The Storyline Service. Worldbuilding, Plots, Characters & Internal Consistency!

Started by Vell, January 07, 2008, 07:03:48 pm

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Shalaren

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Magic, the paranormal methods to manipulate natural forces, it has many forms of understanding, the Individual must have the right knowledge to understand and to control it, although not everyone is to be able to use magic, it isn't just learned, it also has to come in blood. Magic has made living much easier, Traveling was faster, and things could get done quicker and even more efficiently. Unfortunately not everyone used it for good purpose, magic was also dangerous as thousands learned how to use it for battle, with years the situation became worse and eventually the Originals, who came from the purest linage of magicians, began to notice and decided to put magic under control and force the extinction to the use of magic, and so they formed the Magic Force, Those who caught using magic will be called upon death. Them thinking that forbidding magic will end it, were soon to realise it has only made things worse, major wars began to hit the earth between those who fight for the freedom of magic and those who fight for peace, so much magic being used at once, almost making reality lose a touch with itself.

Shalaren, a very well educated magician and a very well known in the Magic Force, managed to create a spell in which will limit the use of magic around the world, and cast the spell he did. It was like a sudden silence after a raging thunder storm, many became majorly weaker, and some even lost their magic completely, they called it "Shalaren's Seal". The magic Force being made of Originals, they didn't like feeling weak, so they demanded Shalaren to break the spell; they claimed they can bring the world to calm by force, they liked ruling it. Shalaren begged from them to give it a chance, it will bring peace, but only few listened.

After years the ones who believed the spell should be broken united and called themselves "The Akith", they knew that Shalaren being the one who cast the spell, his death will mean the breaking of it and so they all decided to cast a spell of destruction, It was like the thunder storm was back except this time, literally. lightning hit the earth like meteors destroying everything at its landing, Crushing earth and killing millions, all this just to kill one, but Shalaren was protected by the originals who did listen. He knew that it was his life causing all this and he had to do something, and that's when he brought the "Shalaren Act".

A few years before that happened, Shalaren was travelling on sea to one of the Invaded Kingdoms, but caught in between a battle of ships, it didn't take him long to realise that the battle was about the use of magic. Shalaren, not being a big fan of violence decided to try to convince those to give up magic, but looking at all the sailors on the purple ship he realised that all of them but the captain, look Identical, that was when he knew exactly who they were, that was when he met Duncan Buckthorn, the captain of the "Purple Night". Buckthorn wasn't using magic, he was magic himself, it was out of his control, he's an ageless being, him and all of his crew, the purpose of their existence is to seal away destructive spells to bring things to their natural order. Shalaren decided to help them by getting them out of the sea; luckily they kept around when the Akith attacked.

Shalaren then announced the creation of his Metropolis named after him, the control of Magic Capital in the world; the originals who followed him recreated their force calling themselves, The Council of Shalaren (CoS), The Purple Night crew agreed to seal Shalaren's existence and his spell too, leaving the Metropolis to protect the world from the dangers of magic, leaving the Akith with one purpose, breaking the spell.

Mind pointing out the flaws?

Vexus

Is this thread still active?

I am currently writing a story for my new project and would like some insight from other people.

Thanks
Current Project/s:

Vell


Mystic Mage

Hello, sorry, I was absent for a long time without notice. However, I do feel I can still help with any stories, names, lore, etc. now that I am back. I'm around so post here or PM me your concepts if you like.

PhoenixFire

I am back as well, ready to help whomever needs it!
Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

anagura

Do you have any advice for implementing "fillers"?

I have my main plot points sketched out, but those alone would only amount to like 1 hour of gameplay.

I know the general RPG way of dealing with such things is have "episodes" built around certain characters, for example in FF7, Barret had his story in Gold Saucer, which lead into Cait Sith's story. A while later you find yourself in Rocket Town dealing with Cid's issues...

BUT, I only have one hero and one antagonist in my story... Kinda hard to draw ideas to fill up space when you're only following one character.

Another thing stories tend to do is "interruptions", eg: you're walking through a cave trying to find the "Holy Phallic Object of Doom" when all of a sudden, THE GROUND GIVES WAY! You fall into a pit of despair when you discover you're in a pit of PHALLIC SNAKES OF DOOM!

BUT, this can only happen so many times before you end up despising it as much as the 50 or so fetch quests you've been sent on. I guess I'm wondering... Are there any rules I should be following to allow me to see interruptions differently, the last thing I want is players comparing every twist to Team Rocket coming to steal their Pokemon or even annoyed that everything they do goes horribly wrong, or worse, expecting their next mission to go horribly wrong too.

One last thing, aside from these two examples of "fillers", do you have any other techniques to add play time to the experience, without messing with the overall plot too much?

NB: I acknowledge no one's responded here in a while, and while this may seem directed at Vell, anybody's input will be appreciated.

Zexion

Well the way I planned on extending the actual game play without extending the story might be a bit different because it is kingdom hearts after all lol. I planned to add random puzzles like you might have to find your way through a cave maze, or go help out some random npc that has nothing to do with the story, but happens to be there. Make it an obstacle to actually reach the boss such as starting them at the bottom of a cliff having to find a way up through the inside, all the while having to avoid being damaged by random things that the boss has influence on. Another way is to extend cutscenes, but not by adding dialogue, instead add animations to characters, some camera movement etc. Mini-games can also add a bit to the play time, especially if you make them required to unlock powerful spells and attacks.

In-case you don't want to read all of that
  • Puzzles
  • Interactive Environments & Boss Battles
  • Cutscene Effects
  • Mini-Games

anagura

Thanks for replying. I love that boss idea, strangely enough, I've been wondering about boss fights lately too and how to make them more engaging & memorable. I'll definitely use something like this for one of my bosses as I'm trying to take a different approach with every boss.

My issue with puzzles & mini-games is, I don't want to frustrate the player, I'll try and implement very simple puzzles for progressing with the story, but I try to keep them optional, as you said to unlock a new weapon or something.

I'm more talking about the story, expanding it without ruining it, or changing it too much.

I was just wondering if there is anyone out there who has written stories or read/seen lots of them and has picked up a few methods of adding drama & making things more interesting but still holding true to the main plot.

I like your idea about helping out a random NPC, I'll try adding a few moments like this. I might even make the villain playable, switching character/story every chapter. That should add an hour or two to my game, lol.

Shalaren

anyone still offering any service? I need a little help with writing the story for my project

PhoenixFire

Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

Shalaren

August 13, 2013, 10:40:52 pm #290 Last Edit: August 13, 2013, 10:44:06 pm by Shalaren
Haha oh boy I dont know where to start with this...
ok this is some history of the world for my game
Spoiler: ShowHide
QuoteMagic. One of the greatest mysteries of this world, from simple magic capable of levitating objects off the ground to conjuring powerful lightning storms. It takes on many forms and yet it is bound by none. To use such mysterious and sometimes terrifying power one must have the right knowledge,understanding and mentallity to control it. However not everyone is born to use it as it is a birthright only granted to a few.
54 years before the Enchanted Seal, the Eight Nethien, filled with tremendous powers, were the first to discover the mysterious forces of magic, How they had done so remains a mystery. Each of  The Eight had seen it fit to pass on their knowledge to students who in turn taught to their own, and slowly magic had become more widespread in the world of Shalaren. Magic had made living much easier, creating vast improvements in the fields of Agriculture, Travel and most importantly in Warfare. People were quick to notice that magic was also useful not only in improving lives but in taking them as well. The Order of the Maestre founded by The Eight, the first wielders of magic had seen over the years the chaos that magic had caused and thus they created the Shroud, An elite force of soldiers with only one task.
To regulate the use of magic from the shadows. The Shroud did their work well. Too well for that matter as many magical users had been slain by their religious zeal to fufill their duty to the Maestre. Soon it had become an unspoken rule that those who use magic, regardless of their position or occupation will be swiftly silenced permenently. The Maestre thinking that the Shroud's actions had solved their problem had breathed a sigh of relief. The world was finally at peace.
How very wrong they were.
Soon leaders from all different races over the world felt  threatened by The Eight being the only ones allowed to use magic, and had begun to rise up in open revolt to fight for their freedom to use magic. The Miea, a peace court founded by the Maestre sought to calm these leaders through peaceful negotiations, However they could not be swayed by mere words and thus they had to be silenced by force. With a heavy heart they gave the order and the Shroud sprung into action silently stiffling the voices of the rebellion. At least that was the initial plan. The major powers of the rebellion had managed to convince some of the more prominent and powerful warriors to join their cause and a vicious and terrible battle ensued between the sides that rallied to the Maestre's flag and those who opposed them. The rampant use of magic by both forces had caused reality to shift and dissolve causing most individuals to descend into madness.
Lucius, one of The Eight and a very well educated pupeteer and also a well known leader in the Shroud, had managed to create a curse, a seal to limit the use of magic throughout the world. The raging flames of war had been cooled. Everyone's magical abillity had begun to weaken slowly over the course of days, some even losing their abillity to use magic at all. The Enchanter's Seal as they called it brought peace throughout the land. The leaders of the uprising had accepted their loss of access to magic seeing as even the Eight were stripped of their own magical abillity. And thus peace took it's hold on the land.
At least for awhile...
The remaining Seven resented their loss of magical abillity and demanded Lucious to break the Seal. They claimed that they were wrong and that Shalaren needed magic as the people had grown too accostomed in using it. However their true goal was power, Power over the weak and to be looked upon as Gods among all races. Lucius begged them to give the seal a chance, It will bring peace he argued but his pleas fell on deaf ears.
The remaining Seven rallied upon those still loyal to them and formed a new union which they called the "True Order". Knowing that Lucious's death would destroy the seal as he was the one that had created it. Although The Seven who opposed Lucious only held a shadow of the power they once weilded they still managed to consolodate all their powers into one last powerful spell of destruction. Lightning struck the earth violently, the earth split asunder and the winds howled in rage.
All this just to kill one. Lucius however had managed to gather those loyal to him within the Shroud and as destruction raged around them he was protected by the powerful force of his allies. Lucious knew that the seal was the cause of this madness and that only he could control it. Upon realizing this it was up to him to seal himself and the rest of the Eight forever. The Seal held great magic poweful enough to entomb the Eight in a powerful spell, sealing them away for all eternity and scattering them through out the landscape to be forgotten throughout time.
However the True Order remained, creating chaos driven by only one purpose, To break Enchanter's Seal. Few had risen up against the tyrnical Order intending to thwart their plans of breaking the seal. These brave men and women are the Heroes of Shalaren and it is up to them to stop the so called True Order and trully bring peace to this world.

which I had for a while, but to be honest... I am not happy with it at all S: it focuses too much about magic, and it just isnt that big of an emphasis, actually Magic is just another concept in the world just like anything else, the only difference is that a seal was cast on the world just to weaken magic generally, but I dont want an emphasis on that either! S: The seal isnt the only thing that was done to end the chaos, and the Chaos it self was only caused because of the eight to begin with. so its ok to have an emphasis that the eight used magic, and that they had to be sealed away since they were dangerous, but in a different way I suppose. there are 2 stories I need to built, a story of how the world became to be (as how the gods created it) and just general history of the world which is what this one is... so it needs to be along the lines of how the world was going in its natural rhythm, and then the eight discovered their powers (I am thinking of coming up with a different name for magic... S:) and from there crap began to happen, but emphasising more on events like the establishment of the Meastre, or the Shroud, and how the world changed.  I hope I didnt confuse you too much, but I need help reorganising this story, because I can't figure it out myself S:, I tried many different things but I just fail at writing so much x-x

incase you aren't sure what I mean about something just let me know, otherwise do you have any suggestions and ideas? :)

Thank you in advance!

Edit: I thought of making it easier by merging the stories together too, of explaining how the world became to be and the events that followed that
Here is a rough draft of the story about the gods
Spoiler: ShowHide
QuoteThere's old scriptures carved onto the walls of the ancient ruins of Adalyn, of two twins symbolizing two different moons, fighting over a rock, a rock the locals believe to be our world before it was given life. The two kept pulling the rock back and fourth, screaming and teasing one another until it finally cracked, but they kept pulling until they soon found themselves falling into opposite directions with a different piece of the rock... angriliy the twins kept screaming at one another wanting the second piece. On these walls however there's unclear scribbles of a dark figure watching the twins from distance, and following them where ever they go... the locals say the light of their world protected the twins from darkness , and as long as it stays near, the dark figure cannot harm them. unfortunately it shows in the old scriptures that  at night when one of the twins was asleep, the other stole the other piece of the rock, and ran away to play with it leaving his brother alone. There was alot that was missing on the ruins but further down the walls, it showed of one of the twins holding two pieces of the rock over the dead corpse of his other twin brother. The dead corpse was consumed with anger, fear, and darkness. The remaining twin began crying, devestated by regret kept holding onto the rocks and with a single tear to fall upon them, it softened and connected the pieces together, and as tears kept falling, the oceans were created, and slowly over the long years so was life in this world.

which I hate I definetly need to think about something more creative x-x

PhoenixFire

Quote from: Shalaren on August 13, 2013, 10:40:52 pm
I hope I didnt confuse you too much,


uhm... Give me a little bit to sort through this, and I'll be less confused lolz. I think one story combining everything would be best to be honest.
Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

Shalaren


Vell

Check the first page for the reimagining of this service.

As it stands I'm the only one around to help I know of.

PhoenixFire

Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

Sylphe

D'you help with fresh new invented stories (only knowing the main frame of the story ) or only stories with deeply thought background charac etc ? ^^
blindly follow his heart can lead to the loss

Sylphe, descendant of Zoldik Family.
Quote from: TedBearTRY KEEP UP

PhoenixFire

I help with both. New and fresh, or well thought out drafts; doesn't make a difference to me =)
Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

Vell

Whatever you have, send to me (or phoenix) and we'll do what we can to help you expand.

Zexion

I'm wondering if anyone would like to help me write an awesome story for the kh game. It can be as specific or general to the kh series as possible. I'm turning here because I've always had trouble with writing a story that wasn't generic. (E.g. Heros do x. Bad guys do y. Heros win.)
Though I'm no where close to actually plotting the scenes out, I'd like to begin working on outlines of the game that I can build upon. Which includes the story and scene plotting.

I have my generic story if you'd rather build on that, but I'd prefer something....different.

PhoenixFire

Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?