Storyline

[deadguys]

I didn't want to post this in the projects section because it's not ready to be posted there yet, since this is just the storyline.
Anyways, tell me what'cha think

Warning : Long. bahaha
(and not 100% finished)

Spoiler: ShowHide

When Elios created the world from the darkness, he did so by harnessing the power of the Orb of the Gods. Only with this could he create the beautiful lands, and and only with this could they ever be destroyed. Elios created the world and gave it multitudes of life. He brought forth the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and man to walk upon the land. He then sent his sons and daughters to inhabit the lands and watch over and protect his creations.

Elios' sons and daughters stayed on the earth peacefully and without conflict for centuries. They watched the people of the world, and help maintain the balance within nature and the universe.

At one point in time, the elven nations had a new king come to power. His name was Etai, and he needed a queen. Drawn by his wealth and power, the most beautiful of elven women came to gather before him. Etai now had the privilege of choosing any elven women he wanted. But just as Etai was about to name his queen, Kulgan, one of Elios' sons, appeared before the crowds. He offered the would-be-queen more riches and power than any mortal could provide, and she accepted his offer.

Once Elios found out that Kulgan had interfered with the sacred elven tradition, he demanded that Kulgan be banished from the kingdom of the gods, forced to walk the mortal earth for eternity. As Kulgan was being exiled, he took with him the Orb of the Gods, the tool used to create the world. As he was falling to the mortal world, Kulgan swore he would destroy the entire world Elios had created, and even Elios himself.

Well?

[Spaceman McConaughey]

To be honest... I like it. But I am not too reliable on the whole what's cliche and what's not thing, it's hard for me to tell sometimes.

But I like it. I mean, I don't even care if a story's cliche or not, if I like it, it's good to me.

[deadguys]

To be honest... I like it. But I am not too reliable on the whole what's cliche and what's not thing, it's hard for me to tell sometimes.

But I like it. I mean, I don't even care if a story's cliche or not, if I like it, it's good to me.

Thanks!
The thing is, it's probably cliche. I can't think of any games off the top of my head that have done it, but I'm sure there are some. Now-a-days with RPG's its virtually impossible to be 100% original. you just gotta' do what you can and have a lot of good content, at least that's how I look at it. :]

Anything you would change or anything that didnt make sense?

[Spaceman McConaughey]

Well, from what I could see, there's no typos. So you're good with the spelling.

Well... I can't really think of anything, really. I'd say you're doing good with it so far.

But since I like it, I think I'll level you up. Keep up the good work!~

[deadguys]

Well, from what I could see, there's no typos. So you're good with the spelling.

Well... I can't really think of anything, really. I'd say you're doing good with it so far.

But since I like it, I think I'll level you up. Keep up the good work!~

Yay for being able to spell haha!
And thanks for the level ^.^

[WhiteRose]

When Elios created the world from the darkness, he did so by harnessing the power of the Orb of the Gods. Only with this could ge create the beautiful lands, and and only with this could they ever be destroyed. Elios created the world and gave it multitudes of...

No typos....?
That aside, looks good! Be sure to post a demo when you get far enough, as this looks like it'd be worth checking out. Don't worry about whether it's cliche or not; if it's good, that's what's important.

[Spaceman McConaughey]

Warning : Long. bahaha
(and not 100% finished)
[spoiler]When Elios created the world from the darkness, he did so by harnessing the power of the Orb of the Gods. Only with this could ge create the beautiful lands, and and only with this could they ever be destroyed. Elios created the world and gave it multitudes of...

No typos....?
That aside, looks good! Be sure to post a demo when you get far enough, as this looks like it'd be worth checking out. Don't worry about whether it's cliche or not; if it's good, that's what's important.
[/quote]

Oh shit! :O I missed that one. Well, gosh. It's only one typo. Most people make quite a bit more typos in their posts like this.

Still a good job overall.

[deadguys]

When Elios created the world from the darkness, he did so by harnessing the power of the Orb of the Gods. Only with this could ge create the beautiful lands, and and only with this could they ever be destroyed. Elios created the world and gave it multitudes of...

No typos....?
That aside, looks good! Be sure to post a demo when you get far enough, as this looks like it'd be worth checking out. Don't worry about whether it's cliche or not; if it's good, that's what's important.

shhhh, I fixed it xD
I'll post a 'demo' asap haha. It's an oRPG, so it'll be a beta, but same difference :p

[Lore]

I didn't want to post this in the projects section because it's not ready to be posted there yet, since this is just the storyline.
Anyways, tell me what'cha think

Warning : Long. bahaha
(and not 100% finished)

Spoiler: ShowHide

When Elios created the world from the darkness, he did so by harnessing the power of the Orb of the Gods. Only with this could he create the beautiful lands, and and only with this could they ever be destroyed. Elios created the world and gave it multitudes of life. He brought forth the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and man to walk upon the land. He then sent his sons and daughters to inhabit the lands and watch over and protect his creations.

Elios' sons and daughters stayed on the earth peacefully and without conflict for centuries. They watched the people of the world, and help maintain the balance within nature and the universe.

At one point in time, the elven nations had a new king come to power. His name was Etai, and he needed a queen. Drawn by his wealth and power, the most beautiful of elven women came to gather before him. Etai now had the privilege of choosing any elven women he wanted. But just as Etai was about to name his queen, Kulgan, one of Elios' sons, appeared before the crowds. He offered the would-be-queen more riches and power than any mortal could provide, and she accepted his offer.

Once Elios found out that Kulgan had interfered with the sacred elven tradition, he demanded that Kulgan be banished from the kingdom of the gods, forced to walk the mortal earth for eternity. As Kulgan was being exiled, he took with him the Orb of the Gods, the tool used to create the world. As he was falling to the mortal world, Kulgan swore he would destroy the entire world Elios had created, and even Elios himself.

Well?

I believe you're missing a few points. First, the motive for creating a world. I mean, I don't sit down one day and say "I'm going to randomly make a planet now.". Why would Elios want to create a planet? Why use the Orb of the Gods when you depict him as a God himself. Since, in essence, the Gods created the Orb (Based on the name) and if Elios is a God (Which is how you described him), why would he need it?

Also, if the orb was such a sacred artifact, would it not be guarded well? I find it odd that a single "son" could take such a powerful object. Perhaps add a little more explanation to this. For example, you could have it that multiple sons and daughters hate Elios for making them look after his precious world, so they helped Kulgan steal the orb in return that he kills Elios?

And lastly, not sure if this will have a spoiler effect to it, what was Kulgan's motive for interfering in the first place? If it's a sacred tradition of the elves, that means it's been around for a while. Why didn't Kulgan interfere sooner? If it's for love of the would-be Queen, how is he going to save her from the destruction of the world? Last question you should think about is if Kulgan even knew the consequences of interfering, if he did, what made him choose to interfere over the consequences.

Just trying to bring you out of the cliche area.

[deadguys]

Yay, critique!

I believe you're missing a few points. First, the motive for creating a world. I mean, I don't sit down one day and say "I'm going to randomly make a planet now.". Why would Elios want to create a planet? Why use the Orb of the Gods when you depict him as a God himself. Since, in essence, the Gods created the Orb (Based on the name) and if Elios is a God (Which is how you described him), why would he need it?

Umm.. Not really sure why Elios created the world. Why did the god of your religion make our world? (If you have a religion, if not it's just a figure of speech anyway :p ) It could be any number of reasons I guess, a demonstration of power? Of creativity? Not sure. The orb is just a tool he used, as is a brush for a painter or a pencil for a sketch artist. Just something Elios needed to make the world :]

Also, if the orb was such a sacred artifact, would it not be guarded well? I find it odd that a single "son" could take such a powerful object. Perhaps add a little more explanation to this. For example, you could have it that multiple sons and daughters hate Elios for making them look after his precious world, so they helped Kulgan steal the orb in return that he kills Elios?

That's one thing I really didn't explain that I probably should. Basically Elios and the demigods, his sons and daughters, dwell in what is known as 'The Kingdom'. It's a physical realm, but of course it isn't accessible by the mortals unless they are summoned there for some reason. Since only Elios and his sons and daughters are allowed there, Elios didn't ever imagine a need for security. He never thought that any of his children would turn on him.

It's a key point now that I look at it, just one I never really could figure out how to incorporate into the story.

And lastly, not sure if this will have a spoiler effect to it, what was Kulgan's motive for interfering in the first place? If it's a sacred tradition of the elves, that means it's been around for a while. Why didn't Kulgan interfere sooner? If it's for love of the would-be Queen, how is he going to save her from the destruction of the world? Last question you should think about is if Kulgan even knew the consequences of interfering, if he did, what made him choose to interfere over the consequences.

Kulgan, being a demigod, is partially open to mortal emotions and temptations, one of those being lust. He saw before him the most beautiful of all the elven women in the world. Filled by lust, and knowing he could provide everything and more than a mere mortal ever could, he interfered.  As far as saving his queen, she eventually becomes his queen, and follows him in everything he does. Destroying a world is no easy task, so it's a slow process. Basically as the game progresses, more and more of the world will be destroyed. Kulgan also created certain races to fight against Elios and his armies. [Hence, 2 different factions, as well as a somewhat logical explanation of random monsters running around]

Just trying to bring you out of the cliche area.

That's why I posted it

[Starrodkirby86]

Hey, that's a pretty good idea you got going there. Let's have some questions to classify anything. XD

So...what's the importance about elves? Why's Elios so keen about the sacred elven tradition? Or is this more of a...don't-reveal-your-godly-face-to-mortals sort of thing? D: I'm somewhat unsure of this.

Does this mean there are other greats like Elios? Or is he some almighty? Also, would it be Elios > Orb or Elios < Orb ? Is there the possibility of other worlds?

Here's a suggestion...since you said that the world is slowly getting destroyed by Kulgan's antics, perhaps you can have some Day system incorporated? If you don't have a condition done after a certain day, the land can always just go bye-bye, and then we'll all just watch the world crumble. xD Heck, we can have Game Overs set by not finishing some events by a date (a la Persona 4). Just a suggestion, if you don't mind some players having to play a bit more urgently and not stop to smell the roses.

[deadguys]

Hey, that's a pretty good idea you got going there. Let's have some questions to classify anything. XD

So...what's the importance about elves? Why's Elios so keen about the sacred elven tradition? Or is this more of a...don't-reveal-your-godly-face-to-mortals sort of thing? D: I'm somewhat unsure of this.

Well the mortals know the demigods are on the earth, but they're not supposed to be interfering with what they're doing. They are there basically to maintain balance and peace and watch over the mortals.

Does this mean there are other greats like Elios? Or is he some almighty? Also, would it be Elios > Orb or Elios < Orb ? Is there the possibility of other worlds?

Elios > Orb
There is the possibility, but at the moment it's just this world. [as far as the players know :p]. Basically, I'm keeping the idea of other gods/worlds open for future development.

Here's a suggestion...since you said that the world is slowly getting destroyed by Kulgan's antics, perhaps you can have some Day system incorporated? If you don't have a condition done after a certain day, the land can always just go bye-bye, and then we'll all just watch the world crumble. xD Heck, we can have Game Overs set by not finishing some events by a date (a la Persona 4). Just a suggestion, if you don't mind some players having to play a bit more urgently and not stop to smell the roses.

Well as I said, it's an oRPG, and destroying a world doesnt happen overnight. :p
Here's what I'm thinking so far.
When the players come into the game, it's been a while since all of this happened. So there is a relatively small portion of the world that has already been destroyed and is crawling with monsters and such. And over time as I develop it more, more of the world may slowly be destroyed depending on what the players have been doing.
There are 6 playable races, 3 on the side of Elios, and 3 on the side of Kulgan. Those on the side of Elios want to grow strong enough to fight against Kulgan and his armies, and those on the side of Kulgan want to help him spread his evil.

[deadguys]

bump for more feedback? 

[Spaceman McConaughey]

I like that information you gave out about the races, deadguys.

Seems pretty interesting I'd have to say.

*Levels UP*

[deadguys]

I like that information you gave out about the races, deadguys.

Seems pretty interesting I'd have to say.

*Levels UP*

Thanks! :] If you want to know more specifics about the races and such, check out the dev blog. it's in my sig