Started by WhiteRose, June 11, 2014, 09:38:30 pm
Quote from: Spiralflux on June 11, 2014, 10:02:40 pmBecause you ran the best role play I have ever participated in, I will do this for you. Or I'm just using it as an excuse for you to add me on Skype after all these years. :vEither way, I enjoy writing myself so I'll happily give you some feedback. I assume you understand it takes time to read a novel and give quality feedback, so are there any deadlines? Also, are there any specifics I need to look out for or am I just doing a general reading?
Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.
Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.
Quote from: Blizzard on June 12, 2014, 06:56:08 amFeedback: The Novel
Quote from: Spiralflux on June 12, 2014, 11:59:48 amSo basically I'm reading a novel about myself as I quest to get myself some angel booty.
Quote from: winkio on June 14, 2014, 02:07:56 amI finished the prologue, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.I read the first 13 pages and wrote 2.0 pages of feedback in 1.3 hoursAt this rate I will read the full 296 pages and write 45.5 pages of feedback in 29.6 hours
Quote from: WhiteRose on June 14, 2014, 10:45:20 amQuote from: winkio on June 14, 2014, 02:07:56 amI finished the prologue, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.I read the first 13 pages and wrote 2.0 pages of feedback in 1.3 hoursAt this rate I will read the full 296 pages and write 45.5 pages of feedback in 29.6 hours♡
Quote from: winkio on June 14, 2014, 06:02:58 pmFinished chapter 3. This is reminding me of a cross between Pathfinder, Constantine, and D.Gray-man.
Quote from: winkio on June 14, 2014, 06:32:09 pmPathfinder is about people with space-time manipulation abilities (one of who can pass through solid objects, very much like the girl in the prologue), Constantine has a very similar alternate dimension with demons, and D.Gray-man has bunch of exorcists that each have a magical ability fighting demons. Pathfinder, a book by Orson Scott Card, is easily the best of the three in my opinion, and I think the sequel is out too.Even though I'm writing a lot down in terms of comments and things that could be changed, I'm still keeping up with the flow of the story pretty well, and I like it a lot so far! Although at this point, most of the characters that have been introduced have been explored, so I'm looking forward to the next ones that will be introduced, especially an antagonist.
Quote from: Spiralflux on June 14, 2014, 07:14:08 pmI have Monday off so I will read what I can.I won't do a massive feedback essay like winkio, but I'll do it chapter by chapter to keep it organized. Mine will be in bullet points simply referencing specific phrases or parts that I feel might need clarification, revision or would even be better off omitted. That way you'll get a structural and broad analysis from me and then get a detailed review by winkio so you have the best of both worlds. :3
Quote from: winkio on June 16, 2014, 01:13:55 amI ended up spending a lot of time playing smash and working on Vault this weekend, so I only got through Chapter 7. I've been writing a little less as your writing has improved, but I'm still up to 8.75 pages of feedback for 77 pages read. I'll keep at it during the week. It's definitely been a fun read so far!
Quote from: winkio on June 16, 2014, 08:14:19 pmAlright, I sent you what I had so far, since it's not really productive for you to sit around and wait for me to finish the whole thing. I wrote it all as I read it, and didn't go back and change things, so there are a few stream-of-thought type things and guesses about plot, which are just to help you get a feel for where my head was at as a reader. Let me know if you have any questions.
Quote from: locowhiteknight on June 17, 2014, 09:36:14 pmI'll try to read this when I get a chance. I know how difficult it can be sometimes to get feedback NIP. I'm not sure if you already know about fantasywriters.org, but if you're not a member I would highly recommend joining that site. They have a very welcoming community where you can review each others stories. They also hold monthly writing contests where members are challenged to create a short story that fits certain criteria.
Quote from: winkio on June 18, 2014, 03:00:27 amI read chapter 8, but I'm going to wait until I finish a few more until I send you the next updateEDIT: finished 9 and 10 as well. I'll probably send the next batch of comments tomorrow night.
Quote from: ArcaneAlchemy on June 29, 2014, 10:25:13 amI'd be willing to read it as well if you'd like another pair of eyes.
Quote from: winkio on July 05, 2014, 12:21:48 amFinished the entire thing and sent you the full feedback
Quote from: WhiteRose on July 05, 2014, 01:04:41 amI'll definitely keep you informed as I make revisions and finish writing the story.