Story
Since he was 3 years old,Zureif has always known that he's different from the other villagers and because of this none of the other kids want to hang around with him and they laugh at him and bully him,the adults aren't as upfront but still talk about him behind his back.Despite this he has a few people in the village who are friendly to him,these include his adopted parents Dalphas and Betty,The local blacksmith Turost and Jhon the fisherman.
Now Zureif is 15 years old,his journey truly begins.
Characters
(http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/8089/zureifsmiling.png)
Name:Zureif Fisher
Age:15
Race:Half-Demon
Class:Fel Mage
Bio:Zureif is the result of a dmeon attack on the small village,he was found in a burning hut and rescued by Dalphas and Betty.
Personality:Friendly,Easily angered,Good sense of humor
(http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/2571/davidk.png)
Name:David Barsfel
Age:35
Race:Human
Class:Treasure Hunter
Bio:David is a renowned treasure hunter and known throughout the world,he finds many rare,wonderful and ancient treasures on his travels.
personality:Midly unfriendly,Smart,Fast thinker,Money obsessed
(http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/7002/lorion.png)
Name:Lorion Almenci
Age:52
Race:Human
Class:Mage
Bio:Lorion was training to be a mage when he came across zureif and decided to help him.
Personality:friendly,wise,smart
(http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/2730/azio.png)
Name:Azio Oulifer
Age:18
Race:Human
Class:Assassin
Bio:Azio used to be from a noble family but when a rival family killed his father and brother,he decided to become an assassin.
persoanly:cocky,adventorous,womanizer
Your characterizations leave much to be desired.
Such as originality.
Consider imagining your own characters to go with your story. Don't go "I want a Zidane in my game," go "Well, I've got the premise for my game down. Now, in this situation, in my game world, who would this character meet? What would they be like?"
Also, it'd be nice if the characters had more than "We've got one enemy!" as their main reason to work together.
Pretty much what Longfellow said. You might want to build on some background, character histories, and all other story-related elements into something that people will be surprised to check out. Or maybe you're hiding all the good stuff from us~? >w>
A few questions...Don't pay any offense or anything, I mean, I'm just being a curious cat. :3
1. Maybe you can tell a bit of his journey more? This might be the actual selling point of the game. ;p If you don't have an idea yet or you're simply hiding it; that's all right too, but just hint at what adventures he'll embark on.
2. Why is Azio's picture cut? O.o