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General => Chat => Express your Creativity => Topic started by: WhiteRose on February 09, 2010, 06:13:31 pm

Title: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: WhiteRose on February 09, 2010, 06:13:31 pm
So I've been working on this novel for the past year or so, and never have really showed it to people. But, this being the fantastic community that it is, I'll post the beginning. If you've got a minute, read through it and share your opinion. It's got heavy religious overtones, but the actual religious history used in the novel is from a mix of several Christian religions, not any one in particular, so there may be minor discrepancies between the story and most major religious groups. For a large portion of the story...
You know what, screw the lengthy explanations. If you've got questions post and I'll answer them. Moving on.

Brief Back Story Summary (Avast! Spoilers be lurking withing these waters! Just moderate ones; nothing that'll wreck the story for you, but know that the story is completely understandable without reading any of this.)
Spoiler: ShowHide
In the beginning, Satan and one third of all souls were cast out from heaven after the a great war. After thousands of years, the souls of the followers of Christ had been saved and saved again from their mistakes, but these one third had been forever trapped in Hell because of a single decision. When Satan brings the matter to attention, he is given the option to pick one soul from his third to be sent to Earth as a test. If whoever he chooses is able to live through a difficult life, then Satan's Third will be able to be born onto the Earth.  Opposed to this is Michael, the Archangel, who speaks out against this plan, though his input is disregarded. Of course, with such high stakes, both sides are bending the rules restricting their direct interference. The story follows Satan's chosen soul, a girl named Lilith Black. Hints of this back story are given through the prologue and various in various bits and pieces throughout the story.


Hopefully that wasn't too confusing.
Anyway, here's the Prologue and the first bit of Chapter 1. I've actually written twenty three chapters, but I'm currently revising the first ten or so, as I don't think the quality is up to par with the rest of what I've written.

The Story
Prologue
Spoiler: ShowHide
Prologue
I closed the door behind me; the click it made was almost inaudible, but I knew he heard it.
"Good, you're here. You're late, you know."
"That's as much your fault as mine. Getting here was more difficult then I had imagined. Sad, really, considering my stay will be so brief."
"The trip wasn't enjoyable? Bad weather."
"Hardly. Can we cut to the chase? I'm in a bit of a rush, as you can probably imagine." If anyone except me had made such a comment, he would have been completely shocked, however, he only gave me a small smile.
"You want me to take it back. To undo my actions of so long ago," he said, the smile disappearing.
"I believe it only just. You're willing to do it for anyone except them." He frowned slightly at this.
"There's a difference; they've made a choice; one which was, might I add, prompted by your actions." I grimaced. I knew he'd bring that up.
"I'll admit, I could have presented my views better." Looking him straight in the eye, I continued. "Give them one chance. An opportunity to prove that they can be every bit as good as yours."
He sighed, resting his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I-"
"Please," I added softly. He was clearly hesitant. After a moment, he stood up from his chair, and turn away from me, looking out the massive window. There was a moment of tense silence.
"I'll give you one chance," he said finally. I barely stopped myself from yelling out in joy.
"You won't regret this," I said, starting for the door. As soon as my hand had touched the knob, however, he spoke again.
"Don't leave yet; I'm not finished." I turned back around slowly. He continued, "The rules haven't changed. Be sure you follow them, as we want to avoid... mistakes."
"I understand."
"Also... the one you chose will be marked. With such a chance riding on the journey, it is only fair, you understand," he said, still facing the window.
"I understand," I said with a nod.
"Do you have one in mind?"
"Actually, yes. I believe you're actually quite well acquainted, as a matter of fact." He said nothing in reply, though he turned to look at me. I raised an eyebrow. "Is there a problem?"
"No," he said finally. "Is there anything else? I am quite busy, as you can probably imagine."
I shook my head, and left the room, already forming the plan in my head. Things couldn't have gone more smoothly.


Ashbrook Daily Morning News
August 25, 1997
Winged Girl Found in Alleyway
At approximately eight o'clock yesterday evening, Police Chief Anthony Stuart found a baby girl with an unusual deformation alone in an alleyway. The child had no signs of identification, and did not appear to have any relatives nearby. She was taken immediately to the municipal hospital to be examined. Regarding the deformation, which appears to be a pair of black, feathered wings, Dr. Summers, the head surgeon at the Ashbrook Hospital and Clinic, stated, "...[The deformation] appears to be severly fused with the girl's spinal column, to such an extent that any attempt at removal would surely cause more harm than good. It does not, however, appear to be potentially dangerous. For the time being, there is nothing we can do for the girl except leave her in her current state. Apart from this rather unique deformation, she appears to be perfectly healthy." Regarding the child's future, Stephen Black, a lawyer well-known after his work with last year's case regarding the new land development in the city, has issued an adoption request. The paperwork is currently being processed. More on this story will be avaliable as it develops.


Chapter 1
Spoiler: ShowHide
Twelve years later....

Chapter 1
"You know why I called you?"
"Yes. I'll help you, but isn't this against the rules?"
"I think you'll find that the rules are not going to play as big a part as they should in this game."


"Oh dang." The red LEDs of the digital alarm clock read 9:07.
Lily scrambled out of bed, grabbed a handful of clothes that were hopefully at least mostly clean off the floor, and ran into the bathroom. She changed as fast as she could, pushing her black wings through slits she had cut into the back of her shirt, took a moment to try and make her short red hair look like she hadn't just barely woken up, gave up with a frown, left the bathroom pulling on her sock, and promptly fell down the stairs. Recovering quickly, she grabbed a jacket from the coat stand, and yanked it on, crushing her wings uncomfortably against her back. She dashed out the front door, returning a moment later to grab the guitar case she had left in the corner.
Panting, she got to the auditorium with seconds to spare. After stopping for just a moment to catch her breath, she started for the door.
"Sorry, Miss. This entrance is for performers only. If you have a ticket, I can direct you to the main doors."
Lily looked at the doorman in shock.
"B-but-"
"Sorry," he said again, moving further in front of the door.
"But I'm in the band! It's going to be a really boring show if you don't let me in!"
"Oh, really?" he said, looking at her dubiously.
"Really! It's me, Lilith Black, guitarist for the Devil's Advocates!" said Lily in frustration.
"Miss, I understand you wish to attend the concert, but-"
"No! No, I don't wish to attend! Well, I mean, yeah, I do, but I'm playing in the thing, not watching!"
The doorman simply raised an eyebrow. Lily stamped her foot in anger. Who hired this guy!?
"Look," she said, trying to control herself, "See this guitar? Why would I have this if I wasn't planning on playing it?"
"You can play your guitar all you like, Miss, but you can't come in this door."
Just as Lily was about to scream in irritation, Freddie showed up, skidding to a halt and nearly hitting her in the face with the case carrying his double-necked bass guitar.
"Hey, Lily! They haven't started yet, right?" he said, panting.
"No," Lily replied, "but they will if this guy won't let us in!"
Freddie looked at the doorman in shock. "You won't let us in!?"
"Not through this door, no," he said, "This is for performers only, but you may use the other-"
"**** that! Let us the **** through the **** door!" said Freddie. Lily sighed; that mouth of his was going to get him in trouble one of these days. Before the doorman could reject them yet again, the door opened behind him, and Alex stepped out.
"There you guys are! Jake sent me to come find you," he said, his soft voice a startling contrast to his massive frame. The doorman seemed about to say something, but seeing how Alex towered almost a head above him, he thought better of it, and grudgingly let them through into the auditorium.


Thoughts? Questions? Comments? If you like it, I can post the rest of what I've written, although like I'm mentioned, some of the beginning still needs work.
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: Diokatsu on February 09, 2010, 07:06:45 pm
Lilith Black

How subtle...

*facepalm*
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: WhiteRose on February 09, 2010, 07:34:25 pm
I thought it was rather clever; yes, it's obvious, but she goes by Lily for short, which is a little more common and less conspicuous....
Fine, fine, it's silly I know. *sniff* So much for my attempt at seriousness. JERK!!!
*runs out of topic, leaving shattered hopes and dreams scattered on the floor*
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: Diokatsu on February 09, 2010, 08:06:30 pm
Quote from: WhiteRose on February 09, 2010, 07:34:25 pm
I thought it was rather clever; yes, it's obvious, but she goes by Lily for short, which is a little more common and less conspicuous....
Fine, fine, it's silly I know. *sniff* So much for my attempt at seriousness. JERK!!!
*runs out of topic, leaving shattered hopes and dreams scattered on the floor*

Lily is cute actually. And that adds another element to your story if you hadn't relaized. A Lily is symbolic of purity, so it's a neat idea to have a girl names "Lily" be entwined with Satan.
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: legacyblade on February 09, 2010, 08:19:11 pm
I like the backstory you came up with. I can definitely see that you used multiple christian belief sets to come up with this idea. I even see some LDS doctrine in there. (It wouldn't surprise me if other christian churches hold it in common though, as most of our doctrine comes from the same book: the bible :P)
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: WhiteRose on February 10, 2010, 01:07:45 am
Of course there's going to be a little LDS doctrine in there; I'm LDS myself, actually. I also had some deep discussions with some of a devout Catholic friend of mine when coming up with the back story, some it has some roots there also.
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: legacyblade on February 11, 2010, 12:22:20 am
Oh hey, i'm LDS too :P I was surprised to see it appearing in a novel on an RMXP forum. I can definitely see the catholic influences as well (if it was all LDS in origin I would expect moroni or maybe peter as the top angel)
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: Diokatsu on February 11, 2010, 06:22:06 pm
Being a devout atheist, I don't know if I'm too apt to read a religious work. I this going to be a religious piece or just religiously influenced? I dislike have to read books with religious morals unless they're about Jesus alone. He was a pretty cool guy.
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: WhiteRose on February 11, 2010, 07:59:44 pm
Definitely far from a religious piece. Most of it actually goes against my own religious standards; it's written simply for entertainment value.
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: Diokatsu on February 11, 2010, 08:51:31 pm
K sounds sweet.
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: WhiteRose on March 25, 2010, 04:20:54 pm
Alright, I've run into a little storyline trouble. If anyone wants to give me a hand, PM me. Note that it'll spoil the story for you, obviously.
Title: Re: The Novel I'm Writing
Post by: Kett Shee on March 31, 2010, 03:06:32 pm
I had no idea you were working on a novel. :o Looks good so far.