Messages

ill reupload tomorrow.

you could try reading the file in a loop and writing each line to a variable and then clear the other two...thats generally how i read specific lines. in vb....i cant get you the code for such a thing cause it's been two + years since my last VB class and i don't remember every thing too well.

ill try to help...send me what you got and ill see what i can do

ok. so with collage and work stuff and life. im going to have to stop working on this for a while. that does NOT mean that this is cancelled just paused for an extended period of time.

Ok so in reviewing your story  I have to say first off (and quite often) that it lacks support and motivation, as in I feel no reason to want to make it to the end,  there's just not much driving force there in the story.  Taking away form the driving force that I mentioned  is 1) the cliché,  2) lack of a real climax,  3)minor clarity issues 4) major unanswered questions about the history and  connections between characters,  5)lack of character development, and 6) lack of connectivity to the reader/player.  Ok so to start from the top of the list.  

1)

Spoiler: ShowHide

This story has major clichés in it, and while some of them work some of them just kill the effect the story  has by over familiarizing the story to a point where you have the end scene figured out frame by frame halfway through the game...this is BAD. Some of the clichés working against you. 1) parent(s) dies/or is dead, kid gets a gem , gem makes them strong enough to beat last boss; 2) 'I have the power to "control" demons....guess what I am one'; 3)random old guy who's always willing to help. To go from the top of our new list: 1) even though this happens last , and mom's death sparks the entire last boss fight  and what not  but  after the death when she carries mom's body out of the pit  the reader/player already know that the fight is happening , so when she gets the gem to use in the final boss fight its like "this is a memento of... and...'s memento turns out to be the 'super sacred holy item that defeats evil in one blow" kind of feel and that somewhat ruins the work that the characters have done to set  up this final scene.  2) You said this yourself  'as for the only plot twist being "ZOMG IM PART DEMON!!!!!", I tried (and failed)' now its not so much that this is a plot twist that failed this but that this is the ONLY plot twist. After she starts talking to demons people start to believe that she is part demon so this doesn't twist anything at this point. For a plot twist to be effective  it has to affect relationships. Think of it this way your about to get married and then you find out that your spouse is a serial killer who kills anyone you marries them, are you still gonna say "I do"? relationships in the story need to be effected in the same way....how do you think Aeravyn is going to like the fact that hes fallen for a "demon", his reaction will make the plot twist successful. (personally something like "great!!! Im a demon too only kinda works). 3) get rid of him....now. People like this always leave the question of "why" and that the last question that you want to leave. So unless you can wrap him into the story I would advise that you find a better way to depict that part of the story.(note: I didn't say trash that part just the character unless you can cleanly tie up all of his motives by the end of the game.) fixing these will reduce the negitive impact that the clichés have on your story.

2)

Spoiler: ShowHide

Next is the climax, or the fact that I never found one while reading. You may have one in there but I didn't feel it there and that is primarily caused by the rising action hollowing itself out at times. The best way to fix that is to add details and keep a solid foundation and direction for example you said "she goes out into the surrounding forest to kill herself (her thoughts lead up to it, her original intention was just to get away from everyone)" this is one of those hollowing out parts, to fix it give us her original intention first and then say while she was in the forest her thoughts began to change and she began thinking about killing herself. That should make the climax feel a little more solid so that you can clearly define where it is.

3)

Spoiler: ShowHide

Ok in your story there are some clarity issues in some of the things that you have down. Though all of them should be fixed once you actually add the story to the game and give it some visuals. However for a reader sometime the timing of events gets slightly skewed without those visual aids for example you said "she is able to commune with it as it is sent back to the Pit." however in the very next sentence you said "Aeravyn, the boy, does not understand, and delivers the final blow". maybe its just me but I believe final blow means that the beast died however wasn't he sent back to the pit before that? It is minor clarity issues like this that cause a loss of focus and with it a loss of driving force.

4)

Spoiler: ShowHide

Alright major issue number 2 you have important question left unanswered question like where are they? When are they? What going on? Who are they? And why are they doing this? (note: for the last question the answer "I wanna find mommy" doesn't count as the question is asking why she want to find mommy) answer these questions clearly and
It will be easier for the reader to focus on the story rather than on why. Also take time in the story to have world events and to more clearly define the world that they are in, this will make the setting more believeable and keep the reader/player engaged. Though events do not have to be part of the major story itself but their effect should be present.

still in progress finishing it.

... ok this story jumps around a lot...a lot. to help you with this i need to find some things out (u can pm them to me). A) What is the Pit? Where did it come from? Who or what made the demons in the pit? B) summoning? How is it possible? Can only certain people do it or just any one is they try hard enough? C)who are:" the girl", "the boy", "the girls mother", "agyrus" ,ect. ? Why are they doing what their doing( stuff like why the girl wants to seek out her mother, and things of that nature that you dont mention) D) What time is this in? What happening in the world? Where and what is the world that they live in( aka are they on earth or some planet in a galaxy far far away)?

language = visual basic
style= from scratch however in a nonlinear order (uasually as a specific line of code need to be added to an object)

...hate to say this but you could do this fairly easily through events...ish

...just to say..."just because you have a good program doesn't mean you have a good game. and just because your program isn't professional grade costs-me-$4,000,000-a-month doesnt mean you cant make quality games". sure the 3d builder may not have the customisability of rmxp or the porwer of another more professional engine but thats not what matters a good game comes from a good developer not his program.  

edit:
...i must say though that one-click-make-a-game...was crap

go into the folder where you have the data files and copy every thing but the actor data then paste those files into a new project. make sure that the new project has the same number of maps and you other one. from there recreate your actors and your project should be saved

[Name:]

Name:
X'Xelivyre Blak  (pronounced: x zavire black)
Age:
undisclosed
Race/Species :
Solus (pronounced: sole)
Skills :
* Manipulating Shadows:
*Creating Illusions:
*Shadow Illusion Merging: blak merges a shadow into an illusion making it solid
*Split Consciousness: Blak and X'Xelivyre can split their consciousness either by dividing up the one body or completely separating by one transferring their conscious into either Blak's or a nearby shadow. If  Blak's shadow is used the cost increase isn't as great as it would be otherwise but they must stay within 100 feet of each other. Or if another shadow is used there is a 500 foot limit to their distance but the cost of either trying to use any skill or magic is increased. In split consciousness they can still communicate to each other via a shadow link. Split consciousness requires 0 energy
*Drain: (the faeleen drain skill) this skill drains mana/life from a target and refills the users mana. Can also be used on electronic devices to recharge the suit. Unless it is used on an electric device then the user must be in contact with the target
* Focus: can manipulate elements in his immediate vicinity with limited effect unless Xelivyre is executing the skill.
*Impact: (the faeleen skill)...

Program Skills: (program skill are those special techniques and skills loaded onto skill chips that executes certain programs within the suit and adds extra abilities at the cost of power)
None (for the moment)

Handicaps:
*Prone to severely disabling psychological attacks.
*Even in his faeleen consciousness his magic is still restricted to the immediate area around him though it has greater effect on that area than does his normal consciousness.
*When the suit runs out of power he is unable to use any program skills whatsoever.
*In his faeleen consciousness his program skill have their effect severely reduced, however because some of the power can be offset by magic the cost is slightly reduced as well.
*Shadow control and illusions require energy which can be substituted for power from the suit.
*When they completely split consciousness the cost of all attacks requiring power, magic, or energy is increased.
*if they over step their boundries in split consciousness
Background:
Blak was borne into a prestigious family that was well known for its illusionists. However with his parents always out abroad performing he was generally left to himself as a child and eventually became a delinquent using his family's influence and power to defer any punishment brought upon him because of his actions. Eventually his family disowned him and he was apprehended for his actions. As punishment he was sent to the church of Avur. In the church he was taught basic shadow manipulation but he never mastered it as he ran away from the church a year after he was sent there. Caught again he was sent this time to the army where he fought in the final battle of the faeleen war in the Scirvalnc army. It was at this time that the Scirvalnc army put the new chemical weapon IC2 into combat use and he being a new recruit became one of the first field testers. During the battle he came into contact with X'Xelivyre it was during this chance encounter that the IC2 container became unstable and exploded around them altering their genetics and binding their consciousness together.
Personality:
extremely introverted, and severely unstable at times.  
Hometown:
Scirvalnc Colony
Weapon:

X'Xelivyre's thin sword and Blak's standard issue fully automatic pistol.


i hope this is good enought


edit:(i really want sure where to put this)
spells and skills and what nots are fueled (depending on their source) either by power from his combat suit (commonly reffered to as the suit) or if it comes from with in such as a faeleen spell then by mana.
blak was originally human before he became a solus.
his illuisons and shadow control rely solely on his energy ther is no changing this EVER.

[Race Name:]

Race Name:
Solus

Description (what does it look like):
genarally Solus look like regular humans because they are regular humans. Except for the fact that they were exposed to IC2 and mutated to some degree wheter it be an internal mutatiuon or external mutations.

More info (anything can go here, religion, habitat, etc.):
generally solus are said to be faeleen biological weapons as a majority of the solus population was created in the final battle of the Faeleen Battles when IC2 was first used. thare have been other reported cases of solus taking diffrent form but thay are genarally dissmissed as false or unfounded.


IC2: is the chemical weapon used in the final battle of the faeleen battles most of the Solus were spawned from this battle and those that weren't driven to suicide are kept in an underground hanger in Scirvalnc Colony as Bio-weapons of mass destruction. (note all solus must start out here unless they have a reason why inside their bio)


Natural abilities (these need to be balanced by flaws):
*too widely dispersed to be accurately stated

Handicaps (what is a drawback to being this race):
* all members of this race are affected by extreme debilitating psychological attack due to infection of IC2 and any natural powers or abilities of theirs are severly weakened because of this.

@LB was the ever a war between humans and Faeleens?

...are cyborgs connsidered to neing a race?...i need a tpye of racye that can be tyied down purly y need of some natural substance for survival for my next char but i cant quite figure it out....help any one?

...dieos dead...coras been dead and legggx is dead because he was dieo...and im going to dissapear from the rp for a very short time but i will return...


edit : on second thought i could just manage myu time better and actually write...juess im not leaving

Dieo's POV:
the Alter the throne of those who rule the lands of sky, men who in effect are called gods, it is here that we confront Asoz as we now stand outside of the door to this throne. it strikes me to wonder if our target is even in,but we mustn't halt now we must press on.

Into the room we march all of us the entire army fits in there it is no surprise to me though I have already been here. but the room is empty the only thing that remains here is a faint blue flame sitting in front of the throne itself. and so comes our victory with a vacant throne and a bloody square, there in that moment we were the destined kings, we should have become immortal men destined to rule for eternity. in that moment however we realized that the beings above us got there not through tricks but through real power. there before us as if it were seized by some hell-borne wind the fire sputtered,died, and moments later roared to life as a torrent which no man this side of hell had ever seen and there in that fire was his eye, his cold merciless eye,and it turned upon us with such a look, and i knew we were dead, that we were fools for even trying.

and he said"forget not this day and may it burn terror into your hearts for as long as you shall live thereafter" and there burned our army. 100,000 dead in 20 words. his eye turned again this time to Levi and he said" is this the unquenchable anger of the seas?" and i watched and saw Levi awaken and devour Mikey with but a flick of his tongue. and then there was one just i and he and I knew now his power, and to believe that i could be such a fool to believe that i could take it. for a third time his eye turns and it stops upon me, and he says"For a price,...you can have every thing for nothing but first a price. this is the end" from the fire come the hands thousands strong and they drag me to my grave. as  lay there taken by the fire i hear his call, the glorious allure that brought me here."if you wish to have power then come to me, but beware for past these ten thousand hand i have ten thousand more."

k...btw klara killed cora not leggx and can i blow up heaven?

...sicnce dieo's is dieing in my very next post do i have to rewrite his bio?

i vote LB too.

wait ultas gone.....when did that happen?...