The story seems interesting. Although there's some open ends such as why magic is forbidden, and why the gate in the sky is created. You could easily bridge these two ideas. I have a few suggestions:
*the gate is created through a violent clash of magic in a bloody war. after the gate is sealed, magic is outlawed, and survives only two a few secret practitioners.
*a mage with lust for power opens a portal to the underworld. chaos ensues. this seems more cliche though.
The last part of the story has a lot of details that are excessive. some contradictions. also a lot of cliches...
The sealing of powers in a tree is straight from secret of mana... also i can't see how names of six saints could be forgotten in a thriving metropolis established by them, unless they cast a spell of forgetfulness. i would condense and alter the ideas of the last paragraph, heres a suggestion.
Well those are my two cents, and I'm just trying to help. BTW, I like the art design. Did you make those sprites yourself?
*the gate is created through a violent clash of magic in a bloody war. after the gate is sealed, magic is outlawed, and survives only two a few secret practitioners.
*a mage with lust for power opens a portal to the underworld. chaos ensues. this seems more cliche though.
The last part of the story has a lot of details that are excessive. some contradictions. also a lot of cliches...
Quote from: Shalaren on March 05, 2011, 09:33:01 am
The sealing of powers in a tree is straight from secret of mana... also i can't see how names of six saints could be forgotten in a thriving metropolis established by them, unless they cast a spell of forgetfulness. i would condense and alter the ideas of the last paragraph, heres a suggestion.
Well those are my two cents, and I'm just trying to help. BTW, I like the art design. Did you make those sprites yourself?