Okay, so I think it's time to explain my absence. Shit, a few weeks ago, I think, can't remember the exact date, but I took a trip to Denver with Brittany, my girlfriend, and Priscilla, who was supposedly "my friend" too. For starters, Brittany and I were reaching a point where we started arguing a lot, over stupid things, over things that didn't happen/weren't important, and over things that actually were important. Things just kept coming up and caused us to fight.
This trip to Denver was supposed to have been a fun, relaxing trip, which I was hoping it would relieve stress and emotions from the both of us. It didn't whatsoever, not for me anyways. Not once, did Brittany nor Priscilla consider my feelings on this entire trip. The entire drive to Denver, I had to force myself into their conversations just to talk, but even then, they'd change the subject and completely ignore me. The only time they really spoke to me on our way there, was to ask if I wanted food. At first I thought, ya know, this is just how girls act, they didn't mean any harm. So I ignored it so I could have fun.
The next day we went to Elitch Gardens, a theme park, and they would both constantly leave me behind and go on rides without me. And like the drive, they kept me out of their conversations other than asking if I could take pictures for them. Most of the rides I went on, I went on by myself. This just keeps going on and on. We went to a mall afterwards, where again, they just left me. Except this time, they actually left the mall to go to a store across the street. They didn't tell me and they kept ignoring my calls and texts. Ended up walking back to the hotel which took a couple of hours. And here's what really pisses me off, they finally call back an hour after I had already gotten back to the hotel wondering where I was at. At this point I blew up at them, hung up, and went to bed, hoping our next day at Water World would be better.
Nope. Same thing as Elitches, ignored me, left me, yada yada. I was starting to feel sick, I think I ate something bad, and when the finally decided to check up on me after I was sitting alone for half an hour, Brittany asked if I was feeling okay. I said no, and she replied "Well, here are the car keys, if you want you can rest in the car until you feel better, we're gonna go down more slides." So yeah, that really did it. I was pissed. I went to the car and slept for the next 5 hours and waited for them. We drove back home that night, and again, they didn't say a single word to me. We got home that night after Priscilla dropped us off, and Brittany and I got into a huge fight over the trip. And she denied everything that happened and said that she was trying to include me on things. A bunch of bullshit like that. To me, it felt like she stopped considering my feelings and how I might feel about things she does. I don't want to be with someone like that where I'm the only one giving towards the relationship. These events and our fight made me actually think about breaking up with her. The only downside to that is, she'd have to go back to her parents house. And still having feelings for her I didn't want. A few days went by and we argued more and I kept trying to talk to her about this.
Then finally, Brittany came to me and told me why she'd been acting the way she has. She feels I was no longer attracted to her. For these two reasons: Our sex slowed down to maybe once a week and that I don't kiss her in public very often. And my reaction to that, you have got to be fucking kidding me. You put me through this much stress over the amount of sex and kissing we do? That doesn't define attraction. My attraction towards you is your attitude, your behavior, your qwerky actions, and the way you treat me. So that night, it seemed we had finally patched things up.
At this point, I had already talked to Branden and Cameron about this whole situation and I've been lurking on Skype and CP for a while. But then this happens, I end up talking to a couple female co-workers at our job (one of them being my cousing, the other being in her thirties) and after work she made a big deal about it. I shouldn't be flirting with others girls at work if she's working the same shift I am. And again, another "what the fuck are you thinking" moment. I tried telling her one of them was my cousing, and the thirty-something year old was already married. I started realizing how much she was like her mom and how she's a pathological liar. But, she hasn't done anything too crazy like her mom yet. Still, at this point, I was worried. I don't want to be with someone like her mom. What really worries me is she turns 21 in January, and once she has access to alcohol, I have no idea what's going to happen. So more stress was put on our relationship, which delayed my return even more. I'd have some free time where she was working and I wasn't, so at that time I'd lurk on CP, talk to a few people on Skype, play some games, and work on getting my website up and running.
Having some free time away from Brittany helped reduce the stress. One day, I sat her down and I told her "We need to fix this right now. I can't stand the way you're acting and treating me, so if this doesn't stop or we don't fix this, we're over. I need you to tell me what the hell is going on." I had to be straight or she wouldn't realize the consequences. She spilled out everything. Talking about her past relationships, her real dad, how her step dad treated her when she was younger (more physically abusive than he is now), and she's worried that her mom might end up being the reason I break up with her. So she thought if she'd distant herself and act accordingly, we'd both just lose feelings and when we finally broke up, it wouldn't hurt so bad. I finally understood. Granted, I don't agree with what she did, but now I can finally start to fix things up with her. The relationship we're in is the longest she's ever been in and she's never been in a marital, committed relationship (we're not married, but we're living together, sharing bills, food, costs, etc... I consider that a marital relationship). She just doesn't quite know how to handle things and thoughts keep popping in her head. After being able to talk it out with her, all of the stress finally left.
I took her out to dinner, to movies, and I bought her a gift to make her feel better. Spent as much time as I could with her, making sure she didn't feel I was gonna leave her. Things were finally patched. Still wasn't quite ready to come back here yet, yeah I felt better, but I was still trying to cope with what happened and I was slightly worried this might happen again and if/when it does, I wanted to be ready for it. But for now, things are good.
I'm young, extremely young and probably shouldn't be in a committed relationship like this. I'd be missing out on a lot of fun things if I end up staying with Brittany for the rest of our lives. But the way I see it, age doesn't matter here. It's more maturity and it's more towards the goals you have in life. The things that has happened in my life has affected me a lot. Depression overcame me a lot. Finding things that made me happy kept me out of my depression. I now look at life as finding the overall things that make you happy. Brittany is one of them. The thought of having a wife, a family, makes me happy and that's what I want. The thought of being a successful video game developer makes me happy. Talking to people on the Internet, who I've never met, makes me happy, because they listen and care, compared to some real people in my life right now.
It's sad that I can't tell this to my dad or my best friends, because they simply won't put effort into helping me other than just saying "break up with her". But there, it's all out now and I feel a lot better. Thank you to anyone who reads this post, and sorry for the rambling and young teenage drama. I know it's crap you really don't want to hear, but it's nice to know that you some of you put up with me just because you care.
TL;DR; Fighting with girlfriend, took trip, fought some more, patched things up, fought some more, patched things up again, things are a-okay now and I'm happy.