Good Jokes

Started by Shadonking, September 06, 2008, 08:21:21 pm

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Shadonking

what does a man with a 10inc c*ck have for breakfast

(someone then says what)

you then say, well i had an egg this morning, lol






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Diokatsu

Whats the difference between a carnival worker and your mother?

Shadonking

what is the difference





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Valcos

10 inchs isnt that big  :huh:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

Shadonking

what ever come up with a random number :P

say 50inc if you think its funnyer





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Valcos

Lmfao....holy crap thats big  8-O

Well, I had egg this morning  :^_^':
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

Shadonking

nice one :^_^':

any one else got jokes to share.





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Starrodkirby86

I've heard of this one recently, and I'm not a big fan of jokes, but oh well, let's see...

A panda walks into a tavern and orders some food. After eating the ordered food, the panda grabs out a gun, and then shoots everyone. One of the survivors of the shooting asked the panda, who was in the process of leaving, "Why did you shoot us!?" The panda said, "Read this about pandas." He gave the man a dictionary/encyclopedia. On the entry, it says: Panda. Eats, shoots and leaves.

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Diokatsu

Starrod missed the point. You leave the joke to be answered by the next person xD

Starrodkirby86

Doing something like that is just a free post count excuse, and jokes aren't necessarily having to be a Person A Person B talk. It can be one humorous scenario, that is also a joke.

Besides, the instructions here were left pretty...vague. The first post could signify either you need someone to reply or you can just say a joke and instead of the second person replying you'll go (Second person says "What?"). It's kind of...open-ended, you know?

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Valcos

A guy walks into a bar.

Lmao... the other one i forgot who on the forum said it in chat but... its the one about hitler and the jews and clowns  :^_^':

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

cstb

umm...im thinking a guy walks into a bar then he throws a penny between 2 jews and watches them FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
Chronos: Failed project due to loss of data.
Maybe I could try again...


Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7

Diokatsu

That's one of the most incredibly racist things I've ever heard. If this continues I'll request a lock if that doesn't warrant one already.

wolfi--

A man driving a car stops near a lake. He gets down and asks a farmer sitting near the lake "Is this lake deep?" so the farmer says no and the guy tries to get his car to get through it. He then realises it is atleast 20 feet deep, his car sinks and he miraculously saves his life and tells the farmer, "Crazy ass! I could've drowned! You said it wasn't deep!" So, the farmer says: "I dunno sir, it comes to the waists of the ducks"

Badumpshhhhhhhh


/blizzardjoke.

cstb

ok sry i forgot but im NOT racist!I just heard it on some youtube video with jeff dunham.lol.
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Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7

Shadonking

YO dont worry, im sure no one is rasist here.

pluss the joke was funny :haha:.

but do be careful, we dont want people getting the wrong idea.


also the other jokes are great, keep them coming.

i'll try posting some more when i find some.





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cstb

u should see how jeff says it with his puppet Achmed the Dead Terrorist :O.o:
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Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7

Starrodkirby86

Oh yeah, a very popular ventriloquism sort of gig...Really humorous. There's a lot of jokes, but it's definitely not the cleanest pot of gold...I'll link it here, that'll be my joke. :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

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cstb

funny stuff...funny stuff...
Achmed says:I KILL the Jews!
Kool Aid Man Says:OH YEAAAA!!!
note im not racist.just mixing achmed with kool aid is not rly racist i think lol.
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Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7

Diokatsu


cstb

ZOMG!AWESOME JOKES IN THAT LINK!
Chronos: Failed project due to loss of data.
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Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?
Final Fantasy 7

Blizzard

September 22, 2008, 09:16:59 am #21 Last Edit: September 22, 2008, 09:18:24 am by Blizzard
That remembers me of this one...

An Afro-American and a Latino-American are in a car. Who's driving?

Answer: ShowHide
A cop.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Diokatsu

Racism strikes again xD

Shadonking

September 25, 2008, 05:29:47 pm #23 Last Edit: September 25, 2008, 05:31:41 pm by Shadonking
i just got this joke from my sis. it made me lol.

HOW A MAN CHOOSES A WIFE

Spoiler: ShowHide
Choosing A Wife





A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.




The man was impressed.




The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.


Again, the man is impressed.




The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she loves him so much.




Obviously, the man was impressed.




The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.




Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.






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Blizzard

Lol, I know that one.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Shadonking

its been going around awhile now with people emailing it to loads of people.

but it desserved to be posted. :haha:





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Valcos

Lmao... Id probably do the same thing  :haha:.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

wolfi--

What did the beaver say to the tree?

Nice Gnawing you!

Yeah, it sucks.

Blizzard

Actually I laughed. xD
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

tSwitch

ok, here's one of my favorite jokes.

Spoiler: ShowHide

a Horse walks into a bar and sits down, ordering a malt whiskey.  The bartender obliges and brings the sullen mare his beverage, noting that this particular horse had a peculiarly long face.  He went back to work as the horse guzzled the whiskey, and ordered several more.  So the bartender, feeling unexplainable concern for the horse brought him a glass of ice-water instead of the whiskey and asked him what was wrong.  The horse said that his wife was just diagnosed with terminal cancer, his oldest son was put to sleep due to a leg injury, and his daughter was raped by a latino stallion and is now pregnant with twins.  The bartender was shocked that so much misfortune had fallen this horse in a single day and said.  Heh, I got you to read all this expecting a punch line.  And all that time you spent reading is time you'll never get back.  By the time you realize this sentence means absolutely nothing it will have been too late to finish reading it all.


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Valcos

PWNED!!  :^_^':

I dont tell jokes  :<_<:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

Diokatsu

I didn't even laugh!

Blizzard

"Become a nerd xor get a life trying."

xD
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Pokol DaErran

A HORRIBLE joke I read somewhere.  :^_^':
Spoiler: ShowHide
A woman's house is on fire, but she won't come down from the roof because she would abandon her cat, who she clutches in her arms.  A man calls up "Drop the cat, I'll catch it!"  "Are you sure you won't miss?" the lady calls down.  "Don't worry!" the man replies.  "I'm a professional soccer player!"  The woman throws the cat down.  The man catches the cat, bounces it on his head three times, and kicks it over a wall.

And now for an even WORSE one I made up. :O.o:
Spoiler: ShowHide
A man walks into a bar and spontaneously turns into a winning lottery ticket.
"...Sometimes, the impossible can become possible- if you're awesome!"
--Bolt

Reygekan

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that get the joke and those who don't.

Valcos

What are the other 8 types of people?  :huh:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

Blizzard

There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

ConflictX3

Banana - Knock-Knock
Man behind door - Who'se there
Banana - Banana
Man behind door - Banana who?
Banana - Knock-Knock
Man behind door - Who'se there
Banana - Banana
Man behind door - Banana who?
Banana - Knock-Knock
Man behind door - Who'se there
Banana - Banana
Man behind door - Banana who?
Orange - Knock-Knock
Man behind door - Who'se there
Orange - Orange
Man behind door - Orange who
Orange - Orange you glad i didn't bust down this door and kick your ass for ot letting my good buddy Banana in??


Actually, i kno this reaaaallly funny joke, but its it may be considered quite racist, i'm african american and the joke is about african americans, me and my friends find it hilarious but i wuld prefer if i got permission before i told it, n i would put it in spoilers as an extra precaution.

Blizzard

I think it's ok. Just don't encourage racist behavior, it's just a joke.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Diokatsu

Quote from: Blizzard on October 02, 2008, 05:51:25 am
There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't.


LOL

ConflictX3

o.k here i goes:




How do you get a black man out of a tree?
Spoiler: ShowHide
cut the rope




.........lmao i'm sorry i'm tearing up at my comp

Blizzard

Actually I don't get it. O.o;
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

ConflictX3

lol o o.k,sry, i 4get the whole wrld dnt think like me n my friends do

think southern slavery, n how they use to hang slaves >_>

Diokatsu

I think he'strying to say black people get the noose...Like black people are hanged

Blizzard

I know that, but what has being in a tree to do with getting hanged on a tree?
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Diokatsu

Mistakenly, Conflict thought that Hanging people occured in trees. Typically, it would be done in a town square with a device to perform the deed. Of course, if the slave owner was cruel, he may have hanged the slave locally to avoid expense, assuming it might have cost something to frame a slave or to at least dispose of tyhe corpse

Blizzard

Ah, he meant "on trees". Yeah, I thought so already, but still. It's not very funny. Flick can do better. :D
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

ConflictX3

well actually the joke isn't mines, is just a common joke me and my friends say amongst eachother because of em found it on some website

but dont worry, as blizzard said, i can do better and i wont post again until i have something WONDERFUL :P

on topic:
Why does Barack Obama keep preaching about CHANGE?
C.H.A.N.G.E - Come Help a N-word Get Elected!

^ Dumb, just using to stay on topic

Starrodkirby86

My, that's...nice.  :roll: Oh the sarcasm is just oozing out of that sentence!!!

If you fellows want a whole bundle of jokes, I got some right here...Just wait. Let me dig up a link.

* Starrodkirby86 goes to find a link. After minutes, he comes back all bruised.


I have it! :D

http://forum.chaos-project.com/index.php/topic,67.0.html

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Diokatsu

Quote from: ConflictX3 on October 03, 2008, 07:28:09 pm
Why does Barack Obama keep preaching about CHANGE?


Obviously he needs change...He's black, therefore is poor >.>;

Anyone have some change? Barack needs your spare change!

Note:::I am a Barack Supporter, and I am NOT rascist

Valcos

Conflict... the rascists jokes arent that funny :O.o:. Not to be rude but if you and your friends enjoy making black jokes all the time.... thats a bit odd :huh:.

A guy wakes into a bar... and hes black :huh:? Yeah not to funny.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

Pokol DaErran

Yet more horrible jokes. :evil:
Spoiler: ShowHide
A guy walks into a bar... and he's Arshes.

How do you know when your dog is spoiled?
Spoiler: ShowHide
A. He refuses to eat your homework.
B. He's constantly talking on his cell bone.
C. Another dog does his fetching for him
D. You're the one who sleeps in a cardboard box.
"...Sometimes, the impossible can become possible- if you're awesome!"
--Bolt

Valcos

Lol I liked the dog one :up: Think it should have been you sleep on the edge of the bed tho  :P
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
-Oscar De La Hoya

Blizzard

Yeah me, too. Cell bone and homework, lol!
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Shadonking

i my god, so my dog is spoiled  :P





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Reno-s--Joker

D= WARNING Necropost. o_O And stereotyping.

This used to be one of my fave jokes, not sure if you guys will get it. xD

Spoiler: ShowHide

A British guy, an Australian guy and a Chinese guy are on a boat. Suddenly it starts to sink, so they all agree that they should throw something overboard to lighten the load.

The British guy says, "Well, there are plenty of these back at home" and throws all his teabags overboard.

The Chinese guy says, "Well, there are plenty of these back at home" and throws all his chopsticks overboard.

Then the Australian guy throws the Chinese man overboard. The British guy asks him why the hell he did that and the Australian guy replies: "What? There are plenty of those back at home."






[Yeap migrant joke.  :ninja:]

Shadonking

LMAO that one was funny.

its a shame we dont get more jokes.





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fugibo


Shadonking

 :rofl:

That mario one is the best but they were all funny





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G_G

That mario is hilarious ROTFLMFAO XD

King Munkey

I agree. I will probably post something here later too tired to look for anything.

G_G Is my hero!
Munkey != monkey
Munkey > monkey

Tazero

A Chinese guy, an American guy and a Mexican guy are on a boat. Suddenly it starts to sink, so they all agree that they should throw something overboard to lighten the load.

The Chinese guy says, "Well, there are plenty of these back at home" and throws all his chopsticks overboard.

The Meixcan guy says, "Well, there are plenty of these back at home" and throws all his tacos overboard.

Then the America guy throws the Mexican man overboard. The British guy asks him why the hell he did that and the Australian guy replies: "What? There are plenty of those back at home."


If you were a fish...

Reno-s--Joker

Quote from: MetaKnight on May 04, 2009, 05:24:28 am
Then the America guy throws the Mexican man overboard. The British guy asks him why the hell he did that and the Australian guy replies: "What? There are plenty of those back at home."

DUDE

W.
T.
F.

You're really not helping me find excuse to increase your energy here. And I can tell you my standards are low.

Starrodkirby86

Quote from: MetaKnight on May 04, 2009, 05:24:28 am
A Chinese guy, an American guy and a Mexican guy are on a boat. Suddenly it starts to sink, so they all agree that they should throw something overboard to lighten the load.

The Chinese guy says, "Well, there are plenty of these back at home" and throws all his chopsticks overboard.

The Meixcan guy says, "Well, there are plenty of these back at home" and throws all his tacos overboard.

Then the America guy throws the Mexican man overboard. The British guy asks him why the hell he did that and the Australian guy replies: "What? There are plenty of those back at home."


Epic fail makes fail joke win

And I don't have any joke myself here, so...Uh...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBm6M2PCRIU

And this isn't a Rickroll.

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fugibo

May 04, 2009, 06:33:03 pm #64 Last Edit: May 04, 2009, 06:36:07 pm by Biker WcW
I've seen Meta's somewhere before.

You know, with the Australian and stuff, throughout.

Was that this thread...?

EDIT:
Meta, that's just sad. Fail Stick, ACTIVATE!

tSwitch

Re: joke's
Re: joke is

I lol'd


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Diokatsu


fugibo


Starrodkirby86


What's osu!? It's a rhythm game. Thought I should have a signature with a working rank. ;P It's now clickable!
Still Aqua's biggest fan (Or am I?).




fugibo

I'm fairly sure he was making fun of the huge amounts of discrimination in it by saying that he was a boat. It's called irony >_<

King Munkey

QuoteBoy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."


QuoteA boy watches his mum and dad having sex he ask, "What are you doing ?"
His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"
Boy say, "Do her doggy style I want a puppy."


Eh they are alright. I will maybe find better ones later.

G_G Is my hero!
Munkey != monkey
Munkey > monkey

Tazero

that was the point ... It didn't make sense nor was it meant to be racist, i have no means of being so ignorant. I have no problems and don't discriminate and plus it's a joke.


If you were a fish...

Diokatsu

Quote from: MetaKnight on May 04, 2009, 08:37:08 pm
that was the point ... It didn't make sense nor was it meant to be racist, i have no means of being so ignorant. I have no problems and don't discriminate and plus it's a joke.

Dude......

I'm



On



A



Boat

fugibo

Dio Ab? I dunn git it

Starrodkirby86

Quote from: Biker WcW on May 04, 2009, 08:53:02 pm
Dio Ab? I dunn git it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU

This alone is worth a good joke. A good laugh I can say. Great, great, song. o_o

What's osu!? It's a rhythm game. Thought I should have a signature with a working rank. ;P It's now clickable!
Still Aqua's biggest fan (Or am I?).




King Munkey


G_G Is my hero!
Munkey != monkey
Munkey > monkey

ShadowBlaze

May 04, 2009, 09:56:57 pm #76 Last Edit: May 04, 2009, 10:06:19 pm by ShadowBlaze
Two ladies, a Yankee and a Southern Belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from?"

The Yankee replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."

Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"


;)

EDIT: OH SHIEETT i just got another

A man frantically speaks into  the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Results for being 100% left handed:

Things I know about you
1. Your reading my comment
2. Now your saying/thinking thats a stupid fact.
4. You didnt notice that i skipped 3.
5. Your checking it now.
6. Your smiling.
7. Your still reading my comment.
8. You know all you have read is true.
10. You didnt notice that i skipped 9.
11. Your checking it now.
12. You didnt notice there are only 10 facts

Diokatsu

Quote from: ShadowBlaze on May 04, 2009, 09:56:57 pm
Two ladies, a Yankee and a Southern Belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from?"

The Yankee replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."

Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"


;)

EDIT: OH SHIEETT i just got another

A man frantically speaks into  the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

I'M ON A FUCKING BOAT YOU NEWFAG! I'M ON A FUCKING BOAT!!!!!!!

ShadowBlaze

WTF ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY??? I'm on a boat is a song, what about it?
Results for being 100% left handed:

Things I know about you
1. Your reading my comment
2. Now your saying/thinking thats a stupid fact.
4. You didnt notice that i skipped 3.
5. Your checking it now.
6. Your smiling.
7. Your still reading my comment.
8. You know all you have read is true.
10. You didnt notice that i skipped 9.
11. Your checking it now.
12. You didnt notice there are only 10 facts

fugibo

I'm on a three-letter word related to Jocasta and Oedipus, preceded by a possessive second-person pronoun

G_G

A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender
"I bet you 50 bucks I can piss from that side of the bar into a glass on this side of a bar."
Bartender accepts
So the bartender puts a glass out on the counter while the other guy goes to the other side of the bar. So he starts pissing everywhere. He pisses all over the bar, jukebox, people and the bartender is just laughing so hard. So then he pays the bartender the 50 bucks and leaves.
A different guy comes over and starts cussing and getting all mad.
Bartender asks
"Whats wrong?"
Guy says
"I bet that guy 500$ that he could piss all over your bar and you'd still be happy."

Shadonking

yeah iv herd that before but it is still very funny.





Creator Of Music And Games
Spoiler: ShowHide
]

keywords: ShowHide
rmxp rmvx blizz-abs rpg maker xp vx abs cbs cms script tons of addons charsets autotiles HUD


come here if you have a ps3
http://forum.chaos-project.com/index.php?topic=1952.0

fugibo

Quote from: Shadonking on June 11, 2009, 03:16:00 pm
yeah iv herd that before but it is still very funny.


Actually, it was kinda dull.

Shadonking

most jokes sound better when spoken, when you read them they all seem that way. but i remember finding it funny when some one told it me.





Creator Of Music And Games
Spoiler: ShowHide
]

keywords: ShowHide
rmxp rmvx blizz-abs rpg maker xp vx abs cbs cms script tons of addons charsets autotiles HUD


come here if you have a ps3
http://forum.chaos-project.com/index.php?topic=1952.0

Vell

i chuckled a little. though I dont go for humor such as that.

Diokatsu


Calintz

A blond teenager is sitting on the living room couch with a confused expression written on her face. Her mother walks into the room and notices her daughter's discomfort, so she asks her ...

Mother:
"Honey, what's wrong?"

Daughter
"Is it REALLY true that babies come from the special place that boys put their COC**!?"

Her mother grows an equally puzzled look and responds ...
"Well yeah, honey, they do ... why??"

Daughter responds indifferently ...
"BUT WON'T THAT BREAK MY JAW!!??"

G_G

xD LMAO THATS HILARIOUS!!! The mother thought that the girl meant vagi** but the girl meant her mouth LMAO XD

fugibo

Quote from: game_guy on June 11, 2009, 04:52:19 pm
xD LMAO THATS HILARIOUS!!! The mother thought that the girl meant vagi** but the girl meant her mouth LMAO XD


'mazing, GG! You got the entire joke :V!

Calintz

A Pickle, a cucumber, and a Pen** are sitting on a couch going on about how much each of their lives suck ...

The Pickle says ...
Man, my life sucks ... when I get big and hard, they throw me into a jar and seal me up!!

The cucumber says ...
You think that's bad!? When I get big and hard, they cut me up and use me in salads!!

The Pen** says ...
You guys think you have it rough!? When I get big and hard, they wrap a plastic bag around my head, stick me in a dark room, and slam my head against the walls until I throw up all over myself and go limp ...

G_G

xD thats hilarious!! Here's one

2 ants crawl into some chicks underwear while the chick's wearing it. They see two caves. The first ant says I'll take this cave you take the other and we'll meet back here.

They go into the caves, awhile later ther return.

1st Ant:
How was your cave?

2nd Ant:
It was gross. It was dark and gooey and smelled like shit.
Yours?

1st Ant:
It was nice at first. Nice and warm and soft until some bald guy started head butting me and spitting on me

Calintz


Vell

vulgarity. do not appreciate. however, this isn't a thread about me, carry on.

Calintz

ULTA!!
You totally put a damper on the mood here, hah.

impulszero

An Arab at the airport:

- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast!


Order is for idiots, Genius can handle Chaos.

fugibo


Reygekan

And yet, as an arab, I find it hilarious.

A black man and his girlfriend are in a car, who's driving?
Spoiler: ShowHide
The Police


What do black people get for Christmas?
Spoiler: ShowHide
Your TV

fugibo

Quote from: Reygekan on June 21, 2009, 05:54:48 am
And yet, as an arab, I find it hilarious.

A black man and his girlfriend are in a car, who's driving?
Spoiler: ShowHide
The Police


What do black people get for Christmas?
Spoiler: ShowHide
Your TV



That's just as racist as the last one; however, it's dealing with Blacks, and they get special treatment. I call that "ZOMG **A*FR!#(!@R(R#$!@*%!@)%@#$*#$#&!@&$!#%#%#%!($*! GTFO!!!!@$@$!@(!!!!!!!!!!!1"

Blizzard

Racist: ShowHide
A jew, a black guy and a mexican walk into a bar. Bartender: "Get the fuck out!"
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Diokatsu

Quote from: Blizzard on June 21, 2009, 09:23:01 am
Racist: ShowHide
A jew, a black guy and a mexican walk into a bar. Bartender: "Get the fuck out!"


Generally true.

An arab walks into an airport. What are in his bags?
Spoiler: ShowHide
Bombs


^
|
|
That's rascist

Kagutsuchi

June 21, 2009, 04:20:05 pm #100 Last Edit: June 21, 2009, 04:29:34 pm by Kagutsuchi
A Swedish, a Danish and a Norwegian windowwasher was eating their lunch on the outside of the 17th floor of a skyscraper. Before they had opened their lunch packets, the Dane said, "if it is ham on my lunch, I will jump off." He opened his lunch, and discovered that it was ham on it, and he jumped off. The Swede said, "if it is cheese on my lunch, I will jump off." He opened his lunch, and discovered that it was cheese on it, and he jumped off. Then the Norwegian said, if it is fish on my lunch, I will jump off too." He opened his lunch, and discovered that it was fish on it, and so he jumped off too. After the burial, the widows of the Swedish, the Danish and the Norwegian windowwashers met, and talked together. The Danish widow said, "I don't understand anything, I thought he loved ham on his lunch." The Norwegian widow also said, "I don't understand anything, I thought he loved fish on his lunch." And the Swedish widow said: "I don't understand anything either, he made his lunch himself.."

Diokatsu

Quote from: Kagutsuchi on June 21, 2009, 04:20:05 pm
The Swede said, "if it is cheese on my lunch, I will jump off." He opened his lunch, and discovered that it was ham on it, and he jumped off.

Blizzard

Yes, I noticed that, too.
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King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Kagutsuchi


Tazero

Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues
wHAT do you need next?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Ten issues, you need socks.


If you were a fish...

fugibo

Quote from: Tazero on June 21, 2009, 08:09:10 pm
Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues, Issues
wHAT do you need next?

Spoiler: ShowHide
Ten issues, you need socks.



Actually, I was looking for Frequent Readers' Sheets. Where do I go to redeem those?

GAX

Quote from: Valcos on September 18, 2008, 07:32:51 pm
A guy walks into a bar.

Lmao... the other one i forgot who on the forum said it in chat but... its the one about hitler and the jews and clowns  :^_^':




So a man walks into a bar and he sees Adolf Hitler deep in thought.  He goes up and asks "What's on your mind?" and Hitler responds "I need to find a way to kill 6 million jews and 3 clowns."

He stands there thinking for a few moments until he just asks "Wait, why the three clowns?"

Hitler smiles and looks to the man.

"See, NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE JEWS!"


Anyways, time for my joke...

Who was the greatest prostitute of all time?

Ms. Pacman, for 25cents she'd swallow balls until she died.

Rule 2: ShowHide
Quote from: Rule No.2Keep your signatures at reasonable size. The pictures in your signature may altogether be no more than 200kB and take up an area of 1600px2. That means 2 pictures of 400x200 are fine, one picture of 800x200 is fine and so on. Also your pictures height must not exceed 200 pixels, width can be as big as you want as long as your pictures match the other criteria. Every signature not matching this criteria is a subject of the moderator team to remove and leave this rule as message in your signature.

GAX

DOUBLEPOST FOR GREAT JUSTICE AND MODERATOR PRIVILEDGE ABUSE!

Necrophilia:  The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

Rule 2: ShowHide
Quote from: Rule No.2Keep your signatures at reasonable size. The pictures in your signature may altogether be no more than 200kB and take up an area of 1600px2. That means 2 pictures of 400x200 are fine, one picture of 800x200 is fine and so on. Also your pictures height must not exceed 200 pixels, width can be as big as you want as long as your pictures match the other criteria. Every signature not matching this criteria is a subject of the moderator team to remove and leave this rule as message in your signature.

G_G

Hey if you've ever heard Lady Gaga's Poker face you'll get this one.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You poker face. XD

Tazero



If you were a fish...

G_G

Feel free to remove this if its too dirty.
QuoteOne night a man, his wife and a friend decided to have dinner together, so after eating they opened a couple of bottles of wine. Upon finishing the wine the friend realised it was late and he should go home, but the man insisted he stay the night, because he was drunk and in no condition to drive. The man finally agreed.
One problem occurred though they had no guest bedroom and their couch was small and uncomfortable. So the man's wife said "Why doesn't he just sleep with us?" The two men agreed and promptly headed for bed.
A few hours after they had gone to sleep the man's wife woke his friend and said hey, wanna have a good time? The man was like NO he'll wake up. She said no he won't watch, so the woman reached over and pulled out one of the hairs on her husbands a** and sure enough nothing happened. So the wife and the man's friend screwed.
About an hour later the wife woke the mans friend again and said I want more. The man decided to test his friend to see if he was awake, so he pulled out another a** hair and he didn't wake up. This happened 2 more times and when the friend pulled out another one of the mans a** hairs the man turned over and said, "Look I don't care if you screw my wife but stop using my a** as a score board!!"

HolyJesus

December 12, 2009, 08:19:14 am #111 Last Edit: December 12, 2009, 08:21:37 am by HolyJesus
A blonde cop stops blonde a motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now." :haha:

G_G

Here's a good one xD

Whats 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?

George Bush's Tie!

Subsonic_Noise

A man walks into a bar and dies of lung cancer.


Yes, I'm good at this.

Blizzard

A policeman, a lawyer and a priest are in a plane full of children. Suddenly the pilot speaks over the intercom and says that both engines are damaged and that it will crash very soon. But there aren't enough parachutes for everybody. The policeman says "Save the children!" The lawyer says "Fuck the children!" The priest says "Do we have enough time for that? :naughty:"

This joke is a lot funnier when told IRL.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Subsonic_Noise

So a horse walkes into a bar and the Bartender asks "Why the long face". The horse has cancer.

Kett Shee

The particularly disturbing part is...I actually laughed. .___.
You're all daft cunts. I love you. <3

Blizzard

Topics merged.

Also:

A man walks into a bar. That hurts a lot.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Agckuu Coceg

- Why programmers do not pour into the car the 95-th petrol?
- They're afraid that hangs.
I'm not retarded, but I'm busy. Sorry for patience.


Blizzard

Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Aqua


Diokatsu

August 03, 2010, 04:00:09 pm #121 Last Edit: August 03, 2010, 04:01:29 pm by Diokatsu
Quote from: Aqua on August 03, 2010, 03:55:20 pm
Spoiler: ShowHide



Wow great copypasta from failblog.

By the way, isn't this thread supposed to have good jokes in it?

Subsonic_Noise

Is dead dog in road, also is dead latvian, what difference? Dog have fur keep warm. also, freedom. Dog eat poop for pleasure and not just survive. So many thing!

Agckuu Coceg

- What newspaper are you released this year?
- Why do I need the newspaper, when I have Internet?
- You go in toilet with keyboard?
I'm not retarded, but I'm busy. Sorry for patience.


Diokatsu

Quote from: Shiny Magikarp on August 03, 2010, 04:05:06 pm
Is dead dog in road, also is dead latvian, what difference? Dog have fur keep warm. also, freedom. Dog eat poop for pleasure and not just survive. So many thing!


oh god i died.

Blizzard

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey would eat away the feet of my rooster, what would you have?
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Subsonic_Noise


Blizzard

No. Two feet of my cock in your ass.
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King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

King Munkey

That made me Lol hard XD

G_G Is my hero!
Munkey != monkey
Munkey > monkey

Agckuu Coceg

Higher rating doesn't mean you have a bigger penis...

(Nyhm - Just loot it)
I'm not retarded, but I'm busy. Sorry for patience.


rodas

     A Mexican, a Salvadorian, and an Indian guy are on a boat. They finally find an island and decide to live there. The chief meets with the guys and begin a conversation. They travelers explain that they want to live there. The chief replies, "If you want to live here you have to pass a set of tasks."

The three guys agree to them and the chief tells them, "I want you guys to get familiar with the environment, so go to the wild and bring 10 of one type of fruit." The three guys leave for their first task and begin their search in the forest.

The Mexican guy shows up first with 10 apples. The chief says, "Well you have passed your first test. The second thing I want to you to do is to, without making any expressions , put the ten pieces of fruit in you @ss. If you make an expression we kill you." The mexican guy starts his test. 1...2......3..4......5.. The Mexican guy can't handle it and makes makes an expression of pain. The tribe kills him. The Salvadoran guy shows up soon after with 10 cherries. The same conditions are given to him and he starts his test. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.... and this moment he starts laughing without stop. They kill him.
The Mexican guy meet the Salvadoran guy in heaven.. and he says, "so why did you laugh? You were so close to getting to live there." The Salvadoran guy laughs again and replies, "I saw the Indian guy come back with pineapples."
Hey! I will do some evented systems, if you have something pm me and I will see what I can do. I will do only one at a time as I am also working on a game.

Karltheking4

August 06, 2010, 11:47:17 pm #131 Last Edit: August 07, 2010, 07:20:16 am by Karltheking4
XD

A man walks into a bar with a brown paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the bench. The barman asks "What's in the bag." The man responds by reaching into the brown paper bag and pulling out a man about a foot tall. He reaches in the bag once more and pulls out a grand piano, and then a piano stool, placing them on the benchtop. The little man sits down on the piano, and plays a magnificent piece by Mozart. "WOW!" says the barman, "Where'd you find him?"
The man responds by reaching into the bag once more, and pulling out an old, dusty lamp. He passes it to gthe barman and says "Rub it"
The Barman does so, and a genie comes out from the top of the lamp. "YOU MAY HAVE ONE WISH" commands the genie.

Without thinking the barman yells out "I wish I had a million bucks!"
The genie nods, and dissapears, just as a duck walks into the bar. Then another duck. Several more ducks. Until the bar is full of ducks, and the barman can see many more outside, perhaps a million.

The barman looks at the man. "I think your genie's a bit deaf. I asked for a milliion BUCKS not a million DUCKS"
"No kidding" said the man. "You think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

Blizzard

Lol, you fixed it. xD I was already like "wait, what, 3 inches only?!"
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

poxy

I got this one from a friend:

Women as explained by engineers:
Spoiler: ShowHide

1 To find a woman you need time and money therefore:
Woman = Time * Money

2. Time is money therefore
Time = Money

3. Therefore
Woman = Money ^ 2

4. "Money is the root of all problems"
Money = sqrt(Problems)

5. Therefore
Woman = Problems
My Project: ShowHide

Jek

I don't get how time is equal to money...

ShadowPierce

August 10, 2010, 01:47:06 am #135 Last Edit: September 01, 2010, 12:26:40 pm by ShadowPierce
->I think he meant this:
Proof that girls are evil: ShowHide


It was adapted from the saying "Time is gold". @Jek



Spoiler: ShowHide
Quote from: Blizzard on February 16, 2011, 03:44:48 pmThere you go. It's the proof that SDK is crap. It's incompatible with itself.
3DS Friend Code: ShowHide
1161-0627-9890

Jek

Why must you kill the kittens?

ShadowPierce

August 10, 2010, 02:55:01 am #137 Last Edit: September 01, 2010, 12:27:44 pm by ShadowPierce
->Coz I like chopping heads off... :xD:



EDIT:
->Fixed!



Spoiler: ShowHide
Quote from: Blizzard on February 16, 2011, 03:44:48 pmThere you go. It's the proof that SDK is crap. It's incompatible with itself.
3DS Friend Code: ShowHide
1161-0627-9890

megaman30796

1--'Politics: "Poli" a Latin word meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures"'

2--"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers."

3--In Delaware, USA, 44-year-old John Finch broke into a house, drank 3 bottles of gin, 2 bottles of whiskey,           and got so drunk he couldn't make his way back out of the house.
In true idiot style, he then rang 911 to ask for help, and was arrested shortly afterwards!

4--Funny Pictures:
Spoiler: ShowHide

Spoiler: ShowHide

Spoiler: ShowHide

Spoiler: ShowHide

this is actually my profile picture!

5--Christmas related incidents such as:

A)Injuries from opening bottles of beer with teeth instead of a bottle opener.
B)Catching zippers on eyelids while trying on new jumpers.
C)Cracked skulls from falling asleep while throwing up into the toilet bowl.
D)Q. What does Santa call reindeer that don't work?
A. Dinner. :evil:
E)It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?'
The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early.'
'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'
'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner

6--Job Interviews:

A)Candidate told the interviewer he was fired for beating up his last boss.
B)When applicant was offered food before the interview, he declined saying he didn't want to line his stomach             with grease before going out drinking.
C)Candidate said she could not provide a writing sample because all of her writing had been for the CIA and it was "classified".

7--Want to know what the first person to find out that cows produce milk was really trying to do
"You know the world is going crazy," Chris Rock declared in 2003, "when the best rapper [Eminem] is a white guy, the best golfer [Tiger Woods] is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA [Yao Ming] is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush,' 'Dick,' and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"

Blizzard

Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

megaman30796

"You know the world is going crazy," Chris Rock declared in 2003, "when the best rapper [Eminem] is a white guy, the best golfer [Tiger Woods] is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA [Yao Ming] is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush,' 'Dick,' and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"

Valath

January 17, 2011, 12:01:29 pm #141 Last Edit: January 17, 2011, 04:50:31 pm by Valath
A blonde walks into a shop, points at an item on a shelf and ask the clerk: "How much for that T.V.?"
He responds with: "Sorry, ma'm. We do not attend blondes here."
She leaves but comes back the next day, asking the same thing.
And she gets the same rejection for an answer.
But the next day, she devises a magnificent plan. She walks into the shop with a red-head wig and sunglasses on.
She then proceeds to ask the clerk: "Hello, are you in charge here?"
The clerk responds: "Yes, ma'm. How can I help you?"
The lady points at the same item and, with a victorious tone, asks: "How much for that T.V.?"
The clerk says: "Oh, sorry, lady. But we do not give any service to blondes here."
The blonde takes her wig and glasses off and asks, the clerk with surprise: "How did you know I was a blonde!?"
The clerk, pointing at the item on the shelf, tells her: "Well, that ain't a television, ma'm. That's a friggin microwave oven!"


So we have Pepito at home and his parents are desperate for sex. They can't do it with their son in there, though, so his father asks him: "Hey, Pepito, can you look through the window and tell me what you see out on the street?" And as Pepito turns around, the parents use that distraction to engage in some quality sexual intercourse.
"So, tell me, what can you see?", his father asks.
Pepito responds with: "There's a blue car, a brown dog, a strange man, a tall woman, a schoolbus... oh, and the neighbors in front are having sex."
His father, shocked, asks him: "How do you know that?"
Pepito answers: "Because they've put their son to stare outside the window, like an idiot."


A kid walks into a cigarette shop and asks the vendor: "Do you have any color cigarettes?"
To what the vendor responds: "No, kid. Just plain old white ones."
The kid leaves, but comes back for the next day, asking the same "Do you have any color cigarettes?" question.
The vendor tells him: "No, kid. You already asked and I've already told you that we don't sell color cigarettes".
The kid leaves and comes again for the next day and asks the same question to the vendor.
The pissed vendor responds: "Do you see any color cigarette here? We only sell common cigarettes!"
The kid leaves and anticipating his arrival the next day, the vendor comes with the idea to paint his cigars with different colors.
And just as predicted, the same kid walks to the counter and asks for color cigarettes, to what the vendor responds with a grin: "Sure, we got them red, blue, pink, green, black, violet, gray, and special silver and golden ones. Which will you buy?"
The kid answers: "Oh, I'll have a white one, please. :)"

Funneh or no fuh-nay. ;D
1998, I'll never forget it.

Blizzard

A rabby, a muslim and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender says: "What is this? A joke?"
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

G_G


Storm

What is the different between McDonald workers and ya mum weight?
I was working on the game called The Orion.
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megaman30796

i have no idea.

guess:
ya mum is heavier?
"You know the world is going crazy," Chris Rock declared in 2003, "when the best rapper [Eminem] is a white guy, the best golfer [Tiger Woods] is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA [Yao Ming] is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush,' 'Dick,' and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"

Storm

Quote from: megaman30796 on January 18, 2011, 07:28:27 am
i have no idea.

guess:
ya mum is heavier?


McDonald workers eat junk foods everyday so they are fat and I compared them all together with ya mum!!
Got it?  :wong:
I was working on the game called The Orion.
It would be nice if you can join our small community by sharing a little by little scripts/ideas at The Orion Forum

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Subsonic_Noise

Quote from: Storm on January 18, 2011, 07:38:09 am
Quote from: megaman30796 on January 18, 2011, 07:28:27 am
i have no idea.

guess:
ya mum is heavier?


McDonald workers eat junk foods everyday so they are fat and I compared them all together with ya mum!!
Got it?  :wong:

aweful unfunny joke is aweful and unfunny.

Storm

Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on January 18, 2011, 10:52:52 am
Quote from: Storm on January 18, 2011, 07:38:09 am
Quote from: megaman30796 on January 18, 2011, 07:28:27 am
i have no idea.

guess:
ya mum is heavier?


McDonald workers eat junk foods everyday so they are fat and I compared them all together with ya mum!!
Got it?  :wong:

aweful unfunny joke is aweful and unfunny.

That's why I called it funny failed... :naughty:
I was working on the game called The Orion.
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megaman30796

its better if any1 just post a link 2 the site that has tons of jokes!
"You know the world is going crazy," Chris Rock declared in 2003, "when the best rapper [Eminem] is a white guy, the best golfer [Tiger Woods] is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA [Yao Ming] is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush,' 'Dick,' and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"

Storm

Quote from: megaman30796 on January 19, 2011, 04:02:00 am
its better if any1 just post a link 2 the site that has tons of jokes!


Nah, it won't be interesting..
I was working on the game called The Orion.
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Project Working On: The Orion MMORPG Game, visit The Orion Forum for more information!
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LEVEL ME UP OR ELSE LEVEL ME DOWN, IT'S EASY! XD


megaman30796

oh C'mon! Let's just read em all!
"You know the world is going crazy," Chris Rock declared in 2003, "when the best rapper [Eminem] is a white guy, the best golfer [Tiger Woods] is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA [Yao Ming] is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush,' 'Dick,' and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"

Makeshift

January 20, 2011, 05:35:20 pm #152 Last Edit: January 20, 2011, 05:36:59 pm by Makeshift
Heres one what did the face say to the nose  :w00t:

Spoiler: ShowHide
Stop Being so Nosey Huh Huh Cheesy right  ;)

Starrodkirby86

Quote from: megaman30796 on January 19, 2011, 05:31:25 am
oh C'mon! Let's just read em all!


My friend was reading off a list of extremely corny jokes.

It was painstakingly hilarious. Not in a, "THIS IS SO FUNNY!" way, but more of a, "This sucks so much!" style. But I don't really think it'd fit here. :p Why go through an endless list of jokes when we can just share only the best jokes with little cost to us!? :V:

What's osu!? It's a rhythm game. Thought I should have a signature with a working rank. ;P It's now clickable!
Still Aqua's biggest fan (Or am I?).




tSwitch

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least someone doesn't speed in the school zone.


FCF3a A+ C- D H- M P+ R T W- Z- Sf RLCT a cmn+++ d++ e++ f h+++ iw+++ j+ p sf+
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Makeshift

January 22, 2011, 02:21:27 pm #155 Last Edit: January 22, 2011, 02:55:07 pm by Makeshift
from the moment i  :ninja: saw this smiley i thought Whip my hair :rockit: Willow smith

Blizzard

What's large, black and steals your credit cards?

Sony Playstation 3

:xD:
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King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Spaceman McConaughey

What is long, white, and can pleasure women?

A WiiMote.

Subsonic_Noise

John Lennon walks around a corner and steps on a cookie.

Holyrapid


Vishvesh

Quote from: Starrodkirby86 on September 21, 2008, 01:07:00 pm
Oh yeah, a very popular ventriloquism sort of gig...Really humorous. There's a lot of jokes, but it's definitely not the cleanest pot of gold...I'll link it here, that'll be my joke. :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI-Russell Peters  :haha:

Spaceman McConaughey

How many cancerous cells does it take to kill Steve Jobs?

...


We'll find out soon enough!

Blizzard

Here's one from Sickipedia.

Quote
I went to a fancy dress as Spiderman and shagged a girl dressed as Catwoman. We had the most amazing sex, but never revealed our identities to one another.

I told my family about it over breakfast. My dad high-fived me, my mum rolled her eyes and my sister ran off crying for some reason.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

AngryPacman

August 14, 2011, 07:00:26 am #163 Last Edit: August 14, 2011, 07:03:30 am by AngryPacman
Really Sick: ShowHide
What noise does a baby in the microwave make?
I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.
G_G's a silly boy.

Blizzard

Here's another one from Sickipedia. xD

QuoteI was standing there, hands trembling, my wife due home from work any time now... I reached for my youngest daughter's top - it came off with little resistance.

Her training bra was my next hurdle. Hands still trembling, I gently unclipped it and unable to control my hands I watched it as it fell to the floor.

Her short little skirt was next, I reached out and slid it off. As I ran my hands slowly over her My Little Pony panties I could feel they were already really, really damp...

Anyway, I'd better finish getting the rest of the washing in - it's raining and my Parkinsons isn't making it any easier.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Ryex

oh gods, that is horrible.
I no longer keep up with posts in the forum very well. If you have a question or comment, about my work, or in general I welcome PM's. if you make a post in one of my threads and I don't reply with in a day or two feel free to PM me and point it out to me.<br /><br />DropBox, the best free file syncing service there is.<br />

Blizzard

QuoteA sexy young girl approached me in the club last night.

"Wanna buy me a few drinks?" she whispered with a wink.

"Of course," I burst out, shooting to the bar.

After she had drunk 5 vodkas within 10 minutes, I gave her a nudge.

"I bet you're the type of girl that uses men to get drunk and gives nothing in return, aren't you?" I asked.

"You've got me all figured out," she smirked.

"Well not tonight!" I replied, waving an empty Rohypnol box in her face.
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Blizzard

March 11, 2014, 05:52:10 am #167 Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 05:54:23 am by Blizzard
More from Sickipedia. xD

QuoteA man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
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King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

R.A.V.S.O

So a programmer is about to go buy some stuff from the market when his wife interrupts him:

"Honey, remember to go buy a bottle of milk on your way back, if they have eggs, bring six."

so the programmer goes to the market and returns with 6 bottles of milk, his wife replies:

"why did you bring six bottles of milk?"

"because they had eggs honey"
Personality Test results
Spoiler: ShowHide




"Life is unfair, so make it unfair in your favor" -Sesilou

Ranquil

March 12, 2014, 09:22:04 am #169 Last Edit: March 12, 2014, 10:15:56 am by Ranquil
What does a woman and a swimming pool have in common?

When you enter them they should be wet and while you do you should preferably be wearing something rubbery.
Quote from: Some guy on FacebookLife is like a penis. It's short but it feels so long when it gets hard.


Quote from: Steven WinterburnBefore you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

Crasger

SO! A man was having sex with a goat...

I watched every second of it.

Blizzard

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler: ShowHide
None. They will keep beating the room for being black.
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King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Soulshaker3

What's there a ton on of in heaven?

Spoiler: ShowHide
African children
Hellow?

Blizzard

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
Spoiler: ShowHide
It's not hard.


Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
Spoiler: ShowHide
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.


Who's the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
Spoiler: ShowHide
The one who can eat the last donut!


How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Spoiler: ShowHide
Put a nipple on it.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
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Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Wecoc

Hahahaha those last ones were pretty good.

Ok I'll try with some of my own bullshit jokes collection.

Spoiler: ShowHide
- Look mom, I'm the fastest guy ever! Speed 6 and Freq 6!
- But son, you have a disabled move type...


Spoiler: ShowHide
- Mommy mommy, in class they call me 'Second fiddle'.
- Don't worry little Basil, someday this will change...


Spoiler: ShowHide
- We will fight together until the end!
- Yeah!...
- Hey! What? Where the fuck are you?
- In your group.
- What?
- There's no caterpillar.

And he never saw him again.


Spoiler: ShowHide
Arshes walks into a shop and asks to the merchant:
- How many HP potions do you have, sir?
- 99 minus the amount you already have.


Spoiler: ShowHide
- I'm so evil I will kill the current villain just to demonstrate to the party how strong and badass I am!
*Later*
- He killed the villain! He's a hero! - Yes, he's the best!
- Fucking shit.


Spoiler: ShowHide
- Can I interact with this? Hey citizen, do you have more than one page or you always say the same? Oh wow, here's a dog, let's see what it says!
- Honey, I told you our son was smoking weed.