Before I go any further I have to say one thing. I try not to lie, for one reason really, having a reputation as a deceitful person means that it's much harder to have every day interaction because people question if your telling the truth every time you open your mouth. as much as I know that lying is morally wrong I rarely feel any sort of guilt or regret over the action.
I don't know how you would describe it but basically I only go through with a lie if I know that the lie will only hurt me and no one else. That said, I've been trying to stop my lying ways in an attempt to better myself, I've come a long way from where I was a few years ago I tell a lie about once a month now instead of once every two or three days. I don't expect I'll ever be able to stop entirely, but hey, least I'm trying
and if it makes any you feel better about my character / your relationship with me here, I've never lied on the internet. Ironic isn't it? The internet for most people is a place to lie about who they are but for me it has always been a place where I could be me without fear of consequences. the only thing I've done that could be considered lying on the internet was withhold my name and at first my gender and birth date, standard identify protection.
now for the even stranger part, IRL I RARELY lie to strangers, and my friends even less. my family how ever I lie to regularly. yet another reversal of what is the social norm yes?
Now on to the topic of this post.
Lets face it, Lying is part of human nature. Everyone can lie, will lie, and has lied. But few people can lie well.
I'm fairly sure I'm one of the those few who are good at it. No really, I've told a few hundred lies over the last five years and haven't been called on one of them yet. the caliber of the lies ranging from "white lie" to "reason to accept my paper late even though the prof said he would never do that with out a signed doctor's note". in fact it's a testament to how good I am at lying (not that I'm proud of the skill) that I have a reputation as incredibly honest and trustworthy, most people I've talked to about the subject view me as one of the most honest and trustworthy people they know.
Through contemplation of my actions and an analysis of the act of lying. I think I've found the secrets to telling a truly effective lie (note that I do not use the term "good lie" I don't lies can really be good so I try not to think like that)
1) a Lie should lie about it's nature:
in other words, a Lie should appear to be the truth off the bat, if some one hears it and considered that it may be a lie then it's effectiveness is immediately cut in half. a lie should sound truthful so that when the person first hears it they think that it is the truth, and only after further investigation considers the possibility that it might of been a lie. most of the other rules are secondary in that they create this effect.
2) a Lie should contain the truth:
You can't change the facts, but you can obfuscate and manipulate them. base a lie on what actually happened, but don't stress details. if you stress details more that you would in a casual explanation of the actual truth you put your self on the defensive and weaken the lie.
3) to tell a lie you have to lie to your self:
to be a truly effective lier you have to convince you body that your telling the truth so that it wont act involuntarily and give you away. this can never be 100% perfect but if you have shifty eyes, shaky limbs or voice, or are sweating out of context these are good indications for the person to be suspicious of your statement, and even if they don't consciously notice those action their subconscious will pick up on it and cast suspicion on the statement.
4) actions and statements after a lie must never contradict the lie:
in other words, keep your story strait. if your witnessed in an action that can throw suspicion on your statement the lie weakens, if you say something that contradicts what you've already said even if you explain yourself out of it the doubt is still there.
Think of a lie as a piece of art made of random junk. in order to be accepted as art you have to pass it off as art and sell it such that no one questions why there is a kitchen sink welded to a pink mettle garden flamingo in the middle of the gallery. clearly it's there because it's art, and quality art at that.
IMO good at lying = high social skill. I'm a good liar myself. The most important thing is your 3rd point IMO.
But there's one interesting thing that I realized recently. White lies are almost completely unnecessary. I now tell the truth, however harsh it may be where I would have used to use a white lie. e.g. Somebody asks me about my opinion of something that is kind of an itchy subject for them. My answer now is something in the lines of "Listen... I will / want to be honest with you... blablabla-truth-blablabla". Saying it like this shows that it's not easy for me to tell the truth, but I have chosen to tell the truth instead of a white lie. Surprisingly people are delighted to hear the truth in such an honest manner. It's not about me telling the actual truth, but it's about me being honest about what I think about the subject and aware that it's an itchy subject for them. I definitely suggest to use this if you want to decrease lying.
Recently I've been lying a lot less myself. Now I actually feel a bit bad when I lie without reason. And when I have to lie about something, I actually wage out the advantages and disadvantages and make a conscious decision whether I really want to lie this time or not. A few times it's simpler to just lie because I don't care about the person that much and want to avoid an unnecessary conversation extension on the subject. Something like "You wanna meet today?" "I can't, I'm busy."
Quote from: Ryex on September 25, 2011, 06:02:15 pm
Think of a lie as a piece of art made of random junk. in order to be accepted as art you have to pass it off as art and sell it such that no one questions why there is a kitchen sink welded to a pink mettle garden flamingo in the middle of the gallery. clearly it's there because it's art, and quality art at that.
You can be my first sig quote.
Quote from: Blizzard on September 26, 2011, 02:55:07 am
IMO good at lying = high social skill. I'm a good liar myself. The most important thing is your 3rd point IMO.
But there's one interesting thing that I realized recently. White lies are almost completely unnecessary. I now tell the truth, however harsh it may be where I would have used to use a white lie.
high social skill? I suppose, but i'm pretty sure most people would rather it wasn't
and yes white lies, these are where I've made the most improvement. I've nearly completely eliminated them form my relationships outside of my family. I've even managed to reduce the frequency of lies to my family but when I do that "do I really want to lie about this" thing in my head If my immediate family is involved I usually say yes. probably because I actually care what they think of me so I want to pass my actions off as the best possible
That's understandable.
As has been noted in this thread, lying is almost entirely unnecessary. In fact, it is impossible for a culture to value (or accept!) lying because if you cannot trust what is being told to you, the entire social order collapses.
Think about it. If you immediately doubt -everything- told to you, how can you get anywhere? Not as an individual, but as a society. This is probably one of the big issues with America today. The common man doesn't trust the government. He doesn't trust the media.
How can he make decisions on them? There's no innately trustworthy conduit to receive information. "All politicians lie." What's even worse is that, from birth, we're conditioned to not only accept this society, but to adapt to it. Someone who says "all politicans lie" doesn't mean "All politicians lie and that's bad and we should try to stop it" he means "All politicians lie so just accept it and deal." How can we continue to function?
(So yes, I approve of the lessening of lying. As someone doing the same thing, I'm glad to hear others are making a conscious effort to reduce their lying.)