What to do...

Started by Spaceman McConaughey, May 02, 2011, 10:27:47 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

Spaceman McConaughey

So, at school, there is this girl who acts like a major bitch but probably does not realize it. Let me explain:

She loves, and I mean, LOVES to be the controlling type, and when someone doesn't agree she gets pissed off. She almost always perceives a lot of things as what they are not, then gets offended. And when she does it to me, my blood boils with the urge to kill like I am a Korean war soldier(which is pretty bad, if you ask me). Some situations that pissed me off, were all the times I tried to have fun in the group after school, she takes offense or some dumb thing and yells out loud 'BRANDEN!' and looks at me with a pissed face. Another time I let this girl see my phone, and said girl happens to be one she hates, so she asks me to bring her the phone and told me "Branden, do not let her use this phone again." as if she bought the fucking thing, which is honestly pathetic when someone needs to control that much. So many more, too, but not enough space to fit

Just a problem, though:
I always play it off like I did not get mad, and and agree with her, because I am afraid everyone else in the group will get mad at me for telling her what a pathetic and controlling bitch she can act like, almost 100% of the time. Because I know it'll happen, but thinking of these situations in my head pisses me off knowing I never told her just what she is, and also telling her I will not listen and feed her hunger for controlling people.

Also, funny things she's said to another person:
"You're not going to have sex with him! You've MADE a promise to us!", the other girl goes "O-okay! *laughs*" when I can tell just how pissed she actually was, even though she laughingly agreed. She can do what the hell she WANTS with who she goes out with, but Miss Controlling doesn't like that and feeds her controlling desires. And not only that, she gives piss-poor relationship advice and thinks it helps people and gets pissed when they do not listen,
"If she doesn't want to listen, then fine. When I give advice, I help people. It's her choice." There is also a lot of trash talk behind other peoples' backs, when she does not like it when people do it to her. There is a lot more to say, but I do not want to, so I'll end with this:

What should I do next time she does this controlling stuff to me? Should I tell her what I think, or just continue what I have been doing? It is really annoying me.

ForeverZer0

It doesn't have to be either one of them options. You can simply ignore her controlling behavior. You don't need to agree with here, and it isn't wrong to state your opinion on the subject, but neither do you need to put her out on blast about here behavior and how you think she ought to act. That's just attempting to control her, on top of the fact that it will immediately put here on the defensive, and then it just turns into a "nobody wins" situation.

Just be yourself, I know this cliche, but "being yourself" is nearly a synonym for "growing up". Let her act whatever way she acts, and you act how you want to act. Don't let others opinions and thoughts dictate who you are. You're giving her the very thing that she craves by catering to her, and telling her what she wants to hear.

Instead, say nothing. If she outright asks you if you agree. Be kind, but be honest and tell her that you don't.

This is bad advice: ShowHide
Unless you're trying to sleep with her. Then all bets are off. Tell here she is SOOOOOO right. :V:
I am done scripting for RMXP. I will likely not offer support for even my own scripts anymore, but feel free to ask on the forum, there are plenty of other talented scripters that can help you.

Spaceman McConaughey

I would never sleep with her, mainly because she disgusts me, and because contrary to popular belief, I do not like whores.

And yes, I knew about your sarcasm. Just trying to vent. xD

And thanks for the advice, will keep it in mind.

ForeverZer0

Venting is good.
Seriously, though, don't ever go against your own conscious for anybody, ever.
Although the consequences may bad at the moment if you choose to stand your ground, these are the things that define you as a person, and the long-term affect of going against yourself is of far greater consequence.
I am done scripting for RMXP. I will likely not offer support for even my own scripts anymore, but feel free to ask on the forum, there are plenty of other talented scripters that can help you.

Spaceman McConaughey

Quote from: ForeverZer0 on May 02, 2011, 10:49:23 pm
Venting is good.
Seriously, though, don't ever go against your own conscious for anybody, ever.
Although the consequences may bad at the moment if you choose to stand your ground, these are the things that define you as a person, and the long-term affect of going against yourself is of far greater consequence.


Thank you for the kind words, pedo troll. A loli- err, I mean level to you. :naughty:

winkio

If you call her out, and do it correctly, and stay in control the entire time, you will be a hero.  Easier said than done, but if you have the confidence and courage, then I say go for it.

Shin Migumi

words from my grandpa "When it comes to woman, you can either be right, or you can be happy". If you aren't trying to sleep with or get with her (which I doubt from your post lol), let her have it next time. let her see the "man" in the mirror. like Winkio said, you'll be a hero.

PhoenixFire

I agree completely woth f0, and could not have aid it better..

On an unrelated note: Winkio, I love your new custom title lolz...
Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

Spaceman McConaughey

Quote from: winkio on May 02, 2011, 11:28:02 pm
If you call her out, and do it correctly, and stay in control the entire time, you will be a hero.  Easier said than done, but if you have the confidence and courage, then I say go for it.


Quote from: Shin Migumi on May 02, 2011, 11:30:18 pm
words from my grandpa "When it comes to woman, you can either be right, or you can be happy". If you aren't trying to sleep with or get with her (which I doubt from your post lol), let her have it next time. let her see the "man" in the mirror. like Winkio said, you'll be a hero.


Hmm, I might have to do this. Thanks for the advice, you two.

Shin Migumi

Quote from: Tuggernuts on May 02, 2011, 11:33:14 pm
Hmm, I might have to do this. Thanks for the advice, you two.


I went through the exact same thing in high school. There is no reasoning with snotty nose ******* like this, I know firsthand. What gives them that power is that no one ever told them off, and said what they actually think about them. They're controlling as hell because people let it, like you said when the girl just said "...ok" and laughed. I'm not taking anything from F0, but I don't think being quit will do this girl any good. Sure, you can ignore her, don't get irritated, and politely say "no, I don't agree". be yourself, that's cool. But you also have to take into consideration about being a man, and letting this girl know she isn't just gonna walk all over you like everyone else. You have your own voice and opinion. I did it once, since then the girl had the biggest crush on me because I stood up for myself. That's my opinion.

PhoenixFire

My more serious advice is as follows....

If you plan to confront her about it, you have basically two options.. You could do it in front of everyone, or, you could pull her to the side, and tell her that way... In front of everyone, you would be probably the hero of the group, if done properly.. If you pull her aside, she might not be too bi***y about it, and might even respect you a little bit for not embarrassing her in front of everyone.
Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

Spaceman McConaughey

Sorry, if I do it, she is going to be embarrassed in front of everyone, like she embarrasses them with her shit.

And I could care less to have any ounce of her respect, by the way.

PhoenixFire

Quote from: Tuggernuts on May 02, 2011, 11:46:59 pm
Sorry, if I do it, she is going to be embarrassed in front of everyone, like she embarrasses them with her shit.

And I could care less to have any ounce of her respect, by the way.


By all means do so.. That's how I handle every situation that deserves it.. Just wanted to be thorough and unbiased... And now back to my usual self :V:
Quote from: Subsonic_Noise on July 01, 2011, 02:42:19 amNext off, how to create a first person shooter using microsoft excel.

Quote from: Zeriab on September 09, 2011, 02:58:58 pm<Remember when computers had turbo buttons?

Shin Migumi

Quote from: Tuggernuts on May 02, 2011, 11:46:59 pm
Sorry, if I do it, she is going to be embarrassed in front of everyone, like she embarrasses them with her shit.

And I could care less to have any ounce of her respect, by the way.


What a boy. Sometimes this is the only way to approach people. Being the most civilized, caring person in the world is sometimes not good enough to some people.

ForeverZer0

I stand by you should just not let it bother you. Your job is not to "fix" her, or be some authority that notifies her of her faults. If you want to bring it up in the light of friendship, where you are merely informing her of something that bothers you is one thing, but there is no point in talking down to here about a perceived character flaw that you noticed if it is not for that reason. You're not her parents or her conscious. If my close friend tells me he thinks I'm being an asshole in a serious manner, I'll think about it and kind of step back and evaluate.

If some acquaintance tells me the same thing, especially in front of others, I'm gonna either blow it off or get pissed. Seriously, whatever you do, take 3 seconds before hand and reverse the roles and see how it would make you feel.
I am done scripting for RMXP. I will likely not offer support for even my own scripts anymore, but feel free to ask on the forum, there are plenty of other talented scripters that can help you.

Spaceman McConaughey

Although I really do think your advice is great, really great advice, I know this girl and how she would better respond; that's being called out in front of a bunch of people.

I totally know what you're saying. In fact, it does piss me off when she does the same to me when I am playing around with the guys in the group.

"Branden! *mad face* *suddenly makes discipline face* Am I going to have to call your mom?"

"How did you get her number?"

"I have an elective in the counseling office, I have access to this stuff."

And let me just point out she violated the terms of agreement of that elective by stealing my mom's number from there. Students are not allowed to look in those files, let alone take other students' information for personal use. So I honestly have to point out to the school that she went snooping through files that were off-limits to her. Is this a nice thing to do? No. Will it accomplish anything? No. Do I hate people stealing personal information from my files? Yes.

But let me just say that I will call her out in an exceptionally calm manner, and that I will not be a dick about it.

Subsonic_Noise

Here's what you do.
You invite her to your home, put on a few candles, watch a movie with her and cook her dinner. Obviously this obviously leads to sexual intercourse, and in the next morning...

YOU DON'T MAKE HER BREAKFAST.

That'll show her.

Blizzard

BRILLIANT, SUB! IT'S INGENIOUS! xD

I feel that everything has already been said. I would just like to add one more thing. Do it step by step. The next time she says something out of place, just say "I don't agree with you." and the ignore all her attempts to convince you and any emotion that she shows. Look at her, look at her emotional outburst and her getting pissed, but don't even make as much as a face or a sound. When she is done, just turn around and go away. Show her that you are not affected by her anymore. People use emotions to control and manipulate (usually unconsciously) other people. That's where the metaphor of "pushing your (emotional) buttons" comes from. If you cut the connection from the button to your reaction, it will put you in control.
Just continue not agreeing with her for a while. Make it more and more about trivial stuff. The next time she says something tastes yuck, disagree. Or take it the other way, start with the trivial stuff and go on to the bigger stuff later. Take your time to build yourself, you can't do that over night.

The best thing is that you don't have to be nervous or anything. You don't have to remember any stupid or smart lines that you will throw back at her. Just be a rock. Disagree with her and that's it. Speak your mind and that's it.

I cannot guarantee that she will not get turned on by you more and more and not want to have sex with you. You have to deal with that yourself. She obviously has a daddy complex and when you act like authority, she will be drawn to you. In that case just keep ignoring her. Don't give in and don't have sex with her unless you want to. I'm just saying that aside from your problem because I know what kind of reaction she will have. She'll try to regain control however possible, even if she has to use her sexuality so don't fall for that. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Check out Daygames and our games:

King of Booze 2      King of Booze: Never Ever
Drinking Game for Android      Never have I ever for Android
Drinking Game for iOS      Never have I ever for iOS


Quote from: winkioI do not speak to bricks, either as individuals or in wall form.

Quote from: Barney StinsonWhen I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.