Chaos Project

General => Chat => Topic started by: Blizzard on May 24, 2013, 09:45:38 AM

Title: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on May 24, 2013, 09:45:38 AM
Let's see how far this goes.

Post random stuff from your life and see if anybody cares to read. I'm really curious whether this thread will go anywhere.
Originally I wanted to be an ass and not go first, but it took me like 3 seconds to think of an interesting fact so I'll just go first.



One of our games, Medieval Battlefields, can be played online with other players (you play in turns, it's not real time). I got a cheater report yesterday (which turned out that it wasn't one after all but might be a bug) and when I checked the database today, I also checked the new entries for versions of clients that connect. The current version is 1.6.9 and I have noticed that only 1.6.0, 1.6.8 and 1.6.9 connect. 1.6.0 are only a few players (under 10) out of 87. I can't remember when I added that version logging, must've been a few weeks ago. Now, the interesting thing here is we want to deprecate 1.6.0 as soon as possible as it contains a problematic bug when playing online. I can't remember if it also present in 1.6.8. It's also interesting to see that most current players use Android and iOS seems to be a close 2nd. There are also WinRT clients (basically the one from Win 8 Store).
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on May 24, 2013, 10:17:41 AM
I think iOS is second because iphones are for old people and swag fags who don't play games lol. I have an android and honestly I'd never switch! Apple products are over rated lol. I use my phone for way more things than my lame ipad that effectively works as an ebook reader...that has never been used...
(click to show/hide)

My life is beyond lame at the moment. I missed the deadline for this summer session at a local community college. I was planning on taking pre-cal because I dropped that hoe last semester at my real uni. Now my life consists of weekend bar-be-que's (I don't know how to spell that) and literally doing nothing all day except an occasional script for my game lol.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on May 24, 2013, 08:23:07 PM
If anything, I hope that this thread kinda becomes a "Learn more about me as a person." I'll probably be talking a lot about my childhood.

In fourth grade, a few friends of mine got a couple of soccer balls to kick around during recess. We mainly talked about television shows, video games, or anything pertaining to entertainment. I'm not sure how it started, but we came across this small circle (maybe 20 feet in diameter) lined in the grass and somehow I found inspiration. We invented a game similar to Marbles: each player has a ball that they must use to knock the other players' balls out of the ring. The game turned out to be called 'Smash Ball' (Super Smash Bros. ain't got nothin' on us). Every day, we would always try to get as many soccer balls (or handballs...and I think someone used a basketball), and run to the field to play this new game. Apparently, some kids started wondering where the hell all the balls went and came to us. Some were upset, but a large majority participated in our game. We always had a line of kids waiting to play, which at some point came to be around 15-20 of us. To this day, my friends (many whom I have never seen in years) still reminisce about this. It is definitely one of those moments where I can look back and think I was the spark in something memorable.

The game died the next year, partly because our fifth grade class didn't have a lot of balls. I think we tried playing it a few times, but we all moved on to handball. Sixth grade was four square, which we invented a lot of new rules and "moves" such as "Lightning" (catch the ball and slam it into the other player's court so that it flies vertically in the air) and "Double Bounce" (can't hit the ball until it bounces twice; you are out if it bounces a third time).
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on May 24, 2013, 09:12:28 PM
@Zexion: barbecues* lol pre-calc was actually a lot of fun and I can't wait to jump into calculus. It's not too bad that you missed the deadline, just sit back and enjoy your vacation at this point.
@Blizzard: I have yet to purchase the game. That's definitely an interesting predicament. And it could still be a cheater report, since there are people still on 1.6.0 they could be exploiting the bug and purposely not updating.
@KK20: Elementary school was so much fun! Everyone was still practically innocent and everyone were practically friends (hardly any judgment at all). The game sounds like fun honestly. Woulda been cool to play it.

I graduated from high school Sunday, May 19th, 2013. It feels amazing to have finally accomplished this feat. It was a long thirteen years (first year was kindergarten) and to be out is just absolutely wonderful. My life is still pretty chaotic right now because my birthday is coming up (May 27th) and my family wants to throw me two separate parties. Quite frankly I don't see why they don't just combine the two, but for the next couple of weeks I'll be in town and out of town until June 3rd. Afterwards I'm hoping to get back into programming since I have plenty of free time on my hands. (Especially ARC, since it could probably use my help if I can just get started on it. :3)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on May 24, 2013, 09:27:49 PM
@KK20
Omg, childhood. <3 Being the typical hispanic that I am, I was raised playing pokemon games and dueling with yu-gi-oh cards. I was pretty good if there were no rules, which we never played by here. My most prized cards were my dark magician and dark magician girl. lol

@gameus
Dude, don't complain :P it means double the gifts! YAY!!!! THE!! Anywho, it's good to see that you will also have more free time. It was an awesome week with just winkio coming back, and now you too :O

You guys, I know that this is wierd, but I lurked on this forum for about a year before I signed up... I felt like I knew all of you (even tuggernuts, whiterose, and sub) The reason I never joined is because of my incredible shyness that obviously goes away after a while lol. It only took around 2 and a half years! :P
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on May 24, 2013, 10:05:19 PM
I think it took me a while to join as well, partly because I didn't have anything to contribute nor had anything to ask. I played around with a lot of the scripts here to build up on my Ruby knowledge.

Elementary school was so much fun! Everyone was still practically innocent and everyone were practically friends (hardly any judgment at all).
Which is probably why I hated the rest of grade school. Our group broke up and went separate ways. I don't think any of us still hang out on a normal basis like we used to. Not to mention, our interests became diverse all of a sudden (except me, I was still the game design and computers guy). I fell into a depressive state and was even assigned therapy every couple of weeks (I didn't know it was therapy at the time nor did anyone else--parents included--know about it). I did make school friends, but it never went anywhere off the campus. Band kept me occupied and diverted my depression. Eventually I just grew up with a stoic personality.

I'm glad high school is over for me. But seriously, the time felt like it just flew by. Any higher education plans?

I was planning on taking pre-cal because I dropped that hoe last semester at my real uni.
I dropped out of Calculus BC (but not without getting an F on my semester report card) in high school, half because of band eating my time, the other half being the teacher's first year teaching it (she originally taught Geometry and Algebra). When I took it again at my community college, I passed both halves (Calculus AC and BC) with A's. I found out last year that my Calculus AC teacher passed away from breast cancer.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on May 24, 2013, 10:59:10 PM
Any higher education plans?

Yup. I want to get a bachelors in Game Design and Computer Science at Dakota State University located in Madison, South Dakota. Now coming up with the money is going to be the hard part. In fact, it's probably not even a good idea to try and do a double major, but oh well.

I found out last year that my Calculus AC teacher passed away from breast cancer.

How sad. :( My favorite teacher Ms. Jacobi, she is one of the most inspirational teachers I've ever met, not to mention her generosity and kindness is absolutely wonderful. She acted like a mom to fill in the motherless life I've had over the past years.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Neoend on May 25, 2013, 04:52:12 AM
Ok gonna give this a go. Some fun reminiscing happening
@gameus
There are definitely those rare teachers that go and above the call for their students. Those teachers I myself have the uptmost of respect and adoration for

But yes, hope you guys don't mind if I change gears and tell ya a small story about moving into a house:
It was a calm night not unlike the ones before. The move was winding down, my roommates and I were settling in finally having a moment's repose. But it was short lived. A knock at my door broke the silence! It was what we had hoped wouldn't be seen, what we feared after finding the signs..... there was a mouse in the kitchen. A quiet night turned into a mouse hunt. We managed to corner it behind the oven. We manned up, I with a spike with which to poke under the oven to scare it out and my roommate with the hockey stick to strike with. Needless to say. We failed. The mice ; they are faster than us, smaller than us, smarter than us... we have only one advantage. We're cheaters with every dirty play in the book. Traps have been set, its mous-aggedon....
The end hope you guys got a giggle :D
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on May 25, 2013, 09:24:37 AM
One the one hand, life is good right now, just graduated, just got a new computer, am turning 21 on Wednesday, and have some time off.  But while this time off was supposed to help me relax and deal with some personal problems, two weeks into it I am still restless and troubled.  I have been in a high stress environment constantly for the past three years, and it is proving difficult to undo the damage that has caused.  Exacerbating this problem is the fact that I am staying at my parents house this summer, which puts me in constant proximity to the two biggest sources of stress in my life.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on May 25, 2013, 11:00:29 AM
Sure getting a nice diversity of stories here.

@G_G: Extreme best of luck to you. Finding the right education that doesn't become a burden to you in the end is always a difficult process. But you are a strong individual, so I am confident you have and continue to find all the right answers.
@Neoend: Yeah, lol, I don't even know what to say :)
@winkio: I would ask what stress this may be, but I feel this may be going too personal of a level. Regardless, I hope things do turn out better. Damn stress and all them health risks.

Now for another update from the past: I committed sexual harassment (flubba flubba squish squish...I'll let you figure out what that is...) in elementary school and never got expelled/suspended/any serious trouble for it.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on May 25, 2013, 12:01:50 PM
@gameus: No, the player used v1.6.8+ so ti definitely wasn't a cheat. And the nature of the bug also indicates that it wasn't a cheat.

@Zexion: Lol, oh you. You don't really seem that shy.

@KK20: LOL, awesome!

@winkio: I totally understand you. While I'm ok to see my parents from time to time, living with them in the same house for more than 4 days starts killing me.



Yesterday I organized my night nicely. My buddies met up at 22h. I was supposed to be there at that time, too, but I squeezed in a date at 21h. In that case if she turns out to be a creep, I can bail after max. half an hour and then join up with my buddies at the other location at 22h. She turned out to be cool, we met up with my buddies at around 23:15, but she had to leave earlier since she's a teacher and she's taking her class (high school) today to the zoo. The rest of the night was fun, I danced my ass off.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Lobstrosity on May 25, 2013, 03:57:42 PM
All right everybody. I'm sorry to present you with this long story, but read away if you're interested! Your choice:

Okay, to start things off, background information on my family: I was born into a relatively large family. By the age of 4, I had two younger brothers, two older brothers and two older sisters. My father was abusive towards my sisters and mother, and by the time I was 7, my mother could finally find the strength to break it off with him and the two were divorced. My early school life seemed pretty normal. I went to one of those strict religious schools, but I got along with the people. Anyway, my siblings and I occasionally stayed with my biological father, but he kept harassing both of my sisters and so my mother tried to separate us from him. Over time, he both threatened her, occasionally broke into the house and did all kinds of crazy stuff. By age 9, my mother found a new partner and they had decided to move to some random town in the middle of nowhere (main reason being: to get away from my biological father).

The next part is where Lobstrosity comes into it: This town is where my mother married my now step-father and everything seemed to be normal again for the rest of my family. I had a terrible primary school life (So, from about age 9 to 13). I didn't have any friends and was constantly bullied by most of the children in my class - a complete change from what my old school was like. Another thing I hated was the education. I really liked being challenged academically, but this town had a bad reputation for having terrible education... So yep, being a young child with all this bullying and no friends, I used to come home and cry pretty much every day. My parents didn't know about this at first, but when they found out, they were constantly contacting teachers to do something about it. The teachers were no help, their ways of fixing it were things like 'sitting in the library with my bully and talking it out with them.' None of it helped, and this continued until high school. So in Year 8 (age 13), I went to a high school with completely different kids and continued to get bullied a lot for my first year - it was actually this year that I joined CP... I believe. By this time, my two oldest siblings had moved back to the city and my other siblings seemed to be having normal school lives. My second year of high school, I started hanging around (though I regret it) a bad group of people. Though I would never participate, they were nasty to others and would do stupid stuff all the time. There's a long story involved here, but to cut it short, I stopped hanging around them because they started making fun of me for not joining in, etc. Anyway, my older sister's friends (18) were dating some of the girls from that group (13-14... pretty messed up), so when she found out that they weren't very nice to me, she started telling her friends and then this whole crazy war began between all these 13 year-olds and 18 year-olds. I tried to stay out of it, but I became targeted by a lot of kids in my year level once again, and by older kids that were friends of my sister. Bullying became pretty bad again, and I had no friends, so my parents were trying to suggest ways of fixing this problem. I suggested that I move up a year level (as I would then be with a different group of people and get more of a challenge from school work). The school allowed it, so I was moved up to Year 10 (the final year level of the school I was at). That was about halfway through the year, and the rest of the year was average. I was still bullied in the yard by Year 9 students but in class, I was all right. There were a few nice people, though I didn't talk to them outside of class.

YEAR 11 (2012). I started at a new school AGAIN, and chose the 'suicide six' as my subjects (Maths A/B, Chemistry, Biology, Physics and English Specialist). I was again in classes with people I didn't know, as they all chose other subjects, so I didn't have anybody to hang around. However, my older brother was repeating this year level and so we were in almost all of the same classes. Now, my older brother is the 'player' kind of guy, and he got around with a lot of women, one of with became pregnant the year before. Despite him being my brother, I absolutely hated being in the same classes as him because he was the charming kind of guy that all the girls obsessed over and all the guys looked up to. Anybody that I began to hang around, eventually ditched me to hang out with him and I was again left alone for most of the year. By this time in my life, I wasn't even upset any more about being alone. A lot of kids would joke about this, calling me a robot because they said it looked like I had no emotion (people continue to say that to me now, even). Academically though, this year was all right. Because of the curriculum for Year 11 & 12 education, the teachers HAD to teach us at the proper level of education. This was a problem at first, because I had none of the assumed knowledge for my maths and science classes, but by the end of the year I was achieving A's and B's. During this year, I also found out a lot about my family. My oldest brother seemed fine, but my other older siblings weren't in the best situation. I found out that my two older sisters had severe psychological issues because of things that happened to them and young ages, so they would often go out and do stupid things. The brother who was now in the same year level as me started hanging around a bad group of people and also did some bad stuff. And this behaviour was even evident in my two younger siblings, who became very aggressive and disrespectful to others.

By the end of that year, my parents decided that they wanted to move again (My step-father, a police officer, wanted to get a better job in another town) so they discussed this with me and how it would affect my schooling. In the end, I decided that I would move back to the city, as it would be better for my education and so early this year I moved in with my grandparents to attend the same school I had gone 7 years prior. The start of my new/old school was... weird. Everybody was really friendly and came up to shake my hand (I'm weird with physical contact, so this was uncomfortable). So for once in my teenage years, I actually got along with people. And despite this year's work load being VERY stressful, I'm glad I'm not being constantly bullied and left out. However, I can't help but feel like I'm the odd one out in my family. I visited my older sister for the first time in over a year recently and she tried to convince me to go out for a drink with her. After declining, she went on about how I 'have to try things first to see if I like them' and how I can't be one of those 'straight-edge' people my whole life. After disagreeing with her, she told me that she was disappointed in me, and she really went into how disappointed she was. This is what got me thinking. It's like she was saying that I wasn't part of the family, and looking at the bad situations my other siblings were in, I started to feel like I wasn't. My mother told me not to think about that and that she was proud of me, etc, etc, but my siblings still always tell me about how boring I am to be around. My brother always makes a comment about me being 'the only successful one in the family', which despite being a compliment also makes me feel like I don't belong.

So this brings us to now. I'm halfway through my schooling, attempting to get into one of the most difficult to get into courses at university next year. So, A LOT of pressure involved in my schooling. Yet I also feel like I don't have a good connexion with the rest of my family, and though I get along with people at school, I still don't participate in any activities outside of school. So I've had a lot of depression issues throughout my childhood and had a terrible time at school yet I always ask myself why I never went to doing stupid things with drugs and alcohol like many others have done - is it because my other siblings had friends who pressured them into this, and because I didn't have friends the same didn't happen to me? Also, I'm not trying to say that I've had the worst life so far - I know that there would be a lot of people who would read this and think that it was nothing. There are a lot of details that I've left out (I didn't want to go too far into the depression that I suffered through the earlier years) but I've always kind of hidden my emotions from everyone else (much like what Winkio has said in one of his recent topics) to the point where (now), nothing really seems to affect me any more. Nobody really knows about my life except for a select few family members, but there you go. Posting this... to the entire forum... It's crazy...

Anyway, thanks for reading... if you did - I don't blame you if you didn't. But if you did, congratulations! I'd like to see your thoughts.

*Note: Sorry if there are awful grammatically/spelling errors. It is late and I can't be bothered proof-reading it. xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on May 25, 2013, 04:13:59 PM
Man Lob. I feel for ya. I've hit some bumps in my life, but man you've gone through hell and back. I just want to say I'm proud of you for sticking through it and I'm proud of you for straying away from bad activities that could potentially ruin your life. It's good to see that you're the kind of person who is academically passionate and wants to better his mind and education. It's not often you see people like that (well at least where I live anyways).

It's unfortunate about your dad and your sisters/mother. I really do hate seeing abusive people (note it doesn't always end up being men). I've seen abuse just tear a family apart and ruin everyones life. It's scary. But be proud of yourself. Don't feel like you don't fit in with your family. Instead feel like you rose above all of the bullshit life threw at you. Feel proud and accomplished because you're doing what none of your other siblings could. Avoiding trouble, bettering yourself and your education, and you're putting up with all the negativity in your life without any alcohol, drugs, etc. etc. It's not often you see things like that Lob, you really do need to feel proud of yourself. And I give you last props for sharing your life story with us, I know it had to of been hard, but it makes us feel appreciated as a community.

Hope you stick it through. :3
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on May 25, 2013, 04:34:05 PM
I agree with gameus. It's great that you could get through this so far and avoid some of the really nasty things. Sure, the situation you're in may not be the best, but most of the negativity is outside of you and actually with your family. I've had some tough years in my childhood, too, but it's overshadowed when I read your stuff. In the end it doesn't actually matter so much where you come from and what you've been through. Sure, it may define you to some degree, but you can decide how it defines you. The important thing is that you decide what you want out of life and what kind of person you want to be and then go for it. I know that it's hard for an introvert at first to learn extroversion, but you'll get to it. Take it slowly and don't beat yourself up over it. And this is a really important one, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT. Being emotionally closed off is not a nice way to live and it may be hard to open up at first and talk more to people, but you'll eventually get to it. Just first figure out what it is that you want and then take it from there.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on May 25, 2013, 06:30:51 PM
Ok I finally read it :D
Your life has been extremely hard and yet similar to mine in many aspects. Although my parents are awesome, I am still the only one of my brothers to be successful. There are only two of us though, so it is no doubt easier on me when I don't fit in with them. I suggest you don't let them bother you because in the end, you will make a life for yourself, and they will be struggling because they decided to slack off when they were in school. They can still amount to something, but will probably never be as successful as you. This is what you must think in order to remain "happy".

Personally I have an older brother that has been to jail 4 times under 2 names and a little brother who's a complete mess with his mood swings and drugs. The younger one causes our family so many problems because of it. We've almost sent him to jail willingly because he's a complete ass. He hit my mom and tried choking her...I don't even know what would've happen if I hadn't been there to stop him. On top of that he also attempts to make me look stupid and lame at every chance he gets, and is constantly talking behind my back.

My point is that you can't let the decisions of your siblings influence you. If they want to ruin there life, FINE, just tell them not to get in your way. Also, I can't relate to the school thing at all because I was always the popular one in class and everyone liked me. In fact some people in my brother's grade level would walk up to me during HS and tell me how much of an ass he is and how much cooler I am than him. Sometimes I wouldn't even know who they were o.o
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on May 25, 2013, 06:49:35 PM
I feel like I can't really give much advice due to my inexperience for personally dealing with hardships (everything has been mental for me--I seriously want to know if I have Aspergers or some type of autism). My life is almost too perfect considering the importance of family, nice wealth, and great parents. And this is why I can never seem to really like myself: I have all these things that many are not fortunate to have, yet I cannot seem to appreciate it all that much. When I get older and living on my own, I'll look back and be thankful for what I got. It's good that you are in a better environment. Pretty impressive how well you didn't crumble and succumb to peer pressure.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on May 25, 2013, 08:02:26 PM
Actually it's quite simple. If you work for something and put effort into it, then you can appreciate the results. That's why it's so hard to appreciate the things we have. We take them for granted, because we either haven't worked for them or they kinda were always there for us.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Tazero on June 05, 2013, 12:54:36 AM
I took and early college course in music appreciation and learned absolutely nothing. It did however, teach me to hate most classical music with unconventionally played instruments. (Try putting nails in between piano strings and playing it x.x PAIN.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on June 05, 2013, 01:13:30 AM
YouTube concertbandland--I almost enjoy everything on there. Favorite is, by far, Jupiter by Holst.

Or perhaps 4'33" is your cup of tea?
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on June 06, 2013, 12:22:07 AM
Well interesting turn of events. Next week I'll be going to my grandma's house which is a state away for the rest of the summer. She's offering my girlfriend and me a 10 dollar an hour job with free rent and food to save up money for a couple of months. (On a side note, my girlfriend currently lives with me, theres a long story behind that, but yes, she's coming to live with me at my grandmas as well).

I also got $2000 as a graduation gift. Within a couple of weeks I'll finally be settled and back to an actual normal schedule. Thank goodness. Which means I'll be able to start programming stuff again. Hopefully. :3 And yes, I'll be bringing all of my belongings with me so I'll have my whole setup down there.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on June 06, 2013, 01:13:53 AM
Wow that is some nice fortune man! Be grateful for everything you have and don't turn into some snot nosed punk like my brother haha.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on June 20, 2013, 08:21:54 AM
Last Sunday, for my grandpa's 80th, we all went racing. Went to the K1 Speed in Anaheim (same location as this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h4zTEwgCpQ)). First time ever doing anything like this. I'm also not the type of person who really would find interest in kart racing. Me, grandpa, sister, father, 3 cousins and their fathers (total of 9) all went at it. I was nervous as hell, but after the first lap it all went away.

Because we were ranked on fastest lap speed, I came in 11th with 39.287 seconds, just a second faster than my grandpa. How bad is that? 10th place, my sister, was 33.569. My dad got the fastest among us with 30.803. I'm not sure what I did wrong--I practically floored it on the straightways but still had people passing on my sides *shrug*.

Overall, it was pretty fun. I'd like to visit other areas since each track is different (plus the fact I still have 2 races left). But I think I'd only do it with a group of friends/family.

I'd post pictures, but I don't know where they are at.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on June 20, 2013, 08:59:39 AM
Yesterday Dario and me were talking to some Asian girls at the club (Dario met one of them the day before). At one point I took one of their Android phones, downloaded King of Booze, gave us a 5 star rating and left a comment that says "YES would bang 10/10". It was hilarious, but it wasn't the first time I did that. She was all like "you should have to pay for doing something like this", I give her a kiis on each cheek and I'm like "there, you got EVEN 2 kisses, more than most people get". It was a fun night out.

EDIT: lol

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on June 21, 2013, 03:54:06 AM
so my life has been well, bland. I'm working 50 hour weeks at a place called Grand Junction Pipe. Major Region distributor of Pipe and other utility supplies to western Colorado.
I work both as a counter man and as a general warehouse employee. I'm normally exhausted when I get home at 530 every day and I have to go to bed at or before midnight to get enough sleep to get there at 7 the next day.

I got into New Mexico Tech when I'm going to go for a computer science degree instead of the Aerospace engineering degree I've been working on for the past... 3 years? fuck...


anyway, I'm faced with the reality that I'll be in school for at least another year and a half to get my BS in Computer science a prospect I both despise and greatly look forward to. the sad thing is, I don't need this degree. but my future will change drastically if I DO get it as people in the computer science field with a BS generally get starting salaries 20 grand higher than thous who don''t

we'll see how the next year goes, but at this point I'm not sure I can stick through the bullshit, especially now that I'm finding that I'm going to have to redo a bunch of bullshit classes I though I had taken care of but didn't transfer.

I'm get depress a lot when I think about my future, I often feel like the world is going to shit because people are either too stupid or too dam greedy to stop it. and I also feel like I've wasted almost 2 years of my life. 2 years that should of been some of my best, all because I let myself believe my dad when he told my I'd be sitting in a cubical typing useless code all day and that wouldn't be fun at all.

geh, I had to dump, this felt like the best place. thanks for reading I guess.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on June 21, 2013, 04:16:00 AM
all because I let myself believe my dad when he told my I'd be sitting in a cubical typing useless code all day and that wouldn't be fun at all.

I love how the older generation has such a negative opinion of computer science.  My parents are the same way.  And I actually like Mechanical Engineering, but it all honesty, it is not at all more exciting working in a cubicle doing cost analysis, CAD modeling, or engineering computation.  Technical work is usually bland, but computer science is not any worse than other office jobs.  In fact, if you like it, it's definitely better.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on June 21, 2013, 05:09:42 AM
Hey I'm a computer science major and my dad is proud because I'm the first to actually go to a far off university. I was just wondering, what can I do with a degree in cs?
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on June 21, 2013, 05:51:55 AM
just about anything with a computer
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on June 21, 2013, 06:08:08 AM
Hey I'm a computer science major and my dad is proud because I'm the first to actually go to a far off university. I was just wondering, what can I do with a degree in cs?
O.o I thought you were going into something art/animation related.
Adding onto your question, I have a friend who was supposed to major in business (typical Asian route amirite?) but got stuck in computer science. No desire to program at all--practically hates it, despite the fact he has received an A in almost every class. I'm wondering what a non-programming, not very techie (thought an OS was Visual Studios and tried executing a .dll), computer science major could do?
we'll see how the next year goes, but at this point I'm not sure I can stick through the bullshit, especially now that I'm finding that I'm going to have to redo a bunch of bullshit classes I though I had taken care of but didn't transfer.
Same happened to me. Added another year to my expected graduation date. Hopefully the CS program there isn't ridiculous like mine.
Quote
I'm get depress a lot when I think about my future, I often feel like the world is going to shit because people are either too stupid or too dam greedy to stop it.
I'd think any sane individual has felt/thought this at some point in his or her life. I'm still there.
Quote
and I also feel like I've wasted almost 2 years of my life. 2 years that should of been some of my best, all because I let myself believe my dad when he told my I'd be sitting in a cubical typing useless code all day and that wouldn't be fun at all.
Our goddamn world needs more supportive parents. Cannot stress that enough. It makes me sick.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on June 21, 2013, 08:22:32 AM
O.o I thought you were going into something art/animation related.
Adding onto your question, I have a friend who was supposed to major in business (typical Asian route amirite?) but got stuck in computer science. No desire to program at all--practically hates it, despite the fact he has received an A in almost every class. I'm wondering what a non-programming, not very techie (thought an OS was Visual Studios and tried executing a .dll), computer science major could do?
I really wanted to be a music major because I felt that I had a gift I learned trumpet/sax/clarinet in a few months and played better than a lot of the top people at my highschool. I actually played percussion, and I was only marginal at that (but I've gotten really great at that too). I've never once found music to be a chore. Even when I can't play an etude correctly or get frustrated I still love doing it. That's where I feel that I really belong.
Art is really just a really entertaining hobby for me. I thought about going into graphic design, but stopped because I couldn't even pixel a nice sphere at the time I thought of it. I never really looked back at it.
I've always dabbled in programming, I know I'll never be anything close to great in it, but it's where the money is at. Unfortunately, money made all the difference when my dad basically decided that I would major in computers over music, haha.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on June 21, 2013, 08:32:29 AM
My parents used to look down on my hanging on a computer all day and stuff, too, but after a while, when they realized that this is what I wanted to do with my life, they accepted it and supported me fully. I am very grateful for that. These days they are very proud of me and my master degree.

I also love to make music, but I could never see it as a means to earn money with it.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on July 01, 2013, 09:10:52 PM
Random moments at work (I do inventory for different stores, just as a heads up):

I was counting food items in the freezers when a guy walks up to me asking what store I am working for. I explain to him that I did not come from a store nor do I work for a store. He shakes his head and clarifies, "What's the name of this store?"

There was an awkward pause between him and I. The whole time I was thinking 'Do you just like to walk into random buildings for fun? Or are you really that stupid?'

I reply, "Stater Bros.", he says "Thank you," and walks away.

I stare at him for a few seconds with a confused as all hell look on my face.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on July 02, 2013, 07:28:15 AM
I just had a great night out with the most perfect girl. I absolutely love her to death. Treated her to dinner, got her some flowers, then I picked up a necklace with her birthstone in it. I had ordered it just a couple of weeks ago. Today was our 6th month anniversary, now I know it may seem silly to celebrate a sixth month, but I've never done it with any girl before and I've never wanted to do it with any girl until this one came along. Today was a wonderful day.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on July 02, 2013, 09:44:23 AM
The only thing silly about a 6th month anniversary is when it is not called a 6th month mensiversary  :V:
But congratulations nonetheless! Happy wishes so you can celebrate a legit anniversary~
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on July 09, 2013, 06:45:33 AM
Ugh. My girlfriends mom is just really irritating. I've got a kinda-ish long story and for those interested in reading, thank you.

(On a side note, my girlfriend currently lives with me, theres a long story behind that, but yes, she's coming to live with me at my grandmas as well).

Like I said, there's a story to this and I feel the need to share it with someone. Yes we've only been dating for 6 months and yes she's already living with me, which in a lot of peoples eyes, is reckless and stupid because we're both young and we have no idea how long we'll even be with each other, and at this crucial point in our lives, if we don't end up with each other much longer, then it puts us both in a bind, because she has nowhere else to go. And due to the person I am, I would let her continue to live with my family and me until she found a place of her own or managed to find someone else to stay with. So yeah, it's a mess, and yeah it's a very touchy situation at the moment and we're both just kind of living it step by step until we reach the next phase of our lives and relationship.

So anyways, let me start. I met her back in the beginning of December. I met her at this school dance, now funny thing, she had already graduated from highschool and her cousin Ashley invited her to the dance. My friends Jeren and Anthony had both invited me, and funnily enough, I ended up asking my friend Madi to accompany me, I didn't want to go alone. If it weren't for Madi, I would have never have met Brittany. Madi is actually one of those girls who's pretty much a bro (a lot like Robin from How I Met Your Mother). Anyways, I'll skip most of the night and go on.... pretty much, I started talking to Brittany and after a week of knowing her, she got into a bad situation with her mom. Her mom is an alcoholic and one night she got in pretty bad shape and ended up hitting Brittany. Brittany already being 19 was sick of her mom and how she acted and moved out, her aunt gave her a place to stay for a few months while she saved up money and found a place of her own. Skipping even more, about three months, Brittany looked and looked and couldn't find a place she could afford. Unfortunately where we lived at the time, there were hardly any jobs above minimum wage, so one person can't afford to take care of themselves, especially with the cost of living there. She had no choice but to move back in with her mom. Her mom promised the basement for 150$ a month, and the basement was supposed to be like an apartment. Brittany was supposed to be allowed to do whatever, whenever, and bring anyone over. She was promised to be able to have room mates and even a pet, that all changed after Brittany had moved in.

At first, her mom was okay with Brittany doing whatever, but after a couple of weeks her mom started getting to a controlling point. Her mom would constantly text and call Brittany to see what she was doing and when she'd be home. And when Brittany decided not to go home that night, her mom would flip out and threaten to kick Brittany out. There'd be maybe two or three nights out of the week where she wasn't home, but why would it really matter? She's paying rent and shouldn't have to be home if she chooses not to. A) She's an adult and B) she's paying rent, yes she still has to abide by her mother's rules since she is technically the landlord, but it was getting to the point where Brittany had to be home at a certain time and she couldn't drive past a certain time. This led to many arguments. Brittany ended up getting hit by both her mom and step dad. During those nights the fights got bad, she'd come over to my house and stay over. And of course, her mom would bitch about that as well. And when these arguments happened, her mom usually got drunk beforehand and that's usually why the arguments started. Then her mom found out that we'd sleep in the same bed whenever she'd stay over, she didn't like that and she thought it was sinful and not the christian way. So she said we needed to get married before sleeping with each other or living with each other and straight up told her daughter she'd go to hell. Now here's where it starts to get bad. Her mom is now telling her entire family lies about me. I've personally have done nothing but be nice to her mom. For example on Valentines Day and Mothers Day, I got her mom flowers because her asshole step dad wouldn't. Instead, he would go out and spend a few hundred bucks on the new Wii U and some video games, yada yada. Anyways, she starts spreading all these lies that I'm controlling Brittany. Brittany stays at my place for a good four-five days because she didn't want to deal with her parents. Her mom assumes that I'm making her stay at my house and not giving her the freedom Brittany wants.

It got really bad one night, Brittany was bruised up bad on her arms and had a nice red mark on her face from being slapped. I didn't call the cops because Brittany asked me not to, she didn't want her parents to go to jail, her little sister wouldn't have anywhere to go. Since she wouldn't let me do that, I had no choice but to go and talk to my dad about letting Brittany stay with us. This was a few weeks before I graduated this year. I made a deal with him that by the end of the summer, both Brittany and I would be out of the house if he'd just give us time to save up money, in exchange, we'd help him out with groceries, taking care of my little brother, and getting everyone to and from school. Her mom got even worse. The drinking got to the point where she'd start bitching and complaining about every single person in her family. Spread lies about each one of them to another. THe family ignored her for a week and then she got even more mad and upset and started bitching at Brittany again, this time saying the family is ignoring her because Brittany decided to move in with a guy before marriage. Her mom tried saying she was shunned for her daughter not following the christian way. After about 2 months of Brittany not being there, her mom decided to try and break us up and she wanted the family to do it as well. So she started telling everyone that I beat her, that I got her pregnant and that I steal all of her money. She even came to my dad's house one day to "forcibly take Brittany out of the bad situation she was in." This didn't make my dad very happy and being the short tempered person he is, pulled his gun out and of course made threats. She eventually left when the landlord in our neighborhood came from down and threatened to call the cops, which would have put my dad in a lot of trouble, her mom most likely getting fined for trespassing or just taken off the property. In South Dakota making verbal threats is a punishable offense apparently.

Finally her mom starts to stop. She finally starts leaving us alone and letting us be, only having one of her outrages once a week, and they weren't bad. They were just her complaining about how everyone left her. Which no one left her, everyone still talks to her, but the way her mom sees this is that if the family isn't at her house everyday, then the family isn't there for her at all. Pure selfishness. So now we get to what happened today. I've about had it with her mom. We made a trip back to our town to visit friends and family yesterday and we stayed over night. Came back today. Today before we left, we went to say hi to her mom and her mom called the cops on me, of course we didn't know, she went into the other room, told them I was beating her, controlling her, all that other crap. Literally as we were leaving cops pull up. One of them holds me against my car while the others try to figure out what's going on. Needless to say, I was scared shitless. Thankfully they figured out that nothing was going on, Brittany looked fine and wasn't hurt nor pregnant for that matter. And now her moms getting fined for falsely making a report to the police. Regardless, the chance that I could have went to jail, I was scared. Her moms is trying her hardest to ruin our lives and the relationship between us and frankly I'm getting sick of it. I honestly have no idea what to do. Our solutions are to cut off contact with her mother, but Brittany won't do that, she doesn't want to lose contact with her little sister. Brittany also refuses to ignore her mom when she starts one of her outrages, they'll argue over the phone for hours, late at night, and it's just really frustrating. I'm telling her to ignore her mom. Most of her family is telling her the same thing. She won't listen to anyone.

But phew....it's finally good to share this. I was just so built up with anger because of today. Anyways, thanks to anyone who decides to read this. I know it's pretty long.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on July 09, 2013, 07:43:58 AM
"It's not the Christian way!"
> Lies
> Rages
> Drinks profusely
> Assaults

She seriously needs help, and being logical and reasonable won't cut it. The only thing worse about being around annoying people is when you can't get rid of them. It's a terrible shame with all of this bullshit you have to put up with (it's always the good ones). Best of luck; hopefully the drama will cease in due time.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on July 09, 2013, 08:35:39 AM
I really don't see a problem with you living with your GF, Gameus. I would rather say that it's quite mature of you to offer her to stay at your place until she can find her own.

Man, your GF's mom has a hardcase of projecting her own faults onto you. And she must be really emotionally damaged if she would resort to even calling the cops on you, because in her head she probably actually believes that. The only possible way to solve this is therapy. She obviously has some deep abandonment issues which she can't get over. It really sucks that your GF can't cut lose from that.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on July 09, 2013, 04:02:36 PM
I'm glad you guys see this differently. My dad sees my point of view and so does my grandma. No one else in my family, nor hers for that matter really believes in what we're doing. It's nice to have some support from friends too. :) I just hope one day, when her mom's pushed everyone she loves away and has no one, she'll realize what she did, but that's wishful thinking isn't it? And while my post consisted mostly of negativity about her, she's not that bad of a person if you start to get to know her and she's not drinking. But she's so obsessed with keeping everyone within her grasp she goes berserk sometimes.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on July 31, 2013, 04:15:34 AM
So, 2 months later, I have finally been able to relax, and I've also managed to work out a few personal issues.  I'd rather not go into full detail, but I have discovered a huge part of myself that I have repressed for the past 15 years, which is quite a long time, considering I am 21.  I unlocked a bunch of really strong and important memories that I had no idea about, and am going through a gigantic mental rebirth right now.  So gigantic, in fact, that I am having physical symptoms.  I am only eating half the food I usually do (1-2 meals a day instead of 3-4), but I'm not hungry at all.  I am having vivid dreams every night, while they used to only happen every few weeks.  Most of all I feel this mental sense of liberation, and I am no longer compelled to follow old habits or routines.  I sit at my desk differently, I sleep differently, I brush my teeth differently, and I even think differently.

Even though it seemed hopeless at the beginning of the summer, I managed to accomplish my goals and go even further.  It seems a little overdramatic, but by starting this journey of self discovery, I feel like I got a ticket to a new life that is a million times better than my old one, even though I am essentially in the same place, under the same circumstances.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on July 31, 2013, 08:27:40 AM
I forgot how this state was called. It's not depression, but it has a few symptoms that are similar. It's something with M.
Anyway, yeah, I know how you feel. Your subconsciousness is trying to adapt to the new patterns. If you're not up for sharing it here, feel free to hit me up on Skype, I'd actually like to know what happened.

EDIT:

Actually I'd like to share something here as well. I'll keep it short, though.

I met a girl a few weeks back who was really into me. We went on 3 dates (even though I don't call them dates, because I think the concept of dates is retarded, because expectations cause nervousness and unauthentic behavior etc., but I digress). After the first date already she was way too much into the idea that we're already boyfriend and girlfriend. I can understand, because she never had a boyfriend before and judging by how she kisses, she never kissed a guy before either and is a virgin. Basically since I just wanted to have some fun and sex with her and her situation was as it was, I knew that getting to the point where she'd be ok with sex would have taken way too long and with that much time passed, she would have actually fallen in love with me. So if I stopped seeing her at that point, it would have really hurt her. So I did the only right thing I could do, I told her that we shouldn't see each other anymore in the middle of the 3rd date. I didn't tell her the full truth (because there's no need to hurt her feelings), but generally I told her that I think that she likes me too much and I don't think that I can reciprocate it so it would be better we stopped seeing each other, because I would only hurt her in the long run.

And she wasn't really pretty. I'm not gonna be a hypocrite and say that this didn't influence my decision. In fact, it influenced my decision a lot. But I obviously didn't tell her that part. As I said, there is no need to hurt her needlessly. I think I did an ok job, because she seemed alright at the end, not crushed or anything. Probably because all that she "lost" was an illusion of love she had while we were seeing each other.

Lol, as much of a manwhore without morals that I am, it's nice to see myself do the right thing in situations like this.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on August 03, 2013, 01:10:19 AM
Lol, as much of a manwhore without morals that I am, it's nice to see myself do the right thing in situations like this.

Maybe keep in touch with her on a friend level, because who knows how she'll be in the future..  you might still get something ;)




Okay, so I shall contribute to this thread as well, although I'm doing the the same type of thing as others, with a "get to know me better" thread. I know you're all rather non-judgemental, so I trust you all.

For starters, I'll re-introduce myself. I'm about to turn 25, and I have a daughter who just turned 4. I had a pretty uneventful life until I turned 18 :3 When I was 17, I enlisted in the Army, as a 13D AFATDS Specialist, which in laymans terms, means I told the big guns, and rockets, where to fire, when to fire, and what rounds to fire. I was involved in intel, and planned out "possible" attacks on many different countries, under many scenarios (keep in mind that this was a bit after 9/11 happened, and EVERYONE was considered a possible target still). I was MD'd in 2010 for heart issues, and I miss it quite a bit.

Related more to this site, I started working on computers in general when I was about twelve years old. I had a 80486 processor computer, running Win95, with dual 3.5" floppy drives, a 500MB HD (if I recall correctly), and CD Drive, which I later upgraded to a CD reader/writer   8-O That was like the best computer ever at the time (ah, the memories.. I wish I had that computer again, just for nostalgia purposes). I started "programming" by writing DOS batch files, like custom installers, and custom "menu systems", similar to the visual version of what you might see if Star Trek LCARS was text instead of voice-driven. Eventually I started learning HTML in school, and went off from there. I ran across this site in a search in Google for RMXP Scripts and the CP Script database was one of the top five or so (this was before Bing, so yes, I was forced to "google things" still, and I refuse to look for results that weren't on the first page =P ). I read through a few dozen posts, looked at and used a few scripts, and then decided to join the site. And now here I am, spilling out my life story to people that I have never met, yet trust more than some people that I do know.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Spoofus on August 05, 2013, 12:36:05 AM
Dunno if anyone noticed the shout box or not the other day but I quit my job and I really did like my job it didn't take much and I rarely had to deal with people expect for what had happened that screwed this over.
I worked at a hotel as the front desk manager (I did get to boss people around and all that) it was a good job being paid at
$16.50 an hour and I would typically work 60-75 hour weeks needless to say the pay was worth it.

So here is what happened, around noon the other day these guys come in and started to ask about a room prices, I could hear them in the back and after a few
moments one of them started asking the girl working the desk out (she was good looking I admit but I never tried anything
with her where she was  younger than me) well she kept turning him down and he kept getting forceful about it, and actually went behind
counter and she called out for me and when I stepped out you could tell these guys were drunk.I told the guy to get back on the other
side of the counter and he just kept going for her while telling me off and threatening me, which didn't work.
He managed to grab the girl by the arm and tried to kiss her, so I grabbed him and pull him back to the other side of the counter
and tossed him to the floor and told the two of them to leave now or the cops will be involved.The guy that I tossed his
buddy thought that it would be a good idea to pick up one of those trash can/ashtray things you see everywhere and try to hit me with
it, so I kicked him in the side of the knee and I admit too that I was trying to break it, but they left afterwards.
around 3 pm when I usually leave for home the guys come back with cops in tow, and tried to get me arrested for "assaulting"
them.I told the cops what had happened, and the girl even told them what they tried to do to her and I stopped them.
after an hour of them arguing it, I showed the cops the security video which shown everything the girl and I just told them.
So the cops put those guys in cuffs and took them away.

I was going in at my usual time, and the hotel owner is sitting there, and told me that he needed a word with me.
Apparently the guys that got arrested where related to him and were here on vacation. SO the owner told me that he does not need a
person that works for him beating his family senseless he said, So I just told him you know what that's fine the authorities have
a copy of the video that showed what went down, and I done with your bullshit and said that I quit and just walked out.
I hope the girl followed my example if not I am sure something will happen to her.

I did get a hold of the girl yesterday, and she had quit as well. The owner started to bully her more since I was not there for him to bully.
Maybe I should of or should report him to proper people.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on August 06, 2013, 07:55:31 PM
You did the right thing. Family is not an excuse to be an ass. I hope you can find a new job soon.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on August 22, 2013, 06:50:21 AM
For my 21st birthday, I went out kart racing with my family again, this time with a couple of friends who never did it before. Thankfully we got the track all to ourselves this time. Definitely felt much better at it this time around--I managed to hit the top lap time of the week (27.1 seconds, previous being 27.6). Went out and ate burgers (always my tradition--gotta have my favorite food) and had a couple drinks. Still felt a little nauseated so no bar hopping. :P Instead, I just went to hang out at my friend's house for the night, played few games of pool, learned beer pong, and sat in the jacuzzi. Spent the night over there but didn't get much sleep. Practically spent today just lazing about and taking it easy. T'was fun--not too extreme but not too minimal.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on August 22, 2013, 07:07:03 AM
Sounds like you had a lot of fun, KK20. :) I've never been kart racing, but I'll have to try it sometime; it sounds like fun!

EDIT 2:Disregard edit 1; I don't need to fill up the forum with my QQing. :P
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on August 23, 2013, 11:20:47 PM
What's a QQ lol
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on August 24, 2013, 02:14:07 AM
What's a QQ lol

I think it's supposed to be crying eyes or something :P So much for my attempt at internet-pop-culture-emoticon-whatever. Back to the drawing board. Haha.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on August 24, 2013, 03:20:22 AM
QQing is more complaining/whining than crying.  It's closer to "being a crybaby".

Well today my advisor revealed her master plan for my PhD to me.  Basically, the goal is to defend my masters thesis in one year, which is half the time that it normally takes, and then defend my PhD dissertation three years later, which is normal timing.  I'm completely ready for the first year sprint, and it will definitely be worth it to get my PhD at 24.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on August 24, 2013, 11:16:08 AM
Haha, awesome, winkio.

EDIT: There's currently nothing too interesting in my life, at least nothing that I want to share. The company where I work (Cateia Games) will move its office in a week so I won't need 7 minutes to get to work anymore, but will need almost half an hour. It's not that bad though. I was thinking about moving, but ultimately my current apartment is really nice and it would be hard to find something nice in that neighborhood since most buildings there are old and the apartments are crappy.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on August 24, 2013, 04:01:32 PM
Let's see... Well, currently I'm a cook as most of you have probably seen through other posts, but, I'm pissed the hell off at the company I work for. They haven't authorized me to train into other positions, to get more hours, and because I can't work Sunday and Monday (I have my daughter those days), they have cut all of my hours except Friday when delivery comes in. My store manager is looking at jobs out in Oklahoma as well, as she too is fed up with the company, and is about to quit herself. So, I'm on the hunt for a replacement job =/

Other than that, not a whole lot going on with me.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on August 26, 2013, 04:21:59 AM
Came back home from my Laughlin trip today, about 6 hours ago. Did some jet-skiing on the river, gambled a bit (lost $30 I think, but still enjoyed it), and drank a few drinks yesterday. No internet access so I'm catching up on news--like ForeverZ0mbie returning :V:
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on August 26, 2013, 11:22:41 PM
I just realized an hour ago that the backup of my university stuff including everything I made during university is gone. I must've accidentally deleted it at some point from my external HDD. Maybe it was when I set up GoodSync to backup my stuff.

I tried undelete software, but all the recovered RAR and ZIP files were damaged apparently and no program could fix them. And now I am sad.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on August 26, 2013, 11:39:01 PM
Let's see... Well, currently I'm a cook as most of you have probably seen through other posts, but, I'm pissed the hell off at the company I work for. They haven't authorized me to train into other positions, to get more hours, and because I can't work Sunday and Monday (I have my daughter those days), they have cut all of my hours except Friday when delivery comes in. My store manager is looking at jobs out in Oklahoma as well, as she too is fed up with the company, and is about to quit herself. So, I'm on the hunt for a replacement job =/

I swear the amount of hierarchy-based fuckups I hear about in the job market is higher than the number of slacker-employee stories.  Self-managed employees might be more efficient at this point in time.


Came back home from my Laughlin trip today, about 6 hours ago. Did some jet-skiing on the river, gambled a bit (lost $30 I think, but still enjoyed it), and drank a few drinks yesterday. No internet access so I'm catching up on news--like ForeverZ0mbie returning :V:

What sort of gambling did you do?  I grew up playing a lot of fairly high level poker with my older brothers and their friends, and love the bad beat / perfect play stories that come out of these sessions.  If it's just slots or roulette, that's cool too.


I just realized an hour ago that the backup of my university stuff including everything I made during university is gone. I must've accidentally deleted it at some point from my external HDD. Maybe it was when I set up GoodSync to backup my stuff.

I tried undelete software, but all the recovered RAR and ZIP files were damaged apparently and no program could fix them. And now I am sad.
Yeah, that would suck.  I should really start backing up all of the stuff I've made in the past four years...


So I was sitting in my bed last night, playing video games and eating starburst, which happen to be my favorite candy.  With classes starting the next day, I was fully prepared, and just enjoying the free time I had instead of worrying about what was coming up the next day.  That feeling felt soooooooooooo good.  It's like guilt-free procrastination.  Instead of worrying about something and trying to escape it with distraction, I was just acknowledging the reality of the situation, and trusting myself to handle everything.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on August 26, 2013, 11:42:27 PM
So I was sitting in my bed last night, playing video games and eating starburst, which happen to be my favorite candy.  With classes starting the next day, I was fully prepared, and just enjoying the free time I had instead of worrying about what was coming up the next day.  That feeling felt soooooooooooo good.  It's like guilt-free procrastination.  Instead of worrying about something and trying to escape it with distraction, I was just acknowledging the reality of the situation, and trusting myself to handle everything.

Omg, I did the exact same thing, and I know what you mean. I'm a huge procrastinator and often get stressed out when I really don't need to be, so I play games. It felt amazing to actually be able to do that last night and not feel bad the next day lol.

Fun fact, I had to spell check the word "felt" spelled it as "fealt"
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on August 26, 2013, 11:45:16 PM
So I was sitting in my bed last night, playing video games and eating starburst, which happen to be my favorite candy.  With classes starting the next day, I was fully prepared, and just enjoying the free time I had instead of worrying about what was coming up the next day.  That feeling felt soooooooooooo good.  It's like guilt-free procrastination.  Instead of worrying about something and trying to escape it with distraction, I was just acknowledging the reality of the situation, and trusting myself to handle everything.

I know exactly what you mean. My new semester is starting next week, and one of my big goals for this semester is to keep a meticulous schedule - including generous time for homework and reading - so that I can schedule down time without feeling guilty that I should be doing something else.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on August 27, 2013, 02:18:07 AM
What sort of gambling did you do?  I grew up playing a lot of fairly high level poker with my older brothers and their friends, and love the bad beat / perfect play stories that come out of these sessions.  If it's just slots or roulette, that's cool too.
Most of my time was spent playing video poker (Joker Poker and Deuces Wild specifically). Did a few slot machines, my first one actually bringing me up $20 over what I started with (after like 10 spins), but steadily lost that over time. Since I don't find throwing hundred dollar bills fun (unlike my dad who lost $50 in a matter of a minute), I didn't do anything particularly exciting. :P

Side note, I got carded almost 10 times. Not surprised--I'll be carded until I'm 50.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on August 27, 2013, 08:37:48 AM
Lol, I was procrastinating this entire weekend and I feel no shame, because that's what I wanted to do.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on September 03, 2013, 04:24:31 PM
Okay, so I think it's time to explain my absence. Shit, a few weeks ago, I think, can't remember the exact date, but I took a trip to Denver with Brittany, my girlfriend, and Priscilla, who was supposedly "my friend" too. For starters, Brittany and I were reaching a point where we started arguing a lot, over stupid things, over things that didn't happen/weren't important, and over things that actually were important. Things just kept coming up and caused us to fight.

This trip to Denver was supposed to have been a fun, relaxing trip, which I was hoping it would relieve stress and emotions from the both of us. It didn't whatsoever, not for me anyways. Not once, did Brittany nor Priscilla consider my feelings on this entire trip. The entire drive to Denver, I had to force myself into their conversations just to talk, but even then, they'd change the subject and completely ignore me. The only time they really spoke to me on our way there, was to ask if I wanted food. At first I thought, ya know, this is just how girls act, they didn't mean any harm. So I ignored it so I could have fun.

The next day we went to Elitch Gardens, a theme park, and they would both constantly leave me behind and go on rides without me. And like the drive, they kept me out of their conversations other than asking if I could take pictures for them. Most of the rides I went on, I went on by myself. This just keeps going on and on. We went to a mall afterwards, where again, they just left me. Except this time, they actually left the mall to go to a store across the street. They didn't tell me and they kept ignoring my calls and texts. Ended up walking back to the hotel which took a couple of hours. And here's what really pisses me off, they finally call back an hour after I had already gotten back to the hotel wondering where I was at. At this point I blew up at them, hung up, and went to bed, hoping our next day at Water World would be better.

Nope. Same thing as Elitches, ignored me, left me, yada yada. I was starting to feel sick, I think I ate something bad, and when the finally decided to check up on me after I was sitting alone for half an hour, Brittany asked if I was feeling okay. I said no, and she replied "Well, here are the car keys, if you want you can rest in the car until you feel better, we're gonna go down more slides." So yeah, that really did it. I was pissed. I went to the car and slept for the next 5 hours and waited for them. We drove back home that night, and again, they didn't say a single word to me. We got home that night after Priscilla dropped us off, and Brittany and I got into a huge fight over the trip. And she denied everything that happened and said that she was trying to include me on things. A bunch of bullshit like that. To me, it felt like she stopped considering my feelings and how I might feel about things she does. I don't want to be with someone like that where I'm the only one giving towards the relationship. These events and our fight made me actually think about breaking up with her. The only downside to that is, she'd have to go back to her parents house. And still having feelings for her I didn't want. A few days went by and we argued more and I kept trying to talk to her about this.

Then finally, Brittany came to me and told me why she'd been acting the way she has. She feels I was no longer attracted to her. For these two reasons: Our sex slowed down to maybe once a week and that I don't kiss her in public very often. And my reaction to that, you have got to be fucking kidding me. You put me through this much stress over the amount of sex and kissing we do? That doesn't define attraction. My attraction towards you is your attitude, your behavior, your qwerky actions, and the way you treat me. So that night, it seemed we had finally patched things up.

At this point, I had already talked to Branden and Cameron about this whole situation and I've been lurking on Skype and CP for a while. But then this happens, I end up talking to a couple female co-workers at our job (one of them being my cousing, the other being in her thirties) and after work she made a big deal about it. I shouldn't be flirting with others girls at work if she's working the same shift I am. And again, another "what the fuck are you thinking" moment. I tried telling her one of them was my cousing, and the thirty-something year old was already married. I started realizing how much she was like her mom and how she's a pathological liar. But, she hasn't done anything too crazy like her mom yet. Still, at this point, I was worried. I don't want to be with someone like her mom. What really worries me is she turns 21 in January, and once she has access to alcohol, I have no idea what's going to happen. So more stress was put on our relationship, which delayed my return even more. I'd have some free time where she was working and I wasn't, so at that time I'd lurk on CP, talk to a few people on Skype, play some games, and work on getting my website up and running.

Having some free time away from Brittany helped reduce the stress. One day, I sat her down and I told her "We need to fix this right now. I can't stand the way you're acting and treating me, so if this doesn't stop or we don't fix this, we're over. I need you to tell me what the hell is going on." I had to be straight or she wouldn't realize the consequences. She spilled out everything. Talking about her past relationships, her real dad, how her step dad treated her when she was younger (more physically abusive than he is now), and she's worried that her mom might end up being the reason I break up with her. So she thought if she'd distant herself and act accordingly, we'd both just lose feelings and when we finally broke up, it wouldn't hurt so bad. I finally understood. Granted, I don't agree with what she did, but now I can finally start to fix things up with her. The relationship we're in is the longest she's ever been in and she's never been in a marital, committed relationship (we're not married, but we're living together, sharing bills, food, costs, etc... I consider that a marital relationship). She just doesn't quite know how to handle things and thoughts keep popping in her head. After being able to talk it out with her, all of the stress finally left.

I took her out to dinner, to movies, and I bought her a gift to make her feel better. Spent as much time as I could with her, making sure she didn't feel I was gonna leave her. Things were finally patched. Still wasn't quite ready to come back here yet, yeah I felt better, but I was still trying to cope with what happened and I was slightly worried this might happen again and if/when it does, I wanted to be ready for it. But for now, things are good.

I'm young, extremely young and probably shouldn't be in a committed relationship like this. I'd be missing out on a lot of fun things if I end up staying with Brittany for the rest of our lives. But the way I see it, age doesn't matter here. It's more maturity and it's more towards the goals you have in life. The things that has happened in my life has affected me a lot. Depression overcame me a lot. Finding things that made me happy kept me out of my depression. I now look at life as finding the overall things that make you happy. Brittany is one of them. The thought of having a wife, a family, makes me happy and that's what I want. The thought of being a successful video game developer makes me happy. Talking to people on the Internet, who I've never met, makes me happy, because they listen and care, compared to some real people in my life right now.

It's sad that I can't tell this to my dad or my best friends, because they simply won't put effort into helping me other than just saying "break up with her". But there, it's all out now and I feel a lot better. Thank you to anyone who reads this post, and sorry for the rambling and young teenage drama. I know it's crap you really don't want to hear, but it's nice to know that you some of you put up with me just because you care.

TL;DR; Fighting with girlfriend, took trip, fought some more, patched things up, fought some more, patched things up again, things are a-okay now and I'm happy.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on September 03, 2013, 05:20:58 PM
Well, I have to start off with; I love that you included a tl;dr at the end lolz


I can empathize with you on this one, as I'm in a similar type of relationship, albeit we aren't living together yet (we don't have enough money to do so). I don't really know what else to say, but if you ever want to talk about it, I'm a pretty good listener, and happen to be in the same boat as you so to say.


On another note, I wouldn't consider that to be high school/teenager drama. Honestly I know people older and younger than myself that go through the same type of stuff.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on September 03, 2013, 06:35:26 PM
I want to keep this short since I don't want to post another wall of text, lol!

Basically, I, too, would have told you to seriously consider breaking up with her. She's been let down a lot during her life and so she subconsciously expects it from everybody which is what is causing her behavior to shift towards a reaction to being let down which then actually causes people to distance themselves from her and actually let her down, aka self-fulfilling prophecy. In any case, you have to be aware of the fact that a lifelong exposure to her mom rubbed off on her and she's probably going to have some of these bad tendencies/habits her entire life unless she does something about it (maybe 1% of the people go really through with this sort of thing).
Even if things are ok now, you have to be ready to deal with this stuff again in the future, because it is very likely to happen again. If you want to keep up the relationship, that is.

EDIT: Small advice on the side: There is no point in trying to "insert yourself in somebody else's conversation", you can do that much more effectively by giving value by either adding thoughtful opinions (in a serious conversation) or start to amuse yourself with ridiculous statements (in a fun conversation). Instead of joining on their fun, you create your own and contribute it to increase it.
So you not being able to join in on the fun was as much your fault as it was theirs.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on September 04, 2013, 02:56:19 AM
If you want to make the relationship work, just take a look at the actions and reactions of what has happened so far.  When things get bad, it is because you are holding back, 'respecting' her unloving behavior, and allowing her to take on a lot of the responsibility of the relationship.  Both times you patched things up, it was because you confronted her, challenged her, and took some responsibility back.  This is the role that you need to play, at least for the near future, to keep things running smoothly. 

I know that you said that you didn't want to be the only one putting effort into the relationship, but you have to be the one to put in more effort than the other, and you can't expect equal treatment.  Part of the problem is that you have self confidence, you believe in yourself, so you can believe in your partner and expect things to work out equally.  On the other hand, it sounds like she only has confidence in YOU, not in herself, so she needs to depend on you.  This mismatch is why people are telling you to break up.  However, if you acknowledge the mismatch, accept the consequences, and play the necessary role, then it can definitely work out.  And who knows, over time, one or both of your personalities may transform into a better match for the other.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on September 04, 2013, 06:18:46 AM
It's great to hear that everything turned out alright, G_G. :) I'm probably not going to be a good source for relationship advice, having never been in a really serious relationship myself, but I'm at least a girl, so if you ever need anything, I can give you a female perspective, if that counts for anything. Blizzard always does seem to have good advice for relationships, too. Actually, he generally has good advice for everything. I guess he's just sage like that. :P
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on September 04, 2013, 11:30:26 AM
winkio is right. You have to assume responsibility sometimes even if it may not be your fault.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on September 04, 2013, 01:01:57 PM
Well, I just have to say this. It's nice to be around people like you guys. lol. I agree with both Blizz and winkio. It's difficult, considering the past relationships I have weren't ever this serious. They may have lasted awhile, but never went anywhere. I really do appreciate what you guys say and suggest.

Quote
Even if things are ok now, you have to be ready to deal with this stuff again in the future, because it is very likely to happen again. If you want to keep up the relationship, that is.

Yup, in fact, it's not even the first time I've seen something like this from her but so far it's the worst. I'll just have to be more prepared for it next time. Now I have a little more of an idea on how to handle it.

Quote
I know that you said that you didn't want to be the only one putting effort into the relationship, but you have to be the one to put in more effort than the other, and you can't expect equal treatment.  Part of the problem is that you have self confidence, you believe in yourself, so you can believe in your partner and expect things to work out equally.  On the other hand, it sounds like she only has confidence in YOU, not in herself, so she needs to depend on you.  This mismatch is why people are telling you to break up.  However, if you acknowledge the mismatch, accept the consequences, and play the necessary role, then it can definitely work out.  And who knows, over time, one or both of your personalities may transform into a better match for the other.

I've never looked at it that way, thanks winkio. Now that you mention this, it's hit me that most of the times we've argued, it was me who took responsibility for it. This definitely gives me some insight.

Quote
Small advice on the side: There is no point in trying to "insert yourself in somebody else's conversation", you can do that much more effectively by giving value by either adding thoughtful opinions (in a serious conversation) or start to amuse yourself with ridiculous statements (in a fun conversation). Instead of joining on their fun, you create your own and contribute it to increase it.
So you not being able to join in on the fun was as much your fault as it was theirs.

Thanks Blizz, I'll keep this in mind. Still, getting left behind was still absolute bullshit. >:/ lol. We'll just wrap this one up and toss it. Thanks for the help guys and sorry to have sucked up a good part of this thread with long walls of text.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on September 04, 2013, 01:19:32 PM
Don't worry about it. This is kinda what this thread is for. xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Memor-X on September 11, 2013, 04:44:50 AM
I have a weird set up at home for TV, ever since i moved back in with my parents after i broken down my set top box is kinda screwy, if i have it on while i am on C.C (PC) or Cynthia (PS3) while i have the set top box on the reception drops sometimes causing it to loose the signal, weird since when i was downloading the Beta Client for Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn on Cynthia because it was so huge i was watching TV at the same time, it was suggested that the problem has something to do with this new power board.

because i record Good Game on Tuesdays at least until Under the Dome finishes and my set stop box wont record if there isn't enough of a signal i have to abstain from going on C.C, it's normally a good time to play Forte (PSP), currently playing Phantom Brave cause i need a PSP Update to transfer DLC for Disgaea 2 from Cynthia

this tuesday (last night) however was crap, during the add break there was the following adds

it was almost like the TV was being an ass cause this is how i took it

since i didn't have my computer on and Forte was out of power so i was waiting for her to charge i couldn't block the thoughts like like i normally do, of cause each add was a punch to the face, the blow to the chest was what came on after the adds, at the time it was this news show called The Project, they had a story on Suicide Prevention and to call Beyond Blue if you need assistance. so out of all of that it was almost like the TV was saying "after all of that don't kill yourself, here's a story on suicide prevention to drill it into your head". the thought of suicide never comes to me, it's a cowards way, even subaku is a cowards way cause the person takes their own life out of their shame rather than to work hard to redeem their lost honor but the TV was almost like pointing out that i'm going to be alone since im 24 this year and my parents in almost 80

this came ontop of my mum once again complaining that i've been gaining weight, my health has never been affected by it (i was always bad at sports since i was a kid due to inflections i got at birth) so my gut has always been an appearance thing, i stupidly keep thinking that society isn't hypercritical and there are people who don't judge on appearances but after having closed down another dating site because every girl i talk to ignores me or begins to ignore me when i ask their opinion on anime however i began to think, maybe it's not because i'm an otaku that people are ignoring me, maybe it's because of my appearance, so starting last week i started to skip lunch and do another block around work totally up my daily walk to 34 minutes walking around the block and 25 sit ups morning and night. but after last night i am no longer motivated to keep up the lunch skipping since even if i did trim my gut what good will that do, it wont improve my health since i'm healthy as it is (even a work place medical exam said my only problem was a lack of good cholesterol and my bad cholesterol was quite low) and almost the opposite of my brother where i work hard every day at a 8-5 job while doing my own work on the side while he bludges off dole payments, gets money off our mum for smokes, goes out partying every night and has a new girlfriend every month

i not really looking for advice or anything, i've always been told by Div to vent and not let these things stay locked away in my head, with no place to vent and having nothing to do while i run a 30 minute query on my database i started to read posts in the chat forum, probably just spamming here anyway
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on September 11, 2013, 05:20:01 AM
i not really looking for advice or anything, i've always been told by Div to vent and not let these things stay locked away in my head, with no place to vent and having nothing to do while i run a 30 minute query on my database i started to read posts in the chat forum, probably just spamming here anyway

Well, I'll re-iterate what Blizz said...

Don't worry about it. This is kinda what this thread is for. xD


yeah, that. If you're not looking for advice, and just want to let us know who you are in real life, let us get to know you, etc. I mean, The good comes with the bad. Not every post someone puts in here is going to be some warm, fuzzy, feel-good read...



for those who don't know, today was my birthday. I turned a quarter of a century old (some days I feel like it's double that =p ). As far as birthdays go, it was okay. Woke up, coffee, the usual morning stuff. In the middle of making her breakfast, my daughter comes out into the kitchen, and tries to jump up on me, telling me 'happy birthday daddy! here's your birthday present, it's a hug from your Abby!!' which was adorable as hell... Uneventful day mostly though; had a second interview to work in sales at Cadillac, where I was told they were about a week away from making a decision, and that he was looking for someone like me for the position, and, that I am a very strong candidate. Overall that's pretty positive. Made my own birthday dinner instead of ordering takeout (why pay $12 for spaghetti, when I can make a box we already have, and not have to wait....?  )

On the other hand, I have always hated my birthday. It's a reminder to me that yet another year has passed, that I have accomplished nothing that I want to get done. I still have yet to own my own business, have negative money, and most things I set to accomplish years ago have yet to turn out positive...
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on September 11, 2013, 06:44:31 AM
@DigitalSoul
Life can be stressful, and a little scary at times. It's important to remember the things that are truly important. It doesn't matter if you never reach your goals, as long as you live a happy, healthy life trying to attain them. Like wise, it doesn't matter if you do reach your goals, if it means making your life miserable. Sit back and enjoy life for what it is. Live in the moment :D

My life is becoming annoying. There is this girl in my life, whom I love as a friend, that recently moved to the same university as me. We've been best friends since we were in 3rd grade, so I've known her forever. She came here in hopes of having a relationship with me, but that quickly faded when I realized that I am not attracted to her. It's becoming impossible for me to even want to talk to her as a friend. She is extremely clingy, and even though we both agree that we are not in a relationship, she keeps acting as if we are. Always touching me everywhere, trying to feed me food at lunch, throws herself on me if we are in her room, etc. She also will not let me leave her sight once I'm with her. If I have lunch or dinner with her, she expects me to go to her dorm afterwards, or she will go to mine. If I tell her no, she acts sad and does that whole guilt trip thing. I feel so annoyed with the way she's acting, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to get mad at her because she's my friend, so I've been ignoring her whenever possible. I don't want to keep doing this, but I don't know how to make her stop :(

p.s. Dear Abby :P
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on September 11, 2013, 07:55:15 AM
I had a "good" 3 hour of sleep night last night (due to rage-fuelled Starcraft laddering, but that's not worth going into further detail about), and I can still handle sleep deprivation really well.  I was active and alert all day, played soccer for two hours, and generally had the same stamina I did last year.  It's good to know that undergrad hasn't burnt me out!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on September 11, 2013, 08:00:24 AM
@Memor-X: I know you said you're not looking for advice and only want to vent (and that's totally ok), but if you decide that you want to turn things around, just PM/IM me. I can point you in just the right direction.

Also, don't pay much attention to ads. They were designed to make you feel inferior, like something is missing in your life, and then they promise you to fill that void with their product. Being exposed to that for years and even decades has very negative consequences on the subconscious.

@Zexion: Ignoring isn't going to solve anything, it will just make things worse. Just call her on guilt tripping you the next time she does it. She will deny it. Then you say that this is how it makes you feel when she says stuff like that. You like her as a friend and you don't want to lose her as such because of her acting weird.

@winkio: Lol, I got maybe 4-4.5 hours last night, but not for the same reasons.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on September 22, 2013, 05:36:59 AM
So today is my post-operation from LASIK. But let's jump back to yesterday.

My check-in time was at 2PM up in Ontario, CA (45 minutes-ish away). Got there half an hour early and mostly sat around writing Advance Wars Engine ideas in my notebook (yep, that's what I do when I'm not on the computer: I'm programming on paper). After an hour, I finally go in, have my eyes checked one last time, and placed in a dimly lit room. I was given half a Xanax pill to help relax, which worked out pretty well since I fell asleep somehow. Took half an hour before I was given numbing drops and sent to the operating room. The room has a glass wall for observers as well as a television screen of the patient's eye (needless to say, my mom decided to come watch). Had more numbing drops inserted and was placed on the bed. They inserted some disk to keep my eye open. I could see him using a thin tool that seemed to be poking my eye, but I felt nothing. I don't know what the next device he used was for (probably to cut the top layer) but it felt like a suction cup (it's essentially the same effect as closing your eyes and pressing your finger on your eye pretty hard--so it kinda hurt). He then used a metal spatula to flip the flap over (everything became blurry) and proceeded with the actual laser (some whirling noise and weird smell but felt nothing). Flipped the flap back, made sure it was in place, and proceeded to the next eye. Only took about 8 minutes to complete the surgery. My vision was still a little blurred after.

I was told there is some pain after the surgery. For the first 5 minutes I didn't feel anything. But slowly it started to kick in. It felt like my eyes were dry, then having a grain of sand stuck, and finally having my eyes drenched in soap or chlorine. I was laid back in the car, keeping my eyes shut, tearing up like a baby, all while being stuck in traffic. Didn't get home until around 5. I just headed straight to my room, took a full Xanax pill, and tried to sleep it out (which is what you are supposed to do). Woke up a couple times during the night, but I didn't get up until 6 this morning (I don't think I've done 13 hours of sleep in a long time). Vision is definitely much clearer. Still getting some glare from the lights and having to remind myself to blink more often when I'm using the computer. Now it's just a matter of using my 4 eye drops routinely and not doing any activities that might strain or injure my eyes for the next few months.

TL;DR
WOOO I CAN SEE WITHOUT MY GLASSES!!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on September 22, 2013, 07:00:30 AM
Awesome! I want to get lasik eye surgery, but I don't have the money for it. Plus, I'm too much of a pussy to go through with it. I can see fine without my glasses, I just have troubles seeing far away. Glasses are too much of a hassle to keep track of, I've went through so many pairs. Glad to know things went okay. :3

My life took another slight turn for the worse. Got a horrible tooth ache. I still have one bad tooth causing lots of pain. Going in on Tuesday for a filling + root canal. The dental work doesn't scare me, I've had so much of it done, but it's a nice 500 bucks out of my pocket.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Vlash on September 22, 2013, 10:01:21 AM
Awesome! I want to get lasik eye surgery, but I don't have the money for it. Plus, I'm too much of a pussy to go through with it. I can see fine without my glasses, I just have troubles seeing far away. Glasses are too much of a hassle to keep track of, I've went through so many pairs. Glad to know things went okay. :3

My life took another slight turn for the worse. Got a horrible tooth ache. I still have one bad tooth causing lots of pain. Going in on Tuesday for a filling + root canal. The dental work doesn't scare me, I've had so much of it done, but it's a nice 500 bucks out of my pocket.

Oh, toothache's are the worst. When I had an infection, the pain was too much for me that I literally felt like just yanking the tooth out lol. But I just had to deal with it until morning came, then headed to the dentist.

Hope all goes well with it though.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on October 18, 2013, 10:03:01 PM
Got invited to a luncheon with Computer Science and Engineering employers for having a high academic standing. Free food and networking? I'll take it.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on October 18, 2013, 10:05:47 PM
I also got some sort of "invite". Here's the mail. Blew my mind.

(click to show/hide)

Though, I am not going to take it. The decision is simple. Sure, I could work for them, that's one option. But the other one would be that I continue to invest time and effort into Daygames and get my own company going one day. And that's my dream so I will continue that path.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on October 18, 2013, 10:27:42 PM
@kk20
That's what I'm talkin' bout! Nice job, man. Do tell more once you actually go, I've always wondered what happens at luncheons. (I keep saying lunch-e-on because of pokemon...)

@blizzard
Omgish blizz, it's honestly my dream to work for google lol. Like how many people have you met that can say "oh I work for google." Haha, that's nice. I would definately take it, but my dreams are obviously not the same as yours, and I hope that it all works out for you some day.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on October 18, 2013, 10:53:42 PM
Haha, thanks. Yeah, I have chosen a different path in life. And if I am good enough for them now, imagine how good I will be in 2-3 years if things don't work out for me as I hoped? I'd be even more experienced.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on October 30, 2013, 03:48:32 AM
For those who have read my shout, it's been a few bumpy days since last wednesday, October 23rd. One of my best and closest friends passed away. His funeral was today and it was absolutely horrid.

My friend David, five weeks old, got really sick and had a kidney failure. Ever since, he's been hooked up to a dialysis machine every night before bed. I remember staying the night at his house sometimes and he'd wake up, crying because of agonizing pain. But he'd never give up. He fought through. And despite his torture, he fought his hardest to live a happy normal life. He was never angry or mad or never cussed or mean or anything. He was always cheerful, energetic, very optimistic of everything. He was always there to be a friend and I knew I could count on him making me smile if I had a crappy day.

Toughed it out for 15 years. When he finally got a kidney transplant. After all the fight, the wait, the pain, he was free. And for four years, he was living healthy and happy. He could finally be "normal" as he put it. He savored every moment in his life and took every opportunity to enjoy everything it had to offer. Two weeks ago, he told me he didn't want to take medication anymore. He didn't want to have to get shots or get prodded with needles just to make sure his kidney was still holding up. It was the last time I had talked to him and it hadn't occurred to me that it could mean anything. He knew his time was up and he embraced it. His kidney started failing a week and a half later and got extremely ill. And the morning of October 23rd, passed away. I couldn't believe it, the one of few people who actually wanted to live and proved to everybody that he wanted, the very rare exception of a person, one who deserved to live, lost his life. My friend of 10 years was gone and I had no idea how to react other than to lash out in anger (I won't go into any of that, I've already taken my grief out on some very close friends).

The funeral was absolutely horrid. It had been the first time I'd seen his parents in two weeks and they still weren't hardly talking to anyone. Open casket, seeing his still body killed me on the inside. Not seeing him constantly fidgeting and bouncing around. Thankfully his parents were glad I was there, they started easing up throughout as I sat next to them through the eulogy. I said my final goodbye as they closed the casket, which I've finally come to terms with. I'm still very edgy and emotional but I'm trying my hardest not to show it right now. So I'm still gonna be uneasy and I probably won't be as active for awhile.

Anyways, thanks for letting me share my personal life with such an awesome community. I don't have very many people to talk to.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on October 30, 2013, 05:06:52 AM
That is a horrible thing when the people who deserve the most to live, are the ones to lose. I went through something similar (my little sister died in my arms at 15 years old), so if you ever need to talk, I'm here man. The only thing I myself ever take comfort in after the passing of a loved one, is that regardless of religion, there's almost always talk of "a better place" after life for those that deserve it. I believe your friend is one of them, so if this place really does exist, he's there. And with so many religions saying such a place is there, how really can it not be? Your friend sounds like he was a great person, and honestly, this world needs more of that type of person..

Always remember him and his epic awesomeness rather than anything negative, I know that it helps, and over time, the pain and anger eventually numbs away.

-hugs-
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on October 30, 2013, 06:20:21 AM
*hugs*

Hang in there, G_G.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on October 30, 2013, 07:00:52 AM
I have actually been thinking about death and loss recently for a completely unrelated reason, so I wanted to share my thoughts.

A friend's death is really, really shitty.  Regardless of the idea of an afterlife or divine will, losing someone you are close to just plain sucks.  It may feel like a part of you has been ripped out, leaving a gaping wound. 

But here is the thing.  Over time, that wound will heal and scar, and you will continue to grow as a person.  And when other people ask you about that scar, you can tell them about your friend David.

So even though it sucks right now, there is always a new future to keep looking forward to.  And while your friend is gone, your experiences with him will stay with you.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on October 30, 2013, 08:09:32 AM
I seriously wish I could write a more meaningful post but I have yet to experience a serious lost in family or friends. I have told you countless of times that you are an amazingly strong individual and I admire your character in every way.

Just take your time and return to us with an iron fist.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on October 30, 2013, 09:22:07 AM
My condolences, gameus. :(

Always remember that the pain and misery you feel now will pass and after that you can remember your friend's awesomeness for what it was: awesome. You just have to push through and bear with the pain right now.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on October 30, 2013, 03:23:55 PM
Thanks guys, I really appreciate all the advice and good sayings. :) It's nice to have people like you guys. <3
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on November 15, 2013, 07:25:56 AM
Okay, so I'm debating whether I should switch schools or not. Reasons why below:
1.) I have very few friends here. I don't really like the attitudes of most people here. Everyone is a pot head, and it's almost wrong not to be a pot head. Sorry, but I don't like it. As a result I spend many nights alone surfing the interwebs and watching youtubers. I have a few friends, like maybe 5-10. The school I would transfer to is back at home. I have tons of friends at that school (like 100+)

2.) It's very hard to get tutoring on this campus. I swear like wtf. If I want history, or english it's easy, but math and science are limited times and engineering tutoring is almost impossible to find aside from programming tutoring (which surprisingly I don't need).

3.) A girl I've been in love with for years is back at the other uni. She is giving me signs that I should make a move, and I can't just let them slide. I've known her since elementary and I've had a crush on her for over 10 years. She is finally showing signs that she feels the same :o

There are also some reason that I don't want to leave though.
1.) I have a dorm. My own space, my own solitude. I would be giving that up :(
2.) I love my programming professor, she is honestly the best professor I've had here hands down.
3.) By staying I guarantee myself to graduate with a major in Computer Science, Minor in Math, and certificate in Android Programming. I don't know that I'd have the same over there.
4.) I laahve my meal plan lol.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on November 15, 2013, 07:36:07 AM
It sounds to me like that is a choice with no right answer.  The two options are sure to have different outcomes, but it is impossible to compare them.  If I were in your position, I would go with my gut, but you should figure out your own way to decide.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on November 15, 2013, 09:15:32 AM
I think I can give you some insight. Look at the pros of both choices and see which one offers the most pros that cannot be realized in another way if you go with that choice. e.g. If you go back, you can forget your solitude, the meal plan and the great professor. But if you stay, you can still find friends (outside of campus) and meet another great girl. In other words, going back may be "nice", but you will lose a lot. And what if you misread the signs? What if lots of your friends have moved or moved on? It seems that you have big expectations from going back and if these expectations aren't met, you will basically be fucked. It's a high risk since you are giving up a lot and the gain is questionable.

You shouldn't try to relive the past and "go back to your comfort zone". Sure, you may be missing some things in your current situation, but you can make up for them if you try hard. So I'd say that you should stick with your current situation. Life isn't always easy and sometimes you just have to live through some things that may not be that great. But if you do it in order to have a better life in the future, you should totally go for it, because usually it's more than worth it.

And always be wary of trying to go back to the past. The only right direction is forward, never backward, even if it's hard sometimes.

I've heard a great quote the other day.

Quote from: from "The War of Art"
Like a magnetized needle floating on a surface of oil, Resistance will unfailingly point true North - meaning that calling or action it most wants to stop us from doing. We can use this. We can use it as a compass. We can navigate by Resistance, letting it guide us to that calling or action that we must follow before all others.

It seems to me that your resistance is currently to stay where you are. That's why I think you should totally stay.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on November 15, 2013, 09:57:54 PM
@winkio: I really think so too. I need to trust my gut, but it hasn't always landed me in the best positions >.< It's just ... hard because this choice could mean being with the girl I've been in love with foreeevver, or finding someone else and moving on. In addition to that it will change what degrees/certificates I will be graduating with and could change what job I would take in the future o.o

@blizz: You've really made me think. I do have high expectations, and they seem unrealistic, but I do know a lot more people back home. I just feel that I would open up more and be able to really reach my full potential both socially and academically. To be honest, I've already found someone here that I am interested in as well, and she definitely gave me those same signs.

Idk, I don't want to base my decision on one girl, but I don't want to just exclude her from the process either. I guess I will make sure to sign up for all my classes, apply at the other uni, etc. and I will try to see what happens in our relationship during the break, and whether certain other things go well. Idk, my life is getting ready to make a huge change here pretty soon you guise.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on November 16, 2013, 12:16:00 AM
1.) I have very few friends at my school too. In fact, the only friends I have here are those that I see in my classes--it never goes further than that. All my other friends have either moved to a different state and/or go to a different school (my two best friends since I was 7 are both at UCLA). All my contacts are done through Facebook now, and even then, I'm lucky if one of them even replies.

Then again, I scored as an INTJ and am super maxed out as an introvert. You're probably an extrovert so my decision of social-life vs school is pretty one-sided.

2.) Math, Science, and programming... I wonder where you can find help on those subjects? *wink wink*

COUGHChaosProjectCOUGH

3.) I shouldn't comment on this as I've never had a girlfriend and pretty much accepted the fact that I wouldn't mind being single forever. (And refer back to 1)

Really it's all about your future. While moving back home may be beneficial in the present, it might not be as great for your future when all your friends will be moving on with their lives 4-5 years to come. If your current university has a better Computer Science program, stick with it if you see yourself working in the field years from now.

...you can still find friends (outside of campus) and meet another great girl

You shouldn't try to relive the past and "go back to your comfort zone".

And always be wary of trying to go back to the past. The only right direction is forward, never backward, even if it's hard sometimes.
How many times I have told myself this.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on November 16, 2013, 02:06:23 AM
There's a difference between telling something oneself and doing something.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Heretic86 on November 17, 2013, 04:35:41 AM
For those who have read my shout, it's been a few bumpy days since last wednesday, October 23rd. One of my best and closest friends passed away. His funeral was today and it was absolutely horrid.

My friend David, five weeks old, got really sick and had a kidney failure. Ever since, he's been hooked up to a dialysis machine every night before bed. I remember staying the night at his house sometimes and he'd wake up, crying because of agonizing pain. But he'd never give up. He fought through. And despite his torture, he fought his hardest to live a happy normal life. He was never angry or mad or never cussed or mean or anything. He was always cheerful, energetic, very optimistic of everything. He was always there to be a friend and I knew I could count on him making me smile if I had a crappy day.

Toughed it out for 15 years. When he finally got a kidney transplant. After all the fight, the wait, the pain, he was free. And for four years, he was living healthy and happy. He could finally be "normal" as he put it. He savored every moment in his life and took every opportunity to enjoy everything it had to offer. Two weeks ago, he told me he didn't want to take medication anymore. He didn't want to have to get shots or get prodded with needles just to make sure his kidney was still holding up. It was the last time I had talked to him and it hadn't occurred to me that it could mean anything. He knew his time was up and he embraced it. His kidney started failing a week and a half later and got extremely ill. And the morning of October 23rd, passed away. I couldn't believe it, the one of few people who actually wanted to live and proved to everybody that he wanted, the very rare exception of a person, one who deserved to live, lost his life. My friend of 10 years was gone and I had no idea how to react other than to lash out in anger (I won't go into any of that, I've already taken my grief out on some very close friends).

The funeral was absolutely horrid. It had been the first time I'd seen his parents in two weeks and they still weren't hardly talking to anyone. Open casket, seeing his still body killed me on the inside. Not seeing him constantly fidgeting and bouncing around. Thankfully his parents were glad I was there, they started easing up throughout as I sat next to them through the eulogy. I said my final goodbye as they closed the casket, which I've finally come to terms with. I'm still very edgy and emotional but I'm trying my hardest not to show it right now. So I'm still gonna be uneasy and I probably won't be as active for awhile.

Anyways, thanks for letting me share my personal life with such an awesome community. I don't have very many people to talk to.

I am so sorry for your loss!

Death is one of those things that is so hard to cope with because we have to handle it internally, and talk about it, and doing either at the wrong time only makes everything feel that much worse!

I should apologize too.  I've been pestering on you about scripting stuff when I really should not have been.  Your friends and family need you as much as you need them.  Death is so hard to cope with that people dont really understand until they have to deal with it themselves.  I have dealt with the death of my father years ago, and recently a friend from high school passed away at a young age, and then I found out another guy that I went to high school also died in a motorcycle accident.  The guy that got killed was a total dick to me in high school, but I never would have wished this on him in a million years so even though I didnt like the guy, it still hurts like hell to find out someone you know is gone from the world forever.  Hell, I get worked up when I see a dead cat in the road that got hit by a car.

My experience has taught me that you are going to go through a lot of different things.  Some of the things you go through you wont expect at all.  You'll be angry about his death that nothing could be done to prevent it at some point and to some degree.  You'll see things that remind you of them for no reason.  So reacting to their death in a way that doesnt make sense should be expected.  Its just part of coping with the tremendous pain.  Eventually, you'll come to terms, but don't try to force things, just let them happen when you're ready to.

I know that someday, I'll die as well.  I want my friends and family to remember me for the way I lived, not the way I die.  I would want them to put the value on the things I have done, not on lost opportunities to do more.  But I dont want my death to hold anyone back.  I'd want them to keep going when they're ready.  Maybe we should both look at this from the point of view that life is a gift and we need to do everything we can with it because it is so precious, and many times we squander it by not doing something that allows us to appreciate how wonderful life can be and just letting life slip between our fingers and not doing what makes us happy.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on December 05, 2013, 07:01:45 AM
I have been very busy for about the past 5 weeks straight, due to overlapping deadlines from classes, fellowships, research, soccer, etc.  I ended up missing my final soccer game because my the alarm on my phone didn't go off (due to a software bug).  When I woke up, I realized how jam-packed my schedule was, and how much I hated it.  I don't want to keep spending 80-90 hours a week doing tedious assignments, attending meetings, and accomplishing nothing that bring me satisfaction.  I realized that I was stuck back in the same schedule as the last year of undergrad, which I vowed to avoid this year.

I'm not even sure what I want any more.  I was hoping that I would find some way to enjoy grad school, and I'll admit that I was before the month of November started, but I really don't want to go through this again twice a year for the next 4-5 years.  I doubt that I would find a job much more satisfying, as they are structured in a very similar way.  The one big thing I have learned is that in the future, I want to work for myself, either owning my own business, or running my own division or a larger group, etc.  Honestly, I would probably have a much better chance of getting employed this way in the gaming industry than in robotics, due to the prevalence and profitability of indie game studios.  While I'm not sure what I am going to do in the next year or two, I am now strongly considering a career game development with equal weight to a career in robotics.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on December 05, 2013, 08:20:36 AM
I have been very busy for about the past 5 weeks straight, due to overlapping deadlines from classes, fellowships, research, soccer, etc.  I ended up missing my final soccer game because my the alarm on my phone didn't go off (due to a software bug).  When I woke up, I realized how jam-packed my schedule was, and how much I hated it.  I don't want to keep spending 80-90 hours a week doing tedious assignments, attending meetings, and accomplishing nothing that bring me satisfaction.  I realized that I was stuck back in the same schedule as the last year of undergrad, which I vowed to avoid this year.

I'm not even sure what I want any more.  I was hoping that I would find some way to enjoy grad school, and I'll admit that I was before the month of November started, but I really don't want to go through this again twice a year for the next 4-5 years.  I doubt that I would find a job much more satisfying, as they are structured in a very similar way.  The one big thing I have learned is that in the future, I want to work for myself, either owning my own business, or running my own division or a larger group, etc.  Honestly, I would probably have a much better chance of getting employed this way in the gaming industry than in robotics, due to the prevalence and profitability of indie game studios.  While I'm not sure what I am going to do in the next year or two, I am now strongly considering a career game development with equal weight to a career in robotics.

From your work on Blizz-ABS and other projects here on CP, I know that you're both talented with scripting logic and creative. I think that you could create a great career out of it.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 05, 2013, 08:53:12 AM
I agree with WhiteRose. Even if you work for a smaller indie company (rather than starting your own), you shouldn't have problems like this. After a few years of experience in the field, you can start your own company. This is most likely the path I am taking myself. While I still work at Cateia (and probably still will for another few years), I am working on personal projects and slowing getting things going for starting my own company with 2 friends. But regardless of everything, I love working at Cateia.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on December 05, 2013, 09:26:26 AM
Yeah, I think the one thing I need to do is get all of my old projects together and clean up the code and polish up everything so that I can send people my portfolio.  I guess I will start on that as soon as the semester is over.

EDIT: thanks to not being able to sleep, I looked up the requirements of publishing on steam, and it appears that they publish C#/XNA games.  I think that would be an easier first step to take, and something I could do in the short term.  I have an idea for a physics-based metroid-like game that I could complete entirely on my own in a reasonable amount of time, so that is probably what I will do. 
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on December 05, 2013, 06:40:15 PM
Be sure to let us know how it goes. Once it's done, I'll be sure to buy a few copies and leave good reviews. I'll give them out to friends to spread the word. :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 05, 2013, 07:47:30 PM
LMAO, I was just about to say something similar, but Rose beat me to it.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Shek on December 06, 2013, 02:44:49 AM
You guys, I know that this is wierd, but I lurked on this forum for about a year before I signed up... I felt like I knew all of you (even tuggernuts, whiterose, and sub) The reason I never joined is because of my incredible shyness that obviously goes away after a while lol. It only took around 2 and a half years! :P

Same man.  I used RPGMaker2003 when I was a wee lad and enjoyed it so much.  Got the itch to make a game earlier this year and discovered Blizz Abs, which brought me here.

This community is amazing, and you guys are all celebrities to me.  Until I came here, I've been involved primarily with pro-gaming forums/communities (I played League of Legends competitively and before that Counterstrike).  Those guys are not thoughtful, not nice, and not particularly talented at anything besides clicking really accurately and quickly.

I have so much respect for all the hard work you guys do, but more importantly, how selfless you all are with your time when it comes to helping new people out!

So my life: I think my upbringing is similar to KK's.  I grew up in a wealthy community, attended good schools, got involved with music early on and now I am a concert pianist professionally.  After living in poorer parts of San Francisco after college, I discovered how fucked up the monetary system is.  Now my biggest passion, besides making games and piano, is to infiltrate and destroy our messed up financial system and replace it with something that doesn't fuck over 90% of the world's people.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on December 15, 2013, 11:08:06 PM
It's great to have you here, Shek. :) You've already done a lot for the forum, so no doubt there will one day be other people feeling like they're talking to a celebrity too whenever you respond to their messages. Haha. :D

As for my life, it's finals week at my University, so I've been a little spacey this week. Yesterday, I walked into my apartment after buying groceries. I wanted to make it in from the car in one trip, so I had piled myself high with everything to the point where I could barely walk. Anyway, I made it into the apartment, and there was this guy sitting on the couch, and he gave me this weird look. I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I stood there for a minute, holding my groceries and thinking about what this guy could possibly be going in my apartment.... And then I realized that I had gone into the wrong building. They all look the same on the inside. >.<

It was really embarrassing.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 15, 2013, 11:43:45 PM
I started playing LoL myself around 2 weeks ago (I think). I'm level 10 right now and I've already had some great matches. I almost won a 4v5 match yesterday. We were literally 5 seconds away to take their Nexus, but they beat us to it.
Though my main point is that I was playing with a guy today who was really rude. Not only that, he was from Bosnia, a neighbor country of Croatia. I actually have 2 citizenships, both Croatian and Bosnian. So yeah, some people really have no tact.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on December 15, 2013, 11:59:47 PM
Anyway, I made it into the apartment, and there was this guy sitting on the couch, and he gave me this weird look. I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I stood there for a minute, holding my groceries and thinking about what this guy could possibly be going in my apartment.... And then I realized that I had gone into the wrong building.
That's hot :naughty:

Moments of my childhood. Somewhere around the age of 10-12, I was taking a shower at the beach. It was one of those public showers--big building with lockable doors and two rooms to put your clothes at and the shower itself. It's one of those coin-operated ones too. Anyways, I hear like three guys, probably in their teens, barge in the room next to mine. The walls don't go to the ceiling; you can practically hear everything next door.

I overhear one of them saying, "Oh shoot (probably profanity variant but can't recall), we need money." Another then decides to call over to me: "Hey, person next door, do you have a couple quarters we can use?" Being a nice person and all, I shout back, "Yeah, I can toss some over." The next thing I hear is one of them saying, "Oh dang, it's a girl!"

...

I tell them to look out and tossed the quarters over. "You got a good arm there!" one complimented. "Thanks a lot!"
"No problem at all," I reply.

I could hear a woman outside asking, "Are you able to get the shower to work?" to the boys, and they responded with, "Yeah, the girl next door gave us some money." I finish up my shower, change into my clothes, and opened the door. The mom was still there, sitting on a low wall. I just gave the biggest grin as I walked away.

I hope I was the embodiment of their greatest fantasies.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on December 16, 2013, 03:46:33 AM
The next thing I hear is one of them saying, "Oh dang, it's a girl!"

...



Not meaning to laugh at the expense of others, but...

:rofl:


Though my main point is that I was playing with a guy today who was really rude. Not only that, he was from Bosnia, a neighbor country of Croatia. I actually have 2 citizenships, both Croatian and Bosnian. So yeah, some people really have no tact.

That's a shame. :( It's awful when people are rude in online games. I played World of Warcraft for a while, and even though I thought it was a fun game overall, the community was so awful that it really soured the experience. It's sad when a experience that could potentially be so much fun is ruined by jerks.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 16, 2013, 10:01:16 AM
Yeah. Luckily so far in LoL most people are alright. After around 30 matches, I think that this was the first time somebody was being rude. And it was classic Balkan rude, lol.

@KK20: LMAO! xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Shek on December 16, 2013, 07:35:11 PM
Yeah. Luckily so far in LoL most people are alright. After around 30 matches, I think that this was the first time somebody was being rude.

You sure that you're talking about League of Legends here? This game is notorious for having the most awful community.  I have chat completely muted. My team, and the enemy.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on December 16, 2013, 09:37:20 PM
the reason I got into lol was because I had a group a friends in a skype call that wanted to play with me. I basically only play in ranked or with 3-4 other people I know. it a compleatly different experience when you know you can trust your teammates (to an extent) and are talking to them over raid call or skype.

Any way. it's been a while since I put anything in here.
my last semester was kinda boring but I did actual learn some stuff so I guess It's working out.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 16, 2013, 11:22:22 PM
Yeah. Luckily so far in LoL most people are alright. After around 30 matches, I think that this was the first time somebody was being rude.

You sure that you're talking about League of Legends here? This game is notorious for having the most awful community.  I have chat completely muted. My team, and the enemy.

Maybe because I'm relatively new, I haven't seen everything yet.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on December 17, 2013, 12:22:14 AM
one thing I find about LOL's community is that it not near as bad as it's made out to be. but it does respond to your attitude. if you start off the game being respectful and cooperative with your team 90% of the time the respond in kind. the other 10% there is another toxic player ruining the game for everyone, in that case report them.

basically follow these rules of thumb,


and not only will you win most of your games you'll be much less likely to have a toxic team
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 17, 2013, 12:53:52 AM
Actually that reflects my experiences pretty well.

EDIT: I also noticed the tooltips during loading mention a few times that players that are abusive, harass, etc. lose more often.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Shek on December 17, 2013, 04:46:36 AM
I never, ever, ever, ever, use chat.

Just carry.

Btw, I play on the U.S. servers, and I'm assuming you play on EU?
That being said, it would be a surreal experience and a priveledge to play LoL with you some time soon Blizz. 

You can see what someone who's devoted 5000+ hours to the game plays like - and then feel sorry for me for all the real life experiences I missed out on :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 17, 2013, 08:22:42 AM
LMAO! Yeah, I'm on the EU server, but I have seen some crazy good players already. There was an opponent team once. They were so synced in team fights, it was unreal.
I don't think I've spent 5000 hours picking up girls. xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 30, 2013, 05:47:59 PM
Yup, after 70+ matches the assholes are coming out. In 2 out of 3 matches there's a dick around.
Title: Dream of Friendship!
Post by: Diamond Star on January 08, 2014, 12:20:44 AM
I'm Diamond Star, a member in CP, want to share some of my life with you
even though my life is uneventful, but I feel bad and have big wish to reciprocate talking

with someone.

I'll tell you about my self a little now, This may be long so if you want to read then

welcome, if you don't, I excuse you because you would say it's boring story about a

person have nothing important to tell.
I'm from Syria and live in Damascus the capital of Syria
our family is not rich one, but it's good and we have the real happiness
as you now money cannot make happiness
My childhood was very awesome with my brothers and relatives.
Later I knew NES games and liked it so much especially puzzle games and Dragon Quest

game that occupy a large space in my life.

In Syria we don't have that technology development as yours, and now we, Syrian people,

have a pretty battle with terrorist groups that have come to destroy our country
we owned a computer for about six years, its capacity is good but not hight and I like it

much and know how to utilize its capacity good.
but the problem is internet speed where I have an old internet mode and it,s very slow, but

I know how to utilize it and get benefit as possible as I can.
in Syria we have speed internet but it's expensive aomehow and I currently cannot get one
but I may in future
so slowmess of the internet make me unable to play sound or watch video
and unable to use live chat that I don't like anyway
I like to communicate with people through forums, so even if I get fast internet I'll still not

use live chat.

Now I want to tell you that since I'm from Syria then i'm Arab and my native language is

Arabic, but I studied English Literature in Damascus university.
I like programming; I have learn Visual Basice and now try to learn Assembly in spite of its

difficulty, but I am learning with my self from internet not professionally
and I like electronic music and have started to learn it for abou year my self by training and

analizing MIDI files.
I like game making and I have my dream game that I planned to make due to Dragon

Quest effect and my love for imagination and anine
I like anime especially naruto

Now the sad thing is that I didn't have any real friends in all my life
I had some temporary ones in school days, My problem is that I don't like to communicate

with people and I'm weak in expressing my feeling in speech and directly
I can express my self through writing more than speech more much and indirectly
that the cause make me don't like live chat
only my brother is the best friend for me and we do everything togather and have common

projects besides my own projects, we had some real freind on Arabic forums but we lose

them where these forums was closed or deleted, now my brother travel for some time
and I feel like somethind is missed.

CP is from my best site where I get big help and know many people
may be I didn't add nomerus topics but I read others topic especially in Chat forum that I

see it by chane before some days

So, I feel that I need firnds like you here, I read your peplies here and discovered the

friendliness and lovelinessyou have and wish to be with you
but I wonder is there some one to be a friend with a person like me have these problem?
and do you welcome me with you despite I do not belong to your societies?
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: locowhiteknight on January 08, 2014, 01:05:02 AM
Welcome friend. :) I'm sure everybody here welcomes your company with open arms.

Sorry to hear about all the turmoil in your home country right now. I listen to the reporters on NPR every morning giving their accounts of the horrible atrocities that are being committed by both sides of the war. I still can't imagine what it must be like living through a civil war, nor do I want to. In Syria's case it seems especially bad, with what amounts to two superpowers playing tug-of-war with their country, in hopes of controlling Syria's future. I hope that things work out for the best, and that you stay safe. 

Good luck with the game making, and if I can be any help, let me know.

LWK
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on January 08, 2014, 02:14:53 AM
Diamond, I may not see you around all the often, but you are of course welcome here anytime. I originally came here because I wanted to know what had happened to the famous Blizzard on RMRK. I stuck around for a while because I wanted learn how to script. and I stayed long term because I love the community here. stick around an I'm sure you'll find a few people you can call a friend.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on January 08, 2014, 04:29:14 PM
I was about the same as our Ryex here; I kinda came here with a short term purpose of learning a little bit of event usage for RMXP, and stayed because I learned how fun the community was. You will find that there are some amazing people on here that will make you feel very welcome on these boards! I must also say, for a person who has learned English when their native tongue is so very different, you have a very good grasp on the English language!  :haha:
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Diamond Star on January 08, 2014, 11:30:10 PM
I'm very thankful for you all
I'm ver happy that you welcome me here and feel that I'll have real friends here

Indeed when I saw your replaies I felt like tears in my eyes, it's tears of happiness

I came here by chance and find the script database and took numerus scripts I need for

my project, and find helpful persons helped me
later the forum amired me in its sections and organizing and members and i find it the best

RPG community, and later I find that it's awesome even in non-RPG issue, and I liked the

community
I felt that everyone here are as a one family and liked to accompany it but I was hesitated
but now I'll do it.
My friend DigitalSoul, I read your replies in this topic especially the one you spoke about

your way in programming, and I felt like I read about my self
because I also started wuth batch files then some HTML but i didn't like HTML and web
programming, and later I moved to VB.NET and now to Assembly too.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on January 08, 2014, 11:57:57 PM
but i didn't like HTML and web

I totally understand you there. I hate web as well. When I was working on the web version of WCW, I hated it. But I enjoyed it so much to work on the C++ version later.

and now to Assembly too.

That's some real hardcore stuff. xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on January 09, 2014, 12:37:54 AM
That's some real hardcore stuff. xD
Indeed. I only had a taste of it in school. It was mainly making little console programs like "Input the three sides of your triangle and I'll find the area" and linking in C/C++ files. Everyone (including the professor) asked me for help because I was like the only one who understood how it worked xD
I'd like to explore more about it, but I don't know if it's entirely appreciated these days, or at least what I want to do for my career.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on January 09, 2014, 08:20:13 AM
There are C compilers for almost everything so better stick to C.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on January 09, 2014, 08:51:59 AM
Assembly is never a bad thing to know it's what your C gets reduced to after compilation any way so you might as well know how it works. It lets you understand how your C actually executes and is helpful when it comes time to track hard bugs or optimize. because you as a human can almost always write more efficient code than the compiler.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on January 09, 2014, 10:16:26 PM
Still going along the whole Assembly discussion, I received this email from my professor.
Quote
Hello Tyler,
I will reply to your comments of your message in the near future.  First I wanted to present two ideas to you to think about.

One idea is go to the CS office and put your name on Elizabeth's list of eligible graders and tell her that I wanted to hire you.  Student workers receive the Calif minimum wage.  As a formality I would give you a small number of submitted homeworks to grade, but more importantly, I hope that you could be in the lab during lab time and walk around answering question from beginners.  It would be easy for you and it would count toward your 'hours-worked".   Of course, this depends on your having no time conflict with lab time.  In spring 2014 I have the 240 meeting Tue/Thur from 10am-11:50am and the 240 meeting Saturdays 9 to noon.  There is another 240 section that begins 8pm evening -- I am not involved with that course.

Here is a second idea.  If you would like to do a programming project it is possible to receive up to 3 units of "Independent Study" credit for the project.  The project is the program with a report about what worked, what didn't work, what you learned, what resources were useful, and so on.   As you already know programming in assembly involves doing your own research.  So, a programming project will no doubt require a significant amount of research.

I'll leave it up to you.  If you're free on Thursdays 10am-11:50am then the first idea is an option, and here you'll interact with beginning programmers.  If you like the project idea then, of course, you work at you own time of choosing.  There are two things to think about.

from the Prof.

That job sounds like it would do me some good. I could care less about 3 units (I'm graduating with like 30+ more units than what is expected). Basically looking for anything that I can bulk up my resume with, pay or no pay--I do not care. I'll probably also aim for an internship sometime this year, perhaps starting in summer. What do you guys think?
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on January 09, 2014, 10:58:09 PM
I started working at Cateia just when I started my 4th year at university. And I kept working for them (2-3 days a week, about 6 hours each day) for the next two years until I graduated and got my master degree (I started working full time in my last semester since all I had to do was my master thesis). And then they made me a full employee. Even if they hadn't, that experience of 2 years work was great. I can definitely say that you should do it if you have time to spare and the ambition to do something you love.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on January 11, 2014, 03:15:21 AM
Since it's a school job and not exactly a company job, it won't be similar at all to your experience xP

But I decided I'll do it. My school schedule isn't the most impacted thing. Just a shame that the classes he teaches aren't even on the days my classes are. More driving back and forth. :<_<:
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on January 22, 2014, 06:16:10 PM
Yup, after 70+ matches the assholes are coming out. In 2 out of 3 matches there's a dick around.

This. It's more like 4 out of 5 now, lol! Funny enough people with a lot less wins and lower levels are usually the louder ones. I also find it hilarious when somebody overextends and charges in by himself within the first 3 minutes, then dies and blames me for not helping. I would have just died myself needlessly.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on January 22, 2014, 06:32:47 PM
it gets better once you get out of bronze teir elo as by that time you in the not 40% of the players.  there are arguably more trolls in silver but they arn't just assholes with ego, they screw with you to have fun.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on January 25, 2014, 03:59:51 AM
First week of classes over. Hooray for asian teachers and their extremely heavy accents. Gotta get used to them calling me Taylor Kuran and Tailuh Cram (and one of them was so nice to call me 'Miss' during roll-call).

Data Mining + Pattern Recognition seems to be my hardest class, probably because the group project and presentation is 50% of your grade. Class is filled with graduate students, mostly Indian. Probably would have been best to take AI before...but we'll see how it goes.

But man am I busy this semester. I'll try to find time to squeeze in some script requests and finish up the Event Commands. Only three more to do (Show/Move Picture and Move Route)!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on January 25, 2014, 11:18:41 AM
Does Data Mining + Pattern Recognition involve some statistics?
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on January 25, 2014, 11:14:10 PM
From what he has shown us so far, I would say a definite yes.
PDF of the syllabus (https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/58874459/2014%20CS%20483%20class%20syllabus.pdf)

It also sucks that it's a 3 hour, once a week night class held inside the most cramped room possible. Also need to dig back through my linear algebra notes again. For once, I have to use matrices in programming.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on January 31, 2014, 05:06:12 AM
From what he has shown us so far, I would say a definite yes.
PDF of the syllabus (https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/58874459/2014%20CS%20483%20class%20syllabus.pdf)

It also sucks that it's a 3 hour, once a week night class held inside the most cramped room possible. Also need to dig back through my linear algebra notes again. For once, I have to use matrices in programming.

Three hours classes are the worst. No matter how engaging the material might be, it's impossible to keep dedicatedly focused for three straight hours. As for the matrices, it reminds me a little bit of some of the things we did in my discrete programming class last semester. We had to use matrix multiplication for the first time in years, so I had to look up how to do it. I didn't want to risk looking stupid by asking the professor about it. Haha.

As for me, I usually really like my professors, but one of them this semester gets on my nerves a little bit. He's really egotistical to the point being aggravating.

Also, along the same lines as the foreigners having name trouble, I stopped by Taco Bell for lunch today, and the cashier asked for my name to put on the order. When I got the receipt, it was spelled, "Ashleee." With three e's. I don't know if it was a typo or if he really thought it was spelled that way. It's really not that uncommon of a name.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on January 31, 2014, 06:17:24 PM
I feel like I haven't posted anything very useful here in quite some time, so here's an update on the world of me. Lately I've been focusing on a new site that I'm trying to get up and going; before anyone judges me, remember that you have all liked me for a while and this should not change your opinions of me =p  I think a few of you already know, but I have been a practicing witch for almost ten years now, and have almost always had someone I was teaching to in that area. Because of that, I had decided a while ago that I wanted to start up a school for everyone who might be interested on learning about witchcraft, and as of 12:01am, January 1st, 2014, the Phoenix School of Majick was opened. It's hosted on a free server right now, because I'm poor, but I hope to one day soon push it into a normal server, and open it up to the worlds' population a bit more easily.

In regards to other things.. I have been completely re-working the storyline behind my game, and as much as I have already put so much work into it, I may end up having to completely start over from scratch. In a way it may be beneficial to do so, because I will be able to use new tilemaps for everything, new character sprites, and completely re-do sections that are so over-done that it's stupid. For example, a glitch that WhiteRose pointed out quite some time ago, was that after you fight the first little bout of monsters, and after you have talked to and decided to help the soldiers request, he gives you some armor, and a weapon; well, when you go to the next area,  and come back, he's there again, and gives you more gear. I don't think many people would be going backwards through the game, but I patched it anyways. The solution involved simply cloning the map, and removing the soldier event, and then changing the teleport option to go to the new cloned map instead. So now I have three maps for one area... I think I could do it much better at this point, now that I know more about the options available.


Let's see.. Life stuff.... Well, I just got done having almost 2,000 dollars worth of work done to my car; new struts, links, and shocks...  Drives like almost brand new, but damn it's costly to fix my car =p Also on that note, I was chatting with manager at the dealership, and it might be possible to work there, which would be pretty cool! There is one other issue I've been dealing with, that I may end up starting a whole new topic about, but I'm still not 100% comfortable talking about it, and not sure how it will come out here, so I may wait a little bit to post about it all.

That's all I have for now, but just wanted to make sure everyone knows I'm not dead! =p
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on January 31, 2014, 06:47:52 PM
I haven't posted anything recently myself, lol!

So, basically we did another update on KOB at Daygames and now we're running that new contest. WCW also got a major update that allows players to leave messages. Apart from that, we're also going to release a new game this weekend (secret project FTW). On the side of Cateia I'm almost finished with our new networking library and in 2 weeks I'm going to start working on a new game.

I also finished my album Perfect Chaos. I just need to do some final tweaks on all songs and re-export them for mastering since the label said they wanted to do the mastering.

There's also more personal stuff, but it's basically the same-old-same-old me going out with my friends and doing crazy shit like always. I also broke up with my GF about 3 weeks ago and now I obviously have more time for going out. But I'm going to start hitting up the gym three times a week from the next week on so this will probably cut my time for going out a bit, reducing it probably from twice a week to only weekends. I will probably cut down on the alcohol as well since working on your body and poisoning it at the same time is not really such a great idea.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 01, 2014, 02:44:06 AM
I have new roommates this semester. I've asked them not to steal my stuff without asking, but they keep doing it anyway. I couldn't find my hair dryer the other day, and they always use my dishes and then leave the dirty dishes in the sink. I can't eat without clean dishes, so I have to wash them myself if I want to eat anything. And they always leave the TV on when they leave. AND one of them insists on talking to her boyfriend on speakerphone all the time. Why on speakerphone? Why!? Sigh. I don't think I'm that hard to live with - these are pretty basic things to ask, aren't they? I need a new apartment. Again with the sigh.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 01, 2014, 10:32:45 AM
I've had my share of inconsiderate room mates so I know how you feel.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on February 01, 2014, 11:31:01 PM
Sometimes, rose, you need to slap-a-hoe.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 02, 2014, 12:38:34 AM
Slap a bitch! Gain a level! xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 02, 2014, 01:38:21 AM
Sometimes, rose, you need to slap-a-hoe.

Slap a bitch! Gain a level! xD

Growing increasingly tempting, especially with your suggestions....

But for now, I will control myself.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on February 02, 2014, 01:53:30 AM
I'm a really nice guy, but when my roommate kept leaving his nasty socks all over my bed and under my desk and basically all over my side of the room (he throws them at my side for some reason) I gave him an ultimatum: Stop, or I will stop you. You don't need to get violent either, just take their stuff without asking, leave things on that would bother them, blast loud music late at night, etc. They will get the memo eventually, lol!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 02, 2014, 01:57:58 AM
I'm a really nice guy, but when my roommate kept leaving his nasty socks all over my bed and under my desk and basically all over my side of the room (he throws them at my side for some reason) I gave him an ultimatum: Stop, or I will stop you. You don't need to get violent either, just take their stuff without asking, leave things on that would bother them, blast loud music late at night, etc. They will get the memo eventually, lol!

That sounds awful. D: I'm glad that we at least have individual bedrooms; no socks getting in there. Well, except my own socks, of course.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 02, 2014, 12:49:25 PM
IDK how good your social skills are, but you might wanna try this.

The first time mention it without any emotion, without anger, just casually. Do it this way every time. You can even make fun of it later. We did the same at the office when people wouldn't change the trash bag after it was full. We had a simple rule. If you could open the lid all the way through, you're fine. But if you can't, then you have to change it. I shit you not, some people probably took MONTHS to start doing this. I mentioned it every time I noticed it was already full before I threw my trash in. I would do it mostly in a fun over-the-top-dramatic manner without pointing around. Something like "So... Who forgot to change the trash bag around? Yeah... I know you're here... Listening... Waiting for me to turn around... And then you will do it secretly anyway!" This causes a feeling of shame for the person who did it without the need to point out, because those are the established rules and they broke it. After enough times people start cleaning up. Sure, it still happens sometimes, but it happens maybe 1-2 times a month. It used to be every other day. I think the most important part is simply not to get angry or emotional (easier said than done). But it's ok to verbalize anger, e.g. "Hey, I noticed that you didn't wash the dishes after you were done. Please wash them. It's really annoying when I want to make something to eat and first have to wash what somebody else left behind." The most important part is patience. Some people just need time to get new habits, especially if they never had any similar habits before.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 02, 2014, 05:46:16 PM
That's good advice, Blizz. That's more or less how I've been handling things, but maybe I need to just be more patient and persistent with them so that it really gets hammered into their minds. Eventually, things will work out - hopefully that will be before the end of the semester, when I'll get new roommates anyway. Haha. XD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 14, 2014, 06:49:55 AM
So, summing up my evening:

At the fabric store. No one else is there. Walk up to counter for the lady to cut my fabric. She asks if I've taken a number. I say that I'm the only one there. She asks me to take a number. *sigh*
Take a number. Fabric lady calls for next number. I give her my number. She gives me the fabric.

Have to attend presentation for work, so have to dress up. Hurry to apartment and change into skirt. Already late. Freezing cold outside. *sigh* Skirts are the worst.

Presentation goes late, ends at 8:30. Still haven't had dinner. Go to cafeteria. Deciding what to eat. Don't really feel like eating tacos. All stores are closed except for Taco Bell. Guess it's tacos for dinner. *sigh*

Tacos are messy, need to wash hands. Really need to use the bathroom anyway. Don't like public bathrooms. No choice. Go to bathroom. Sign on door - "Closed for cleaning; please use men's bathroom." Nope. Nopenopenopenopenope. *sigh*

Walk home. Hands are still messy. Can't put on gloves because of messy hands. Still wearing skirt. Super freezing cold.

Get to apartment. Can hear TV inside. Annoying flyers stuck into door frame. Like, five of them. For the same thing. *sigh*

Check handle. Door is locked. Keys are in backpack, still inside. Forgot to move to little bag that I brought to presentation. Knock on door. No answer. Knock again. Room mates aren't home; just left TV on. At least they remembered to lock the door. *sigh*

Stuck outside, messy hands, need to use bathroom, freezing cold, wearing a stupid skirt.

Starts raining.

*sigh*
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on February 14, 2014, 06:54:25 AM
 :'(

how did you get back into your apartment? did you have to call someone?
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 14, 2014, 06:59:27 AM
:'(

how did you get back into your apartment? did you have to call someone?

I actually just got back in. One of my roommates got back from wherever she was and let me in.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on February 14, 2014, 07:05:17 AM
WhiteRose: taking self-sabotage to an art form.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on February 14, 2014, 07:07:15 AM
-hugs-


Oh wow, I am so sorry to hear about, well, the whole night..
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 14, 2014, 07:16:14 AM
It was almost funny. In a depressing sort of way. But at least it's almost the weekend.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on February 14, 2014, 07:18:13 AM
Seems like you had a really horrible night rose D:
Hopefully the rest of your night goes well, though! *e-hugs*

Watch some TV, take a shower, and get some rest girly :P
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on February 14, 2014, 08:29:28 AM
The fabric store incident pretty much set the mood for me--everything else was (unfortunately) fuel for my laughter. If only your story included your roommate asking to go bowling. I think I would have lost it at that point. x|

At least it's the weekend-ish. That will give you plenty of time to watch the world burn.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 14, 2014, 08:35:02 AM
If only your story included your roommate asking to go bowling.

There would have been blood.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on February 14, 2014, 08:56:21 AM
I can see the headlines now
Quote
Mad woman arrested for bloody assault on roommate.

Chaos-Project user WhiteRose attached her roommate in a bloody barrage of fisticuffs late this evening. The roommate was recorded as saying "I only wanted to go bowling!" as she was wheeled into an ambulance to be rushed to Saint Gremlin-Mercy's General Hospital where she is listed in critical condition. A witness to the brutal beating, local resident Rose Luck, is quoted as saying "The horror! The horror!". Charged with attempted second degree murder, WhiteRose faces twenty years on conviction.

this just in, I should write news articles.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on February 14, 2014, 08:58:35 AM
>Rose Luck
>The horror
I see what you did there
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on February 14, 2014, 08:59:51 AM
Just admit it, I'm too god at this shit. and no, I didn't miss an 'o'.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 14, 2014, 09:08:34 AM
I can see the headlines now
Quote
Mad woman arrested for bloody assault on roommate.

Chaos-Project user WhiteRose attached her roommate in a bloody barrage of fisticuffs late this evening. The roommate was recorded as saying "I only wanted to go bowling!" as she was wheeled into an ambulance to be rushed to Saint Gremlin-Mercy's General Hospital where she is listed in critical condition. A witness to the brutal beating, local resident Rose Luck, is quoted as saying "The horror! The horror!". Charged with attempted second degree murder, WhiteRose faces twenty years on conviction.

this just in, I should write news articles.

Hahaha, Ryex. XD

But 20 years? I'd miss you all....
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on February 14, 2014, 09:13:08 AM
I would be an old fart in 20 years D:
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 14, 2014, 09:27:45 AM
WhiteRose: taking self-sabotage to an art form.

LMAO!

@Rose: Well, while I sympathize with having a shitty night, you've had that one chance to turn it around early on. But it involved stepping out of your comfort zone and entering the men's bathroom.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on February 14, 2014, 09:39:18 AM
WhiteRose: taking self-sabotage to an art form.

LMAO!

@Rose: Well, while I sympathize with having a shitty night, you've had that one chance to turn it around early on. But it involved stepping out of your comfort zone and entering the men's bathroom.

^^ He's right, actualy

I complacently understand your hesitation, between the seterotype of how "nasty" men's rooms are and the social stigma of entering the restroom of the opposite sex I would think twice were I in the the same situation (course I as a man would just have a really strong stigma to fight).

that said the sterotype at least is far form true, and fast-food restaurants, tocobell in particular is really weird about keeping their rest room spotless. least, I've personally never seen a tocobell restroom that didn't sparkle and smell of bleach.

Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 14, 2014, 10:35:09 AM
I can say the same for McDonalds here in Croatia. Their bathrooms are always really clean. And that's how it should be, it's a restroom in a restaurant after all.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on February 15, 2014, 07:07:05 AM
Alright, so I decided to post up a whole online journal type blog.. Mostly because sometime I just need to write for about an hour and vent, and honestly, some of the crap I'll  be writing about, I don't think you guys need to be bothered with lolz... If you wanna read through it for some reason, the site is http://silver-lined-life.webs.com/
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 15, 2014, 09:48:21 AM
Alright, so I decided to post up a whole online journal type blog.. Mostly because sometime I just need to write for about an hour and vent, and honestly, some of the crap I'll  be writing about, I don't think you guys need to be bothered with lolz... If you wanna read through it for some reason, the site is http://silver-lined-life.webs.com/

I'm about to head to bed, but I'll be sure to check it out tomorrow. I think it'll be fun to just read about how your life is going. It's always nice to be able to get to know people a little better.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on February 15, 2014, 05:11:43 PM
....alright, so I'm still a little nervous posting this up here, but seeing as though a friend on another forum was able to come out and say something, and I know I have the support of at least a few people, and really I love most of you here... Well, here it goes...  I mentioned in the PSO2 thread there was a reason that I always choose to create a female character, and most of you know I'm pretty shy about my looks and everything. Well, truth be told, I identify more with the feminine side of myself than the masculine side. Yes, genetically I'm a guy, but most of the things I like, and the way I think and act and all that stuff, is more along the lines of a girl. It's been a weird internal struggle for quite some time, but only recently have I decided to even tell anyone about it, so, yeah... You guys are the second people to know, the first being my fiancé (and no, this doesn't affect the fact that I still love her and all that.. gender doesn't have anything to do with how you feel for someone =p )... Yeah, that being said, I guess comment or ignore as you please... Hopefully this doesn't make you all suddenly distant. The only reason I even say anything about it is I trust you all, or well, most of you..
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 15, 2014, 05:15:29 PM
Remember NAMKCOR? He had a similar situation, but it was more extreme. So don't worry about it. You're DS to us. Whether you're a guy or a girl doesn't really make a difference to anybody here.

Also, that doesn't mean that you're not a man. It only means that you enjoy the feminine part of yourself more. And that's fine. The only thing that is important is that this is really you and not just a way to avoid certain problems in your life. If you use it as an excuse for anything, you should reevaluate that with yourself, because the last thing that you want is to try to hide your insecurities/issues by presenting yourself as "weaker" or "more emotional" or whatever and then use it as an excuse whenever you can. e.g. Somebody is mean to you and you're like "STOP DOING THAT, I'M A SENSITIVE PERSON". You can be both sensitive and strong (though empathic and strong would be a better way of saying it).
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on February 15, 2014, 05:32:28 PM
Remember NAMKCOR? He had a similar situation, but it was more extreme. So don't worry about it. You're DS to us. Whether you're a guy or a girl doesn't really make a difference to anybody here.

Yeah, ironically I still talk to her.. She's on the other site (the evil one full of spam games hehe), and honestly, she was also part of the reason I decided to say something..

Also, that doesn't mean that you're not a man. It only means that you enjoy the feminine part of yourself more. And that's fine. The only thing that is important is that this is really you and not just a way to avoid certain problems in your life. If you use it as an excuse for anything, you should reevaluate that with yourself, because the last thing that you want is to try to hide your insecurities/issues by presenting yourself as "weaker" or "more emotional" or whatever and then use it as an excuse whenever you can. e.g. Somebody is mean to you and you're like "STOP DOING THAT, I'M A SENSITIVE PERSON". You can be both sensitive and strong (though empathic and strong would be a better way of saying it).

Agreed, and no, I'm not attempting to avoid anything.. If anything, I expect this to plow me full force into more issues, not less, when it comes to life.. I agree though, who and what someone is shouldn't be based on a gender stereotype. It's not fair to that person that they have to live up to a specific expectation.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 15, 2014, 08:17:30 PM
You should tell NAMKCOR to come back! :D

As for how you feel, DigitalSoul, there's nothing wrong with that at all. You are who you are. The most important thing is that you're not letting this get in the way of your relationship. I think that you are great. :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 15, 2014, 09:07:00 PM
The most important thing is that you're not letting this get in the way of your relationship.

I disagree. He should come first and then his relationship. If his partner cannot accept these things about him, the relationship is doomed either way. If he suppresses who he is, it will hurt his psychology and ultimately either lead to an unhappy relationship or its demise. But luckily DS doesn't have to think about that kind of stuff, lol!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on February 15, 2014, 09:27:40 PM
Self identity (at lest for me) is THE most important thing to figure out in life. if you can't be comfortable with who you are then how can you enjoy life? Don't let anyone else tell you what is and isn't right about your identity DS, no one has the right to insult you for being you.

And I agree with Rose, Tell NAMCOR to come back, she's fun.

one last thing "~That's an interesting notion, in it's own way~" where is that from! I know I've heard it somewhere else and was thrilled by it's use, but I can;t remember!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on February 15, 2014, 09:32:31 PM
one last thing "~That's an interesting notion, in it's own way~" where is that from! I know I've heard it somewhere else and was thrilled by it's use, but I can;t remember!

Ouran High School Host Club



As to everything else, thank you guys so much for your support, I love you all   -hugs for everyone-   I apologize for not putting in a proper response, but I have to go get ready for work =p and I just did my taxes... oi freaking vei... 1 1/2 hours of my life lost right there. Ugh.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 15, 2014, 09:51:40 PM
Haha, don't worry.

BTW, my post above made me a think a bit and I wanna share my conclusions quickly.

A relationship is an entity that consists out of two equal parts. But each of the parts is also an entity for itself. If one part is broken, it makes the entire relationship actually broken. So each part in itself should always come before the whole. That means that both "you" and  your partner are more important as such than the relationship you are part of. One should not just put oneself before the relationship, they should also put the other other person before the relationship.

Here's an example. Last summer I was dating a girl, but I ended it all on the third date. The thing was that she's never had a boyfriend or anything (you could see it from a mile away by the way she behaved even though she tried to explain that she did). I realized that a relationship with me would be good for her, but I also realized that breaking up with her would cause a huge amount of emotional damage. I could describe her with several words, but none of them would fit well so I won't attempt. In general she already put up a relationship status after the first date. Not right after, but a few days later. Originally she was like "I wanted to put it up, but my sister said I shouldn't." and a few days later "I put it up anyway." This should basically tell you that part of her description would be "needy", but yeah, I'm not here to smack talk her.
I knew that I could handle this whole thing on this level for a while (and probably teach her what's good to do and what's bad to do), but the end result would be always the same: a shitload of pain for her. So I decided to end it. I basically put her before the relationship as such. It still caused some damage what I could tell by a text from her a few months later that went something like "I'm great, I just wanted to let you know blablabla. You don't have to respond, I just wanted you to know.", but at least I was able to limit the damage which I obviously couldn't avoid.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 15, 2014, 10:22:55 PM
You're definitely right, Blizz. I guess a better way to put things would have been that it's great that this hasn't affected his relationship, not that it's necessarily the most important thing.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on February 16, 2014, 03:55:12 AM
The thing was that she's never had a boyfriend or anything
...
I realized that a relationship with me would be good for her

Did anyone else do a double take when reading that particular part...? hehehe....


@Blizz and WR ~ You're correct in that it's most important to put the people before the relationship. I'm just glad that she's so supportive of me on it.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Zexion on February 16, 2014, 04:06:30 AM
I support you as well! Glad you trusted the community enough, haha.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 16, 2014, 04:07:11 AM
Experience is always good, lol! But the interpretation of the experience is probably even more important as it can make you or break you. Your past defines you, but you decide how.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on February 18, 2014, 04:12:48 AM
Roomates

You may have seen rose and me talking about our roommate situations in the chat box. well I feel like I need to let a bit of this out before I start losing my temper.

I live in a 3 person student apartment. it has two bed rooms, one large double room and a smaller single room. We have a small l shape kitchen sext to a 7x7" dining area and a 14x11 living area off to the side. in the dining room we have 2 bar chairs and 4 small chairs (like small waiting area chairs) of various designs around a small  2" radius circular table. off in the living area we have 2 arm chairs and a couch facing a 50in tv my roommate bought.

sounds nice right? well it is. when I can use any of it. tonight is one of those RARE nights where there is actually ONLY 3 people here. but thouse 3 people arn't just me and my 2 roomates. no it's me, the roomate who bought the tv and his girlfriend. did I mention she lives here?. she has her own student apartment but has not slept there once in the last 2 semesters and that's not an exaggeration. she and him share the bed in the single bedroom. every night. all week. all semester. I'm actually surprised I havn't heard them at it once. I'll give them credit for being at least a little bit discreet. oh and they are always talking about when they are going to get married (highschool sweet hearts) but they arn't engaged. she has him whipped,

ok so I have a room mate who has his girl living with him in his room. not intolerable but still annoying considering she basically claims one of the two bathrooms in the apartment as hers (I use the one attached to me and my other roommates bedroom).

my other room mate is ok, me and him get along fairly well. he's a high-school friend of the whipped roommate and their entire group of friend (almost) are studying petro engineering (they are kind all rednecks, they all have multiple pairs of cowboy boots and I hanv't seen a single pair of sneakers on any of them cept the girls) .

now we git to the bad part. their group of friends is big. and I mean big. and they all like to eat dinner and study at our apartment. there is about 15 of them all together. 6-8 people beside me ate here most nights. enough to fill every chair previously describes and leave people on the floor. and they are loud, all the time. I don't like half of them, tolerate the rest and have some animosity towards 2 of the girls they all are pretty devout catholic republicans and vice their opinions like god given truth.

this one time the whipped one's girlfriend decided to re arrange the furniture. that was fine, it made better use of the space. I only had one problem with it. she insisted on putting then small end table on the corner of four walking paths (from the door the the hallway and from the kitchen into the living area) and insisted it be aligned in such a way that all 4 paths were too small, I bumped my shin on it so I moved it back close to the chair and the wall my giveing proper walking room. she instantly got up to move it back but when I stopped here, said not and explained why she just got defensive and indignant. she was then instantly backed up but her two very aggressive female friends. two women who were obviously used to walking over the men in their lives (just part of their upbringing).

I'm trained in akido, a martial art that focused complete on defense and turning an opponents attacks on them. as a result my first unconscious reaction is to step off the line of an attack and move to intercept it. to people unused to it it look like I flinch aggressively. I'm fine with this because it means I'll never get blindsided by a left hook.

anyway, one of her friends brought her hand up to get in my face, my body reacted be fore I could stop it and I had to spend the next half an hour keeping a strait face and even tone as they berated my for attempting to "hit a girl" while I calmly insisted that wasn't going to happen. 

the "you wouldn't hit a girl" mind set irks me to no end. sure it's born from a hate for domestic violence but at the same time it's escalated to the point were people are of the mind that if your male you have to let woman abuse you or fear social ostracizing. like a woman can't cause you just as much physical pain or kill just as fast as any man. 

so ya, after that night I dislike those two girls

at least they clean up after them selves though so that's good I guess, I don't end up with 8 people mess to clean up every morning.

speaking of cleaning, dishes and kitchen use.

so ya, I apparently was the only one intelligent enough to bring silverware so until recently when they bought their own I could never find a clean spoon or fork and had to clean it myself if I wanted to use it. and if I want to cook I have to do it before 6 or after 8:30 if I want use of the kitchen.

so, ya know how I said this was one of those rare nights up at the top there? I spoke too soon, while I was writing this 4 more of their friends joined us, all the whipped one girlfriend's female friends, including the 2 I dislike.

and it not like the friend are only here if my roommates are. my roommates leave the door unlocked JUST so their friends can come hang out when ever they want. The first time I cam home at 2 in the after noon to find 2 of there friends hanging out in front of the tv but the roommates gone I took a good deal of effort to just keep walking back to my room with out making my thoughts known.

So it may seem like I'm a push over for not doing something sooner but at the same time  I'm not fuming angry about the situation. most of the time I don't mind. in the beginning when it was only twice a week I was fine with it. but after the first month it started ramping up till it was every night and more and more people. and by that time I felt trapped with it. I can't speak up with out appearing to do a complete about face and a being a douche. and with the way they all are, especially the girls, they wouldn't listen anyway.

ok rant over. back to work.

EDIT:

PS. I forgot to say that on average at least one on my roommates friends sleeps on the couch every night, that's in addition to my, my roommates, the whipped one and his girlfriend. sometimes 2 friends, sometimes 3. (not all on the couch of course, they use the arm chars too). point being that an apartment  for 3 has on average 5 people sleeping there.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on February 18, 2014, 04:24:55 AM
Oh the joys of roommates.  I've never been in a situation nearly as bad, but yeah, even when they are nice people roommates are just a pain.  And it doesn't help that the vast majority of roommates are pathologically inconsiderate.  Oh well, what can you do.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on February 18, 2014, 04:31:00 AM
the few weekends they spend at their parents and leave me alone are a blessing. being able to sit with my laptop in the dinging room with noone else there is great.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on February 21, 2014, 08:36:27 PM
Freaked out about Data Mining homework. Spent over 4-5 hours staring at notes and asking a project member how to do it, but I gave up. Went to class and overheard someone saying something like "You got x > 0.5, right?" I looked back at the homework and solved it in 3 minutes. Again, my overthinking confused me so much. But seriously, the professor's notes were completely vague and misleading.

Career fair yesterday. I was able to hand out my resume to 3 companies: Western Digital, National Data Systems, and Neudesic. Hoping for the best to get an internship somewhere by summer. It begins :shifty:
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 21, 2014, 10:56:34 PM
I've had almost that exact same experience before, usually in Computer Science classes. I'm not sure if it's something about the subject, or if CS just tends to get lackluster professors.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: StorocnekXx on February 24, 2014, 12:25:57 AM
I was partying yesterday for, like, the second day in my life in a discotheke.
I knew the barkeeper (she is my teacher, lol.) and I got some free drinks.
Unfortunately, dancing strangely made my glasses drop on the floor.
Put them back on; everything seemed to be allright, and the party carried on for another 4 hours.

I wook up at 10 this morning, felt a little dizzy and stayed in bed for another 6 hours checking my phone, doing things on the laptop, playing games and so on.
After that, I decided to put my glasses on and thought "man, they are really dirty, i need to clean them"
and took them in my hands.

and THAT'S when I noticed, one glass is missing.  :O.o:
it dropped on the floor while dancing
but i did not notice that while wearing them 4 hours while partying.  :facepalm:
I mean, hell, i wasn't that drunk, seriously not, but why the hell did i not notice my glasses only got one glass left?!
i nearly died of laughter because of that, to be honest.

end of story is, i'm fkn blind now. :c
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 24, 2014, 12:50:56 AM
LMAO, that's some story. xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on February 24, 2014, 05:02:43 AM
end of story is, i'm fkn blind now. :c

I have a similar story for you in the way of glasses.. well, not all that similar, but I ended up blind at the end too :3


One morning, a couple years ago, I had just gotten out of the shower, and decided to clean off my glasses, which made me see that there seemed to be some sort of film on them, but it was coming off fairly easy, so a took a soft sponge and cleaned them off the rest of the way. They looked actually really good.... until I dried them off, and then I saw that I had somehow ended up scratching the shit out of them, and could no longer see through them whatsoever. Called over to the eye doctor, and they were more than able to get me a new pair. The downside? I had to drive 20 minutes, 2 towns over. Scariest drive of my life...    ._.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on February 24, 2014, 06:02:02 AM
end of story is, i'm fkn blind now. :c

I have a similar story for you in the way of glasses.. well, not all that similar, but I ended up blind at the end too :3


One morning, a couple years ago, I had just gotten out of the shower, and decided to clean off my glasses, which made me see that there seemed to be some sort of film on them, but it was coming off fairly easy, so a took a soft sponge and cleaned them off the rest of the way. They looked actually really good.... until I dried them off, and then I saw that I had somehow ended up scratching the shit out of them, and could no longer see through them whatsoever. Called over to the eye doctor, and they were more than able to get me a new pair. The downside? I had to drive 20 minutes, 2 towns over. Scariest drive of my life...    ._.

D: What had happened? Was the film actually some sort of anti-scratch coating or something?
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on February 24, 2014, 07:40:27 AM
haha... yeah, it was an anti-scratch coating, and a coating of that anti-glare stuff.. By the time I got to see the eye doctor, she asked me (jokingly) if I had taken a brillo pad to it hahaha

(for those of you that don't know what a brillo pad is, think of it as taking a swatch of steel wool and trying to clean glass with that...)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on March 14, 2014, 06:38:12 PM
So, a lot has happened since my last update in here..

Over the past several weeks, I've been talking to more and more with tSwitch, and not only did we find out that we both live in MA, but we're also fairly close by each other! On top of that, she works in Boston. The more we talked, the more we found out about this fact, and as it turns out, her boss is always looking for people to refer professional contacts for possible job openings :D So, she passed that along to me, with his name and e-mail address, and within a week of sending him my resume, he shot back a message to schedule an interview, which I just had last week. Over the past week, we have messaged back and forth with some details, but as it stands, I now officially work as a junior web developer, on contract for two months, and then becoming a permanent employee! This is they type of job I have wanted since I was about 13, so, it's kind of a big deal for me :)

Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: tSwitch on March 14, 2014, 06:39:11 PM
I hope you get brought on full time, here's to a solid evaluation period!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on March 14, 2014, 08:19:34 PM
Hahaha, awesome. :) I'm glad things are working out for you, DS.

I also have some updates. I've started going to the gym again about a month ago and this weeks I started going 3 times a week (Mod, Wed, Fri). IDK if I mentioned if, but due to the fact that one co-worker at Cateia is a speaker at the Unity course held in our city, we got 4 slots for the course for free and starting this week, I am attending that Unity course. The first two lessons were quite interesting. It's from 17h to 21h on Tue and Thu (just when I get home about 22:30, I already have to go to sleep). So my free time is almost reduced to zero, lol!

I will also be speaking at Reboot (http://www.rebootdevelop.hr/speakers/) at the end of April (the topic (http://www.rebootdevelop.hr/schedule/) will be Smart Planning in Multi-Platform Game Development) so I have about 6 weeks left for make a presentation for that. It's kind of a big deal since it's the biggest game development conference in South-Eastern Europe and the Adriatic area.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on April 10, 2014, 10:55:23 PM
I've been doing job interviews for that past few days, and they are going extremely well.  My resume looks a little weird with the Mech Eng degree and a bunch of Comp Sci skills underneath, but once I get an interview, it's easy to blow their expectations out of the water.  It's looking like I will be able to get a software development position in the pay range that I want by the end of the month, so I'm pretty happy about that (mostly because I will get my own place and be independent again).

I've also worked out a rough idea of what I'm going to do for the next few years, but it involves a startup business idea that I need to keep secret for now.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on April 10, 2014, 11:10:02 PM
I've been a bit overworked for the past 2 weeks since I was pressing to finish off and release our new Daygames iOS game. I've had trouble sleeping in the past few nights (and I missed gym 3 times), but that's now over, I'm back on track. That Unity course  + gym is taking its toll.
And I can't wait for the Reboot Conference at the end of April. <3
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on April 16, 2014, 03:25:54 AM
I'm just posting this to blow off some steam. I'm not looking for sympathy.I don't want any advice on the subject, I don't want anyone to feel bad or say anything. I just need to type this up before I end up taking my anger out and hurting someone.

My girlfriend and I have been renting out a room from my grandma's house for almost a year now. I'm not gonna lie, we're pretty comfortable and the only bills have are rent, car loan, and car insurance. My grandma offered us a job at Burger King, she's the General Manager there. We were making pretty good money. I ended up walking out a couple months ago (completely different story, I won't get into it) and have since gotten a new job. My girlfriend is getting tired of Burger King, so I suggested to start looking for another job like I did. Her response? She doesn't think she'll make it anywhere else, she doesn't know what kind of job she'd be good at or how much money she'll make. This kind of response really irked me just for the fact that, no one really knows this until they go out and actually start looking for a job. So for the past couple of months, I've been trying to take her out and look at places. She absolutely refuses to go in anywhere else and even ask for an application. This is her normal behavior, when something life changing comes up, she gets scared and doesn't want to risk anything or even try to take a chance for a better life.

An opportunity came up today. My dad found a really nice house for my girlfriend and me to live in. It's on a "contract to deed" where we pay a payment every month for 10 years and the house becomes ours. If we didn't or couldn't make payments, we simply move out of the house with no strings attached. No giant ass bank loan to worry about for the rest of our lives.

However, this would require us to move back to the city we originally left, find new jobs and keep up on a few extra bills we're not used to. And to note, this isn't something we'd be doing on our own. My dad said he'd help us out for a few months until we did get jobs and got into a routine we'd be used to. Her response? Pretty much the same thing as before, instead of just "her" it's now "us". She doesn't think I'll be able to find a job either and that I just got lucky when I found a new job after I had quit Burger King. I'm screaming "what the fuck" in my head right now. Making me feel like I'm not good enough for her or that there's no way I'd be able to support her. She won't put any faith in herself or apparently me. I've tried and tried and tried to talk to her. This is just one of the occasions where this has happened. How can she expect to make it through life if she doesn't work for it? If she doesn't work for the goals she wants or won't risk anything or even try to make progress? Because this entire year we've been living with my grandma for dirt fucking cheap, we should have been saving our money for a new car or a house or something to progress ourselves through life. But instead of taking advantage of this golden, once in a lifetime opportunity, we blew our money every fucking paycheck we blew our money on shit we didn't need.

Granted, we'd always pay our bills first, but the money after that? It usually went to our leisurely life style (or paying overdraft fees in our bank because we got a wee bit carried away occasionally, we've since closed our bank account because they were taking a lot of money away from us, but I digress). For the past couple of months I've been trying to save some money to get a better car or to fix the one up we have now. I dunno how we've been so lucky, but we have another golden opportunity to jump start our lives. We'd be getting a house of our own with very few stipulations and she doesn't think we'll make it. I asked her how long she expected to live with my grandma. She said until we could get on our own. This... this statement is what set me off. What the hell do you think is hitting you right in the face? A chance to get on our own! I lost it and finally told her that she's too scared to do anything in life. She has no faith or will power to make anything out of herself or accomplish her goals. Being the extremely sensitive and insecure girl she is, she started crying, realizing that whatever I do next could potentially screw everything up. So I did the sensible thing, stormed off to calm down and blow some steam and here I am.

Rant over. Again, I don't care if this even gets read, but I'm not looking for sympathy, advice, or even a "hang in there" kinda thing. I needed to type this up to blow some steam. I appreciate the fact that I'm a part of this community that let's people calm down and relax. And sorry if I haven't been completely activate or contributing much of anything to the forums. There's been a lot on my plate and there still is. This is only one of the problems that I'm going through and I find it extremely difficult to juggle everything at once (not to mention the depression I've sent myself in). And I've tried and tried to keep my personal problems away from you guys, I don't like pushing my problems onto other people and I feel bad enough burdening you guys with my other problems and not really chiming in on anyone else's lives.

Anyways, thanks guys. Hope you're days are going a lot better than mine and sorry if it isn't.

Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on April 16, 2014, 04:58:10 AM
The truth is the truth no matter how hard it hurts, Only those who truly love you will give you the hard truth. You did the right thing G_G things like hit need to be said. I've no idea how your going to go about it but you now have the responsibility to try build her back up, you've told here her flaw now you have to help her over come it. But don't keep trying for ever. you can waste your life that way.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on April 16, 2014, 08:29:47 AM
Ryex pretty much said it already. Most people are like that, most people won't go out of their comfort zone. I can only add that I personally wouldn't want to be a with a girl who is like that. This isn't an advice, but you should think about the whole thing with you and her. As Ryex said, you could waste your entire life on trying to convince her to do something more. Eh, this entire post still sounds like advice.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on April 16, 2014, 02:31:57 PM
Thanks you two, and sorry, advice is fine, I just... I was extremely upset yesterday and I necessarily didn't really know how to word what I was aiming for. But no, I mean I really do appreciate you guys, I was just didn't want people feeling sympathetic for me.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on April 16, 2014, 02:48:19 PM
I completely understand.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on April 17, 2014, 12:01:13 AM
It's official. I talked to the owners of that house and they'll give me a month to move back, find a job, and get a deposit paid and I can move in. I've decided to move back regardless if my girlfriend wants to or not. If this breaks us up, so be it. I want a house to call my own and I want to start my life. I'm not passing up this golden opportunity.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on April 17, 2014, 12:20:27 AM
sounds like a plan G_G i wish you the best of luck.

On my side of the earth's crust similar things a happening (in regards to housing at least). I've met a couple of great guys this year and we collectively decided to get a place off campus and be roommates. We've put down a deposit on a 2 bedroom duplex in town and will be splitting the rent 3 ways over the summer and into the school year. it's actually WAY cheaper this way than living on campus. I don't foresee any problems with them as roommates but at the same time I'm a little nervous. before now I've just been assigned a room ans roommate by the housing department and dealt with what I got, didn't care either way if it worked out. Now that I've actually chosen who I want to live with I seems to be a bigger deal. well that and It's a year lease so If I some how manage to fail I'll be stuck with the rent anyway.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on April 17, 2014, 01:11:44 AM
Wanna know how to get out of a lease? Get evicted. My friend Preston didn't want to live in his apartment anymore but he didn't want to pay for the last three months of rent so what he did was move in 4 extra friends. People are going to notice that and complain to the landlord. He got a 2 weeks eviction noticed and ended up moving into a bigger, nicer apartment.

So if you fail and you can't afford the lease, just get evicted. Though you probably won't get your deposit back. And also, good luck to you as well. When I go to college, I'm gonna do my best to live off of campus. Ridiculously expensive (assuming I get this house I won't have to worry about that, but some colleges do require at least one year of on campus).
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on April 17, 2014, 02:34:12 AM
no you see, the thing is that all three of our names are on the lease. and me failing does not mean that they fail. I like these guys enough that I don't want to stick them with my 1/3 of the rent by screwing up my life.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on April 17, 2014, 03:55:27 AM
Ah, sorry, completely misinterpreted that. I'm sure you'll do fine. And covering 1/3 rent is a lot easier than the whole lease.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on April 17, 2014, 07:25:01 AM
Yeah, I think both of you will do just fine.

On my own end, I'm a bit overworked and exhausted from everything. My membership at the gym has expired, but all that extra time is now going into preparing for the presentation in 10 days.

Apple rejected our newest Daygames game due to possible copyright problem. But it was justified. Our "Aladdin" does look way too similar to Disney's Aladdin. xD our graphics designer (which is my ex) will hopefully be able to edit them until the end of April.

At the Unity course I was working on a controller script similar to EDGE Extended for fun. But the last time I had ideas for a new gameplqy based on the same control scheme. So it's likely that I'll just keep it and make a new Daygames game from that. xD

Also, I'm taking a 11day vacation at the beginning of May. Kiki, Teo and me want to work on yet another Daygames game.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on April 25, 2014, 10:39:02 PM
Tomorrow's the presentation. I'm off to sleep now. Wish me luck!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on April 26, 2014, 12:05:41 AM
You'll do great Blizz! Though good luck anyways!!!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on April 27, 2014, 02:03:52 AM
Hey, guys. I just wanted to left you know that I killed the room. After my presentation people were coming up to me and congratulating me on my presentation and telling me that I was the best so far (even after the guys from Quantic Dream and Square Enix, fuck yes!). Later on people were greeting me and I had no idea who those people were, lol! I guess I'm some kind of mini-celebrity in the casual and indie gamedev industry now.

Sadly my co-worker fucked up the entire recording thing and I have zero footage. But considering that this might just have been the best day of my life so far, I can forgive that. Don't worry, though. You might not be missing out after all. It's possible that the next time Cateia visits a conference, I will be there and I will simply do the same presentation.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on April 27, 2014, 04:30:27 AM
Woo! Fuck yeah Blizzard. Congratulations, glad you killed it!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on April 27, 2014, 05:52:50 AM
Tie the co-worker to the stake!
Burn him for his incompetence!


I didn't expect any less, Blizzard. You will always be the man we all aspire to be.
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on April 27, 2014, 06:10:35 AM
(click to show/hide)

Here lies the room.

RIP
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on October 21, 2014, 07:47:04 AM
*winkio uses Phoenix Down*

I've had a few interesting things happen recently.

My ultimate frisbee team placed second for our fall season of play, and we also placed first in a separate end-of-season tournament, so I'm definitely looking forward to the winter season when it picks back up.

I finally bought a new mattress which I had been waiting to buy for about 6 months now.  It gets delivered tomorrow, and it's going to be soooooooo comfortable (I tried it out at the store).  Also got new sheets and comforter and everything, because the new mattress is a queen and the old one is a full.

I also finally ordered a replacement fan for my laptop, because one of the fans it currently has is grinding and makes a loud, steady vibration whenever the computer is on.  It will take a few weeks to ship, but then I will finally have a nice, quiet laptop again.

I've also been playing the keyboard for a few months trying to get some of my old piano skills back and learn to play by ear.  I can now play any melody I hear very reliably without having to think about it, although I still have work to do on the harmony.  Also, I was just improvising around and came up with two really good themes, one is sad/pretty, and the other is energetic/mechanical.  I'll probably work on them in my spare time, and post some midis at some point.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: WhiteRose on October 21, 2014, 08:07:49 AM
That sounds like a nice mattress upgrade. I wish I could do something about mine; it's provided as part of the apartment, but it's more of a cot then even a real mattress, and is smaller even than a twin. Of course, I usually end up scrunched up in the corner anyway, so I don't know if a bigger mattress would even help. Haha.

As for laptop fans, I actually replaced the fan in my brother's laptop a few weeks ago, as it was making a really awful rattling noise. Unfortunately, it turned out that the noise was actually from the computer's plastic casing, which is cracked and broken in a few places, and not the fan, so it didn't end up helping. Hopefully your new fan will have better results. :)

Also, I can't wait to hear the songs you've come up with. :D
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on October 21, 2014, 08:18:33 AM
Lol, I should also probably post some stuff since a lot of things have been happening.

Opera Mediaworks offered us deals for native advertisements of various brands in King of Booze. o.o We have added their ad SDK for normal ads a few weeks ago (I found out that they bought AdColony) and soon we'll start communicating a bit more with the team for the native advertisements. This is a huge deal for Daygames. Once we have established all that, we will probably register the company for real.
We're also playing with a new idea for a new game that will be a bit similar to Floaty Hamster, but "simpler" and better. The mechanics aren't going to be much of a problem to code, but we'll have to wait for Teo to make the new graphics. xD

For those of you that don't know: I'll be on vacation with my boss in the US for 2 weeks after New Year. I'm excited about that, too. We're visiting Denver for the con, then NYC and finally Boston, each for a couple of days.

I bought a new phone, a Sony Xperia ZL. It's great. Funny enough, it isn't available in Croatia anywhere so I ordered it from eBay from a German retailer. So far I'm loving it, especially the battery life. Even with messing around a bit on it every day, the battery stays alive for 3-4 without problems. My Samsung Galaxy S2 had to be recharged every 2 days with me minimally doing stuff on it. And that's after I bought a 1900 mAh battery and took out my original 1650 mAh battery. ._.

Since I still want to gain more weight, I bought some dumbbells for home use. For the past week I've been doing a few lifts every morning before I get ready for work. It literally takes a minute (10-15 lifts with each hand) and wakes me up a bit as well. I'm doing this to get my body a bit ready for proper exercise since I haven't been to the gym since the middle of April. I'm planning on starting properly exercising somewhere this week.

And lastly, I have a new gf. Let's see how long that lasts.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Soulshaker3 on April 22, 2015, 09:45:53 PM
Sooo guess it's about my time now:
By the 29th of April I'll present my graduation project (HighSchool equivalent). My part was to make a game while the other 10 of my class would do a website (seems legit). Since I knew the most in coding I was helping each and every little group solve their coding problems... well I wouldn't really call it problems but to them it was like "hey I got an error come here and help me fix it( or fix it yourself I don't really care about this)" so while I did the most hardworking part of the project I still had to help them, not that big of a deal since I got some expertise solving some of their problems. For this reason my head teacher promoted me to "Project manager" which would be the one presenting the whole thing to some Computer Science Major( my presentation) and this is where I get fucked up. I get really nervous when presenting something even to known people.

To sum up everything, since I'm the one who talks english fluently I have to present the project(again) with the help of a friend in Durham, England. So yeah I'm pretty sure my social anxiety will kick in, in one or either of those so at this point, I'm all like, fuck this, fuck that, and fuck this in particular...

Any one would like to vollunteer?  ::D
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on April 22, 2015, 10:17:27 PM
I'm getting up at 4AM tomorrow and leaving for Dubrovnik for the Reboot Game-Dev Conference this year. So I'm quite excited.
I'm not a speaker this year though.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on April 23, 2015, 08:26:18 PM
@KK20:

Fuck this exact thing in particular..
(click to show/hide)

@Blizz:

That's pretty cool, regardless of not being a speaker. Enjoy your trip!


~edits her own post to add to the topic~


So, you all remember this post (http://forum.chaos-project.com/index.php/topic,13159.msg182825.html#msg182825) well enough I trust, and I guess it's about time I gave you an update on some things. I've been pretty quiet lately and all. So, it's been what, like a year and a couple months since then, and alot has happened. Everyone at work knows about me being female, and is not only accepting, but also supportive and encouraging of this change in my life. Another co-worker also came out to everyone that she is trans too, which now makes three of us at the office. I finally got around to talking to my father about it, and being gay, I knew he would at the very least be accepting of my choices, however, he too is very supportive of whatever I decide to do with my life, as long as it doesn't harm me or anyone else. Let's see... So alot of my friends know now too, and have all started referring to me with female pronouns, and the name I picked (Anastasia Ruby, Anna for short, and it would have been the name my mother picked when I was born). Physically features have changed a bit as well; I used to be a short-haired, dirty-blonde colour, and now have longer (shoulder length) red hair (because why the hell not..), have taken a liking to hairlessness (so much smoother (possibly tmi, though I'm referring to like legs, arms, etc =p )) and all that fun stuff. I get alot of people calling me miss, madam and such (the past two days I've been called honey by the cook dude that works at the deli where I've been getting lunch... flattering yet slightly creepy lolz...). So all in all, much happier with the way things are going lately.

Let's see, what else... Oh, so work; I'm still at the same place I've been at for a little over a year now, working in Boston as a professional majickal nekogirl web developer... mostly, I just go by the title web developer... Pretty happy with my job; just got another person "hired" as a contractor here, and possibly have brought in a new client for work, which means a nice little "finders bonus" if they decide to hire us on for their website stuff.


I really don't know what else to talk about, so I'll stop here.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on October 21, 2015, 09:03:37 PM
Wow this is old. But I feel this is the most fitting place for this news.

Ahem...
I GOT THE JOB

A lot of back and forth between interviews (still not one in-person interview if not counting a webcam session) over a two-month period. Nothing but one technical question after the other, some answered with confidence and others left entirely blank. I am glad that journey is over with. I'm surprised too--these were my very first interviews regarding computer science. I guess I did good after all.

Gonna be working at Symantec in Culver City as soon as my background check is verified. I am absolutely pleased with the offer I received considering 1) this is my first software engineering position ever and 2) it's an entry level position. There was absolutely no way I could have negotiated for anything higher--I already feel this is over-worth my value. But still, it's awesome they think otherwise :D

So no more inventory for me. Going to officially quit after next week. Just have to deal with the 1.5 hour drives back and forth between work now (would be awesome if I could work earlier).
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on October 21, 2015, 10:55:54 PM
Congrats! :D
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on October 22, 2015, 01:02:22 AM
YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH

Good work!  Wooooooooooh!  So proud.

Quote
I already feel this is over-worth my value

What most programmers have over you is experience, not talent or innate ability.  Respect that fact and gain some experience of your own, and don't be intimidated when you are introduced to concepts and systems that your coworkers have been using for years :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on October 22, 2015, 05:20:31 AM
Thanks guys <3

I'll keep that in mind, winkio. I hope I get to learn a lot while I'm there. :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: ForeverZer0 on October 24, 2015, 07:11:00 PM
Congratulations, I am truly happy for you (and a little jealous, lol). I hope everything goes well for you.

Are you thinking about moving closer yet?
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: KK20 on October 25, 2015, 06:48:37 PM
Thanks :)
I'll have to wait and see if it's really that big of an issue. I would still have to figure out the car situation (I don't exactly own a vehicle) and finding a reasonably priced place to rent that isn't near the ghetto.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 09, 2015, 05:15:04 PM
I got a promotion. I'm Head of Programmig at Cateia Games now. :3
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Soulshaker3 on December 10, 2015, 12:25:36 AM
Nothing more to add. I'm still an intern at Front / Back end development. Kindda having some responsibilities now since I'm there for some time.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on December 10, 2015, 01:31:23 AM
Nice!  Happy to see that jobs are going well :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on December 10, 2015, 10:58:22 AM
Our newest Daygames game, Pet Bots, is getting quite a bit of downloads. Since we soft-launched only in Croatia, Serbia and Bosnia for now, this is pretty good since the market is obviously limited. We realized that currently the best marketing option are Youtubers rather than advertising through Google AdSence or through Facebook.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: PhoenixFire on January 08, 2016, 01:14:43 AM
So much good news here :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on February 29, 2016, 09:54:50 PM
So, the Reboot Magazine here in the Balkans has been recently doing weekly recordings of various game developers in the region and putting them on Youtube. They came to our office today and recorded some interviews, one of which was with me. <3 The video will probably be available in 2 weeks. Even though you won't understand a word (since it's in Croatian), I'll still post it. xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on March 04, 2016, 06:16:18 AM
So, I'm been pretty absent around here of late. Reasons are many but my life has calmed down considerably now and I figured I'd come on and give those of you interested an update.

As some of you may know I've been looking for a job for about the last 8 months, I got really bad about 3 months ago as the last of my savings ran out and I was only able to survive because of gifts that helped me pay rent. But I finaly found a job about 3 weeks ago at the local Arby's. It's a shitty fast food job at the New Mexico minimum wage of $7.50 an hour but because I have been working my but off and learned fast mt managers have been giving me all the extra hours available.
I expected to get between 12-15 hours or less (which would of just barely covered rent and utilities ) but my next pay check with have two weeks of 25+ hours apiece so I'll be able to make the monthly student lone payment and start paying off the debt I've racked up the last few months as well. Things are looking up for now.

starting in June I'm planning to get back into school and get back on track to finish my BS of Computer Science. I've been battling severe procrastination problems the last few years that have utterly trashed my academics and even my attempts to do hobby projects. I've long know WHY I procrastinate but I've never been able to make myself stop and it started me into a spairl compleat with depression. as such I've started to get help form the local mental heath center and their cognitive behavioral therapist. That part of my life is looking up too.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on March 04, 2016, 06:40:14 AM
Nice!  Super glad things are starting to get better for you :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on March 04, 2016, 12:30:24 PM
Same here. I'm glad things are finally starting to get better for you. :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on March 08, 2016, 06:53:04 PM
*legal double post* Holy shit, it's out already. xD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hH8h31CJRX8

I start talking at 3:28 and there's a segment with me later as well. I know you won't understand shit, but this is bragging rights. xD
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: orochii on March 09, 2016, 01:42:51 AM
This is what you say, thanks to Google's technology we can know.

Quote
However, this amount could since Sharia
and therefore the search for pairs
Obama media business and what can
nissan increased attack
in the education of injuries
found to achieve the same time, life
one of them is ready to field with the UNIMA
you say that we can
ITAR-TASS According to the financier on your
Guard report on data
helped but for the fact that they themselves also to Ivanova
the team can go to replace
letters written to us and we go down to the
this channel
it will fall
and when his owner seiche Code 90
it will be quite a lot of awards waiting Antonova
Russia Moscow tried to camp and
Warsaw and when the question of social
Roscosmos foundations of Othodox culture
poultry house
you my dad from Lieutenant Dennis
Manturova a number of ther resources
and someone laughs storm

Personal favourite:
"This channel,
it will fall".
Revelations, book of Boris
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Spaceman McConaughey on March 09, 2016, 03:03:39 AM
*legal double post* Holy shit, it's out already. xD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hH8h31CJRX8

I start talking at 3:28 and there's a segment with me later as well. I know you won't understand shit, but this is bragging rights. xD

Very cool, you sexy fuck.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on March 09, 2016, 09:37:21 AM
This sounds like a spam email. xD Maybe that's how they are created.
I agree. That "this channel, it will fail" is the best part.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on March 11, 2016, 09:11:16 AM
So, I was taking to my coworker the other-day. and the topic got onto drinking. H mentioned that he and his roommate had played a cellphone drinking game the other day and it was utter chaos because the game gave you chooses like "dance or take seven drinks" It sounded failure so I asked what it's name was. King of booze, he loved it. You have bragging right even in rual as fuck Butt fucking nowhere tiny ass american towns Blizz.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on March 12, 2016, 12:57:06 AM
<3
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Tazero on March 14, 2016, 09:46:40 PM
Depression breeds creation.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Tazero on July 22, 2016, 09:33:25 PM
#Necro

I'm officially a graphic designer for a small Conditioning Clinic c:
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on July 22, 2016, 11:24:04 PM
Congrats!
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on March 08, 2017, 10:30:51 AM
So... As of Monday I'm officially diagnosed with ADHD combined type, primarily inattentive. It... explains a lot of things. I'm going to be starting medication here in the next week and I'm hoping for an improvement in my general ability to get things done without getting distracted. Honestly, I've suspected it for about a decade but I never wanted it to be true.  Heck, it was diagnosed when I was really young but my parents ignored the diagnoses then because of the "overdiagnoses" of the condition in the late 90's. They always told me that I just needed to work harder at being normal but it wasn't something that needed medical aid. I've gotten damn good at ignoring the symptoms and masking them over the years. explaining it away as "lack of will" and "boredom" but the fact that I'm still struggling to pass my third year of college credits and was fighting depression to just to do the dishes sent me off to find help. A little over a year later I finally have a diagnosis (getting into the mental health clinic around here took about 4 months, the wait list was that long, then we were looking at other potential causes first.). I'm not quite sure what to expect, just hopping is progress instead of more stand still. I also find myself wondering where I'd be if I'd sought help or otherwise been diagnosed sooner. Dr. warned me that would be a thing and that dwelling on it wouldn't be good but I can't really help it yet.

Anyway, I'd like to apologize for being a ghost of late. I missing hanging out with all of you guys here.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on March 08, 2017, 01:22:47 PM
Look at the bright side, ADHD is not THAT bad of a thing. And at least now you know what your deal is so you can tackle it head on. :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on March 09, 2017, 11:10:26 PM
That is certainly one way to look at it. Currently it's more of a, "oh yay, I'm so incompetent I can't even control my own mind!". And yes I realize that's not a health outlook.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on March 10, 2017, 12:35:33 PM
Nobody can control their mind. The subconscious literally exists to force you to do shit and avoid doing shit using emotions, ego structures, etc. to make sure you survive and reproduce. Those who have a little bit of more willpower than the rest basically run the world, but not even they are safe. It's a lifelong battle so don't feel bad if you keep losing sometimes.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: G_G on March 12, 2017, 07:37:13 PM
I've known I've had ADHD for years but my dad didn't want to put me on medication. He was diagnosed with it when he was a kid and he didn't like the side effects or the way he felt. When I got old enough I guess, he told me it was my choice if I wanted to try it. I've pretty much coped with it the way you have but I definitely can understand and even compare what you're going through. I dunno if I want to try the medication at all, but an alternative, depending on your morals and your location I suppose, I've tried THC a couple of times in the past year and its helped me calm down and focus when I needed to. Obviously due to legal and situational reasons, you can't always access or use it e.g. during school. When the time comes Ryex and you've been on the medication for a bit, you should definitely update us and let me know if its helped you or made you feel worse. Whatever happens, best of luck man and I hope it does help in the long run.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on March 19, 2017, 08:39:22 AM
Deffenetly, I've only had the medication for 4 days now and it's really too soon to make any assessments. Plus the dose and such is probably going to have to change etc. I'll try to get back to you guys in like a month or two and give an update on that. The current problem is that the medication the doctor chose is widely considered the "safest" option (it is an amfetamine, no real winners in that category but it is supposed to have the least side effects) but it's still under patent. without insurance, the dam things cost 300 USD a month. and WITH insurance they wanted me to pay 75. fortunately, I went and found a discount program directly from the manufacturer that lets me get it for 30, at least until August. after that, I'll have to find something else. It's defiantly a stimulant substantially higher resting heart rate and all that.I have lot more energy than I had previously; actually a plus kinda, I feel like I have "normal" energy levels now. If I take it too late in the day I have to worry about sleep.As my body adjusts the more prominent effects "should" subside. Other than that It's too soon to say anything on the mental front.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on May 01, 2017, 11:59:25 PM
So, I said I'd post back after I had a hold on whether or not the medication was helping; well here goes, I anticipate that this post will run a bit long so I'll try to put a TL;DR at the end, so skip forward to that If you don't want the read the whole thing.

My Doctor put me on Vyvanse. It a "New" still under patent medication that combines Adderall and Ritalin into a complex ratio and time release formula. Don't ask me how they managed time release when it's a powder in a gel cap but that's the claim. Anyway, the shit's expensive, one cap a day cost's  around $300 USD for a 30 day month's supply. I have insurance that's considered "good" by American standards any they would only pay 3/4 leaving me with a $75 USD a month price tag for what I now consider an absolute necessity. But that's a rabbit hole for another time. I was extremely hesitant at first because of that price tag but I actually had a very strong sense that my Dr could be trusted on this decision. Unfortunately, I took just over a week from getting the prescription to getting the pills because the local pharmacy had to order them in.

Ok, I actually have to take a moment on a tangent here. I managed to avoid the insurance hole but this is actually kinda important to my decision-making process. When I was in 5th-7th grade - this would have been back in 2006-2003 when I was between 11-14;  good lord that's  well over a decade ago - I was struggling with school and my parents decided enough was enough and pressured the school district into conducting a series of tests to see if there was anything diagnosable. They also took me to a behavior specialist all the way over in Denver to have some tests done (it's my understanding that ADHD was suggested ass a possibility way back when I was in 1st and 2ed grade but, due to the prevalence of the over-diagnosis of the condition then, these tests were the first follow-up they ever did.). The tests were... inconclusive at best. it placed my IQ in the mid 120's via the Raven's Progressive Matrices test, pointed out that my auditory attention span was subnormal, I had above average logic and comprehension skills, but that was about it. I ended up with a Federal 504 learning plan (504 I believe refers to the section of the "no child left behind" law that mandated that students be accommodated) despite having no officially diagnosable condition. I also got me placed in the "gifted" program a dual state that frustrated everyone involved. Anyway, all of this is to point out that while resulted in some accommodations like extra test time (which has proved invaluable of late) it effectively changed nothing, I was still struggling and there was still no answer.

Continuing that thread, this march I finally got to meet the only licensed medical psychiatrist within 100 miles of where I live (conveniently in town at a presbyterian medical serviced mental health clinic). the man is an oddball. not in the personality sense (not that he doesn't have quirks), but in the "how the hell did a man like this end up here" sense. I live in the central United States attending a small university attached to a small town on the interstate that is literally only alive because the university is here and it's conveniently half way between the two major cities in the state. There is also a smaller east-west highway that runs through where this town is the only stop for about 100 miles but that's minor in comparison. Anyway, this Dr. is a bigshot, privio0us department head of a major hospital on the east coast, who fell off the map due to personal circumstances and ended up in the middle of BFN. And, in the mother of all coincidences, (relative to this situation at leat), He not only know and worked with the psychiatrist I went to in Denver all those years ago, he had helped develop, write, and publish, the major test I'd had administered there.  In a twist of irony, the test was worthless because the scale hadn't been adjusted to my age at the time.  All of that together with how well he was able to read me and extrapolate from the little bit of information I was able to relay to him in that first 30 minutes meant I held him is a fairly high regard. He also implied that people like me were his area of study and that the had a great deal of experience with treatment in the area.
TLDR: I got lucky and the psychiatrist I could visit was probably the best one in  > 800 miles for my particular case

Ugg, two paragraphs later I get back to the medication. I was started off on 30mg of Vyvanse assure that it was the best option to start as The Dr. experience indicated it was simultaneously the most effective, held the lowest possibility for complication and side-effects, and easiest to find the right dosage level on.  Fortunately, I didn't just accept the $75 price tag and move on, I was able to find and claim an offer directly from the manufacturer that would cover part of the out of pocket expense so long as I paid at least $30. $30 is still more than double what I've ever paid for a single prescription before but it was acceptable inside my budget. If I have to the Dr. has assured me that we can explore cheaper options but it will be much easier to find the right balance because we'll know how I respond to Vyvanse, and what maximum effectiveness looks like.

As for what Vyvanse does for me? The range is subtle in a given the moment. but the results are night and day as far as I'm concerned. Because of the number of patients, he covers I can only visit the DR ever 8 weeks or so, that's just how far he's booked out. there are waiting lists for cancellations in case you have a need to get in sooner but that's a crap shoot. you get at most day's warning sometimes as little as tow hours if there is a cancellation. As such I've only seen him three time total, once since I started the medication. I've been moved from 30mg to 50mg a day and the effect is definitely noticeable now, I suspect I'll be moved up to 70mg when next I see him (he was estimating I'de respond best somewhere around 50-70mg anyway).

Before I got here starting a completing a given task was a tossup with the odds increasing towards the low end the less the topic of the last held my interest. I'd long considered that the norm, berating myself for not having the willpower to stick to uninteresting tasks (That, in particular, being the reason I went and sought treatment in the first place, procrastination had become a way of life and I saw little to no hope for improvement on my own). I always wondered how people did it, how could they possibly get so much done in a day when even the simple things took me longer that the norm. Now I realize just how prevalent the small distractions were.  Small things like following trains of thought even when they were irrelevant to the task at hand add up fast.  Those 5 minute breaks to research a tangentially related subject or check up on that thing that could wait, or "let's change the music, the current style is boring me" all add up to hours arguably waisted when the original task shouldn't have even taken that long.

During my first meeting my Dr pointed out that I'm a hyper-focusing personality, I latch on to subjects and tasks and pursue them to their end, all else be damned, and if that thing I'm focusing on falls apart I' would just find something lest risky and focus on it, like video games. He's right I have a great deal of trouble letting a task go. I thinking it's an interesting duality considering the ADHD diagnosis. my therapist thinks so too but neither of us has had time to as him what he thinks of the duality. In that first meeting, he expressed the concern that starting treatment of ADHD with medication had two possible outcomes. Either I'd start being able to function "normal" so to speak, able to focus on a task to completion while also being able to switch tasks if needed; or, it would exacerbate my tendency to focus on the wrong things and cripple my efforts to succeed. This was actually a strong fear of mine as well, but i didn;t have much left to loose at this point so it was Do or Die in regard to my academics.

ADHD is treated with CNS (Central Nervous System) stimulants. Adrenalin is a good example of a CNS Stimulant. They are though to re-balance dopamine and other chemical levels to counter some "defect" in the physical layout of the brain. CNS stimulants in addition to improving function while used in people with ADHD is shown in multiple studies to create permanent improvements in cognitive function with long-term exposure. IE. even if you stop in the future you retain some of the benefits. 
^^ Which is the textbook way of saying "if these people take amfetamines (aka legal, clean, regulated meth) they adjust and do better" Which says nothing about what happens during that adjustment period.

The effect of the 30mg was hard to even pick out in regard to concentration but the first week was weird as fuck. The first and very noticeable effect was the elevated heart rate. I think I posted this before but as I'd taken to wearing a gifted Fitbit at the time I notice that my mean rate was about 10 beats/minute higher. My blood pressure was correspondingly higher as well. I also felt giddy and full of energy like I was anticipating something really fun or exciting, there was also the "heart flutter" feeling. all in all a textbook steroid/adrenalin response. I felt those effects and was acutely aware of them for the first two weeks or so but I seem to adjusted since. During those two weeks, it DID become incredibly hard to let things go. If I wasn't finishing things fast enough or was having difficulty I could feel myself becoming quickly and uncharacteristically frustrated and angry but completely unwilling to give up till I finished. Being late because I had to tear myself away from something became the norm for a bit. Around that same time sleep became a problem, I hand;t been getting enough sleep even before I started but I moved from 6 to 4 or less a night. melatonin was the Dr. suggestion but since it works in conjunction with the rest of your brain's chemical balance and mine hadn't fully adjusted yet it did jack shit at first and just gave me a hangover instead.
I started feeling even more forgetful, I felt I was having to backtrack and pick up my keys and wallet or glasses or phone from wherever I put them down last more often than before. But in retrospect, it's hard to tell if I was actually more forgetful or just more aware of how forgetful I was being. In the third week things finally started to feel more normal and the average time I could concentrate for did seem to improve.

When I met the Dr. next (pretty much exactly a month after I got the 30mg) I explained all this and was moved up to 50mg. Same thing as before with the price, and manufacturer discount. except for this time, I didn't have to wait for it to be ordered in, guess they just didn't keep the lower doses in stock (I think they are mostly only used for people just starting it anyway so makes sense). I didn;t have the physical reaction problems like with starting the 30ms's but the concentration effects were markedly improved. Focus became a choice instead of a fleeting thing day to day, and my fear that I would be unable to turn my focus away to a new task seems unfounded. Sleep is about the same as it was on the 30ms's but melatonin seems to work now so long as I take the right amount. normal human dosage is between 0.2mg and 1mg but as was pointed out I don't exactly have a normal brain chemistry, especially now and he recommended 3 mg. It seems to work will when i remember to use it instead of just staying up.

As an aside, I've greatly reduced my sugary drink and thus my caffeine intake in the last five years or so but about a week ago I had need to stay up and while caffeine has never had much of an effect on keeping me mentally awake it did make it harder to fall asleep. but This time the addition of caffeine was like I'd hit the nos button and started cranking out productive, correct work. This is the reason I suspect that a dosage increase will still be needed. Caffeine is an unacceptable long-term solution. The aim with medication is to hit the top of the curve without going over while staying at the top of that curve as long as possible.

SOURCE: http://adhd-treatment-options.blogspot.com/2008/12/adhd-genes-influence-medication-dosage.html (http://adhd-treatment-options.blogspot.com/2008/12/adhd-genes-influence-medication-dosage.html)
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B4FBju9poGc/SUxV1ErPzJI/AAAAAAAAABA/qtj4xS7B1Qk/s320/COMT+ADHD+gene+U+curve.gif)


FULL TL;DR:

I likely still have a bit to go on finding the right dose but so far It's a significant improvement. Sleep is a problem but melatonin seems to help and it's a relatively cheap over the counter solution. If you plan to pursue treatment yourself do some research and try to find a recommended experienced psychiatrist who deals with ADHD patients. Finding the right dose will take time and you'll need to let yourself adjust before declaring that you don't like how they make you feel. I took 3 weeks before I was comfortable and other people might take longer or need some fine tuning of their particular prescription combination to meet their budget and correctly help them. Sadly medicine is an art form because there are too many independent variables to get ti right the first time or even the third.

If you're tired of just coping with it, or even if your not. seek help, it can get a whole lot better.




Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on May 02, 2017, 02:20:44 PM
Apparently caffeine only increases alertness, but doesn't really do much to improve cognitive functioning. In other words, it just makes you not feel the effects of being tired. Of course in the end it fucks up your sleeping cycle since you can't fall asleep even if your brain is basically in derp-mode already. I've experienced this myself with burnout and higher doses of caffeine. Those "higher" doses aren't even that high. Maybe 100mg-150mg which is actually just one cup of a stronger coffee type or 2 Red Bulls (1 Red Bull = 80mg). The energy I usually got from drinking Red Bull or Coke was probably just the sugar rush. >.< So yeah, caffeine isn't a solution.

You also mentioned the duality of seemingly opposite traits. I've noticed that in some people recently. e.g. I know a girl who's pretty low self-esteem in general, but yet she's also confident. It's quite interesting to see how somebody can exhibit two seemingly opposite traits. xD

Well, I'm glad that you're feeling better now and that things are getting better. :)
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on May 03, 2017, 07:36:05 PM
Believe it or not caffeine is in the same category as asprin, it's literally just a don't fall asleep yet keep the blood flowing drug. I avoid the sugar/calorie filled caffeine sources best I can. I'm almost always using the sugar free or zero calorie options so I know it's not a sugar rush. And I'm not kidding when I say I've never had much of an effect at all from it. But starting about 2 weeks ago it was suddenly effective like nothing ever has been. Perhaps it's just waking me up enough that I can take full advantage of the medication. I was actually warned, now that I think about it, that the medication would boot the effects of caffeine. Which is odd as they have no official interactions.

However, to put this in perspective. Yesterday around 15:00 I started working on catch up of all my physics homework staring recent and working back. They are written assignments 4 (largely multi part)  questions a piece. The first one on magnetic fields and current. It included a AC generator problem. It took me till 21:30 to finish. That's 6 and a half hours. That length of focus has always been a struggle, normally I stop and browse email or the web in the middle. So the fact that it wasn't even a problem, didn't even get frustrated with the amount of time it was taking.

Then I went and followed it up with an all nighter of nothing but one assignment after another. I not happy I had to do it but it's a dam miracle I was able to focus that long without burning out.
In the last 7 days I've effectively been more productive than the entirety of the last 4 months.
I'm going to need to address the sleep problem soon though 4-5 isn't enough by a long shot.

Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on May 03, 2017, 08:33:10 PM
That's fantastic! I'm glad things are finally working out for you. :)

Yeah, the sleep thing can be nasty. I just got out of a weird period where I had trouble sleeping all night even though I barely consumed any caffeine. I would go to sleep normally so that I can get 8 hours of sleep. But instead I'd wake up easily 7-8 times during the night being either thirsty or needing to go to the toilet. On top of that I would wake up an hour before my alarm usually goes off and then I couldn't fall asleep again. There was the daylight saving switch around that time, but the clock was moved one hour forward, not backward. #_#
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Ryex on May 15, 2017, 10:26:50 PM
 well, It's kinda sorta official. for the first time in 4+ years, I've actually passed every class, I enrolled in!
kinda. I don't actually know the final grades in any of the classes but I have reason to suspect that two are passing and one is actually good. this... I.. I don't actually know how to feel about this.

Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Blizzard on May 16, 2017, 07:40:32 AM
Congratz! :D I'm really happy for you! :D
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: winkio on June 11, 2017, 12:34:00 AM
Quick update since I'm logged back on:

I spent about a year unemployed, during which I worked on various projects, goofed off, and sent in literally hundreds of job applications.  Finally found a good software job in North Carolina, of all places.  It's not game or graphics related, but it's with a small company and I get a lot of freedom of what to work on and my work has a sizable impact on the company as a whole.  Honestly it's way more fulfilling than either of the previous software jobs I had.  I'm still super lonely and trying to figure out how I fit in to society, but I'm hanging in there.  I've been working on a Terraria mod in my spare time and still do some game/app development, but haven't completed anything significant.

Good job turning things around Ryex!  Thanks for the birthday shouts everyone.
Title: Re: Your Life Here
Post by: Wizered67 on July 06, 2017, 07:57:01 AM
I hope things are going well for you all! It's cool hearing what everyone is up to so I figured I'd check in quickly.

I first came to this forum what seems like a ridiculously long time ago now desperate for help converting my first ever game into an MMO with RMX-OS. I had no programming experience but thanks to everyone's patience and support (Seriously, shoutout to Blizzard for being all around amazing and to Ryex for his support with his mouse menu script that first got me into scripting) I learned some scripting, started some projects, wrote some RMX-OS plugins, and overall made a ton of progress. This site is what got me into programming and game development and I'm super thankful for that.

Now, I'm in the middle of college pursuing a degree in Computer Science at a great school and doing a summer internship at a game related company (not working on the games but still awesome!) I love programming and am so happy I found this path. So seriously, thanks for being such a supportive community and helping me get started back in my middle school days. I'll be sure to stick around and check in every once and a while, as long as this great community stays around!