Chaos Project

General => Chat => Express your Creativity => Topic started by: The Niche on July 21, 2010, 11:50:20 pm

Title: Story! The Guardians
Post by: The Niche on July 21, 2010, 11:50:20 pm
Title must be seriously reworked, but anywayay, this is a story I'm incubating in my brain resembling thing.

What would you do if you were given absolute power? If all your limits, every single constraint you had ever grown up with, was simply taken away?

Spoiler: ShowHide

The World
A twisted representation of our own, with civilisations modelled on ours. There is five gods of this world, but apart from minor cameos, they are of no importance. There is six important cultures in this world.

The Drav'Ol
This is an extinct civilisation. It was wiped out by an unknown incident. It was a mixture of several different species, the likes of which hasn't been seen since due to natural tendencies towards prejudice. They were the first civilisation and successfully harnessed magic, so most spells are written in their language.

The Oriese
The Oriese were the source of the Guardians legend. They are modelled on the cultures of the far east. They are much more refined than the more western cultures, and are believed to be descendants of another culture which lives further to the east of the Oriese, thought they would  never admit to being connected to barbarians like the An'Oriese.

The Gaelians
Gaelia is the home of one of the main characters of our tale, Toirse. The Gaelians are modelled on the Irish, surprise surprise. They have more of what we call "civilisation" than the Oriese, but hey, it's all relative.

The Arkallians
Loosely modelled on Canada, Arkallia is the home of Summer, another main character. The city where Summer lives is heavily industrialised, as well as the surrounding area that isn't an official part of the city.

The Eskriticans
One word: Americans. Amber, another main character, lives here. Amber's city is a lot dirtier than the others.

The Attribeans
The Attribean Islands are based on the Carribbean Islands. The last main character, Rio, lives on Osina island which suffers from severe droughts.

All references to people and places, real or fictional, is clearly coincidental XD.


Spoiler: ShowHide
The Legend
An ancient Oriese legend tells of four unstoppable forces known as the Guardians. Their powers are said to be housed in four rocks hidden away in a cave somewhere on the Oriese peninsula, near the An'Oriese side.


Spoiler: ShowHide
PARU
PARU, or the Paranormal Activity Response Unit, is a force dedicated to fighting anything considered out of the ordinary. Of course, in a world full of magic and multiple intelligent species, (Oh yeah, forgot to mention, everyone mentioned so far is human) PARU is often unsure what it has to kill. GNU or the Guardian Neutralisation Unit, is a seven-man squad set up to deal with the Guardians. They're incredibly under-funded and they really haven't a clue, but they're still surprisingly good.


Spoiler: ShowHide
The main characters

Toirse
Age: 13
Looks: Buzz-cut brown hair, light green eyes, small and lanky.
Personality: Quite crazy at times, but mostly, he's shy and modest.
Toirse's your average beaten down, bullied kid. He's incredibly angry at the world, which would sort of explain his actions, but anyways.

Summer
Age: 12
Looks: Long light brown hair, hazel eyes, slightly smaller than Toirse.
Personality: Sociable, friendly, finds it quite difficult to be sympathetic.
Out of the four, Summer is probably the most normal. It is quite a while before she gets pissed at the world.

Amber
Age: 14
Looks: Undecided.
Personality: Other than her having a badass streak, still undecided.
Amber is the popular, gorgeous girl. She's pretty much got it all.

Rio
Age:13
Looks: Undecided
Personality: Philanthropic, other than that, undecided.
Rio's mission in life is to fight for the underdog.

Sorry, I'm writing this with a friend, so Amber and Rio are his to develop.


Spoiler: ShowHide
GNU

Dominique: Dominique joins GNU and becomes their leader early on in the story. She's pretty much the amazon woman, as well a mythologist and explorer.

Friel: Friel Schmidt is Dominique's wingman. He's also a rather wimpy assassin.

Trusman: Macho gunman.

Davna: Aggressive magician.

Rage & Wrath: Rage is your typical short tempered bruiser. Wrath is altogether more mysterious.


Spoiler: ShowHide
The story

While attempting to learn more about the Guardians, Dominique accidentally lets the rocks free. The rocks make their own ways to Toirse, Summer, Amber and Rio and transform them into the Guardians. They each start out by annihilating their tormentors or killing someone who picked the wrong target/the wrong person to do it in front of. Then they go on a massive rampage around their respective areas.

And there you have it. Please do tell me what you think.
Title: Re: Story! The Guardians
Post by: The Niche on July 23, 2010, 08:09:00 pm
Can someone please give me some feedback here?
Title: Re: Story! The Guardians
Post by: WhiteRose on July 23, 2010, 08:17:36 pm
The main problem with your story is... that it's not a story. It's more of a concept. There's no plot, no conflict, no setting, etc. It'll be easier to give feedback if this was a little more fleshed out.
Title: Re: Story! The Guardians
Post by: The Niche on July 23, 2010, 09:04:05 pm
Alright, thanks for that. I'll edit it a little to make it a bit more revealing, but I don't particularly want to give the whole thing away XD
Title: Re: Story! The Guardians
Post by: Silentknight72 on July 25, 2010, 05:24:55 am
maybe change the freaking names.... make it more believable that it's a name(exceot for bizarre games). who wants a parent to name his son
Fried Smidget or a town which sounds like old cheese?
Title: Re: Story! The Guardians
Post by: The Niche on July 25, 2010, 10:38:36 am
Fried smidget...I think I shall use that as an insult to him. Are you referring to the Oriese when you say that?