redundant because of the name. making it double makes it awkward to read.
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #41 on: May 30, 2010, 09:26:51 AM »
It is a title. You can't change a title.

EDIT: WhiteRose, if you don't tell me your and your mom's name, I'll have to write "WhiteRose and her mother" in the special thanks. xD
« Last Edit: May 30, 2010, 10:58:47 AM by Blizzard »
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #42 on: May 30, 2010, 07:39:19 PM »
It is a title. You can't change a title.

EDIT: WhiteRose, if you don't tell me your and your mom's name, I'll have to write "WhiteRose and her mother" in the special thanks. xD
My name's Ashley Taylor, my mom is Joy Taylor.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #43 on: May 30, 2010, 10:45:17 PM »
Alright, I added it. :)
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #44 on: June 16, 2010, 04:27:21 AM »
I also did my diploma thesis but it is all about the computerized billing of memorial lot. But with regards to your thesis, I think I will like it because I am an addict of online games. Especially that your thesis includes an improved version of the walk through explaining the solution for every puzzle and riddle that can be explained.
« Last Edit: June 17, 2010, 10:18:42 AM by zhaira931 »

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #45 on: June 16, 2010, 10:32:10 AM »
I added a strategy guide since version 1.1 in the game installation. xD
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #46 on: July 02, 2010, 12:40:14 PM »
I'm a M.Sc. now. :3
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #47 on: July 02, 2010, 03:05:30 PM »
Congrats!

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #48 on: July 02, 2010, 06:09:05 PM »
Thanks! It's been 5 long years, lol!
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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #49 on: July 03, 2010, 05:59:06 AM »
I'm a M.Sc. now. :3

What is that exactly .__. Dont cal me a n00b please D:

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #50 on: July 03, 2010, 06:12:43 AM »
Masters of Science AKA Masters degree (2 years of grad for most people).  The degree above Bachelor's of Science AKA Bachelors degree (4 years of undergrad for most people). 

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #51 on: July 03, 2010, 06:56:00 AM »
Congratz, Blizz. That's quite an accomplishment.

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Re: Diploma Thesis
« Reply #52 on: July 03, 2010, 08:49:34 AM »
Thanks. xD
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