Author Topic: Advice needed  (Read 1523 times)

Offline The Niche

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Advice needed
« on: January 03, 2012, 09:01:01 PM »
Ok, not the best way to return xD Still, I'm running out of ideas, and I also need to get the situation straight in my head.

A total of...seven of you know about my relationship. I'm going out with a girl who's two years younger than me and this fact is one of the roots of my problem. She has a lot of problems in her life, not least of which being that her parents are...controlling.

Again, some of you may know that my parents are divorced. As background to this, my mother discovered my father's other relationship six months into being pregnant with me. It has just occurred to me that I may have every reason to be against abortion but that's irrelevant. The point is, my mother's approach towards parenting is based off two things (This is speculation). A) She's incredibly socially conscious, and socially awkward too. Therefore I'm probably not the best son she could have xD. B) She is determined that I'm not going to be like my father. In that, she's succeeded. The idea of cheating is abhorrent to me. However she isn't aware of this.

Now, the last root of the problem. I go to a seven day boarding school and my girlfriend lives miles away from me.  As such, we're quite lucky to get a few hours together in two weeks. You may have gathered that I am devoted to her and as such, loneliness is making school even more of a hell for me than normal.

So then, the problem itself: I'm going mad with loneliness. My mother refuses to let me leave boarding school. Least, not this year, but I'm still trying to work out how I'll manage getting through this year. Then because of the age thing, and I suspect, my mother's paranoia about me turning out like my father, I rarely get to see my girlfriend and my mother tries to make sure that parents are always in attendance. Obviously, this inhibits things on a physical level, but more importantly, without our time alone, we find it quite difficult to grow closer.

I'm not sure what my question is. This situation confuses me more than I thought possible. I can't think of any solution at all, it's driving me insane.
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Offline SBR*

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2012, 12:27:02 AM »
I'm really sorry to hear that. Is there any possible way for you to explain this situation to your mother? I know it can be hard, but perhaps she'll understand it and then you two can work towards a solution together.

Offline The Niche

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2012, 09:40:39 PM »
I want to, or at least partially. On another level, I really, really don't. That's the heart of the problem, more than anything else. My own apathy :/
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Offline Starrodkirby86

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2012, 09:47:07 PM »
You could always try addressing it towards your mother. Her biggest concern is the whole idea of cheating and whatnot, and you're on the same wavelength with her on that. Asserting that to her, giving her awareness of it, that can be a step towards something. I don't imagine it would go worse from that point.

Are you able to contact her in other ways, such as through phone calls or even on the Internet? It doesn't beat physical contact, but it may be better than no contact whatsoever.

I really wish I have some more definitive solutions, but at this point, I wish you the best. Stay strong.

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Offline The Niche

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2012, 11:05:11 PM »
Thanks, Starrod. I'll try to do that tomorrow.
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Offline winkio

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2012, 01:54:07 AM »
I really, really, am not trying to rain on this parade, so I'm going to take some extra time to explain myself.

If you can't handle being away from the person you are in a relationship with, it is a sign that you are using that relationship as an escape from other problems in your life.  DO NOT BREAK UP.  That would be counterproductive at this point.  Instead, keep developing the relationship, but put a lot more attention of your own life as well.  Make more friends, get involved in activities you enjoy, get in shape, or do whatever makes you personally succeed.  You can't expect yourself to be able to live in some fantasy world with your girlfriend happily ever after, but if you make an effort to improve your own life, perhaps you can be together in the real world.

Things that I think are top priorities for you (in no particular order):
1.  Get your mom to trust you.  You sound trustworthy enough, just keep talking with her about these things and eventually you should win her trust.
2.  Get your life in order.  Your girlfriend can still be the highlight of your week, just make the rest of your week less shitty.

Offline Blizzard

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2012, 03:52:31 AM »
Kudos on the post, winkio. Your solution/advice so far looks the best to me by a mile. Not the other advices were bad, but this advice is really tough love.
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Offline The Niche

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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2012, 07:21:15 PM »
Thanks Wink. I needed that.
Level me down, I'm trying to become the anti-blizz!
Ah, excellent.  You liked my amusing sideshow, yes?  I'm just a simple fool, my wit entertains the wise, and my wisdom fools the fools.

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I'm like the bible, widely hated and beautifully quotable.

Dropbox is this way, not any other way!