Story

Started by WhiteRose, March 03, 2011, 04:40:15 pm

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winkio

So we've defined enough different parts of the story that we can start working on the final draft.  It should tell the complete story of the game from beginning to end, starting and ending in the frame story of the bard's tale.  Write it however you want: as a play, as a novel, as a narrated story, whatever.  Note that there will only be one person working on this final draft.  Of course, that one person can still post here in case they run into any roadblocks while working through the story.

On that note, I'd like to nominate WhiteRose if she has the time and feels up to it.

WhiteRose

March 13, 2011, 12:26:10 am #81 Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 02:42:00 pm by WhiteRose
I accept that nomination. Unless there are any others who want to contest the position and do it themselves, I'll get started on it as soon as possible.

EDIT: I've started on the story. I haven't written much so far, but at least it's a start. I'll continue posting updates in this thread as I continue to work on it.

The Story So Far: ShowHide

   The tavern was the same as any other night; even from the outside, the noisy racket and clatter of the patrons could be heard. The bard gave a light hiccup as she drained the last few drops of ale from her glass, sliding it across the table to join its rapidly growing congregation of brethren. "Alright, alright, one more," she said with feigned reluctance. Despite her obvious intoxication, her voice was surprisingly clear. There was a roar from the boisterous crowd as she hoisted her thin frame up on the table; the barkeep's smile lessened a little as she set her muddy, travel-worn boots upon a chair. Paying him no mind, she unslung her instrument from her shoulder. After a few sour and dissonant chords, her slightly fogged mind remembered how to play the unusual contraption, and slowly, a flowing, lilting melody filled the room, piercing the murky din like a fresh breeze. The atmosphere settled into one of quiet, almost reverent, anticipation. She added several extra bars to the tune as she mentally stumbled about her drunken mind, finding all of the shards of the tale and quickly knitting them together as best she could. By now, there were few that hadn't heard this particular yarn, but it had quickly become a favorite - possibly because there were still those trying to pick out the truths from the typical bardic embellishments. The bard allowed herself a grin; she was one of the few people who knew for a fact that the whole thing was true. The last few notes of her prelude still hanging in the air in silent resonation, she began her tale.

[Backstory describing history of Creators, Church, magic, etc. goes here; haven't gotten around to typing it up yet since I wanted to get started on the main story.]

   Lighting his prayer candles, Father Theris knelt and began his morning invocation. Almost as soon as his knees touched the cold, tiled floor of the chapel, however, he heard a youthful voice pipe up behind him. "Um... pardon me, Father. I hope I'm not interrupting... " The elderly priest sighed. It was William.
   "You've misplaced your prayer book again, haven't you?" he said, rising to his feet with a patient smile. William said nothing, but the expression on his face was affirmation enough. "You really ought to be more careful with such things, my son. The sacred texts are not to be taken lightly."
   "Yes, I know. I'm sorry, Father; I tend to be a little absent-minded about such things. I will accept any punishment you see fit to give me," William repied, though he inwardly cringed at the thought of being on dishes duty again.
   "Of all of the doctrines given to us by the Holy Overgod," Father Theris said, approaching the young priest, "one of my favorites is that of forgiveness. Visit Brother Josef in the library - he will provide you with another copy until you've located your own."
   "Thank you, Father!" said William with a sigh of relief. He turned to leave, but then, remembering, turned back to his elder and bowed. "May the Overgod watch over you."
   "And you as well, my son." Watching the young man leave the chapel, the old man chuckled lightly. William certainly hadn't changed much since he had been brought to the chapel seventeen years ago. It was hard to believe that he would be taking his vows in just a few months, becoming a full-fledged member of the clergy. They truly did grow up quickly. A smile still on his face, the priest turned back to the alter to finish his prayers.

His newly borrowed prayer book in hand, the young cleric began to make his way from the library back to the main living quarters. It was late, after all, and he was looking forward to a good night's sleep. He stopped, however, when he heard a rustling from the other side of the wall surrounding the temple grounds. Strange.... The temple was in an isolated location several miles away from the main city. Travelers around here were rare, and having them this far off the main path was even more unusual. Coupled with the fact that it was the middle of the night.... Perhaps it was... a thief? Starting to feel panic welling up inside him, William took a deep breath. He glanced around; no one else was here. Evening prayers had concluded a few hours ago - the other priests were all asleep. It was up to him to investigate. Finding a foothold on the wall, he boosted himself up and looked over the top of it. The foliage in the grove of trees surrounding the temple grounds was shaking, despite the lack of wind. Someone had just entered the grove... meaning that there was definitely someone out there. William gulped. It was up to him to go confront whoever was out there. Maybe they were just a lost traveler or something... he hoped. Saying a quick prayer to the Overgod for safety, he boosted himself the rest of the way over the wall, and headed into the dark woods.

   Wading through the tangle of trees and bushes, William caught sight of the tail of a dark cloak whipping out of sight. He almost called after whoever it was, but caught himself. If it was indeed a thief or a burglar, they might not think twice about hurting him. It would be best to remain hidden and catch them by surprise. Trying his best to be as silent as possible, he followed the stranger, just seeing a fleeting glimpse of him from time to time. After a minute or two, he heard voices from nearby. There must be others here as well. Straining his ears, he tried to make out what they were saying. It sounded almost familiar.... With a strange jolt, he realized why - they were speaking in the same ancient language used in various prayers. Curious.... Though he wasn't fluent in the language - even many of the high ranking priests only knew the prayers by route memorization - he was almost able to make out their conversation. He took a step closer, trying to hear... a branch snapped loudly as he placed his foot upon it. The conversation stopped. William winced; they must have heard him. After a moment of tense silence, he took a step backwards... and bumped right into a cloaked figured. Before he could even gasp, the figure placed his hand over William's mouth, and dragged him into a nearby clearing, where several other similarly dressed figures were sitting. Talking very quickly, they conversed in their strange language. One of them approached, looking him over. The figure said something to the man holding him. William felt a sharp pain in the back of his head, and blacked out.

winkio

looking good so far.

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on March 17, 2011, 01:12:05 pm
looking good so far.


Thanks. I haven't had much time to work on it, but hopefully I'll be able to get a lot more done this weekend when I'm not so busy with classes and homework.

[Luke]

March 19, 2011, 02:58:56 pm #84 Last Edit: March 19, 2011, 03:05:09 pm by [Luke]
Abduction? Evil cult? COME ON. Why don't we make it a little bit genuine?

For example:

William is a promising alter boy. His pure and brave spirit makes him not only a model cleric, but it appears that he has a talent for the miracles, as the Church of the Overgod calls the healings and blessings of the Holy Magic. One day he is assaulted by thugs who try to rob him, but in a reflex he makes them blind with the Holy magic, and it's a spell that has never been seen yet. William is accused of using the magic (even if it's the same magic that the priests use) and banished from his town. (Possible: motive of connections between thugs and some twisted priest).

William, who is torn between his beliefs and loyalty to the Church and the feel of innocence, meets the members of the cult. They appear to be the "holy avengers", "true believers", who want to restore the magic to its place in the world and fix the mistakes of the corrupted Church. They are getting good at magic, but a Holy Mage must be a lawful and innocent man, so they need William for a ritual to break the Overgod's seals.

Once the seal is broken at the volcano site, William hears the voice of Creators. (Now no long and over-epic loreshot in intro needed, hooray!) He, as all the cultists, is being lured and misleaded with their message - Creators tell William that they are the true Gods, but one of them, known now as Overgod, has rebelled and put them all in prison. Opening the seal makes the Creator's emissaries, Prophets, appear on the planet - people who can speak with their gods and use some of their power (material for interesting NPCs/enemies).

Williams beilef in the Cult shakes when he meets Alice (who is not a prisoner, but undercover avenger preparing her retribution). He collects evidence of her story and confronts his new "friends", what makes him marked as "expendable". With help from Alice, he fights back and escapes the site to go back to his Church and, despite earlier rejection, tell his superiors about the Cult. On the way back home he meets the travelling bards, etc. (as in the first sketch).

The Church refuses to redeem William's sins, even when informed about the Cult - especially after hearing what William has done. They imprison William, but one of the priests helps Robin free him and guides him to meet an old eremite, who was a former priest and may know more (Gerald).

And here we are on the main course again.

winkio

That seems a bit too overdone, like it's taking itself too seriously.  We're making a story for a 2D RPG, not the next Hollywood blockbuster.  I like our original idea better because it is interesting while being told, but melts into the background when gameplay is being emphasized, giving us room to bring it in when and where we desire, instead of forcing the whole game to revolve around some complex storyline.

[Luke]

Yippie, so let's bring another epic straightforward story with the only twists of discovering the new evil evil plans!. An interesting, genuine story and non-schematic motives for the characters is so BORING, indeed it is.

Whos says that a story for 2D RPG has to be wearisome pompouse?

IMNSHO an interesting story would be the only excuse to withstand turn-based battles.

winkio

Well that's a great opinion, but it really doesn't apply.  I myself have never played a 2D RPG with an amazing story, yet I still loved them, even such classics like Mario RPG, Final Fantasy, and Chrono Trigger didn't have overwrought stories.

[Luke]

What on earth am I doing here? I guess I'm just not a type of jRPG player. So you guys say that you really enjoy those turn battles and the story is just an excuse to have more of them?

I'm sorry, folks. I think I don't fit here :P

winkio

We aren't looking to reinvent the genre, if that's what you mean.  The goal is just to create a great game.

Blizzard

Let me just point out that Hollywood Blockbusters during the last 5 years were pretty weak.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

AliveDrive

@Blizz Word.

@Luke I'm not much of a story guy as it is. I like to play a game that is fun to play.

(I'm not hating on our story or anything, I think it's great.)

But hey, why don't you try your hand at game features? That is where you will probably have the most opportunity to break the mold.
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

Vell

Well, it appears as though I come too late to give my two cents. Hmm.

If you find yourself stuck on any particular plot point I'll help you as much as I can. Until then I'll throw ideas out there, and tomorrow I'll try to go over this topic again and respond to everything. There's a lot of information and it feels like a lot of it came from discussions in other threads I haven't yet read, so I'm still catching up.

WhiteRose

Quote from: UltaFlame on March 24, 2011, 08:04:19 pm
Well, it appears as though I come too late to give my two cents. Hmm.

If you find yourself stuck on any particular plot point I'll help you as much as I can. Until then I'll throw ideas out there, and tomorrow I'll try to go over this topic again and respond to everything. There's a lot of information and it feels like a lot of it came from discussions in other threads I haven't yet read, so I'm still catching up.


Thanks, Ulta. I'll be sure to let you know if I get stuck.

G_G


WhiteRose

I've updated my previous post with more of the story write-up. It's pretty rough, as this is just a first draft, but hopefully it should at least convey what's happening. Any feedback is welcome, though I'd prefer feedback regarding the events of the story or the character rather than a critique of the writing (as I'm mentioned, this is just an initial draft. I'm well aware there are probably errors.) I'll continue to work on it and post updates as I get further to completion.

When we're creating the actual in-game dialog and cutscenes, it isn't necessary to take these scenes line-by-line. This is just an outline of how I envision things taking place.

On a related note, if we're going to be putting together a first demo soon, it might be advantageous for me to skip ahead and write the story for the sections we will be using. We should come to a conclusion on which sections will be included in the demo so I can get started.

AliveDrive

While my story writing isn't this good, I enjoy dialog and cutscenes immensely.

Keep up the good work! :D
Quote from: Blizzard on September 09, 2011, 02:26:33 am
The permanent solution for your problem would be to stop hanging out with stupid people.

winkio

Errors don't really matter as long as it's clear, as we aren't publishing the full story.  As you said, it will be adapted to cutscenes, etc. so don't worry too much about perfection.

WhiteRose

Quote from: winkio on March 30, 2011, 09:37:20 pm
Errors don't really matter as long as it's clear, as we aren't publishing the full story.  As you said, it will be adapted to cutscenes, etc. so don't worry too much about perfection.


Those are my thoughts on the matter as well.

WhiteRose

*legally doubleposts*

I've been working on this since classes are over now, and have decided that I'll probably just skim over the dungeon crawl sections, as they're not very story-heavy at all. I hope no one minds.