Good Jokes

Started by Shadonking, September 06, 2008, 08:21:21 pm

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Kagutsuchi

June 21, 2009, 04:20:05 pm #100 Last Edit: June 21, 2009, 04:29:34 pm by Kagutsuchi
A Swedish, a Danish and a Norwegian windowwasher was eating their lunch on the outside of the 17th floor of a skyscraper. Before they had opened their lunch packets, the Dane said, "if it is ham on my lunch, I will jump off." He opened his lunch, and discovered that it was ham on it, and he jumped off. The Swede said, "if it is cheese on my lunch, I will jump off." He opened his lunch, and discovered that it was cheese on it, and he jumped off. Then the Norwegian said, if it is fish on my lunch, I will jump off too." He opened his lunch, and discovered that it was fish on it, and so he jumped off too. After the burial, the widows of the Swedish, the Danish and the Norwegian windowwashers met, and talked together. The Danish widow said, "I don't understand anything, I thought he loved ham on his lunch." The Norwegian widow also said, "I don't understand anything, I thought he loved fish on his lunch." And the Swedish widow said: "I don't understand anything either, he made his lunch himself.."

Diokatsu

Quote from: Kagutsuchi on June 21, 2009, 04:20:05 pm
The Swede said, "if it is cheese on my lunch, I will jump off." He opened his lunch, and discovered that it was ham on it, and he jumped off.

Blizzard

Yes, I noticed that, too.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Kagutsuchi


Tazero

Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues
wHAT do you need next?

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Ten issues, you need socks.


If you were a fish...

fugibo

Quote from: Tazero on June 21, 2009, 08:09:10 pm
Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues
wHAT do you need next?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Ten issues, you need socks.



Actually, I was looking for Frequent Readers' Sheets. Where do I go to redeem those?

GAX

Quote from: Valcos on September 18, 2008, 07:32:51 pm
A guy walks into a bar.

Lmao... the other one i forgot who on the forum said it in chat but... its the one about hitler and the jews and clowns  :^_^':




So a man walks into a bar and he sees Adolf Hitler deep in thought.  He goes up and asks "What's on your mind?" and Hitler responds "I need to find a way to kill 6 million jews and 3 clowns."

He stands there thinking for a few moments until he just asks "Wait, why the three clowns?"

Hitler smiles and looks to the man.

"See, NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE JEWS!"


Anyways, time for my joke...

Who was the greatest prostitute of all time?

Ms. Pacman, for 25cents she'd swallow balls until she died.

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GAX

DOUBLEPOST FOR GREAT JUSTICE AND MODERATOR PRIVILEDGE ABUSE!

Necrophilia:  The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

Rule 2: ShowHide
Quote from: Rule No.2Keep your signatures at reasonable size. The pictures in your signature may altogether be no more than 200kB and take up an area of 1600px2. That means 2 pictures of 400x200 are fine, one picture of 800x200 is fine and so on. Also your pictures height must not exceed 200 pixels, width can be as big as you want as long as your pictures match the other criteria. Every signature not matching this criteria is a subject of the moderator team to remove and leave this rule as message in your signature.

G_G

Hey if you've ever heard Lady Gaga's Poker face you'll get this one.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You poker face. XD

Tazero



If you were a fish...

G_G

Feel free to remove this if its too dirty.
QuoteOne night a man, his wife and a friend decided to have dinner together, so after eating they opened a couple of bottles of wine. Upon finishing the wine the friend realised it was late and he should go home, but the man insisted he stay the night, because he was drunk and in no condition to drive. The man finally agreed.
One problem occurred though they had no guest bedroom and their couch was small and uncomfortable. So the man's wife said "Why doesn't he just sleep with us?" The two men agreed and promptly headed for bed.
A few hours after they had gone to sleep the man's wife woke his friend and said hey, wanna have a good time? The man was like NO he'll wake up. She said no he won't watch, so the woman reached over and pulled out one of the hairs on her husbands a** and sure enough nothing happened. So the wife and the man's friend screwed.
About an hour later the wife woke the mans friend again and said I want more. The man decided to test his friend to see if he was awake, so he pulled out another a** hair and he didn't wake up. This happened 2 more times and when the friend pulled out another one of the mans a** hairs the man turned over and said, "Look I don't care if you screw my wife but stop using my a** as a score board!!"

HolyJesus

December 12, 2009, 08:19:14 am #111 Last Edit: December 12, 2009, 08:21:37 am by HolyJesus
A blonde cop stops blonde a motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now." :haha:

G_G

Here's a good one xD

Whats 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?

George Bush's Tie!

Subsonic_Noise

A man walks into a bar and dies of lung cancer.


Yes, I'm good at this.

Blizzard

A policeman, a lawyer and a priest are in a plane full of children. Suddenly the pilot speaks over the intercom and says that both engines are damaged and that it will crash very soon. But there aren't enough parachutes for everybody. The policeman says "Save the children!" The lawyer says "Fuck the children!" The priest says "Do we have enough time for that? :naughty:"

This joke is a lot funnier when told IRL.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Subsonic_Noise

So a horse walkes into a bar and the Bartender asks "Why the long face". The horse has cancer.

Kett Shee

The particularly disturbing part is...I actually laughed. .___.
You're all daft cunts. I love you. <3

Blizzard

Topics merged.

Also:

A man walks into a bar. That hurts a lot.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Agckuu Coceg

- Why programmers do not pour into the car the 95-th petrol?
- They're afraid that hangs.
I'm not retarded, but I'm busy. Sorry for patience.


Blizzard

Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.