Many of you know that used to be a very motivated person. I could work for hours straight on a single task without giving up, and I always pushed the boundaries of what I was capable of. I now understand part of the reason I did that is because I was looking forward to the result, whether it be a finished game or just a new Blizz-ABS update.
However, there are no longer any practical questions that I am interested in finding the answer to. No visions I wish to see fulfilled. No limits I want to surpass. No passions to follow. No fixed points to work toward.
There is a classic question aimed at our internal desires, if we were given almost any opportunity with no boundary: "what would you do with one million dollars?"
Right now, my answer is: "absolutely nothing." But that is not good enough. I am still trying to look for something, anything, to focus on.
So what is the result of this state? I just live day to day for now. The highlights of my day are the most trivial things, such as listening to a new song, or reading a funny story. It is by no means a unique situation, I would compare it to those grieving after a loss. Except instead of pain or sorrow, I just feel a deep disinterest, and at the same time, an intense itching to find something interesting.
Winkio, I don't mean this in a rude way, but do you have any good friends irl?
I've had times when I feel similar to the way you describe, sometimes for days. Every goal I try to set just feels pointless. The best thing that I can advise is to try and find a goal and work for it, even if it seems meaningless at first. As you work at it, you'll start to get absorbed in it, and by the time you reach your goal, you'll have gotten out of the rut. If you're feeling ambitious, try picking up a new language or instrument. If that seems like more than you can take right now, start off with something smaller, like reading a good series of books or playing through a new game.
@zexion: Yes, multiple. Also, no offense taken.
@whiterose: well, I'm reading a new series of books right now, but it will only last a few days. But I don't think I can bring myself to work on even a small project that I don't really believe in.
Hmm maybe you should start hanging out with them. I see my best friends everyday for at least a few hours. It helps to forget about school, projects, homework, etc. For a while :b you don't always need a goal, sometimes it's alright to just sit back and relax haha
This is something I myself deal with, sure I enjoy programming in general but most of it has gotten trivial at best When I was talking to my adviser about the amount of drive I'm going to need to succeed in these next few semesters (I'm going to be loaded with 18 credit hours of strait CS for the next 3) he asked me if I had a goal, and I don't, not really, my goal is to get a degree so I can move on but that's hardly a motivating goal. He told me to look find one or I'd fail, again.
I too searched but couldn't find one that was really tangible. He gave me some more advice. "It doesn't have to be sense-able, ridicules is fine too."
so I decided to get a bit absurd. my goal right now? change the field of programming permanently, make it easier and faster to program anything a mind can conceive. right now I think this will likely come from some revolutionary language/compiler. I pan to be it's writer.
is it likely to happen? eh probably not. but It's giving me some sort of purpose, not a lot, but enough that I think I'll be able to get through school.
I think my advisory is right though. he says we need to pick something stupidly impossible to work toward. but I think it's slightly more than that. we need to find something we can be passionate about. I don't know weather it should be a person or a cause or what. hopefully If I keep dreaming big enough it will find me.
Have you tried writing? You've come up with some awesome story ideas in the past and your writing style is great; I'll bet you could put together an incredible story. We could even co-author something together if you want to try it. It would be fun. :)
You can always work on yourself, as Rose said. That is never a waste of time. e.g. Learning a new language means that you improve yourself in some way.
Also, I usually try to see my good friends at least once a week. Though, we communicate on a daily basis over Facebook. I definitely recommend talking to people. And you don't have to be engaged initially into something. e.g. I took the time to learn how to solve a Rubik's cube. I sure spent 10-15 hours on it so far and now I'm bored of it. But I believe that it improved me spatial awareness
Don't get me wrong, these are all good ideas, but it's just too easy for me to dismiss them at the moment. However, that itching to DO something keeps building up day by day, so I think I will wind up diving into one project or another eventually.