Uncyclopedia gives us a good insight what we have to do to get laid.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/HowTo:Get_Laid
EDIT: One of the best "openers":
QuoteCut your wrists and start dying. They might notice you, and possibly help you. This technique has the added benefit that if the person chooses to help you, they're a nice person AND you're in!
EDIT: And of course the 100 worst pickup lines of all time:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Worst_100_Pick-Up_Lines_of_All_Time
EDIT: Avoid the external links.