Story

[WhiteRose]

Song of Destruction - Story

The Story So Far....: ShowHide

The tavern was the same as any other night; even from the outside, the noisy racket and clatter of the patrons could be heard. The bard gave a light hiccup as she drained the last few drops of ale from her glass, sliding it across the table to join its rapidly growing congregation of brethren. "Alright, alright, one more," she said with feigned reluctance. Despite her obvious intoxication, her voice was surprisingly clear. There was a roar from the boisterous crowd as she hoisted her thin frame up on the table; the barkeep's smile lessened a little as she set her muddy, travel-worn boots upon a chair. Paying him no mind, she unslung her instrument from her shoulder. After a few sour and dissonant chords, her slightly fogged mind remembered how to play the unusual contraption, and slowly, a flowing, lilting melody filled the room, piercing the murky din like a fresh breeze. The atmosphere settled into one of quiet, almost reverent, anticipation. She added several extra bars to the tune as she mentally stumbled about her drunken mind, finding all of the shards of the tale and quickly knitting them together as best she could. By now, there were few that hadn't heard this particular yarn, but it had quickly become a favorite - possibly because there were still those trying to pick out the truths from the typical bardic embellishments. The bard allowed herself a grin; she was one of the few people who knew for a fact that the whole thing was true. The last few notes of her prelude still hanging in the air in silent resonation, she began her tale.

[Backstory describing history of Creators, Church, magic, etc. goes here; haven't gotten around to typing it up yet since I wanted to get started on the main story.]

   Lighting his prayer candles, Father Theris knelt and began his morning invocation. Almost as soon as his knees touched the cold, tiled floor of the chapel, however, he heard a youthful voice pipe up behind him. "Um... pardon me, Father. I hope I'm not interrupting... " The elderly priest sighed. It was William.
   "You've misplaced your prayer book again, haven't you?" he said, rising to his feet with a patient smile. William said nothing, but the expression on his face was affirmation enough. "You really ought to be more careful with such things, my son. The sacred texts are not to be taken lightly."
   "Yes, I know. I'm sorry, Father; I tend to be a little absent-minded about such things. I will accept any punishment you see fit to give me," William repied, though he inwardly cringed at the thought of being on dishes duty again.
   "Of all of the doctrines given to us by the Holy Overgod," Father Theris said, approaching the young priest, "one of my favorites is that of forgiveness. Visit Brother Josef in the library - he will provide you with another copy until you've located your own."
   "Thank you, Father!" said William with a sigh of relief. He turned to leave, but then, remembering, turned back to his elder and bowed. "May the Overgod watch over you."
   "And you as well, my son." Watching the young man leave the chapel, the old man chuckled lightly. William certainly hadn't changed much since he had been brought to the chapel seventeen years ago. It was hard to believe that he would be taking his vows in just a few months, becoming a full-fledged member of the clergy. They truly did grow up quickly. A smile still on his face, the priest turned back to the alter to finish his prayers.

   His newly borrowed prayer book in hand, the young cleric began to make his way from the library back to the main living quarters. It was late, after all, and he was looking forward to a good night's sleep. He stopped, however, when he heard a rustling from the other side of the wall surrounding the temple grounds. Strange.... The temple was in an isolated location several miles away from the main city. Travelers around here were rare, and having them this far off the main path was even more unusual. Coupled with the fact that it was the middle of the night.... Perhaps it was... a thief? Starting to feel panic welling up inside him, William took a deep breath. He glanced around; no one else was here. Evening prayers had concluded a few hours ago - the other priests were all asleep. It was up to him to investigate. Finding a foothold on the wall, he boosted himself up and looked over the top of it. The foliage in the grove of trees surrounding the temple grounds was shaking, despite the lack of wind. Someone had just entered the grove... meaning that there was definitely someone out there. William gulped. It was up to him to go confront whoever was out there. Maybe they were just a lost traveler or something... he hoped. Saying a quick prayer to the Overgod for safety, he boosted himself the rest of the way over the wall, and headed into the dark woods.

   Wading through the tangle of trees and bushes, William caught sight of the tail of a dark cloak whipping out of sight. He almost called after whoever it was, but caught himself. If it was indeed a thief or a burglar, they might not think twice about hurting him. It would be best to remain hidden and catch them by surprise. Trying his best to be as silent as possible, he followed the stranger, just seeing a fleeting glimpse of him from time to time. After a minute or two, he heard voices from nearby. There must be others here as well. Straining his ears, he tried to make out what they were saying. It sounded almost familiar.... With a strange jolt, he realized why - they were speaking in the same ancient language used in various prayers. Curious.... Though he wasn't fluent in the language - even many of the high ranking priests only knew the prayers by route memorization - he was almost able to make out their conversation. He took a step closer, trying to hear... a branch snapped loudly as he placed his foot upon it. The conversation stopped. William winced; they must have heard him. After a moment of tense silence, he took a step backwards... and bumped right into a cloaked figured. Before he could even gasp, the figure placed his hand over William's mouth, and dragged him into a nearby clearing, where several other similarly dressed figures were sitting. Talking very quickly, they conversed in their strange language. One of them approached, looking him over. The figure said something to the man holding him. William felt a sharp pain in the back of his head, and blacked out.

   Two things immediately came to William's mind when he awoke. Firstly, that it was very dark. Secondly, that it was very hot. He blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes accustomed to the darkness, but it was futile. Where was he? Racking his brain, he tried to think of what had happened since he had met the group of robed figures in the forest, but it was useless - he didn't recall anything. He must have been unconscious this whole time. From somewhere nearby, he heard a commotion - shouting and the clang of weapons could faintly be heard. Seconds after the noise stopped, there was the loud grating of a heavy metal door opening, and the room he was in flooded with light. Blinking, he was able to make out the silhouette of a figure wearing a suit of heavy armor standing in the doorway of the room, which he now could see was a small, prison cell-like chamber. Judging by the rough texture of the stone upon which he was sitting, it had probably been directly carved into a natural system of caverns. The figure mumbled something and turned to leave. "W-wait!" stammered William, getting clumsily to his feet. The figure turned back to him as if to respond, but before he could say anything, a shout echoed from the hallway outside.
"I found the prisoner! Over here, quickly!" His mysterious savior reached for his sword, but before he could draw it, he was overwhelmed by a number of armed cultists. William, trying to act quickly despite his pounding head and sleepy mind, quickly said a prayer of protection. For just a few seconds, the blows of the cultists were deflected from the armored figure, giving him enough time to draw his own weapon and counter attack. There followed a brief struggle; though the figure apparently knew his way with a sword, he didn't appear to be by any means a master of the weapon. Despite this, with William backing him up, he was able to defeat his aggressors. After delivering one last kick to finish off one of the cultists who had been struck to the ground, he turned back towards the cell, and pulled off his helmet. With a jolt, William realized that he was, in fact, a she. He hadn't noticed before, due the armor covering her face and body. Though under better circumstances she might have been attractive, at the moment, she just looked worn out yet aggressive, like a lioness after being stuck in a hunter's trap for a day or two. Her long, blonde hair was plastered to her head, and the dark circles under her bright blue eyes stood out sharply against her pale skin.
"Maybe you're not as useless as you look," she said, looking him over, unsmiling. Turning to leave, she added, "Well? Are you coming or not?"

   Awkwardly, William hurried after her down the hallway. As he had thought, it wasn't a building so much as a natural system of caverns that had been adapted into a living area for a large amount of people. "Um, thank you for helping me," he said to his rescuer after a long period of silence.
"Mm," she replied in acknowledgement.
"I'm William, by the way. I don't think you ever mentioned your name... ?" William inquired, figuring it was about time for a proper introduction. She stopped and turned around.
"You're going to give away our position. Be quiet," she said, irritated.
"Oh, sorry."

   "Alice," she said abruptly after they had gone a while further.
"Huh?"
"My name is Alice. You asked, remember?" Not stopping to look at him, they progressed further through the network of tunnels.

Original Story Concept: ShowHide

Alright, I modified my idea for the main story a bit so that it would fit well into all of our suggestions. It's a little generic, but sometimes that's not a completely bad thing. Here's what I have at the moment (obviously, it's still up in the air and open to suggestions:)

Thousands of years ago, the planet (Plant Name) was created by a race of super-powerful immortal beings (Gods? TItans?) They created all manner of plants and animals, and finally topped their creation with their crowning glory - based on themselves, they created three intelligent races: humans, elves, and dwarves. Satisfied with their creation, they left the young planet to its own and left to pursue other interests. (Creating other planets or something; who know? It's not important, at any rate.)

Many years later, while experimenting in the field of (something. Alchemy, maybe?) a human accidently discovered how to tap the power of the demonic Netherealm, leading to the discovery of magic. Using magic made day to day life much easier; things could get done quicker, faster, and more efficiently. In addition, combat reached a whole new level, with wizards and evokers joining the typical ranks of knights and archers. The use of magic quickly spread to the other races.

After a time, magical advancements grew so high that they hit a ceiling - using standard channeling techniques, it was impossible to draw any more energy from the Netherealm. Thus, a group of sorcerers began researching a technology that would allow parts of the realm itself to be pulled into the regular world, allow their power to be accessed directly.  The experiement was a success; direct links between the two worlds were able to be established. However, because of this, the evil contained in the demon realm seeped into the human world, causing a great amount of corruption.

It was around this time that the Creators returned to check up on their planet. They were appalled to see what had become of their world - the corruption had become so deep, they considered it uncurable. The only solution was the destruction of the planet.

However, through the use of magic, the intelligent races had become almost as powerful as the Creators themselves at this point, and they resisted. There was a massive war, lasting many years. The face of the planet itself was changed by the sheer power of the forces at work. Despite the power of the intelligent races, they began to be overpowered, due to the fact that the immortal Creators could only be fought back, but never destroyed. In desperation, they turned to a new source - the Church of the Overgod (the Creator of the Creators) was formed. Many turned to the new religion, using various means to try and contact the Overgod. Finally, contact was established, and an agreement was made. The Creators would be sealed in the core of the planet, unable to destroy their creations. In return, however, they were never again to tap into the powers of magic. The corruption would still remain - as the Creators had said, it had affected the planet to the extent that it could never be fully purged - but it would spread no further. The art of magic was lost.

Many thousands of years passed; records of these events were lost - history became legend and eventually myth. Technology began to replace magic; various creations were discovered, including the powerful steam engine, which allowed for quick transportation and steam powered machines.

So much time had weakened the seal on the prison of the Creators, however; after years of effort, they were able to send a message to an unsuspecting individual, telling him of their infinite power and promising him a spot in the New World if he were to help them escape. Lapping up their lies, this individual formed the Cult of Creation, a group sworn to unsealing the Creators. They went largely unnoticed, but slowly became closer and closer to their goal.

(Main character) was an alter boy in the Church of the Overgod in (some city name;) he had not yet taken his vows and become a full member of the clergy. Unknown to him, many aspects of the Church at this point had become corrupted through the sands of time - though large parts of it were correct, any other aspects had crept in over time. One day while out doing mundane tasks, he accidentally stumbles across a meeting of the Cult and is captured. With the help of another prisoner (second main party member,) he manages to escape, and in the process, get a hold of some of the Cult's sacred works. Reading over it, he realizes what they are trying to accomplish. He is determined to return it to his superiors and get their assistance, but was taken a long way from home after being captured. With the help of his new ally, he sets off on his journey to return home. After traveling for a while, they come across a group of traveling bards, with whom they group up and travel for a time. Determined to get their sacred text back, the caravan is attacked by the cultists; only one of them survives. The main character and his friend manage to escape safely; they meet up with the only surviving member of the caravan, who joins them, hoping to avenge her fallen friends (third main party member.)

A while later into the game, they finally make it back safely to the main character's home. He shows them the work of the Cultists, but, to his horror, they dismiss it as nonsense. He realizes that they won't be of any help bringing this cult to its knees. Having heard his tale through the storytelling of the bard, a group of sorcerers who have revived the ancient art of magic contact the main character and offer him their support.  He is at first unwilling to accept, as magic is against the code of his Church, but realizes that it's the only way to save the world. A representative from this group (fourth and last main character,) joins him, and they set off to find a way to destroy the evil cult.

That's all I have for now; I can post specifics on the characters and whatnot if people are interested, and of course pretty much everything in there can be modified in anyone has a better idea. Obviously there are a few loose ends that need tying up, and it's not written all the way to the end, but I think it's enough to get us started.

Original Character Concepts: ShowHide

Main Character

Age: Late teens, probably.
Gender: Probably male.
Race: Probably human
Occupation: Not yet a full-fledged member of the Church, but very close to taking his vows.
Class Role: Healing and support magic at first, but is able to supplement with various other things such as melee combat, as he is not yet a Church member and thus not restricted from doing so. The player is given control over his growth, so eventually he can be anything from a full healer to a melee fighter to a spell caster.
Personality: I was thinking somewhat silent-protagist-ish, but I could also see him as being a bit of a goody two-shoes.

Second Main Character
Age: Probably somewhere 18 - early twenties
Gender: Probably female
Race: Probably human
Occupation: Noble lady of a royal family, but they were killed and she is tracking down the killer.
Class Role: Warrior and damage sponge. High stamina and defense, and pretty good attacking power.
Personality: Brash, cynical, generally aggressive. Can be somewhat cold-hearted and unfriendly.

Third Main Character
Age: Probably in her thirties, but about the human equivalent of 17 - 19.
Race: Half-Elf (a rare race typically found only among unorthodox groups such as a traveling caravan of bards; humans and elves do not normally intermarry.)
Gender: Probably female
Occupation: Wandering bard
Class Role: Thief/rogue role; also has some supportive abilities. High damage output, somewhat frail.
Personality: Loud, cheerful, loves telling stories and playing songs. Can be annoying at times.

Fourth Main Character
Age: Probably forties or fifties.
Race: Probably human (possibly an elf)
Gender: Probably male
Occupation: Wizard
Class Role: Mage; very high damage output, very frail.
Personality: Generally quiet and professional, usually has decent advice. Stays out of the way.

Again, these can all be changed later. This is just the framework that came into my head.

[AliveDrive]

*Claps*

That was beautiful. I like the part where (Main Character) is conflicted against the teachings of the church and having to choose to use magic to save the world.

EDIT: As for character skills, before the team discovers magic or what have you, what do you think of the idea of just normal people skills?

I.E. Heal = "Bandage". I know that's highly generic but I think it could work.

EDIT 2: Edit your heart out WhiteRose. xD

[WhiteRose]

EDIT: As for character skills, before the team discovers magic or what have you, what do you think of the idea of just normal people skills?

I.E. Heal = "Bandage". I know that's highly generic but I think it could work.

It's a good idea; also keep in mind that (Main character) is a priest-in-training, and thus would probably have access to some manner of generic priestly abilities like healing spells by tapping the holy channel to the Overgod. As far as other abilities go, though, I agree that just normal people skills would work until magic becomes a part of the team.

[winkio]

story sounds good, but with the three races - do we have the sprites for that, or is that going to be a lot of work?  Just something to think about, since the RTP has a TON of human and monster sprites, but not much for dwarves and elves - unless you wanted to do something like the legend of zelda did with the kokori and have the dwarves look like children.  Another option would be frankenspriting.

[WhiteRose]

@winkio: I don't think it would be too much of a hassle, as for the most part they look fairly similar. I do agree that dwarves might be a bit difficult; I guess it really all depends on how much work our spriters want to put into it. If necessary, we could just do away with that bit entirely and say that humans are the only intelligent race.

[AliveDrive]

Is frankenspriting just RTP edits? I'd be willing to give it a shot, and if it looks crap then at least we tried.

[winkio]

yeah, it's just combining different RTP chars and doing recolours, it's not hard at all

EDIT: I'm envisioning the 4th party member as a proper chivalrous gentleman.  Does anyone else get that impression?

[AliveDrive]

Hmmm...maybe he was/is a butler? xD Although I can't see a wizard being a butler so idk. But I do like the butler idea.

[winkio]

no, no, not a butler.  A gentleman.  One of those people that has their own estate and entertains guests and does random acts of philanthropy.  Kind of like Bruce Wayne.

[AliveDrive]

What about a retired war hero?

EDIT: Back in the war....zzz...eh? What ho!

[WhiteRose]

EDIT: I'm envisioning the 4th party member as a proper chivalrous gentleman.  Does anyone else get that impression?

Yeah, I could definitely see him that way.

[winkio]

Since this story is getting approval, why don't we work on fleshing out the details?  We could each pick a character to develop if WhiteRose is OK with that - if you want to stay in control of all the details, just say so.

[WhiteRose]

Since this story is getting approval, why don't we work on fleshing out the details?  We could each pick a character to develop if WhiteRose is OK with that - if you want to stay in control of all the details, just say so.

Though I don't think having a single person be in complete control of each character is the best way to go about it, we're definitely going to need to work together in making all of the characters complete and believable; I'm open to any ideas regarding additional traits, more backstory, inter-character relations, etc.

[AliveDrive]

I'll do a character, but stories are a weak point of mine.

Of course, if you don't like it, that's cool. But we are in the planning stages

EDIT: I think the other characters should have this sort of respect for the main character. Like, #2 and #3 can be arguing about what to do next, but whenever #1 speaks up they kind of tend to agree with him because of his goody-two-shoed-ness. Obviously, also because his character will always pick the morally righteous descision due to his upbringing, so it's kind of hard to argue against that. (Not that #2, being arrogant and agressive as she is wouldn't still pout or try to convince him otherwise.)


What do you think? I didn't really stick to one character huh? 

[WhiteRose]

I'll do a character, but stories are a weak point of mine.

Of course, if you don't like it, that's cool. But we are in the planning stages

Feel free to offer up any suggestions; the characters, in their final state, will be the combination of what we agree is the best of what everyone has to offer.

EDIT:
I was thinking that maybe we should start a topic for each character, in which people can post their ideas for that character, ranging from name to style of dress to backstory. Thoughts?

[winkio]

no thoughts - act first, ask questions later   It's really easy to merge split topics, but once you waste time being cautious, you never get it back.

[AliveDrive]

uh...too late? lol http://forum.chaos-project.com/index.php/topic,8807.0.html

[nathmatt]

demonic Netherealm, leading to the discovery of magic

this line says i wont be working on this project

[WhiteRose]

demonic Netherealm, leading to the discovery of magic

this line says i wont be working on this project

I didn't mean to offend anyone; it's just a fantasy world, after all. If you consider this reason to avoid the project, though, that's okay. Props to you for doing what you think is right.

[AliveDrive]

NathMatt I've had like 5-6 ideas shot down already. That's what brainstorming is. You take a bunch of ideas, and you find the ones that everyone likes the best. Point is, this is one of those reap what you sow type deals. You gotta try a bunch of ideas! Don't get discouraged so easily.

[Blizzard]

AD is right. This is what is called brainstorming. Add a bunch of stuff, whatever comes to your mind. Then sort out the useful things and start working. Trust me, the end result will be so much different than what you can read in the first post right now.

[Hatsamu]

I guess I'll post random ideas coming out from my mind, here =P


I was thinking that in some part of the story it would be great to have the party face the Creators or the Overgod itself in a human shape (or maybe they've possessed someone)

If this is "too much" maybe just the Main Character in some kind of dream or vision gets to face them.


Also, by "face them" I don't precisely mean a fight; it could also be a parallel/special quest in wich they get to learn skills/secrets/something or maybe just getting deeper in the story by having the Creators/Overgod version of the facts.

[WhiteRose]

I guess I'll post random ideas coming out from my mind, here =P


I was thinking that in some part of the story it would be great to have the party face the Creators or the Overgod itself in a human shape (or maybe they've possessed someone)

If this is "too much" maybe just the Main Character in some kind of dream or vision gets to face them.


Also, by "face them" I don't precisely mean a fight; it could also be a parallel/special quest in wich they get to learn skills/secrets/something or maybe just getting deeper in the story by having the Creators/Overgod version of the facts.

Not a bad idea; maybe the climax of the game could be that, despite the party's best efforts, the Cult manages to release the Creators. Using something (yet to be determined the magic of friendship?) they acquired on their adventure, the party would be able to stand against them and actually defeat them, unlike the war, in which they could only be fought back. Just an idea; it might be a bit too over the top.

EDIT: Here's an idea - just an idea, mind you. I'm not even sure if I like it, and it's my idea.
What about putting the story in a sort of 'frame' of having it being told by the bard character in a tavern or something? A possible intro would play out something like this:

Possible Intro Idea (Rough Draft): ShowHide

The tavern was the same as any other night; even from the outside, the noisy racket and clatter of the patrons could be heard. The bard gave a light hiccup as she drained the last few drops of ale from her glass, sliding it across the table to join its rapidly growing congregation of brethren. "Alright, alright, one more," she said with feigned reluctance. Despite her obvious intoxication, her voice was surprisingly clear. There was a roar from the boisterous crowd as she hoisted her thin frame up on the table; the barkeep's smile lessened a little as she set her muddy, travel-worn boots upon a chair. Paying him no mind, she unslung her instrument from her shoulder. After a few sour and dissonant chords, her slightly fogged mind remembered how to play the unusual contraption, and slowly, a flowing, lilting melody filled the room, piercing the murky din like a fresh breeze. The atmosphere settled into one of quiet, almost reverent, anticipation. She added several extra bars to the tune as she mentally stumbled about her drunken mind, finding all of the shards of the tale and quickly knitting them together as best she could. By now, there were few that hadn't heard this particular yarn, but it had quickly become a favorite - possibly because there were still those trying to pick out the truths from the typical bardic embellishments. The bard allowed herself a grin; she was one of the few people who knew for a fact that the whole thing was true. The last few notes of her prelude still hanging in the air in silent resonation, she began her tale.

[AliveDrive]

What if after the Creators are released, they are weak and need to retreat to one of the oblivion gate type places (you'd be weak too after being asleep for thousands of millenia!) The party learns that the Overgod is the overall collective conscience of the Creators, and the only way to stop them from destroying the world is to destroy the Overgod itself...how? I dunno, I'm busy wrapping my mind around wut I just said.

[WhiteRose]

What if after the Creators are released, they are weak and need to retreat to one of the oblivion gate type places (you'd be weak too after being asleep for thousands of millenia!) The party learns that the Overgod is the overall collective conscience of the Creators, and the only way to stop them from destroying the world is to destroy the Overgod itself...how? I dunno, I'm busy wrapping my mind around wut I just said.

The main flaw in your theory is that the Overgod is the one who helped trap the Creators in the first place (at least, in the current version of the story.) To make your idea fit, we'd need to change the backstory considerably.

[Hatsamu]

Perhaps a mix of both... William (or the whole party) have this quest with the Overgod (or one of his servants/messengers) where they get something (an item, a weapon, knowdlege, a secret magic of friendship) so they can lately face the Creators.

What if after the Creators are released, they are weak and need to retreat to one of the oblivion gate type places (you'd be weak too after being asleep for thousands of millenia!) The party learns that the Overgod is the overall collective conscience of the Creators, and the only way to stop them from destroying the world is to destroy the Overgod itself...how? I dunno, I'm busy wrapping my mind around wut I just said.

Just read this.

If this is used, you could end up with something like a new beggining maybe. Like a new group of creators being released or something...

Also, the backstory thing about they fighting against each other came to my mind too but, you know, they are gods, they make things we cannot understand :V

[AliveDrive]

right forgive my inability to follow a story. I have one last thing to post, an upgrade to Upgrade! and then I need some sleep. I will be on tomorrow and it will be a productive day!

[WhiteRose]

So, no thoughts on the frame thing, then?

[winkio]

I like the frame a lot.  Just remember that we have to frame the ending of the game so that the whole world doesn't know what happened (no catastrophic events, etc.).

[WhiteRose]

I like the frame a lot.  Just remember that we have to frame the ending of the game so that the whole world doesn't know what happened (only mildly catastrophic events, etc.).

Fix'd. Without technology like cell phones and internet, news would spread slowly and not go nearly as far, provided it's not too over the top.

[AliveDrive]

The "Seal of the Gods" would likely have carried its legends with it, and peoples would have avoided settling near it. We can have a dense forest have overgrown these (ruins) so that it is far from society.

[winkio]

Also, how are we portraying the 'corruption' from the magic realm?  Is it just evil human nature, or the appearance of monsters, or what?

[AliveDrive]

Good point. We could have physical establishments, such as a courthouse, casino, bars, black markets, slums, etc.

All of these can be twisted negatively.

The always classic: People can be conscious about not wandering too far into the wild, due to monsters.

We can have cutscenes portraying corruption, such as having the team get mobbed at some point and losing some goods.

Maybe the bad guys are aware that the group intends to undo them, so they have members try to lead them off track/ generally make things more difficult for the team.

[WhiteRose]

My original idea of the corruption was that there are actual physical regions that have been damaged by the demonic influence, turning them into dark and sinister areas that are dangerous and uninhabitable; monsters are formed in these regions, though they spread to other places as well. I was also toying with the idea that it caused the darker parts of human nature (lust, excessive violence, etc.)

This was just my original thoughts, though; we should go with whatever we agree would be best. I think that whatever the case, the corruption should be responsible for the creation of monsters through one way or another.

[AliveDrive]

Agreed. What do you think about still having some of the above mentioned areas?

Question: The closer to the dangerous areas you get, the more powerful the monsters get?

[WhiteRose]

Agreed. What do you think about still having some of the above mentioned areas?

Question: The closer to the dangerous areas you get, the more powerful the monsters get?

If we decide to go with this idea, then of course the areas would still exist. Remember, the corruption has permanently damaged the planet and can't be removed - this is why the Creators thought the planet was fit for destruction. If the corruption just faded with time, then the first war wouldn't have happened at all.

As for the idea of monsters being more powerful closer to the areas, I think that could work well, though we'd have to be careful with our implementation, as we don't want players to accidentally wander to close to a corrupted area and suddenly fight something exponentially stronger than them.

[winkio]

I have an idea to explain the existence of the Netherealm on a world created by the supposedly perfect Gods (I'm reiterating some of WhiteRose's story just to keep the context):

Millenia ago, our planet (Planet Name) was created by a race of super-powerful immortal beings, the Titans.  They created the brown soil, the fresh wind, and the roaring ocean.  Then they populated the world with plants and animals.  Finally they topped their creation with their crowning glory - based on themselves, they created humans. Satisfied with their creation, they left the young planet to its own and left to pursue other interests in the far corners of the universe.

This is the story you know so well, however, it lacks one very important detail: mistakes.  The process of creation was one of trial and error, and the Titans ended up producing many abominations.  They created a realm in the core of the planet called the Netherealm, and sealed all their mistakes away, never to be seen on the surface.

[WhiteRose]

I have an idea to explain the existence of the Netherealm on a world created by the supposedly perfect Gods (I'm reiterating some of WhiteRose's story just to keep the context):

Millenia ago, our planet (Planet Name) was created by a race of super-powerful immortal beings, the Titans.  They created the brown soil, the fresh wind, and the roaring ocean.  Then they populated the world with plants and animals.  Finally they topped their creation with their crowning glory - based on themselves, they created humans. Satisfied with their creation, they left the young planet to its own and left to pursue other interests in the far corners of the universe.

This is the story you know so well, however, it lacks one very important detail: mistakes.  The process of creation was one of trial and error, and the Titans ended up producing many abominations.  They created a realm in the core of the planet called the Netherealm, and sealed all their mistakes away, never to be seen on the surface.

Not a bad idea; not how I originally imagined things, but I think it fits well. This does raise a question, though - if the Netherealm is in the core of the planet, would that still be where the Creators were sealing following the first war? It would be poetic justice, in a sense, to have them sealed away with their own mistakes.

[AliveDrive]

I think it's the perfect solution.

@WhiteRose: I meant what do you think about corrupt human establishments such as a casino, or slums as a result of an unfair economic situation, or what have you.

[WhiteRose]

I think it's the perfect solution.

@WhiteRose: I meant what do you think about corrupt human establishments such as a casino, or slums as a result of an unfair economic situation, or what have you.

Casinos and slums aren't fundamentally evil; they are, however, an indirect result of greed - the rich preventing the poor from acquiring enough to live in proper standards (slums) and greedy people trying to manipulate other's greed (casinos.)

@winkio: I was thinking about your idea, and it fits even better than I expected. If the Creators were sealed in the Netherealm, then it would explain why the Cult would have Titanium - being the link to the Netherealm (allowing magic,) it would also be the key to breaking the seal on the Creators.

[AliveDrive]

I know they aren't fundamentally evil but they enable evil people to more easily do evil things.

Like a courthouse with corrupt officials.

What is the system of government?

[winkio]

I thought we said kingdoms... unless I missed something...

[AliveDrive]

Ok, did we establish how powerful the Church is?

Because the story places the Church in every kingdom right?

So it would make sense if they were on par with kingdoms in terms of powerful.

[winkio]

I think the Church is powerful in that nobody questions it, but it doesn't govern daily life or anything like that.

[WhiteRose]

I think the Church is powerful in that nobody questions it, but it doesn't govern daily life or anything like that.

This.

[The Niche]

Well, I missed quite a lot. Well done on the story, Rose. I am indeed impressed.

I don't really have much to add, but I think that this definitely needs more supporting characters. Also, alternatives names:

The creators - Different ones are feared in different areas. Different civilisations should have different names for them. Suggestions:
Quazla, Hejra, Xi Kan, Rol'tan, Firidori. I recommend the latter for the protagonist's home area.

The overgod - As above.
Quetzon, Ojira, Ho Ka, Bar'tul, Benedia. Again, the latter for the protagonist's home area.

The netherealm - As above.
Kletzakli, Uranja, Doko, Kolar'ka, Malavia. As above.

Next thing, the races. I think it's a bit boring if we just use humans, elves and dwarves. The archetypes, fine, but to mask the cliche a little bit, we ought to rename them.

Suggestions:

Humans - Kellians.
Elves - Mayri.
Dwarves - Dohil.

Also, I think the industrial elements shouldn't be everywhere. Magitech also ought to be around the place. But on that note, who should be the main industrialisers? The obvious candidate would be the dwarves, but it'd be interesting if the elves started it. Also, races. I'd like to see some tree dwelling dwarves, just cause it'd be hilarious. Elven miners as well. Finally, it'd be cool to associate each race with a particular element. I'm thinking humans - water, elves - air and dwarves - earth and then fire would be various demons or something. Maybe a nameless evil that doesn't actually exist.

And on that note, perhaps one of the creators isn't actually trapped? One or more, actually. Maybe some of them are with the people, others are responsible for the cult of creation's contact with the creators in the first place?

[winkio]

I think the less names we use, the better: http://xkcd.com/483/  They are humans, there is no reason not to call them humans.  Also, the name of the overgod should be the same everywhere.  And I like the idea of the titans being nameless.

On the note of the gods being trapped - maybe since they are trapped at the core of the earth, they can communicate to the surface at volcanos?  just a thought.

[AliveDrive]

Although I'd like a multi-race world, we face a wall with spriting.

Maybe we'll find a spriter that can whip us up some nice charsets, that would be a huge blessing.

I like the idea of a Creator on the loose.

That being said, we'd have to explain how he was able to avoid detection. Maybe he's deceptive/shadowy.

This does help explain the Cult's existence and knowledge concerning the Creators.

Maybe the Cult only know's what the deceptive creator has told them, which is why they are trying to free the creators. Not just that the Cult is full of evil people hellbent on destroying the world. It makes more sense.

WhiteRose has the clearest understanding of this story, so she should give her input.

[The Niche]

Although I'd like a multi-race world, we face a wall with spriting.

Maybe we'll find a spriter that can whip us up some nice charsets, that would be a huge blessing.

Challenge accepted.

@Wink: True, I forgot about that principle.

@Live: Now is where we can make it interesting. The loose cannon creator, could have been wronged by the others. Maybe they cared the most for life? Either way, they could be orchestrating the release of the creators in order for them to be destroyed. For that matter, maybe they're doing it because they care so deeply for life? Or perhaps they're just a bit pissed off that all their friends are locked in with their mistakes by their own creations and would quite like it if they were released.

[AliveDrive]

I don't know if a loose cannon personality would be so fitting...it seems to me he either tricked the humans into helping him, or forced them to directly. the easiest of which, would be to simply trick them.

This is all just theory of course, I feel like we should get WhiteRose to verify this within the story, she may see things I've missed.

[Hatsamu]

Well, I missed quite a lot. Well done on the story, Rose. I am indeed impressed.

I don't really have much to add, but I think that this definitely needs more supporting characters. Also, alternatives names:

The creators - Different ones are feared in different areas. Different civilisations should have different names for them. Suggestions:
Quazla, Hejra, Xi Kan, Rol'tan, Firidori. I recommend the latter for the protagonist's home area.

The overgod - As above.
Quetzon, Ojira, Ho Ka, Bar'tul, Benedia. Again, the latter for the protagonist's home area.

The netherealm - As above.
Kletzakli, Uranja, Doko, Kolar'ka, Malavia. As above.

Next thing, the races. I think it's a bit boring if we just use humans, elves and dwarves. The archetypes, fine, but to mask the cliche a little bit, we ought to rename them.

Suggestions:

Humans - Kellians.
Elves - Mayri.
Dwarves - Dohil.

Also, I think the industrial elements shouldn't be everywhere. Magitech also ought to be around the place. But on that note, who should be the main industrialisers? The obvious candidate would be the dwarves, but it'd be interesting if the elves started it. Also, races. I'd like to see some tree dwelling dwarves, just cause it'd be hilarious. Elven miners as well. Finally, it'd be cool to associate each race with a particular element. I'm thinking humans - water, elves - air and dwarves - earth and then fire would be various demons or something. Maybe a nameless evil that doesn't actually exist.

And on that note, perhaps one of the creators isn't actually trapped? One or more, actually. Maybe some of them are with the people, others are responsible for the cult of creation's contact with the creators in the first place?

Those names sound like god names. Not bad, not astounding.


About races... we can change them but... Its accepted to change the term "humans" but if we change "elves" and "dwarves" and then we show people Elves and Dwarves wouldn't they say "Hey, they are just Elves and Darves... why are they calling them different?"
See my point? I go either for changing the races by new ones or using the known ones.


Elves, Dwarves and Humans having different specializations among the industries sounds nice. It gives the world a more realistic enviroment.
About elements... Magic here comes from the netherealm, I don't think that we should use the archetypical "elements" thing here.


If the creators are going to be released, they need to be trapped.
However, at the moment of being sealed on the past war, they (or one of them) could have transferred part of their power to a human, thus making a "creators bloodline" they can partially control from their prision.

[WhiteRose]

I disagree with changes the races' names; I think they should remain something people can identify with and remember easily. Just my opinion.

Industrial elements would definitely be found in some places more than others - when I came up with the idea for the story, I had figured that the dwarves would be on the leading edge of industry, and have it implemented in their society more than the other races.

Magitech would not exist, as magic is forbidden. Even the apostate branch of the Church who worked to revive it aren't able to use it to a useful extent until William finds the Titanium.

As for associating each race with an element, I'm neutral to the idea.

I do like Benedia as the name of the Overgod, but it has a bit of a feminine feeling to it; I had imagined the Overgod as a male. I suppose this could be changed.

I also agree with winkio that the Titans should remain nameless. As they have become myth in most cultures, people wouldn't come up with individual names for them.

As for the idea of a loose Creator, I'm not sure I follow. Could someone summarize your current idea, please?

[The Niche]

Well, my main idea is that somehow, one or more of the creators escaped being sealed. Perhaps they actually were in an utterly different part of existence at the time and escaped. This way, the trapped creators have an agent, who can act as an ambassador for the creators. This character ought to be quite shadowy, to the point that even their gender remains a mystery.

My idea is that the ulterior agenda of this character is that they are in fact working to destroy the rest of the creators, perhaps because they've been wronged, perhaps because they care for life, perhaps because they're funny like that.

[WhiteRose]

Well, my main idea is that somehow, one or more of the creators escaped being sealed. Perhaps they actually were in an utterly different part of existence at the time and escaped. This way, the trapped creators have an agent, who can act as an ambassador for the creators. This character ought to be quite shadowy, to the point that even their gender remains a mystery.

My idea is that the ulterior agenda of this character is that they are in fact working to destroy the rest of the creators, perhaps because they've been wronged, perhaps because they care for life, perhaps because they're funny like that.

It could work. Personally, I view the Creators as a collective unit - they're generally of one mind. The concept that one of the Creators escaped the sealing severely decreases the seeming power of the Overgod - he missed sealing one just because he wasn't in the same place? How's this for an idea: the individual who was contacted by the Creators through their seal (who has yet to be developed at all) almost fits the role you're describing. I suppose if people like the idea, we could say that somehow, once he agreed to help them, he let them somehow take over his body. Thus, empowered by the Creators, he is the shadowy and very powerful leader of the Cult.

I think this is a good combination of your ideas and the current working canon. What do you think?

[AliveDrive]

I'd prefer a male overgod.

Titans should be nameless, but might they have adjectives tied to them? The Wise Titan. The Jovial Titan. etc.

Shadowy Genderless Powerful Cult leader it is.

[WhiteRose]

Shadowy Genderless Powerful Cult leader it is.

I don't think he should be genderless; one of the reasons that this would work well is that it would make the power of the Creators seem more physical and real - making him too shadowy and mysterious defeats that purpose. Having him be genderless is pretty shadowy and mysterious indeed.

[The Niche]

So basically the creators are just one big multi body enemy? Meh. Original, but meh.

As to the rest of your idea, I think that someone being possessed just doesn't work.

Hold on a second, just had another idea. We could take that and mix it up. Hatsamu suggested a Creators bloodline, I think that could work. Except a little bit different. Basically, the creator in question managed to breed with a mortal. Probably an elf.  Thus we have a demigod. This way, we can allow for ulterior motives (I've really just fallen in love with that idea :L).

But, there's also the cult leader. Basically, the demigod is responsible for the cult leader being possessed. The demigod acted as an agent and convinced the cult leader to form this cult. Then he facilitated the creators possessing the cult leader. Perhaps he took the material of the seal and made part of it into a ring or something. Through this, the creators can communicate directly with the cult leader and lend him a fraction of their power.

[WhiteRose]

So basically the creators are just one big multi body enemy? Meh. Original, but meh.

As to the rest of your idea, I think that someone being possessed just doesn't work.

Hold on a second, just had another idea. We could take that and mix it up. Hatsamu suggested a Creators bloodline, I think that could work. Except a little bit different. Basically, the creator in question managed to breed with a mortal. Probably an elf.  Thus we have a demigod. This way, we can allow for ulterior motives (I've really just fallen in love with that idea :L).

Firstly, I don't see the need to throw an additional character into the plot to complicate things; I guess I'm just one for plots that are fairly easy to follow, especially in a short game like this one. Secondly, I don't see the Creators as being the type to breed with their own creations - that's like... well, do you really need an analogy? XD

This isn't my game, though; if the other like your idea, then I'm all for it.

EDIT: As for the Creators being one big multi-body enemy, that's not what I meant. I meant that they are united in purpose, and wouldn't turn against each other. Just a clarification for you; you seem to have not understood my meaning.

[AliveDrive]

But, there's also the cult leader. Basically, the demigod is responsible for the cult leader being possessed. The demigod acted as an agent and convinced the cult leader to form this cult. Then he facilitated the creators possessing the cult leader. Perhaps he took the material of the seal and made part of it into a ring or something. Through this, the creators can communicate directly with the cult leader and lend him a fraction of their power.

Fact. I have OCD about things like this. It gives me nightmares xD.

On topic: Let's debate a gender. I heard WhiteRose say male. Is having a male antagonist too cliche? It could just as easily be a woman.

[WhiteRose]

But, there's also the cult leader. Basically, the demigod is responsible for the cult leader being possessed. The demigod acted as an agent and convinced the cult leader to form this cult. Then he facilitated the creators possessing the cult leader. Perhaps he took the material of the seal and made part of it into a ring or something. Through this, the creators can communicate directly with the cult leader and lend him a fraction of their power.

Fact. I have OCD about things like this. It gives me nightmares xD.

On topic: Let's debate a gender. I heard WhiteRose say male. Is having a male antagonist too cliche? It could just as easily be a woman.

Well, let's wait to decide any specifics about the character until we know exactly what we're working with here. I'd like to hear some opinions on Niche's suggestion; I've given mine.

[The Niche]

Every ladder has a bottom rung. For a bit of reference, the greeks had Hades, who was tricked into ruling the underworld. He was hated and feared and constantly trying to get his own back. Of course, the Olympians were perhaps the most dysfunctional godly unit ever, so that's really not the best example.

Hmm...the Fritzl titan? XD. But then, you're implying that they created life by breeding. Ok, you aren't, but hey, it had to be said.

It's only six characters we have. Perhaps the loose cannon isn't a demigod, but something in their own right. What I'm getting at here is that maybe it's another overgod. I don't know, it could be anything. I like the half-blood idea, but then we need a reason to explain the Fritzlness.

@Live: A female cult leader? Interesting. Hell, we could bring in feminism as a motive in that case.

[WhiteRose]

I think the reason I'm hesitant to add this additional character is that he just doesn't seem necessary to me; the fewer characters we have to develop, the more we can develop them. The story is starting to take shape, so I don't really see a reason to take it apart and change some of the core elements. Of course, if you think the core elements themselves are flawed somehow, then this is of course the only option.

I don't really like the idea of another Overgod; firstly, this would lessen the impact of the Overgod himself - I mean, he's the Overgod. If there's another Overgod, then neither of them are Overgods. Secondly, he would then be impossible to defeat. We were having trouble coming up with a way for our characters to defeat the Creators; the Overgod dealt with them without a problem. Having to fight something that powerful would mean that our characters would have to be so strong they could defeat the Creators in a snap, lessening their impact significantly (as well as the impact of everything else in existence - I want to try and avoid God-tier characters.)

As for the idea of a female cult leader, I think we would have a greater capacity to make him seem more sinister and evil if he was a male. That's just my opinion. Whatever the case, I think feminism should stay as far away from this project as possible. We don't want a political commentary here.

EDIT: I have no idea how those typos get in there, I swear.

[winkio]

Okay, let me take this point by point:

1.  The creators, or titans, or whatever we want to call them, are a group.  They are 'only mythical', and present a sort of nameless fear.  They don't need names or titles.  This is something that could named differently in different places - the demons, the evils, the black winds, etc.

2.  The overgod sealed all the titans in the center of the earth (possibly in the netherrealm).  There is no way of getting out of that.  But there is some way that they can communicate with the surface (I'm thinking volcanos, but trees or corruption sites or anything will do, really).  They build a secret following among the cult.

3.  I don't understand why we need the other races.  Humans are there, and the whole story can be based around humans.  Would someone enlighten me as to what other races would add?

4.  The cult leader could either be a normal human infused with titanium, or some special type of monster from the corruption zones.  It definitely should not mess with any of the groundwork that was already layed down (no half-bloods, no bloodlines, nothing else).

5.  Overgod - either male, or female, but not genderless.  We have to humanize him/her to show the connection to the people.

I appreciate the creativity, but let's not tear down what we have just finished constructing.

[The Niche]

I think the reason I'm hesitant to add this additional character is that he just doesn't seem necessary to me; the fewer characters we have to develop, the more we can develop them. The story is starting to take shape, so I don't really see a reason to take it apart and change some of the core elements. Of course, if you think the core elements themselves are flawed somehow, then this is of course the only option.

It isn't changing the core of the story. The creators are still sealed in, they still try to get out, they still make contact with a cult, the cult still abducts the hero, etc. What changes is that now, there is someone running the show. And I don't think it's necessary to fight him. The entire point of the character is that he's orchestrating the creators' escape so they can be made no more. Therefore he's on the protagonists' side.

Whatever the case, I don't think feminism should stay as far away from this project as possible. We don't want a political commentary here.

Ow. My head.

[WhiteRose]

Okay, let me take this point by point:

1.  The creators, or titans, or whatever we want to call them, are a group.  They are 'only mythical', and present a sort of nameless fear.  They don't need names or titles.  This is something that could named differently in different places - the demons, the evils, the black winds, etc.

2.  The overgod sealed all the titans in the center of the earth (possibly in the netherrealm).  There is no way of getting out of that.  But there is some way that they can communicate with the surface (I'm thinking volcanos, but trees or corruption sites or anything will do, really).  They build a secret following among the cult.

3.  I don't understand why we need the other races.  Humans are there, and the whole story can be based around humans.  Would someone enlighten me as to what other races would add?

4.  The cult leader could either be a normal human infused with titanium, or some special type of monster from the corruption zones.  It definitely should not mess with any of the groundwork that was already layed down (no half-bloods, no bloodlines, nothing else).

5.  Overgod - either male, or female, but not genderless.  We have to humanize him/her to show the connection to the people.

I appreciate the creativity, but let's not tear down what we have just finished constructing.

1. Agreed entirely; that was exactly the point I was trying to make.

2. I hadn't yet thought of how exactly the Creators were able to communicate with the leader of the Cult; volcanoes are a fantastic idea.

3. Upon further reflection, I agree with you. Stripping the intelligent races down to only humans would remove unnecessary complexity from the game world.

4. I think the Cult leader should be a human; if he were a monster, we'd have to start dealing with the issue of exactly how intelligent the monsters were, etc. As for the idea of him being infused with Titanium, it's an interesting thought. The Cult leader, being, for most intents and purposes, the 'main villain' for the large part of the game, should probably have his own thread where we can discuss things like this. He won't need to be developed as much as the main characters as he won't be around as often, but he still needs to be developed.

5. Agreed. I vote male. How about the rest of you?

[AliveDrive]

Ok, this is where I say:

"Know what guys, I helped shape the core story, now I'm just getting in the way."

I don't want to tear down what we've got, I think it's golden, and I may throw my ideas in at certain stages.

But the majority of the story is formulated now, so a smaller team can work faster with less diversity among ideas.

I feel like the story is in excellent hands and I'd like to begin working on something else, though as to what I'm unsure.

Male.

[WhiteRose]

I've removed the 'race' section for all character posts to reflect that fact that humans are now the only intelligent race.

[The Niche]

Ok, this is where I say:

"Know what guys, I helped shape the core story, now I'm just getting in the way."

I don't want to tear down what we've got, I think it's golden, and I may throw my ideas in at certain stages.

But the majority of the story is formulated now, so a smaller team can work faster with less diversity among ideas.

I feel like the story is in excellent hands and I'd like to begin working on something else, though as to what I'm unsure.

Male.

What Live said. I honestly am finding it very difficult to keep cool here. I didn't have any hand in shaping the core story and it's quite annoying that my timetable is radically different to all of yours. So, I'm not going to work on story either. I'm going to lead the spriting team, or be the spriter as the case may be. Following, as you may have guessed, isn't one of my strong points.

I don't really care about the gender, honestly.

[AliveDrive]

Don't be discouraged! We've only just begun to do work, rest assured we are far from finished.

Does anyone else have a problem with Robin and William?

No?

Spoiler: ShowHide

How 'bout now?

[winkio]

still no problem for me.  Although it is an interesting coincidence.  What do other people think?

[WhiteRose]

still no problem for me.  Although it is an interesting coincidence.  What do other people think?

Hahaha, I hadn't thought about that one. I don't think most players will even notice, and those who do will probably just think we were trying to be clever. I don't think we need to change their names because of that.

[AliveDrive]

It's totally fine with me.
But it's in the back of my mind...

[Hatsamu]

Okay, let me take this point by point:1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

1- Totally agreed.

2- Volcanoes will work.

3- Good choice by removing the other races.

4- Can we give the Cult Leader titanium eyes? I'd love it xP

5- Male; I think it will work better with this story.

6 (?) - Robin Williams should be added to the ending credits :V

[Shalaren]

oh lol I really wanted to comment about the races xD I feared you'd guys hit me.
removing them is deffinetly a good choice.
also why not just call the planet earth? its a fantasy anyway so doesnt have to be something else just because these gods are not in a real religion, and the fact that the planet has humans should kinda tell people its earth. as if the gods are actual gods that created earth, in fact many religions have a story just like that.

[AliveDrive]

Earth, Gaia, the Planet.

Let's just pick something simple and not get hung up on it.

@Shalaren Nobodies going to hit you for expressing your opinion in a polite way, don't be afraid to contribute, but don't be discouraged if something you suggest isn't widely received.

[Shalaren]

I wouldnt go with gaia S:, but just leaving it as "The planet" is actually just enough. no need to actually name it S: just another name that wouldnt be used as much.

[WhiteRose]

I think Earth has been used somewhere before... can't quite put my finger on it, but I know I've heard that somewhere....

:V

I wouldn't mind calling the planet that. To me, the name of the planet isn't really that big of a deal. I also think, though, that this is one area in which it wouldn't hurt to make up something unique.

[AliveDrive]

I was being HIGHLY unoriginal btw.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaia_(Final_Fantasy_VII)

Gaia (also called "the Planet") is the fictional world in the 1997 console role-playing game Final Fantasy VII.

The first sentence of the wiki.

[Shalaren]

yeah I knew that, just said wouldnt go with gaia,
as WhiteRose said, its not a big deal, so even then getting a unique name is unnecessary, even if it wouldnt hurt.
I vote for Earth personally,

[Hatsamu]

The creators made the planet and then they went to another place... did they even name it?

"The planet" sounds good for me (and I really love naming things, but it really doesn't needs a name, though, as said, it wouldn't hurt naming it)

[winkio]

So we've defined enough different parts of the story that we can start working on the final draft.  It should tell the complete story of the game from beginning to end, starting and ending in the frame story of the bard's tale.  Write it however you want: as a play, as a novel, as a narrated story, whatever.  Note that there will only be one person working on this final draft.  Of course, that one person can still post here in case they run into any roadblocks while working through the story.

On that note, I'd like to nominate WhiteRose if she has the time and feels up to it.

[WhiteRose]

I accept that nomination. Unless there are any others who want to contest the position and do it themselves, I'll get started on it as soon as possible.

EDIT: I've started on the story. I haven't written much so far, but at least it's a start. I'll continue posting updates in this thread as I continue to work on it.

The Story So Far: ShowHide

   The tavern was the same as any other night; even from the outside, the noisy racket and clatter of the patrons could be heard. The bard gave a light hiccup as she drained the last few drops of ale from her glass, sliding it across the table to join its rapidly growing congregation of brethren. "Alright, alright, one more," she said with feigned reluctance. Despite her obvious intoxication, her voice was surprisingly clear. There was a roar from the boisterous crowd as she hoisted her thin frame up on the table; the barkeep's smile lessened a little as she set her muddy, travel-worn boots upon a chair. Paying him no mind, she unslung her instrument from her shoulder. After a few sour and dissonant chords, her slightly fogged mind remembered how to play the unusual contraption, and slowly, a flowing, lilting melody filled the room, piercing the murky din like a fresh breeze. The atmosphere settled into one of quiet, almost reverent, anticipation. She added several extra bars to the tune as she mentally stumbled about her drunken mind, finding all of the shards of the tale and quickly knitting them together as best she could. By now, there were few that hadn't heard this particular yarn, but it had quickly become a favorite - possibly because there were still those trying to pick out the truths from the typical bardic embellishments. The bard allowed herself a grin; she was one of the few people who knew for a fact that the whole thing was true. The last few notes of her prelude still hanging in the air in silent resonation, she began her tale.

[Backstory describing history of Creators, Church, magic, etc. goes here; haven't gotten around to typing it up yet since I wanted to get started on the main story.]

   Lighting his prayer candles, Father Theris knelt and began his morning invocation. Almost as soon as his knees touched the cold, tiled floor of the chapel, however, he heard a youthful voice pipe up behind him. "Um... pardon me, Father. I hope I'm not interrupting... " The elderly priest sighed. It was William.
   "You've misplaced your prayer book again, haven't you?" he said, rising to his feet with a patient smile. William said nothing, but the expression on his face was affirmation enough. "You really ought to be more careful with such things, my son. The sacred texts are not to be taken lightly."
   "Yes, I know. I'm sorry, Father; I tend to be a little absent-minded about such things. I will accept any punishment you see fit to give me," William repied, though he inwardly cringed at the thought of being on dishes duty again.
   "Of all of the doctrines given to us by the Holy Overgod," Father Theris said, approaching the young priest, "one of my favorites is that of forgiveness. Visit Brother Josef in the library - he will provide you with another copy until you've located your own."
   "Thank you, Father!" said William with a sigh of relief. He turned to leave, but then, remembering, turned back to his elder and bowed. "May the Overgod watch over you."
   "And you as well, my son." Watching the young man leave the chapel, the old man chuckled lightly. William certainly hadn't changed much since he had been brought to the chapel seventeen years ago. It was hard to believe that he would be taking his vows in just a few months, becoming a full-fledged member of the clergy. They truly did grow up quickly. A smile still on his face, the priest turned back to the alter to finish his prayers.

His newly borrowed prayer book in hand, the young cleric began to make his way from the library back to the main living quarters. It was late, after all, and he was looking forward to a good night's sleep. He stopped, however, when he heard a rustling from the other side of the wall surrounding the temple grounds. Strange.... The temple was in an isolated location several miles away from the main city. Travelers around here were rare, and having them this far off the main path was even more unusual. Coupled with the fact that it was the middle of the night.... Perhaps it was... a thief? Starting to feel panic welling up inside him, William took a deep breath. He glanced around; no one else was here. Evening prayers had concluded a few hours ago - the other priests were all asleep. It was up to him to investigate. Finding a foothold on the wall, he boosted himself up and looked over the top of it. The foliage in the grove of trees surrounding the temple grounds was shaking, despite the lack of wind. Someone had just entered the grove... meaning that there was definitely someone out there. William gulped. It was up to him to go confront whoever was out there. Maybe they were just a lost traveler or something... he hoped. Saying a quick prayer to the Overgod for safety, he boosted himself the rest of the way over the wall, and headed into the dark woods.

   Wading through the tangle of trees and bushes, William caught sight of the tail of a dark cloak whipping out of sight. He almost called after whoever it was, but caught himself. If it was indeed a thief or a burglar, they might not think twice about hurting him. It would be best to remain hidden and catch them by surprise. Trying his best to be as silent as possible, he followed the stranger, just seeing a fleeting glimpse of him from time to time. After a minute or two, he heard voices from nearby. There must be others here as well. Straining his ears, he tried to make out what they were saying. It sounded almost familiar.... With a strange jolt, he realized why - they were speaking in the same ancient language used in various prayers. Curious.... Though he wasn't fluent in the language - even many of the high ranking priests only knew the prayers by route memorization - he was almost able to make out their conversation. He took a step closer, trying to hear... a branch snapped loudly as he placed his foot upon it. The conversation stopped. William winced; they must have heard him. After a moment of tense silence, he took a step backwards... and bumped right into a cloaked figured. Before he could even gasp, the figure placed his hand over William's mouth, and dragged him into a nearby clearing, where several other similarly dressed figures were sitting. Talking very quickly, they conversed in their strange language. One of them approached, looking him over. The figure said something to the man holding him. William felt a sharp pain in the back of his head, and blacked out.

[winkio]

looking good so far.

[WhiteRose]

looking good so far.

Thanks. I haven't had much time to work on it, but hopefully I'll be able to get a lot more done this weekend when I'm not so busy with classes and homework.

[[Luke]]

Abduction? Evil cult? COME ON. Why don't we make it a little bit genuine?

For example:

William is a promising alter boy. His pure and brave spirit makes him not only a model cleric, but it appears that he has a talent for the miracles, as the Church of the Overgod calls the healings and blessings of the Holy Magic. One day he is assaulted by thugs who try to rob him, but in a reflex he makes them blind with the Holy magic, and it's a spell that has never been seen yet. William is accused of using the magic (even if it's the same magic that the priests use) and banished from his town. (Possible: motive of connections between thugs and some twisted priest).

William, who is torn between his beliefs and loyalty to the Church and the feel of innocence, meets the members of the cult. They appear to be the "holy avengers", "true believers", who want to restore the magic to its place in the world and fix the mistakes of the corrupted Church. They are getting good at magic, but a Holy Mage must be a lawful and innocent man, so they need William for a ritual to break the Overgod's seals.

Once the seal is broken at the volcano site, William hears the voice of Creators. (Now no long and over-epic loreshot in intro needed, hooray!) He, as all the cultists, is being lured and misleaded with their message - Creators tell William that they are the true Gods, but one of them, known now as Overgod, has rebelled and put them all in prison. Opening the seal makes the Creator's emissaries, Prophets, appear on the planet - people who can speak with their gods and use some of their power (material for interesting NPCs/enemies).

Williams beilef in the Cult shakes when he meets Alice (who is not a prisoner, but undercover avenger preparing her retribution). He collects evidence of her story and confronts his new "friends", what makes him marked as "expendable". With help from Alice, he fights back and escapes the site to go back to his Church and, despite earlier rejection, tell his superiors about the Cult. On the way back home he meets the travelling bards, etc. (as in the first sketch).

The Church refuses to redeem William's sins, even when informed about the Cult - especially after hearing what William has done. They imprison William, but one of the priests helps Robin free him and guides him to meet an old eremite, who was a former priest and may know more (Gerald).

And here we are on the main course again.

[winkio]

That seems a bit too overdone, like it's taking itself too seriously.  We're making a story for a 2D RPG, not the next Hollywood blockbuster.  I like our original idea better because it is interesting while being told, but melts into the background when gameplay is being emphasized, giving us room to bring it in when and where we desire, instead of forcing the whole game to revolve around some complex storyline.

[[Luke]]

Yippie, so let's bring another epic straightforward story with the only twists of discovering the new evil evil plans!. An interesting, genuine story and non-schematic motives for the characters is so BORING, indeed it is.

Whos says that a story for 2D RPG has to be wearisome pompouse?

IMNSHO an interesting story would be the only excuse to withstand turn-based battles.

[winkio]

Well that's a great opinion, but it really doesn't apply.  I myself have never played a 2D RPG with an amazing story, yet I still loved them, even such classics like Mario RPG, Final Fantasy, and Chrono Trigger didn't have overwrought stories.

[[Luke]]

What on earth am I doing here? I guess I'm just not a type of jRPG player. So you guys say that you really enjoy those turn battles and the story is just an excuse to have more of them?

I'm sorry, folks. I think I don't fit here

[winkio]

We aren't looking to reinvent the genre, if that's what you mean.  The goal is just to create a great game.

[Blizzard]

Let me just point out that Hollywood Blockbusters during the last 5 years were pretty weak.

[AliveDrive]

@Blizz Word.

@Luke I'm not much of a story guy as it is. I like to play a game that is fun to play.

(I'm not hating on our story or anything, I think it's great.)

But hey, why don't you try your hand at game features? That is where you will probably have the most opportunity to break the mold.

[Vell]

Well, it appears as though I come too late to give my two cents. Hmm.

If you find yourself stuck on any particular plot point I'll help you as much as I can. Until then I'll throw ideas out there, and tomorrow I'll try to go over this topic again and respond to everything. There's a lot of information and it feels like a lot of it came from discussions in other threads I haven't yet read, so I'm still catching up.

[WhiteRose]

Well, it appears as though I come too late to give my two cents. Hmm.

If you find yourself stuck on any particular plot point I'll help you as much as I can. Until then I'll throw ideas out there, and tomorrow I'll try to go over this topic again and respond to everything. There's a lot of information and it feels like a lot of it came from discussions in other threads I haven't yet read, so I'm still catching up.

Thanks, Ulta. I'll be sure to let you know if I get stuck.

[G_G]

Thats so cool!

[WhiteRose]

I've updated my previous post with more of the story write-up. It's pretty rough, as this is just a first draft, but hopefully it should at least convey what's happening. Any feedback is welcome, though I'd prefer feedback regarding the events of the story or the character rather than a critique of the writing (as I'm mentioned, this is just an initial draft. I'm well aware there are probably errors.) I'll continue to work on it and post updates as I get further to completion.

When we're creating the actual in-game dialog and cutscenes, it isn't necessary to take these scenes line-by-line. This is just an outline of how I envision things taking place.

On a related note, if we're going to be putting together a first demo soon, it might be advantageous for me to skip ahead and write the story for the sections we will be using. We should come to a conclusion on which sections will be included in the demo so I can get started.

[AliveDrive]

While my story writing isn't this good, I enjoy dialog and cutscenes immensely.

Keep up the good work!

[winkio]

Errors don't really matter as long as it's clear, as we aren't publishing the full story.  As you said, it will be adapted to cutscenes, etc. so don't worry too much about perfection.

[WhiteRose]

Errors don't really matter as long as it's clear, as we aren't publishing the full story.  As you said, it will be adapted to cutscenes, etc. so don't worry too much about perfection.

Those are my thoughts on the matter as well.

[WhiteRose]

*legally doubleposts*

I've been working on this since classes are over now, and have decided that I'll probably just skim over the dungeon crawl sections, as they're not very story-heavy at all. I hope no one minds.

[winkio]

I mean, there's no need to narrate all the puzzles and treasure chests, but you could actually link up the story with some of the dungeons if you wanted (you don't have to though).

[WhiteRose]

I mean, there's no need to narrate all the puzzles and treasure chests, but you could actually link up the story with some of the dungeons if you wanted (you don't have to though).

Oh, I know. I'm just saying, I'm not going to give turn-by-turn directions in the narrative, primarily because it would be terribly boring to read (and write!,) but also because I don't know the actual layout of the dungeons. I'll still write a few pieces of dialogue and various events for each dungeon.

EDIT: What do you think of the concept of having a few dialogue segments that can occur during random battles in between story events, in which the characters would say a line or two to each other about the fight, possibly regarding what is currently happening in the plot? Each event would only occur once, so they wouldn't get annoying and repetitive. I think this would add a little more depth to the characters and make the battles seem more like part of the story and less of a game-play mechanic. A similar system was implemented in Final Fantasy X.

Another idea would be having the characters have things to say while walking around the map. This was done in Dragon Age to fantastic effect, brightening up dull dungeon crawls, adding a lot of personality to the characters, and making the game much more immersive. For example, at one point one character complains to another about finding one of his socks in her bedroll, and at another one of the more enigmatic characters is asked about her history. Nothing vital to the plot ever happens during these snippets of dialogue, but they're definitely interesting. The only downside I could see to this is that, unlike Dragon Age, we're not using spoken lines, and so you couldn't continue walking around during the dialogue, meaning that it would interrupt the game. A possible solution would be to have the text windows appear, but advance on their own, and allow the player to continue moving despite their presence.

[winkio]

If you like the idea, work out the deatils (face sets, what features our message system would need, etc.).

[AliveDrive]

A possible solution would be to have the text windows appear, but advance on their own, and allow the player to continue moving despite their presence.

[winkio]

right, but if we do that, we would need to know who is saying the lines.  Would we just have their name, or their faceset, or their charset, or something else?

[WhiteRose]

right, but if we do that, we would need to know who is saying the lines.  Would we just have their name, or their faceset, or their charset, or something else?

In order to keep it as unobtrusive as possible, I think it would probably be best to just have their name for the on-map dialogue scenes. For the in-battle scenes, being able to see the rest of the scene won't be as important, as the battle will pause for the dialogue.

EDIT: Another idea that I had was that, in towns and other non-combat areas, rather than having your characters following you as part of a caterpillar or whatever we decide to do, they would go out and do their own thing. This would allow them to further establish their personalities as proven by what they decide to go do in their "free time," and provide the player (as William) a chance to go talk with them outside of entirely pre-scripted story scenes.

EDIT 2: Hmm, no feedback on that idea, I guess. Anyway, here's more of the story. I'll keep working on things and get more finished this weekend. Tomorrow will be my first entirely free day of the summer, so hopefully I'll get a lot done.

Spoiler: ShowHide

   Two things immediately came to William's mind when he awoke. Firstly, that it was very dark. Secondly, that it was very hot. He blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes accustomed to the darkness, but it was futile. Where was he? Racking his brain, he tried to think of what had happened since he had met the group of robed figures in the forest, but it was useless - he didn't recall anything. He must have been unconscious this whole time. From somewhere nearby, he heard a commotion - shouting and the clang of weapons could faintly be heard. Seconds after the noise stopped, there was the loud grating of a heavy metal door opening, and the room he was in flooded with light. Blinking, he was able to make out the silhouette of a figure wearing a suit of heavy armor standing in the doorway of the room, which he now could see was a small, prison cell-like chamber. Judging by the rough texture of the stone upon which he was sitting, it had probably been directly carved into a natural system of caverns. The figure mumbled something and turned to leave. "W-wait!" stammered William, getting clumsily to his feet. The figure turned back to him as if to respond, but before he could say anything, a shout echoed from the hallway outside.
"I found the prisoner! Over here, quickly!" His mysterious savior reached for his sword, but before he could draw it, he was overwhelmed by a number of armed cultists. William, trying to act quickly despite his pounding head and sleepy mind, quickly said a prayer of protection. For just a few seconds, the blows of the cultists were deflected from the armored figure, giving him enough time to draw his own weapon and counter attack. There followed a brief struggle; though the figure apparently knew his way with a sword, he didn't appear to be by any means a master of the weapon. Despite this, with William backing him up, he was able to defeat his aggressors. After delivering one last kick to finish off one of the cultists who had been struck to the ground, he turned back towards the cell, and pulled off his helmet. With a jolt, William realized that he was, in fact, a she. He hadn't noticed before, due the armor covering her face and body. Though under better circumstances she might have been attractive, at the moment, she just looked worn out yet aggressive, like a lioness after being stuck in a hunter's trap for a day or two. Her long, blonde hair was plastered to her head, and the dark circles under her bright blue eyes stood out sharply against her pale skin.
"Maybe you're not as useless as you look," she said, looking him over, unsmiling. Turning to leave, she added, "Well? Are you coming or not?"

[WhiteRose]

*legally doubleposts*

I'm just letting everyone know that I've updated the first post to include an up-to-date version of the complete story so far. I'll keep it updated from now on so people don't have to go hunting through this thread for the latest updates.

[winkio]

Everything seems good so far.  It fits more or less perfectly into what I've mapped for the volcanic zone so far.  Are we assuming Alice's father instructed her on the existence of William, and how to save him?

[WhiteRose]

Everything seems good so far.  It fits more or less perfectly into what I've mapped for the volcanic zone so far.  Are we assuming Alice's father instructed her on the existence of William, and how to save him?

Not quite. She actually didn't set out to save him at all. Her father was killed by the Cult (because he was a member that broke the rules, but she doesn't know that,) so she set out to hunt them down. She found them, but had greatly over-estimated her own combat ability, and was over-taken and kidnapped. The Cultists would have killed her, but they recognized the family crest on her armor (which actually had belonged to her father,) and decided to capture her and take her back to their leader. When they got back, they threw her in the dungeon and went to discuss what they should do with her, but she managed to get away and was looking for a way out. She just happened to stumble across William by accident. That's why she was going to leave him to find his own way out, but decided to let him come along when she saw that he might be useful in a fight.

She's going to explain this all to him after they escape as they stow away on a boat heading back to the mainland, though of course even she doesn't know some of the details (such as why the Cultists didn't kill her when they had the chance.)

[winkio]

Keep writing!  You're leaving me on a cliffhanger D:

[WhiteRose]

Keep writing!  You're leaving me on a cliffhanger D:

Sorry; I got a little distracted by something. I'll post an update tomorrow - promise.

EDIT: Added a little more to the story in the first post. It's not much, though; I was a little busy today with something else. Tomorrow I don't have any plans, so tomorrow's update should be a bit lengthier.

[winkio]

Yay!  The story fits so far with what I've mapped, but I thought I'd post some more details on the volcanic zone just in case you wanted to include them:

So there's two main levels of interior caverns each consisting of four arms spiraling outward from the central cone.  The top floor spirals right handedly and the bottom floor spirals left handedly.  The bottom floor is covered in magma and has important cult items protected by puzzles and traps, the top floor is more cave like and has rooms, prison, etc.  These spiral arms all have exits to the surface at the tip, and there are stairs connecting a few of the lower and upper exits outside.