Started by Shadonking, September 06, 2008, 08:21:21 pm
Quote from: Starrodkirby86 on September 21, 2008, 01:07:00 pmOh yeah, a very popular ventriloquism sort of gig...Really humorous. There's a lot of jokes, but it's definitely not the cleanest pot of gold...I'll link it here, that'll be my joke. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go
QuoteI went to a fancy dress as Spiderman and shagged a girl dressed as Catwoman. We had the most amazing sex, but never revealed our identities to one another.I told my family about it over breakfast. My dad high-fived me, my mum rolled her eyes and my sister ran off crying for some reason.
Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.
Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.
QuoteI was standing there, hands trembling, my wife due home from work any time now... I reached for my youngest daughter's top - it came off with little resistance. Her training bra was my next hurdle. Hands still trembling, I gently unclipped it and unable to control my hands I watched it as it fell to the floor. Her short little skirt was next, I reached out and slid it off. As I ran my hands slowly over her My Little Pony panties I could feel they were already really, really damp...Anyway, I'd better finish getting the rest of the washing in - it's raining and my Parkinsons isn't making it any easier.
QuoteA sexy young girl approached me in the club last night."Wanna buy me a few drinks?" she whispered with a wink."Of course," I burst out, shooting to the bar.After she had drunk 5 vodkas within 10 minutes, I gave her a nudge."I bet you're the type of girl that uses men to get drunk and gives nothing in return, aren't you?" I asked."You've got me all figured out," she smirked."Well not tonight!" I replied, waving an empty Rohypnol box in her face.
QuoteA man received the following text from his neighbor:I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.A few moments later, a second text came in:Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
Quote from: Some guy on FacebookLife is like a penis. It's short but it feels so long when it gets hard.
Quote from: Steven WinterburnBefore you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.